Aka_Hobbes
01-12-2017, 02:30 AM
I know this question is a lot easier asked than answered, and I know none of you really know me, but something happened today and im not sure what to think about it. Id like to think im not a bad person, in the past ive done so much for so many different people, but that was in the past. Its the present that counts right? I guess I have to give you a little back story in order to get to today. Maybe two or three years ago I was homeless because of my insecurities and lack of self confidence. I explain it in detail in previous threads but basically I completely gave up on life, ended up exhausting every resource I had, parents gave up on me blah blah. So I was homeless for a couple months, like six months or something. Eventually my uncle found out and took me in. He taught me a trade and basically forced me to be comfortable with being around people again. For three years I hid from everyone so it was hard. I owe him so much. Because of him never giving up on me and never pushing me to talk about it I eventually overcame it, took the trade he taught me and made it a career, got my own place, and now I have my own business. I very literally owe him my life. And not a day goes by that im not grateful for him. So ever since I got my own place ive done the same thing he did for me, for other people. At one point I actually had six people and two dogs staying in my house, it was not fun, but they all ended up getting jobs and their own places, and that makes me feel good. Six people was a lot, so since then ive only been letting one person stay at a time. Anyways I love nature, I have a favorite park I go to called narnia, its beautiful, like nothing else in my city. Ive been going there for ten years. So naturally ive come to know the regulars pretty well, one of them is this twenty two year old kid nicknamed swan. I foundout he was homeless and saw potential in him, so I gave him a job and let him stay with my fiance and myself. Things were going great for a while. He knew the rules and he followed them. Clean up after yourself, be respectful, absolutely no drugs or alcohol as im currently on probation, and try as hard as you can to become something of your self and get your own place. If im going to help someone I fully expect them to help themselves, only fair right? Otherwise im enabling them to use me. Anyways one day I noticed a pipe in his room, like a marijuana pipe, not a big deal normally, but seeing as im on probation its a very big deal. My judge told me if I violate my probation shes going to give me five years prison time. He cleaned, and aside from a couple incidents he was respectful, and when he wasnt I put him in his place and he straightened up. He worked his ass off and things were cool. But I kept having to tell him he couldnt have any drugs in my house. The first two times he was respectful about it, but the third and fourth time he started getting an attitude with me. I let it slide and gave him more chances because I truly believed he just needed a little guidance. That and its currently winter and I didnt want him on the streets so I just let it slide. His attitude was getting on my nerves but every time it became a problem I let him know who the alpha was and he put his tail between his legs and backed down. Anyways last night I came home and found a baggie with acid in it laying on the table in his room, felony charge, maximum five year prison sentence. I was furious. I waited for him to get home and verbally ambushed him. Ive had enough. I made him get rid of it all and told him if I have to tell him again I was kicking him out. He was beginning to mistake my kindness for weakness and take advantage of me, doing what he wanted, he didnt believe I would kick him out. I gave him that last chance because hes an orphan, his mom abandoned him and he recently got in contact with his father only to be told his father didnt want him. I can understand how he would be frustrated, angry, and want to abuse drugs. So I gave him one last chance, I wanted to help him. But the very next day, today actually, I was watching netflix and I heard him in his room scraping his pipe for resin, and using a grinder to grind his weed. Now he knows if my probation officer stops by and sees any kind of drug or alcohol I will go to prison for five years, and he continued to bring it into my house. At this point ive had it with him. I told him he needed to pack his things and be out within the hour. He tried to challenge me. Tell me he wasnt leaving. I told him nicely that I would advise against that, said he wouldnt like what happens next if he repeats himself. He gets in my face and repeats himself. I push him away from me and move towards his room to start packing his things, I didn't want to hurt him. He gets in my face again before I could make a step. This time I push him again, harder, across the room maybe ten feet. I didnt want to hurt him. I told him im being nice, that he needed to pack his things and go. He proceeded to charge at me, and for the first time since hed been in my home I felt threatened. So I let him charge at me. And at the last second right as he was about to do whatever he was going to do when he got to me, I charged back. All in the same motion I jolted forward, locked my left hand around his neck, and slammed him into the wall by his throat. At this point I feel completely disrespected. Prior to this he was saying all sorts of mean things, im a piece of shit, im a nobody, that he was just taking advantage of me, and then he charged at me. I did not show him any mercy. My entire house shook. His head bounced off the wall. And as I was going to hit him I saw how terrified he was, like a scared puppy. So I lowered my fist. And as its currently two in the morning, hes probably curled up in a ball under a bridge, freezing his disrespectful little ass off. I feel horrible about it. I didnt want it to end that way. But I felt I had no choice at the time. After thinking about it I feel like I couldve handled it differently. I feel like maybe he was right, maybe I am a piece of shit. I just wanted him to do something with his life. Idk. I could really use some opinions...