Any tips for how to stop comparing myself (and relationship) to others

[imhere]

Hello, i'm new here so please be kind.

I've had anxiety (GAD) for my whole life really, but only got diagnosed around 4 years ago. It affects me daily, constant cycles of worry where sometimes it's a constant irrational loop which I can't seem to eject myself from.

It has ruined friendships, and certainly puts a strain on my relationship at times. One of the biggest anxiety-related issues (/worry cycles) is comparing myself, and in particular my relationship, to others. This became particularly complicated when my best friend started a relationship with my boyfriend's brother. It has got the point now where I have developed an obsession of comparing my relationship to theirs, or to be more direct making sure that my relationship is better than theirs. Every relationship stage has become very competitive (although who am I competing with when i'm the only one who cares?): the 'i love yous', moving in together, and next - engagements. I am not happy unless I feel that my relationship is better than theirs. And I feel I have to say at this point: this makes me feel so incredibly terrible. I am not a bad person, I would generally consider myself to be very empathetic and considerate of other's feelings (sometimes possibly too much), so why in this situation does my morality seem to completely go out of the window? But no matter how much I don't want to feel this way, I can't seem to change it (and boy have I tried). This comparison worry cycle extends to other situations, but this is the biggest one for me - and easiest to explain.

I was wondering if anyone had any advice for if and how they've dealt with comparing themselves to others? Is it just me that has this kind of feelings?

Thanks for listening.

[gypsylee]

Hey and welcome :)

I've always compared myself (negatively) with others but with age I've realised that people hide a lot of the bad stuff. Social media doesn't help because it makes it very easy to make out your life is great. If you delve into people's lives more you find all sorts of dramas.

It's definitely not just you who has these feelings.. Humans are very social creatures who have evolved to compare ourselves to others because up until recently you didn't get far if you were rejected from the tribe. The problem is these days it's not so important AND people are able to hide things more easily.

All the best,
Gypsy x

[fixmybrokenmind]

I personally used to deal with this as a side of depression rather than anxiety. Rather than compare myself to others I would be jealous of other people. I was depressed and they weren't, I was stuck inside feeling tired and they were out succeeding.

Unfortunately I don't have a secret formula to share with you but the biggest factor for overcoming this for me was to simply focus on myself and forget what anyone else was doing. Sulking on other peoples success never improved my failure. Putting in effort to change my situation and putting myself on a level playing field is what eventually helped me.

Are you happy with your relationship? If so awesome, then you should wish your friends the same as you likely know the benefits of being in a good relationship :).