Medication Anxiety. Need suggestions.

[Amb6040]

Happy New Year everyone! So I have been suffering with extreme anxiety for about the last month. It started with a panic attack in the grocery store and I have been in fear of having another one ever since. I have only left the house a few times since because of it. My mind is so hyperfocused on this "What if it happens again?" That I feel like my body is now stuck on high alert mode and in a constant state of panic and anxiety. Naturally because of this, I am becoming depressed bc I cant stand sitting in the house everyday, trapped in my own mind.

I have a good grasp on the way anxiety works as Ive dealt with genral anxiety for years. I believe the day in the grocery store was triggered by low blood sugar due to heavy drinking the night before but I cant seem to convince my mind to let that terrifying experience go. Its kinda like when you get the stomach flu, the mind then tends to automatically associate the last food you ate to the feeling and you avoid eating it bc your brain now associates that food to being sick. Not sure thats a good analogy or not lol But I feel like this anxiety is now embedded in my brain And the only way Im going to get rid of it is by exposure therapy.

Anyways, Ive brought this all on myself. Extremely unhealthy lifestyle the last few years after my mom died. Heavy drinking on a daily basis to cope with grief, poor sleep/eating habbits. I am not at all shocked that I am where I am today. A car can only run without oil for so long. I have decided to stop drinking, Its been about a week which is HUGE when youre used to getting wasted on a daily basis. I have also been supplimenting with Bcomplex, Vit D, C And Magnesium as Im sure the chronic stress and daily alcohol consumption has screwed up my body chemistry.

Anyways, To the point and purpose of this post. I feel medication at this point is absolutely critical to beat this. I need something to take the edge off before I can start exposure therapy. I have a bottle of lexapro 10 mg here BUT I am having EXTREME medication anxiety and cant bring myself to take it. In CBT terms, I know im catastrophizing" thinking of the worst possible outcome. I know thats whats preventing me from taking it. I am afraid that if i take it that A) It wont work and Im gonna feel completely helpless where as now I still have that tiny bit of hope that it might. AND B) That its gonna worsen my Anxiety and Im gonna whind up in the pysch ward or something. I have this fear that I am gonna wake up in the middle of the night in an uncontrollable panic and have to call 911. I think " What would the neighbors think with an ambulance rolling up at 2am" I think what would my son think, my boyfriend, friends." I know these are irrational thoughts still I feel like the moment I swallow that pill, these thoughts are gonna cause me to panic. I have taken Celexa before, the sister drug of Lexapro with phenomenal results and 0 side effects so im not sure why im so afraid to try this medicine. I guess thats just how bad my anxiety is right now. Was wondering if anyone had any suggestions to help lessen the irrational fears I have right now regarding taking Lexapro. I am in desperate need. Thanks in advance.

[barbimay]

Hi AMB
I can relate to much of what you write in terms of to medicate or not to medicate...what if it doesn't work...what if I experience negative effects that make me worse and I can't take it in the end and will end up in a psych ward, and the scenario goes on...you are not alone? It is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. My issue is further complicated by very serious heart/lung issues where meds may interact as well. I believe you do well in taking your supplements..they do help. As far as the lexapro is concerned...maybe you could start at an incredibly low dose, and take it slow. Speak with your doc. Do you attend counselling/therapy? Others have mentioned exercise which is a great release, and meditation and prayer in addition to everything else.As far as your neighbours, son and boyfriend, is it their judgement you are really afraid of?
I'm sorry I haven't been much help, just letting you know your not alone or crazy.

[fixmybrokenmind]

Congratulations on the week of sobriety and it is HUGE that recognize that your own habits are the problem. This is absolutely critical in recovery.

After drinking copious amounts of alcohol you are likely deficient In GABA and Lexapro may not do a lot whole lot. That being said I have the exact same medication anxiety I always worry what if it doesn't work and then there is withdrawl OR if it does work and then stops working one day etc.. What I've learned in the past is to just do it if you feel you need it. If you are scared try something milder... I have personally had phenomenal results from 5htp for both mood and anxiety.

Also you should understand when stopping alcohol you will experience rebound anxiety until your brain is rebalanced so do not think that you feel better drinking and stopping hasn't seemed to help. This will be critical on the road to recovery

[Fashoom]

i'm a big advocate of tapering meds, both up and down. i've used many medications over the years for a variety of chronic conditions, not just anxiety. i've never had a a truly bad experience because i always taper on and off meds REALLY gradually. more gradually than my doctor wants. like an 8th or a 16th of a pill change every month. i've taken a year to taper a med a couple of times. and with this technique i've been able to withdraw from a wide range of very powerful drugs that you will read people writing all kinds of crazy withdrawal horror stories about on the internet, w/ nothing more than some discomfort, but never debilitating, terrible effects.

so as was mentioned, try tapering onto that lexapro w/ a super small dose, something well below therapeutic value. it's a trade-off, because you want the positive effects, and that takes a while. you will slow that down even more if you wait to get to a therapeutic dose. but if it'll make you feel safe and calm your medication anxiety, it might be worth it. you can compromise too, just start low and move up slow.

let us know how it goes.