Someone help me out here

[HamSand44]

So I think my anxiety is getting worse. My main fear is of me committing suicide or just suicide in general. This fear is consuming me so much and I feel so sad and depressed all the time, it scares me so much. I just keep getting these horrible intruding thoughts of death and it's so distressing and they're hard to get out of my head. I think now I've begun to question why I do things in general, like why things are worth it. Just that, that right there is driving me nuts. I keep thinking those things, but I know that I'm not suicidal. But then again, I amquestioning about those things, so am I? I have no clue at this point. It feels like my mind just wants me to admit that I'm suicidal when I'm really not. This scares me so much, I don't want to lose my life.

Also to mention, I've only had this bad of anxiety for the past 2 weeks or so. I have been seeing a psychologist, but we've only had 2 appointments and we haven't gotten too in depth yet. I have never used drugs or drank any alcohol in my life.

Can someone help me? I'm so lost and scared and it feels like my fears are becoming true.

[aml0017]

Ham, I'm sorry you are having such a Bad time of it, it is good you are posting here. Suicidal thoughts should never be taken lightly and I hope you out will contact your doctor about this first thing tomorrow. Please keep in mind that there is a difference between suicidal thoughts and thoughts of death. I admit I've fantasized about death in my darkest times, or just to go to deep for a long time - - mostly just as a wish for the anxiety to just be over. However I've never been suicidal.

You say that you don't want to lose your life, that right there tells me you are OK. I think you are just desperate for the anxiety to end, it is understandable. Extreme anxiety can make you feel crazy but it is not like you are are delusional or anything. Anxiety can't trick you into hurting yourself if you don't want to. As much as anxiety sucks it won't kill you.

I know that this doesn't seem like much comfort now but it WILL get better. I have been suffering from anxiety for 20 years that's how I know. No matter how bad it gets it can get better. Once again please talk to your doctor as soon as you can, or at least someone you trust.

[HamSand44]

Thank you for that. I talked to my parents and I'm gonna get in contact with my psychologist asap. Usually if I'm reassured by people it will help and make me feel better. Just something as simple as saying "it WILL get better" can reassure me. Death just scares me so much I guess.

[aml0017]

Death is scary to everyone, just the fact that you are thinking of it is enough to send your anxiety into overdrive. Our own mind can be our worst enemy. I am so glad you spoke to your parents and that you have people to help you through this. I hope you can get a bit of sleep tonight and tomorrow will be a better day for you.

[gypsylee]

I think you are just desperate for the anxiety to end, it is understandable. Extreme anxiety can make you feel crazy but it is not like you are are delusional or anything. Anxiety can't trick you into hurting yourself if you don't want to. As much as anxiety sucks it won't kill you.

That's pretty spot-on. I've been through some horrific anxiety and depression, and I'm still here. You're caught in a vicious cycle, which is kind of the heart of anxiety disorders. Talking about it is crucial to breaking those vicious cycles, so you're on the right track. Hang in there!

:)

[Amaze0707]

I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time. It's good that you were able to talk to your parents, and that you are going to meet with your psychologist soon. How about seeking the advice of a primary care physician who can help determine if you have any underlying medical conditions that might contribute to the feelings you are experiencing? I've heard individuals facing similar struggles who received effective treatment with medications and psychotherapy. Hang in there, you'll get better soon! Praying for you!

[HamSand44]

Just an update, I've been feeling significantly better after talking with my psychologist. I'm starting to understand why I'm feeling this way. I just hope I stay this way for a while. Thanks everyone for the support!

[aml0017]

That is great!