anonymous0121
01-29-2017, 03:09 PM
I've been struggling with low self esteem all my adult life (23 now). I've had three jobs altogether (longest was 12 weeks), but I've been quiet and introverted everywhere I go. Each one has made me severely depressed and anxious (no good around people and general dislike for jobs), I eventually quit all of them. But I still think about how I was treated at my second job. I wouldn't say I was bullied but I was definitely an outsider and could feel the vibes that I didn't fit in from a few people. Its also been a lifelong dream of mine to become successful (probably the only part of me I'm proud about) and start my online business (I'd much rather work from home due to how antisocial I am and its what I'd enjoy the most).. but I'm worried about embarrassing things I did as a teenager being brought up online and being humiliated. Its ashame because I really want too do it, but my past and confidence could ruin it for me. Am I even capable of running my own business. So yeh, its even got to the stage where I've had suicidal thoughts because of how much I hate my personality. I've got to get a normal job again which I absolutely despise. They make me depressed all of them.. my objective for every job has been to save for a personal career and then get out of there asap. Its never been a plan to stay long term, I just couldn't do it. But I've messed up, blew savings and backed out of the career I really wanted too do and repeated the cycle all over again (last few years basically been the same). I must break the cycle. I don't think I will ever find peace until I work for myself and if I never have the bottle to do it due to personal demons.. there will be only one alternative for me. I'm not suicidal right now but if things don't improve this year, there will be nowhere else to go. P.S its not that I don't want to work, its just that I'm tired of working in the wrong field. How am I supposed to be positive and productive if I'm depressed and hate what I'm doing! On the other hand, I'm lacking the bottle to do what I really want to do. Once I have/If I ever have the bottle, I know magical things will happen.