Anxiety is ruining my life........

[Amb6040]

I cant stand anxiety.....I absolutely hate it, its ruining my life. I have been ordering out all this week to avoid having to go to the grocery store. A grown adult 33 years old and "afraid" to go get a gallon of milk???? Seriously, I cant believe this is my life. I am starting to get extremely depressed. My anxiety has been gradually increasing since my mom passed away from Cancer. I made the awful mistake of self medicating with alcohol rather than seeking help while the anxiety was somewhat tolerable. Recently however, I had one panic attack standing in line at the grocery store. I had to literally leave my cart and go. That's how this mess all started. A few days later....I attempted to go to the gas station, I was fine until i got up to the counter and all of a sudden my adrenaline surged with the same intensity as if someone was holding a gun to my head. I have never experienced such an intense feeling in a non life threatning situation. Not even when my Mom died did i have such an intense adrenaline response. It was awful, I noticeably started shaking and I prob would of passed out if the guy didn't hurry up. As soon as i got out of the store, symptoms started to subside.

Since then, I have made it my very best effort to avoid leaving the house because I do not want to experience that ever again.Ive gone as far as having food delivered, having things delivered off amazon, I even just ordered glasses off line to avoid having to go get my old pair fixed for free at the shop. I am content when i have no obligations to leave the house. My anxiety is then manageable.... But then all of a sudden like today for example,I just know my husband is all about fed up with me not leaving the house. He thinks Anxiety is just an "excuse" And I just know hes going to pitch a living fit if we have takeout for dinner one more time. Now i almost feel like i am forced to go to the store and as a result, I am having Full blown anxiety over it. My stomach is sick, I am way overthinking this, I am sick about thinking about standing in line and having this adrenaline attack happen again...

Ive attempted to read books, one being the DARE method which explains my current situation to a T. Problem is that his method, embracing the panic is not working. My adrenaline is way too intense to ignore it in a public place, In private I could prob manage but i just cant see myself "floating" through that physical body response in a grocery store line. I don't know what to do. I am so completely disgusted in myself. Deep Breathing, Meditation absolutely helps calm my general anxiety but not this adrenaline stuff.... I am afraid to try a benzo because I think i have an addictive personality and that's all i need is to get hooked on pills... Ugh, i just feel so helpless and want to cry.....

I have to function in life, i have to be able to grocery shop at the very least. I am getting so depressed over this.

[Anne1221]

Here is the key line in your story: "I made the awful mistake of self medicating with alcohol rather than seeking help while the anxiety was somewhat tolerable."

You have got to get some professional help, you can start by just talking to your regular doctor. Antidepressants are not addictive and I think they would help you greatly. They help me more with anxiety than benzodiazepines.

[gypsylee]

Hey and welcome :)

Social anxiety is what I get and it can be a nightmare. When it's really bad I wait until it's dark to go out and just go to the convenience store. The only way to get over it is to face it - mind you I do use benzos because my anxiety and depression can get so bad I compulsively drink alcohol. Ironically, social anxiety can come in handy sometimes because it's stopped me going to the bottle shop!

The root of social anxiety is the fear that you will embarrass yourself. So when I have it I keep reminding myself that noone is taking any notice of me. The other thing is, you never know who else is suffering from it, so sometimes I look at other people in the supermarket and think maybe they're having an anxiety attack. The statistics are pretty high (the guy talks about that in the DARE book) so it's likely you aren't the only one with it when you go to public places.

I know how hard it is to embrace such an awful feeling but if you know it's just adrenaline and cortisol in your system you can think of it more like a physical illness. I love how he puts it in the book - "adrenaline and cortisol combined with a vivid imagination". That's one of the best explanations for anxiety I've ever heard and I've been dealing with this thing for decades.

Anyway, you've come to the right place and it makes a big difference being able to talk to people about this who understand.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

Edit: I read Anne's reply and wanted to add that I've found SSRIs helpful too and am on 20mg Fluoxetine (Prozac).

[Anne1221]

Well, Gypsy, that might be the ultimate in ironies. Your trip to the bottle shop to get alcohol to drink to quell your anxiety is put off because you are too anxious to go there and face people which causes your anxiety!

I have many ironies too. There is just a lot of irony in dealing with anxiety.

[gypsylee]

Indeed.. Many ironies and vicious cycles :rolleyes:

[jasonrobert252]

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[kkleco]

It is going to be ok. Stop thinking about how pathetic it is, or that it's ruining your life, and start putting all your efforts and focus into fixing the root issues and helping yourself get better. I was in the same boat as you a few weeks ago and now I am doing whatever I can to pull out of this-- I am seeing my DR and my therapist regularly and have an apt. with the psych- I am looking into hypnotherapy which should help.
There are valid reasons you are reacting this way. I was told once that anxiety puts your body into flight or fight mode and if you let it stay that way it messes with your emotions pretty crazy
anyways keep us up to date, we are all here to help

[silver lining]

yes don't worry.. you're not alone. Just know that this can be managed and even beat. many will jump on here and object to the fact that it can be beat. I still stand firm behind my words, take everything super serious.. your diet, your stress level, your stress coping skills, your education on anxiety, your exercise, your mind, body, spirit. Just make huge changes and you will see huge results. Start somewhere, your diet for instance. Don't eat unhealthy foods like sugar and caffine. Also do NOT take any poisons such as alcohol, illegal drugs or cigs. Just become healthy in everyway. Go out in the sunshine, air, nature if you can. It has wonderful healing power! You can do it, you got this!! Tell anxiety to kiss my ass, just refuse to let it chase you away from normal life. Fear is in the mind, our minds can be tamed. I promise.

[Teafrenzy]

How long did you give the "Dare" method to work? I read that book as well as the research on Anxietycentre.com and it pretty much agrees with it. It basically means you have to learn to stop fighting those anxious feelings. You have to just roll with it and dismiss the symptoms the best you can. Give your nervous system a break. This is THE most important key to recovery, even more so than diet and exercise (which are still important).

[BlessedBackyard]

I've left a full grocery cart in the middle of a store, andit's frustrating, since you've got to eat. A psychologist helped me with my fears of what others think of me, and healthier lifestyle changes (nutritious foods, exercising, mindfulness, doing things I enjoy instead of only dreaded obligations, etc.) have made a big difference in the adrenaline rushes. My anxiety developed into full agoraphobia and I haven't made it back to a store yet, but I make improvements every day.

Does it seem to be the waiting that's the problem or the anticipation of interacting with the cashier? When I could go to the store, I liked self-check outs when anxiety levels were high. Lines were typically shorter, and I could check out alone. Is there a nearby store with a self-check out to try until you have a handle on the anxiety? Music or audio books are often great distractions, too, if you can wear headphones in line.

[aml0017]

Amb, you are not pathetic, we can all relate to what you are going through. I can totally understand the urge to avoid everything that is causing you some anxiety, but there has to be a limit. When your life has become so restricted by anxiety that you cannot leave the house that is extreme to me, and you should be getting professional help and also possibly medication. I don't know from your post if you are already doing that? My anxiety is not so extreme, nor is it specifically social in nature, I do try to confront it when I can as much as it sucks. I admit I will avoid some things if I don't feel I want to risk being anxious over it, like a party or certain stores at certain times (holiday season at the mall, no way!!). However, I will not avoid the essential functions of my life, like work, going the the store, driving, enjoying my home. I do have anxiety over these things sometimes but I just won't allow myself to avoid it. Case in point, I have been having anxiety over my brand new car but I am resisting the urge to drive it as little as possible in order to avoid the anxiety. I just paid a lot for this car and I'm gonna drive it a while, it is just unacceptable.

I have purchased the DARE book but haven't read it yet, I will soon. I hope to fine tune the process of dealing with the anxiety head on, I hope you will give it another chance, maybe just in baby steps? You don't say how long you have dealt with anxiety. I have been doing so for 20 years now so I must admit the anxiety itself (the physical state of panic and fear etc) is not that scary to me any longer, so I can stop myself from having full on panic most of the time. I am sorry your husband is not supportive, his frustration can only serve to increase yours. What are you using anxiety as an excuse FOR? As if anyone would choose to be anxious over going to the store like a normal person. However, you have to get better for yourself, and that is though you may accept that anxiety is a part of your life , you do NOT have to accept that it cannot get better, you do NOT have to accept that you cannot ever leave your house because your anxiety said so.

[Amb6040]

Thank you all so much for your responses. I have always been on the anxious side, likely have a genetic predisposition but it really wasnt until my mom was diagnosed with cancer when it became prevalent. During her illness I was non functioning and went on Celexa. It saved my life and was a god send After she passed, It stopped working as well and thats when i started drinking and stopped taking it as i didnt wanna mix meds and booze. I also experienced 4 other deaths within months of losing mom. My entire family was wiped out in less than one year. Combine that with an evil greedy Aunt and the little family i had left was all smashed to smithereens .... Its been just a really difficult few years so much so i get a pain in my stomach even thinking about it. The panic has set in around a month ago, likely the result of chronic prolonged stress and a very unhealthy lifestyle. I feel like this is my rock bottom. i did go to the doctor about my anxiety, She gave me a script of Lexapro 10mg, I was eager to try it until i went online to look up reviews and many people reported it making their anxiety worse. Now i am terrified to try it. Its so hard not having my mom here... ugh.* i feel so lost,alone and helpless. This is def my rock bottom 😢

[gypsylee]

Hey Amb,

I can relate to a lot of that. My brother died suddenly in 2014 and it has had a massive impact on my family and my anxiety levels. I still have my mum and dad but I have the equivalent of the evil greedy aunt in the form of my ex-husband who creates utter chaos in our lives. I struggle to stay off the booze but it's really hard sometimes. I fall off the wagon and it makes the anxiety ten times worse. So I know that feeling of being so lost and alone, and it's just horrible.

Take care,
Gypsy x

[silver lining]

Amb6040: yes everything I have read about your life makes sense as to you having a mental breakdown. It's ok, just accept it, learn from it, try to understand there is some type of bigger plan for us all.. you may want to pick up the book, "The Power of Now", Eckart Tolle. I did not even start it yet but my counselor who has been my savior told me about this great book that has helped inspire so many ppl. Also just reading itself has worked great for calming and distracting me. Obviously if your anxiety is really bad, reading may not be possible, but catch it on good days and try to read for mental relaxation. It may just help. Peace, take care!!