Setbacks suck!

[Teafrenzy]

I had an amazing halloween. very little anxiety all day. I did great through the week. Saw a movie for the first time in months on Friday. Yesterday, I felt pretty good all day. I thought I was well under way to a 100% full recovery.

But today it sucked.

I woke up well enough, almost no anxiety. Realized the clock changed, slept in some more. Woke up and did my "morning anxiety ritual". Felt good until about 1pm. Then a wave of the worst friggin' dizzyness I hadn't felt in 2 weeks. I was walking funny. I felt super irritable and anxious. I think I did something stupid, but I pushed my daily walk from 4km to 8km. I came home around 4pm and I felt extremely tired and sleepy. Then I did stupid thing Number 2, I forced myself to stay up and did some work while tired.

For the first time in a week, I felt anxious and panicky at sundown. Felt like I may have had a minor panic attack. I got a buzz of energy and a general anxious feeling when the darkness came rolling in.

Now I just feel like crap. I am wondering why I could hit a setback so badly.

Anyone else get setbacks?

[gypsylee]

I think if someone said they never get setbacks I'd give them a reason to have one ;)

Anxiety is a tricky little beast and loves to pop up and remind you it's there. That's when you have to use the "acceptance" tools because it wants a fight.

By the sound of it you could just be tired. I've noticed that sometimes instead of feeling sleepy I feel anxious. A good example is when I've done the 10 hour drive between here and my daughter's place and by the end of it I'm absolutely freaking out with anxiety. I reassure people that I won't have an accident falling asleep at the wheel because my body seems to go the other way and become massively hyper-vigilant. I've even tried pulling over to have a "power nap" and it's just not possible with how wired I am. The only way I can do it now is by spending the night somewhere along the way because 10 hours behind the wheel is crazy.

So sometimes it's something as simple as being tired. Other times it's more complex and something subconcious is going on. Either way - just remember that you had a good week and you'll have more good weeks. In the meantime just try and accept the anxiety (making it into a joke is helpful - see my post on "Defusing Thoughts").

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[Ponder]

I welcome my setbacks when they come but don't go looking for them. I seem to have less set backs when I enable my body and mind to keep such an outlook. For me, that requires good quality sleep, food and adequate activity + sensible sun exposure.

Nice approach there Gypsy. Very encouraging. I got a lot out of that. TY.

[gypsylee]

Nice approach there Gypsy. Very encouraging. I got a lot out of that. TY.

That's great! You're welcome :)

[JoeCool]

Teafrenzy...do not despair. We all go through set backs. I contend it's a matter of our personalities. We obsess over things. For some its social anxiety, for others it's a phobia over something, and for others its health. We need to manage it all. As a matter of fact, I just checked back in to this forum today after a long while because of a recent set back. I was doing well for a quite a long while but my anxiety got switched back on. Not enough or the lack of quality rest triggers my health related anxiety. It's a vicious cycle that I am once again trying to cope with. Be kind to yourself...ok, so you made a couple of bad decisions. What's done is done. Now you know for next time. We're all learning on this journey.

[Teafrenzy]

Yes!

My best day so far in nearly 2 months. I was a little anxious in the morning..calmed down. Was fine until about 3-430 Pm when I got a little panicky and the sides of my head "buzzed". Then after about 5pm-7pm, no physical symptoms, just some distrubing thoughts. From 7 until now, no problems whatsoever. If it persists I am going to night owl it to about 2am and that means 0 symptoms for roughly half a day. With reduced symptoms for the other half.

If I can only fix that first half a day.

[gypsylee]

Cool :)

My mornings are ALWAYS worse than evenings (unless I have something stressful the next day). It's like it takes me a while to adjust to being among the living haha.

[aml0017]

I have been dealing with anxiety for 20 yrs now and I am still taken aback when I have a setback or when the anxiety comes back after a prolonged period of time. I think part of it is just denial that sets in before the body accepts that you are having yet another episode of anxiety -- "Why is this happening to me, I was doing sooo good!". I always have to feel a bit sorry for myself when the anxiety hits lol. It is often my own fault, when I am having a good period with low anxiety, I become less vigilant about watching my diet, exercising, journaling - I just become a bit complacent and relax as if I have no GAD, no issues with worrying. Oh well, it is good while it lasts anyway.

However, don't let the anxiety over the setback itself make you more anxious than you need to be. Looks like you bounced back and had a better day yesterday, maybe is not so much a setback as just a bump in the road. Just your biology and your personality converge to make you wired for anxiety somedays. Like gypsy, sometimes I feel wired, like my emotions are all just a big raw nerve that can be set off by any little thing, no amount of self talk and meditation seems to help. Other days, the little things are like water off my back, they just don't stick long enough to get a reaction. The best thing is to keep on going -- I always remember "this too shall pass" and "I've been through worse".

[Teafrenzy]

It has just become now super-frustrating. Yesterday I was terrible in the morning. Totally anxious and depressed. Snapped out of it. Went for a long walk, felt great! The sun started to come down, which is usually the start of a panic feeling for me, but I felt good. Felt so good at night that I went out for ice cream. Hadn't had anything sweet in 5 weeks. The ice cream started to make my head buzz so no more ice cream. But overall it was a tough morning but a great evening.

I prayed that the great feeling would extend all day today.

I woke up and there was almost no morning anxiety! So I felt great, thought my prayers were answered. I had to drive out of town. Totally unstressed to about 1pm. I felt brain foggy and very tired but not anxious. So I ate something and my brain fog lifted. Then suddenly I felt 100% like my old self. This hadn't really happened before during an afternoon. So I thought my night would be amazing. But as the night progressed, I got extremely fearful, disturbing thoughts, stuffed ears, the whole bit.

Can't I have 1 good day with 1 good night?

[gypsylee]

Hey, no morning anxiety is a big deal and a great sign :)

No matter how well I'm doing in general I'm either anxious/depressed or really tired when I wake up. It takes me about an hour (and a tea frenzy lol) to start feeling vaguely normal. So if you're like me and mornings are your worst, you can count that as extra non-anxiety points haha.

[Teafrenzy]

Yesterday was very good, I think my best overall days since my Trauma began. Only a little bit of disturbing thoughts and some light "buzzing" throughout the day.

Today I woke up a little anxious buti fine, spoke to a friend on Skype for about 2 hours. Went for a walk. Walking, I felt fine.

Everything was great until about 5pm..then BAM..a wave of panic and fear that made my head felt like it was on fire. I hadn't felt anything that intense for weeks. Not since my panic attacks stopped.

[Teafrenzy]

YAHOO! I felt great yesterday. I woke up today a little anxious. I had to take my mom to the hospital for a test. But I wasn't anxious over it. It started getting dark, I was feeling a bit panicky. I put on my anxiety hypnotic tape (I highly recommend it). Then suddenly, the anxiety broke, and I started to feel almost 100% like my old self again. Avoided this nightly stress that I was usually feeling and so far tonight (knock on wood) I feel wonderful. Only have a bit ear buzzing. But Not bad at all.

I think I have hit a new plateau.

[Teafrenzy]

Today I was walking and I tripped, stumbled a bit and hurt my toe.

Best injury of my life!

I realized the reason why I was walking funny. For the first time in 10 weeks I was NOT lightheaded.

[gypsylee]

Yeah but you're talking to yourself now on this forum LOL ;)

[Teafrenzy]

That's my OCD:)

[gypsylee]

Hehehehe. I was totally joking.. Heaps of people do that (including myself). That's great about the lightheadedness :)

[Teafrenzy]

Feel about 90% there. Hoping for a full recovery by end of the month.

[gypsylee]

Awesome! And if not there's always this place to talk to yourself on :P

[Teafrenzy]

Going to talk to myself some more.:)

Today was particularly interesting.

Woke up with just a hint of morning anxiety. Not bad at all. Afternoon was amazing, barely felt anything. Maybe just a bit of pressure in my head and a tad of lightheadedness. This was my easiest transition from afternoon to dusk to evening in weeks. Only felt a bit of anxiety.

From 6pm onwards, perfection! In fact better than perfection..I felt kind of giddy. Just really happy and not even a bit of anxiety or head pressure. I felt really strange..I started to have anxiety because I wasn't feeling any anxiety! What was wrong with me? Am I taking too many supplements? Are they interacting and giving me brain damage? Why do I feel good?

It's 11pm, I just feel a bit of dull hissing in my ears and a tad of lightheadedness. Still, the best I have felt in months. I am quite grateful.

[Draydon]

Geez I can't count the number of setbacks I've had over the past 15 years. Unfortunately it's that many. When I saw one therapist he told me think of it like this. Your brain is like a computer. What we've done with our anxiety is created a short cut folder. Just like what you would see on your desktop. You feel a certain symptom or think a certain way and you end up clicking on the short cut which is the reaction that we experience (anxiety). What we need to work on is getting ride off that short cut (instant reaction) and replace it with a different folder which would be labelled "These are just uncomfortable feelings nothing more" By doing this you remove the power of anxiety because you are seeing it for truly what is. As you can see from this forum changing the way we think is extremely difficult and takes times. So when I get a hiccup I try to remind myself that that's all it is just a minor setback towards the long road to recovery

[BlessedBackyard]

Glad to hear you've felt improvements recently! Those giddy/happy/euphoric moments are precious, and something I certainly took for granted pre-anxiety.

I know the cycle of setbacks all too well. Things get better and then suddenly there's a nosedive, so I overthink and rehash my day/week to see what could have caused the problem...almost to the point of getting superstitious, like "this happened when I did this, so I won't do that again." But it's nearly impossible to pinpoint exactly what caused each setback. It sounds like you've made some great changes, so keep doing what you're doing, and I believe those setbacks will be fewer and farther between.

[Teafrenzy]

I had candy today, I had candy yesterday. I only have candy when I am feeling 100%. But after I eat it, there is always anxiety spikes and depression.

My OCD is coming down now though which is a really good thing. Tough toss up if I want depression or OCD.

[gypsylee]

This reminds me of Die Antwoord (band I'm currently obsessed with) "Come to the dark side.. We have candy!" haha :rolleyes:

[RoadToRecovery]

Teafrenzy,

Hey! I'm new to this site and have been slowly recovering from a four year struggle with an anxiety disorder. I noticed you mentioned eating candy. I'm not saying "never eat candy", but I thought I'd throw something out to you that I've learned: foods high in simple sugars, such as candy, soda, sugary fruit juices, Etc can irritate a body that’s nervous system has become hyperstimulated due to excess cortisol in the bloodstream over a long period of time. Ingesting simple sugars can cause wide fluctuations in blood sugar, which can cause and aggravate a wide range of stress- and anxiety-caused sensations and symptoms.

While you are recovering, it might be a good idea to avoid the candies, for a time. I wish you nothing but the best and success as you recover!

[Teafrenzy]

Thanks R2R.

Yeah I normally do avoid sweets. I went through a stretch where I didn't have any for 30 days. But the past few days I just got overconfident. Plus I got my hands on delicious Lindor chocolates. Once I start up with sweets my old sweet tooth cravings come back.

[Teafrenzy]

So today was interesting. Woke up nervous, but not too bad. Then in the early afternoon, a wave of lightheadedness and brain fog. DAMN I WAS DOING SO WELL!!

But the night totally made up for it. I went seamless from afternoon to night. Didn't hit me at all. I didn't have a whole lot of OCD or Depression. I will take a little lightheadedness over OCD and depression any time.

[Anne1221]

Best line (or title) for a song ever: "Come to the dark side, we have candy." I love it!

[RoadToRecovery]

One I thing I try to remember is that recovery from anxiety disorder is a process, not an event. I have found that I am usually taking two steps forward, and one step back. That's ok though as long as I am slowly but surely getting better.

I understand the brain fog. It's been my most debilitating symptom during these last four years of struggle. Some things I have learned about the brain fog that have helped in my recovery:

1) high levels of stress hormones, (caused from worry, fear, anger, frustration, and anxiety) because they are stimulants, cause an increase in electrical activity in the brain. This can cause "racing thoughts" or an increased generation in rate of thought, which can cause our attention to become more easily sidetracked.

2) stress hormones suppress the rationalization areas in our brain (the cortex) and increase the activity in the fear center of the brain (the amygdala). This combo reduces the ability to logically rationalize and process information while at the same time increases the awareness of danger, fear, apprehension, etc.

3) Acute or sustained stress can cause the suppression of the hippocampus (the learning and memory area of the brain), making it more difficult for thru brain to store and retrieve information.

4) elevated stress taxes the bodys resources harder and faster than normal, causing it to become tired more easily

These symptoms can come even when we aren't particularly feeling stressed/thinking apprehensively. That is due to an overly stressed body. Working on relaxing your body will eventually improve and eliminate these symptoms.

Keep fighting the good fight Teafrenzy. We will get there, little by little!

[joehoax]

Hello Tea, I hope you have continued long term success with dealing with your anxiety. I am a newbie here and trying to find ways to cope with mine. I was wondering if you could explain what your "morning anxiety ritual" is, and if it may be of help to myself or other people.

[gypsylee]

Best line (or title) for a song ever: "Come to the dark side, we have candy." I love it!

Hehe Die Antwoord are.. Interesting.

But seriously this candy thing is a nightmare for me. Alcohol and caffeine I can manage without but candy/sweets? I'm diabetic so have to be careful anyway but ugh.. You kind of have to weigh up the joy of sweets vs the anxiety! Why is it that everything enjoyable is bad for you? :(

Anyway you guys are inspiring with all this willpower!

[Teafrenzy]

Hello Tea, I hope you have continued long term success with dealing with your anxiety. I am a newbie here and trying to find ways to cope with mine. I was wondering if you could explain what your "morning anxiety ritual" is, and if it may be of help to myself or other people.

I wake up..usually very nervous.

I drink a glass of water and take a cool shower. I don't recommend hot showers despite the fact they feel more "relaxing". Cold helps the body better.
I go downstairs and take my supplements...Magnesium, Omega 3, St John's wort, Vitamin D, Apple Cider vinegar. Cup of Camomille with another different tea to kill the funky taste like licorice or Peppermint. I used to use Passionflower extract but I find this too expensive for the benefit.
I eat breakfast, usually it's light peanut butter on whole wheat pita bread with a fruit like a banana or orange. Not the healthiest, but very cheap and easy to make and not too bad.
I listen to a relaxation tape on my Iphone and do some breathing exercises.

[Teafrenzy]

Hehe Die Antwoord are.. Interesting.

But seriously this candy thing is a nightmare for me. Alcohol and caffeine I can manage without but candy/sweets? I'm diabetic so have to be careful anyway but ugh.. You kind of have to weigh up the joy of sweets vs the anxiety! Why is it that everything enjoyable is bad for you? :(

Anyway you guys are inspiring with all this willpower!


I try to put a positive spin on it by saying that sweets are bad for me and will only make me fat. To be bad, I will eat junk food once in a while like burgers or jerk chicken. I rationalize this by saying "well I can't eat sweets".

[Teafrenzy]

This afternoon feels really weird. I feel super relaxed. Lethargic even. More relaxed then I think before this whole panic disorder thing developed.

It made me worried...did I take too many supplements? Are these hypnotic tapes screwing up my brain?

I am considering going back to my doctor for a cat scan to make sure I am alright.

Edit..never mind, at 3pm, got brain fog, lightheadedness and started to OCD a little.

At 6, I started to feel really good..giddy.

Lethargic and sleepy..to anxious..giddy all in one day. Please, Please let this be a sign that everything is stating to normalize all day long.

[Teafrenzy]

Totally shitty day..woke up very nervous. Woke up several times through the night. As a result I woke up at 11am. Overslept. Then felt anxious in the early afternoon. Bought an appliance for early black friday in Canada. Appliance weighed 70 pounds and I walked around with it.

Night came on and I felt light headed and that dread feeling, I hadn't felt in days.

Also, my mom said she wasn't feeling well for the past month, light headed and tired. I am really scared for her health and for my mental health. When my dad died it was rough, but I wasn't recovering from an anxiety disorder.

Edit...depressed all night too

[gypsylee]

Hey Teafrenzy.. I just thought of you because I'm having a literal tea frenzy!

There's weird "vibes" in the air atm and it's been windy for days here, which I HATE. Sorry you had a shitty day/night but it will pass. I've been a bit all over the place too this week, but I'm not sure I ever have a week when I'm not!

[Kirk]

Any setback in life is not very good and can be very hard to deal with.

[Kirk]

I have suffered a number of setbacks in my life, such as a divorce which included my wife cheating on me,
being forced out of a job after being their for 20 years back in 2002, having my car totalled in a head on
collison, etc. You always have to try to bouce back from every setback, as you really have no choice but to
do so.

[Procrastinator]

Agree with Kirk, although sometimes it seems to be an impossibility. I welcome getting over a setback and moving forward, if ever so slowly, but the setbacks again and again are devastating. I know, be positive...

[Teafrenzy]

I have suffered a number of setbacks in my life, such as a divorce which included my wife cheating on me,
being forced out of a job after being their for 20 years back in 2002, having my car totalled in a head on
collison, etc. You always have to try to bouce back from every setback, as you really have no choice but to
do so.

That sucks, I have had some difficulties in my life too.

I'm trying to recover from my anxiety disorder though. I have been feeling it get better. But yesterday it was worse for some reason.

Today I have had most of my brain all day...yes!

[Teafrenzy]

Lots of ups and downs.

I went to a Christmas party last night..had alcohol which I now rarely drink. Just half a glass of beer. Got worried because I am using Saint Johns wort and it says not to consume alcohol when you are taking it.

Going to social outings is now an adventure and not fun. Though I have experienced some 100% calm the past two weeks, it has not been in any social situations. Everyone thought I was drunk because I was talking fast and rambling and holding my head. But it as just my anxiety.

I also bought a new tv on Black Friday. A monster 55 inch tv. It's made by Westinghouse, despite being American it works well. I love the picture. However, it's too big for my room. I fear it's giving me eye strain and contributing to the anxiety. One thing I have noticed is that working in front of my desktop computer, I get way more anxiety than my laptop.

So right now:

Good.

1) OCD is just about gone, I just have a few flash thoughts each day. But way improved.
2)Not depressed -thank you Saint John's Wort.
3) Sleeping a little better. Not waking up as anxious.
4) Some times I feel 100% like my old brain.

Bad.

1) Still have some phobia about the dark, ear andly evening. Comes and goes through the night.
2) As the anxiety has reduced, I am eating more junk and gaining some weight.
3) Lots of tingling in my head, still a bit dizzy at times.
4) My end of November deadline to be cured was too optimistic. Hopefully it will be by the new year.

[aml0017]

Good to hear you are having some improvements teafrenzy, it's a start...even though I know the constant up and down is exhausting. I have been going through that now and I must say I'd prefer to have a full on panic attack and freak out for a few days and then have it just go away. The lingering anxiety is the worst for me. It just occurred to me that of course the holidays are full upon us again and I do have a pattern of getting increased anxiety around this time of year. Don't know if it is wintertime weather or the social obligations, bad food, maybe all of it together. I know a lot of people have this issue.

[BlessedBackyard]

Don't know if it is wintertime weather or the social obligations, bad food, maybe all of it together. I know a lot of people have this issue.

All of the above for me. Being outside calms me, but I don't want to go out in freezing weather. Social situations bring anxiety, but then I get depressed if I miss out on them. And I definitely overdid it on junk food over Thanksgiving and am paying the price for it now with increased anxiety. It's an easy cycle to fall into -- feeling a little better so we allow ourselves to do a *few* things that aren't so healthy. It spirals into a few more things, until suddenly we realize we're back to our old habits and the anxiety has made a return. Best of luck to us all with the temptations and frustrations of the holiday season!

[Teafrenzy]

Today was great. I woke up after a complete 8 hours of straight, deep sleep. No nightmares. Woke up refreshed and with no anxiety. The afternoon I felt a touch of anxiety and light-headedness. But nothing too bad. The evening wasn't exactly seamless but not bad. It is now night tie where I am and the sun is completely down. Just feel a mild ringing in the ear. But not depressed and no OCD. Looks like a new plateau! Yes! (knock on wood I don't want to jinx it).

But I made a bit of a discovery. Last night, I walked though the local park late at night, around 9 or 10 pm. It's cold so I was wearing a ski mask. I'm 6 1" and 200 pounds and I came across a lady walking her dog. Little did she realize that due to my panic disorder and darkness phobia I am much more scared of her than she is of me. But she was very frightened.

I am now certain that exposure therapy works well on me and I will be walking through the park at night every night for the next week or two to see the effect.

[Teafrenzy]

Man. Stupid overconfidence. Last night I felt so good that i had some real junk food. Tootsie rolls! Plys i had a hot dog from a street vendor. Those made me a little sick at the best of times.

Felt anxious all day amd a little depressed. Felt more scared and anxious when night came. Head feels pressure and iam jumpy again.

Setbacks suck!

[gypsylee]

This thing is a bitch! Interesting the junk food set it off..

Funny about the ski mask in the park heh.

[Teafrenzy]

What a horrnedous day, I think I am just going to go to bed early and chalk it up to being just one of those days.

Just totally anxious and depressed all day... just when I thought I almost had this thing licked.
`
`Just when I think I`m out..they keep pulling me back in!`

[Teafrenzy]

Today was interesting. Not much anxiety at all, just some buzzing in the back of my head. A bit of anxiety. But what was a pain was I started feeling depressed in the afternoon. I overslept earlier and struggled to get out of bed. But I figured the depression would just wear off like morning anxiety. I have had some wild mood swings the last 3 days and I am wondering if this is related to taking too many supplements or if it's a natural part of anxiety recovery.

[aml0017]

I understand about the crazy mood swings, I get that too. Sometimes my mood can change wildly from one hour to the next, even minutes by minute. I really chalk that up to some chemical reaction happening because it really doesn't coincide with my mental state at all. I never noticed if it happens after a bad anxiety episode or not.

[Teafrenzy]

A bad day came out of nowhere. I think it may be due to me stopping using Saint Johns Wort today for fear of it leading to Seratonin Syndrome with my 5-HTP. Plus it was very cold and cloudy day so that's interfering with my phobia disorder of fearing darkness. Then again it just might be an unexplained setback.

[aml0017]

I've found some days you're just gonna be anxious no matter what. Maybe it is the weather or hormones or waking up on the wrong side of the bed or whatever...just a bad day. I can handle one bad day but a lot of bad days in a row kind of gets me down. Hope today is better for you and yesterday was just a one off. I don't really have any full on phobias but it must be tough to have a fear of something that comes every night. What is it about the darkness that you fear?

[Teafrenzy]

hi aml

I got a detailed write up about my problems in the welcome page, but I have been around for a while now..so it's probably long buried:)

Anyways, I caught a burglar coming into my place in the middle of the night. That freaked me out. I remember being so unnerved that I put on all the lights before going back to bed.

Later I had my first panic attack while staring out the window into the darkness. I am not sure if this panic attack lead to my phobia or if the phobia lead to my first panic attack.

[Teafrenzy]

Anyways, today was pretty good. I didn't feel a whole lot of anxiety and I went for a walk around sundown and it was seemless anxiety wise. But I did feel depressed at times throughout the day. My lightheadedness is gone. I feel a little bit of pressure in my head but it has reduced. I get sore spots on my head and behind my ears and my neck gets stiff. I get a little bit anxious in the evening but it's overall not bad. I can watch tv again.

I started playing video games again. I dismissed video games a long time ago as a waste of time. But I realize now just how relaxing and engaging they are. People who say that video games are bad for you never had an anxiety disorder.

[aml0017]

Yikes... Maybe that is it. I do think there is a point where a rational fear turns into an irrational one. I've recently been experiencing worry centered around my car and driving, that I've never experienced before. Im worried it's becoming an irrational thing because unlike other worries I've had, solving the problem doesn't make my worry go away. Sigh...

[Teafrenzy]

Another similar type of day. I think I am getting better. Sundown was nearly seamless again. I am starting to get more comfortable with the night. I got a bit depressed at various points but it faded. I started looking ahead to my future and felt good about it.

At times I feel really, really relaxed. It is getting more consistent. The energy goes up and down throughout the day.

[Teafrenzy]

Yes..amazing day except for the morning since I woke up a little stressed out. Mornings are now becoming the worst part of the day. It is now starting to get seemless from about 3pm onwards. Only a few mild stress related symptoms. Head feels very little pressure. Ears not as sore. I respond to the night much better.

[RoadToRecovery]

Hey Tea, someone else on the forums wrote a couple days ago about struggling in the morning. There's a reason why. I responded with the following:

One thing I have learned is that our bodies naturally produce increased levels of cortisol in the morning. It gives us the energy we need to wake up and get our days started. However, those with an anxiety disorder already have higher than normal levels of cortisol in their bloodstreams due to behaving apprehensively for so long. Whenever you add our already high levels of cortisol along with the boost your body gives in the morning, it can be especially difficult for those with anxiety disorder.

Nothing to be alarmed about. It may be helpful to just reassure yourself it is the cortisol levels combined with the anxiety. Eating protein in the morning helps me a lot. Not sure if you knew about that or not, but thought I'd mention it.

[Teafrenzy]

Yeah the cortisol boost sucks.:)

[Teafrenzy]

I had a good day today, woke up with no anxiety. Afternoon was pretty clear until about 2pm when I started to panic for who knows what reason. Cleared up until the evening when suddenly I felt anxious and fearful for no reason.

It was especially cold today in Toronto. I walk every day for 3-5km as part of my recovery strategy. I wore a ski mask to keep myself warm. I am thinking the combination of cold weather and my oxygen supply being stifled by the mask hurt me. Also, I had a very small lolipop..it was maybe 1/3 the size of a tootsie roll pop. I normally avoid sugar but it was a group dinner and I just decided to have one. Can't believe such a small amount of sugar may have hit me this hard.

Hopefully it was just a regular setback and would have happened anyways.

Edit: The late night was terrific..barely symptomatic.

[BlessedBackyard]

I started playing video games again. I dismissed video games a long time ago as a waste of time. But I realize now just how relaxing and engaging they are. People who say that video games are bad for you never had an anxiety disorder.

I've noticed the same thing and have a new appreciation for "mindless" hobbies.

Glad to hear you're taking more steps forward than back.

[gypsylee]

Ugh setbacks really do suck. I listened to the DARE audiobook last week and have been taking his advice - exercising more, drinking water, breathing, trying to accept the anxiety etc. Yesterday I felt like I was making real progress and then BAM another night of full-on insomnia. I even managed to stay pretty calm during that but the anxiety hit hard this morning and I ended up having to take one of my benzos. When I did fall asleep it was only for an hour or two and it felt like I went straight into freaky, messed-up dreams.

I know this is normal and he even says in the book it doesn't heal linearly like a broken bone. I've been dealing with it for 20+ goddamn years though and you get to a stage where you feel permanently broken. It certainly doesn't help that my trauma (ex-husband/daughter) is continuous and I never get a proper chance to heal. That combined with my brother's sudden death in 2014 and my mum's hospitalisation in 2015 has meant 2016 has been one giant anxiety and depression fest. I guess it's not going to fix itself overnight after listening to an audiobook lol, but it's a beast of a thing and I needed to vent. Cheers.

[Teafrenzy]

I hear you. I am also a fan of anxietycentre. The message there is very similar to DARE.

Anyways, the common thing to note is Patience. yes you will get over your anxiety. It takes time. A long time. The longer you suffer with anxiety, generally, the longer it takes to heal. Jim Folk, the founder of anxietycentre suffered with anixety for a really long time as well. He healed completely within 2 years. But he saw noticeable reductions in anxiety within 3 months. Once you see your first drop in anxiety and become confident in he process, it will help.

Though I have setbacks and setbacks suck, I noticed a big drop in my anxiety, These days, I have many hours where I feel 100% and sometimes I even feel happy and optimistic and when I do have symptoms, they generally don't last as long or seem as intense.

I had my first symptoms in September, but didn't have my full blown panic attacks until mid to late September. I didn't fully accept it was anxiety until mid October. So that's 6 weeks of symptoms and it's now mid December - about 2 months later and I still have some symptoms. But I am confident they will disappear sooner or later.

Hang in there!

[gypsylee]

Thanks.. My brother used to tell me to hang in there :)

DARE was great and he reads the audiobook himself, so I got the full Barry McDonagh experience lol. I say to myself "so what??" in his voice and it actually helps. He's very much a modern day Claire Weekes, who I recommend to everyone with anxiety disorder. It's just that accepting and "running towards" anxiety sometimes feels like running towards an oncoming train and I lose my nerve. Still, one Mogadon is better than the coping strategies I used to use!

[Sandytran144]

Thông tin khá bổ Ã*ch, mong má»�i ngÆ°á»�i sẽ đóng góp nhiá»�u hÆ¡n thông tin dạng nhÆ° thế nÃ*y để forum thêm phần Ä‘a dạng.

[gypsylee]

Thông tin khá bổ Ã*ch, mong má»�i ngÆ°á»�i sẽ đóng góp nhiá»�u hÆ¡n thông tin dạng nhÆ° thế nÃ*y để forum thêm phần Ä‘a dạng.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41fiLtHvmHE

[aml0017]

I am also reading DARE right now but I've only just started a couple chapters. I had a pretty good weekend and was feeling way better but yesterday evening I could feel it crashing down. It started with being stuck in 5 o'clock traffic for over an hour, then eating a lot of junk food and a beer. It was only one beer but it came back to bite me. I slept well for a couple hours then I woke up and was restless the rest of the night, had some very weird dreams too, woke up with my jaw hurting from grinding my teeth.

I'm looking forward to going to work in a while as I've been pretty busy so it makes me forget.

[grahic]

Hey Tea Frenzy, how are you feeling now these days?

As for myself I am still recovering from this anxiety thing and it has been more than 2 months now. I still feel dizzy, foggy and lightheaded all day every day....How about yourself?

[Teafrenzy]

Not bad.

1) Panic attacks completely stopped.
2) A bit of lightheadedness, mostly during the afternoon but this has gone down a lot.
3)No more OCD
4) Head pressure diminished, no more choking feeling, numbness or tingling. No joint pain. A bit of trembling.
5) lots of sunny breaks, especially during the early afternoon and the later evening. Feel like 90% of my old self for 7-8 hours per day.

Lingering problems.

1) Difficulty sleeping. Last night I awoke to a "zap". No idea why. My symptoms were diminishing so this scared me and made me think it was something other than anxiety. I will need to talk to my Doctor and Therapist for reassurance.

2) Morning anxiety. Not as intense as it used to be but still there, especially if I had difficulty sleeping.

3) fear, irritability and extreme anger for no good reason sometimes come out of the blue.

4)Still get this fear from 4-6 pm, just when it starts getting dark in my area. A real sense of adrenaline, fear and irritability over something irrational. I think this is my biggest hurdle. If I could just deal with it and stop it, I think I would be almost fully recovered.

Sorry to hear about your lingering symptoms. But hang in there. It takes time. The best thing to do is just practice acceptance the best you can. Try listening to relaxation tapes. Avoid stimulants. Eat healthy. Avoid unnecessary stress. Exercise light to moderate every day.

It takes time. 2 months is not much time. I have been at it for around 2 months as well but I have a bit of an "advantage" that I have no job right now and no family. So I can avoid a lot of stress and practice recovery all the time.

[gypsylee]

A good 10 hours sleep. Thank you Mogadon. My nerves were so frayed last night I thought I'd have a seizure.

I'm dealing with some hardcore stress atm related to my teenage daughter and her sociopathic father - it's beyond just anxiety, it's some kind of Complex PTSD from years of constant Narcissistic abuse. I was going to start a thread about medication and how sometimes it's literally a lifesaver, but I don't want drama.. God knows I have enough of that in my life.

But yeah this is severe and debilitating. I've had anxiety disorder and problems with addiction my whole life so my ex didn't cause it. When you heap 15 years of emotional abuse on top of that is when you get to where I'm at. I'm actully a lot better than I was in many ways but without medication right now, I'm screwed. It'd be like denying a diabetic insulin.

[Teafrenzy]

Monday was the best day I had since my recovery started. Felt like my myself most of the day. Then bamn Tuesday sucked. Got fearful all day. Even the lightheadedness returned some what. Makes the process frustrating.

[grahic]

I am glad to hear that you are feeling better than before. It sounds like we are on the same boat. I no longer have panic attacks but still have mild anxiety time to time. Do you also constantly feel dizzy all of time? Or is it just me? I don't mind anxiety but it's the dizziness that drives me crazy.

[Teafrenzy]

I dont get dizzy anymore. There are some periods of mild lightheadedness but it's much better than it was 1-2 months ago. Every week my overall condition is improving, but there are still a lot of ups and downs. Right now pretty much all my physical symptoms are gone. The only problems I have are 1) fear in the late afternoons and early evening and 2) Mood swings. Those are my 2 biggest problems.

My panic disorder/phobia was caused by a trauma. Not sure if yours was.

[Teafrenzy]

Last 2 days, I have seen some nice improvement. I am more smoothly transitioning from afternoon into night without fear. Just a few moments throughout the night. No physical symptoms, still some mood swings and fear.

[grahic]

Hi Tea,

How are you feeling now these days?

[Teafrenzy]

Hi Grahic

I am sleeping better. 7-8 hours a night. Though I wake up groggy. I go to bed around 12-1am But I wake up around 10-11.

Not much morning anxiety, early afternoons are pretty good. Late afternoon, I usually see a spike of symptoms such as brain fog.

From 4-6 when it starts getting dark, I feel the most adrenaline. But it has improved. I am getting used to "coasting" and just ignoring it. But after 6, I pop on a relaxation tape and my nights are nearly 100% now. That's why I find it difficult to go to bed early.

Last night I felt shaky (setbacks suck) and didn't have a great night. But Friday and Saturday were really good. One thing that may be impeding my progress is that it is so dark where I live. Cloudy skies during the day and it gets dark around 5. So there's not a lot of sunlight which I think is increasing the anxiety and impacting my mood.

How are you these days?

[aml0017]

Setbacks totally suck!! I've been finding my anxiety has been elevated in the evenings too which is weird for me cause normally it is worse in the mornings and wanes in the evenings. Truthfully it has been just all day long but I am busiest with work etc during the day so I am distracted.

I noticed this a lot since I was off Friday and Monday for the holiday. I just stayed home Friday and Saturday just pretty much stayed in the house and felt increasingly anxious. Finally had to leave the house to go to family Christmas gathering and felt better. Today was a bit on edge but moved about and went out of the house. Not so much anxious but just feel very wired and can't seem to relax for bed.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

[aml0017]

Normally I look forward to going to work after the weekend (weird I know lol) but work really is the best distraction for me these days. I am a bit of a homebody do I tend to withdraw too much on weekends and just wallow. However after this long holiday weekend i feel a bit of trepidation about going to work tomorrow. Like I just want to stay in bed all day again.... Hope depression isn't creeping in after this prolonged anxiety.

[grahic]

Thanks for your reply. Yes, more sleep less anxiety :) Yes I agree, setbacks sucks and I really hope you can feel 100% soon. Please keep us posted.

I am doing okay. I don't have any panic attacks anymore but I still have physical symptoms. (Dizziness & lightheadedness and high pitched ringing in ears 24/7).

[Teafrenzy]

Well it is January 8th and in 8 more days, it will be the 3 month anniversary of my recovery.

1) Sleep. Sleep is still an issue but I no longer have morning anxiey, just the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed. I am just so comfortable in the morning. I am not looking forward to another day of fighting the good fight.

2) when I get out of bed and in the early afternoon I am fine. nearly 100%. Almost no anxiety symptoms. Sometimes I even feel more relaxed then when I did when this whole ordeal began. I sometimes get some burning sensations on my arms and some ringing in the head. But it's not too bad.

3) When the early evening comes I get a jolt of anxious energy. It's not too bad. Sometimes this jolt makes me feel good. But often I feel frustrated. I don't want to feel abnormally upbeat, just normal. Still I will take it over depression.

4) As the night goes on, the energy backs off and I generally feel back to normal around 9 o'clock. Then I am so relaxed, I am not in the mood to go to sleep. I enjoy the time with my old brain. Still I say to myself, if I can feel good in the afternoon and after 9, then I can feel normal all day. Just a matter of time.

I am hoping by the end of January I can be 100% my old self but based upon the time I have needed to improve this far, I have my doubts. I will try.

Right now current symptoms:

1) burning sensations
2) Derealization. Sometimes night just doesn't seem "real" to me. The best way I can explain it is, imagine you wake up all tired and groggy and because it was a short sleep, the back of your head hurts and has a strange feeling. This is the way my head feels, I look outside expecting to see daylight and I see night. Still this sensation now comes and goes and isn't all night long like it used to be.
3) Interruptions i sleep, usually from vivid nightmares. Though I usually fall back pretty fast and sleep well at times.
4) A weird head energy, kind of feels like someone is pushing on the sides or back of my head.
5) Mood swings. But luckily way more good moods, but the depression can get bad too.

[DizzyPixie]

For the last two days, I'm constantly moving back and forward. I'm panicking, and in the next hour I'm completely fine and think everything's past. Then I wake up and feel very anxious again. Then it passes. Now I'm in my anxious state but not as much as yesterday noon. I'm hoping I'll get better because I have exams and I can't concentrate on studying, at all.

[Teafrenzy]

Another month over practically.

1) the sleep is still bad for me. It is a little bit improved. Sometimes I get 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. But usually 3 hours at first and then I wake every 2 hours. The sleeping is just so weird. I wake up sometimes and it feels like I didn't sleep at all but I don't feel tired throughout the day or night until late. But it's been this way since day 1 of recovery.

2) I sometimes feel really relaxed in the afternoon or evening. Sometimes I feel so normal now that I have doubts that I ever had a panic disorder. (Was that me? nah. couldn't be, that's so weird. Wasn't me. I was just being lazy ..was that me?)

3) Most of the weird head things I got are not as intense or as frequent. Once in a while a burning sensation. That strange pressure feeling. But the main thing is just this feeling all night long that I want to run..this intense energy. Then it slows down and I have a feeling of doom and gloom. At least that's what tonight is like. The transition from day to night is getting better. But I still feel this anxious energy.

4) I pretty much have my old head 24/7 - not really derealizing, depersonalization like I used to have. When it comes, it usually goes quickly now.

[Spider666]

I had an amazing halloween. very little anxiety all day. I did great through the week. Saw a movie for the first time in months on Friday. Yesterday, I felt pretty good all day. I thought I was well under way to a 100% full recovery.

But today it sucked.

I woke up well enough, almost no anxiety. Realized the clock changed, slept in some more. Woke up and did my "morning anxiety ritual". Felt good until about 1pm. Then a wave of the worst friggin' dizzyness I hadn't felt in 2 weeks. I was walking funny. I felt super irritable and anxious. I think I did something stupid, but I pushed my daily walk from 4km to 8km. I came home around 4pm and I felt extremely tired and sleepy. Then I did stupid thing Number 2, I forced myself to stay up and did some work while tired.

For the first time in a week, I felt anxious and panicky at sundown. Felt like I may have had a minor panic attack. I got a buzz of energy and a general anxious feeling when the darkness came rolling in.

Now I just feel like crap. I am wondering why I could hit a setback so badly.

Anyone else get setbacks?

"Everytime I think I'm out, they pull me back in!". Setbacks are normal, and the fact that you identify it as a setback is a healthy sign. Sharing it here with others is even healthier. Yes, I have setbacks almost daily, the only thing you can do is observe the setback and learn from it, as it seems you're doing.

[Teafrenzy]

Yes! - Felt like my old self pretty much all night long with one or two minor nagging symptoms. No derealization- depersonalization, just have a "vibe" when night came down that I was happy. I think I am coming around. just between 5-6pm I get lightheaded still. Not as bad but still recognizable. A little bit of fear.

[Teafrenzy]

Today was weird. But I was walking around today with little to no symptoms. Even as it started getting dark, I barely felt it. Now at night, my head has a tingly feeling.

I feel really good, kind of high, my only other symptom is some slight burning sensations in my arms.

I am not sure if I feel good because a) my anxiety came down to a new level and I have forgotten how it has felt to feel good at night. b) I am actually feeling stress hormones and they are covering up any other symptoms or some of my old symptoms c) This is another form of derealization.

Edit - at Tim Hortons tonight and I feel great, no derealization/DP, there are two girls cackling behind me and I am enjoying their childish banter ( I used to go nuts from nearby Hyenas), I don't feel overly happy or sad. Just feel a nice normal brain indoors at night for the first time in months.

I'm happy, even if full recovery is not close, I feel surely sleep must be close.

[Teafrenzy]

Made a trip to visit my sister, it was a 12 hour drive. The drive wasn't so bad. But I went inside a restaurant and an extremely intense anxiety sensation in my head. Now I am at my sister's house and my head is radiant. Trapped in an involuntary "fear reflex". But at least it's my only big symptom right now. I doubt I get more than 4 hours of sleep tonight.

[gypsylee]

Did you do the drive without stopping overnight??

[Kirk]

That is a hell of a long drive. Many people could not have done that. Give yourself
credit for that.

[Teafrenzy]

Did you do the drive without stopping overnight??

Oh yes I stopped in a small city called Fort Wayne. I stayed at the hotel and 1 night, but I barely slept. My brain doesn't seem to like strange beds, I guess it's a lingering reminder of what happened to me.

However, when I got to my sister's house I stayed in her spare bedroom. I slept great! I think it might be because I was around family the whole night. Or maybe the long drive at night helped me to de-sensitize. Or maybe it was for no reason at all.

Ok the local time is 5pm in St Louis as I type this. I am in a Starbucks for the free WI FI. All morning and afternoon I barely felt anxiety. It's amazing what good sleep can do!. Right now it is getting dark and my head is good. Still I won't know until 6 if I hit a new milestone. (Here's hoping).

[Teafrenzy]

That is a hell of a long drive. Many people could not have done that. Give yourself
credit for that.

Thanks! Yeah, the anxiety actually gives me energy to drive at night. Plus I feel more relaxed when driving. I think it is the "escaping" or "running away" feeling.

[gypsylee]

Oh I was going to say - I've done 10 hours in one go a couple of times and it's not a good idea. My anxiety goes through the roof.. It's as if instead of getting tired my fight/flight mechanism kicks into overdive. At least I know I won't fall asleep at the wheel but yeah it's not fun.

Still, well done surviving that.. Even 6 hours in a day isn't easy.

[Teafrenzy]

I feel good inside my sister's house.

But sometimes feeling "good" is just a symptom. I mean I'd rather feel unnaturally good over unnaturally bad but I know it is stress hormones causing this feeling.

Edit..later on at night, the stress hormones dropped off. I now feel depressed and I have a choking feeling.

[Teafrenzy]

YAY ..things are really starting to come around (
on wood).

1) sleep is getting better, I still wake up in the middle of the night on occasion. But for the most part, I string together 5-6 hours now and I fall alseep faster when I do wake up. Fewer nightmares that could scare Stephen King.

2) when I wake up, I don't feel this sick, overdrive type of feeling. My head used to shake and feel "electrified". Then I'd shake while in the shower and just feel this unreal anxiety. I only feel a tinge strange in the morning.

3) Days are basically symptom free. A tad light-headed. A bit of choking-feeling in the afternoon. But for the most part my head is 100%.

4) Early evening, I feel a little strange, just kind of anxious. A bit of fear but not nearly as bad. Much more relaxed. I used to have real trouble going into stores in the late afternoon or night. I felt "compelled" to leave. But I feel more relaxed and like my old self.

5) Last night, I started off with some anxiety. Just an overall hyper feeling. At 9pm I went with my sister and nieces to the gym. I went swimming. I looked out the window and felt nothing, just totally relaxed.

6) had a beer when I got home from the gym. Felt relaxed. First beer in 5 months or so. I felt even less anxious. Light headed, but finally for a good reason. I was afraid I would wake up with a major setback. But not really.

I am at a Starbucks for the free Wi-fi, the local time is now 4:50pm. I feel pretty good. Pretty relaxed. There's a bit of nervousness and a "I have to get out of here feeling" but it's way better than even a week ago. I am here an hour earlier than normal as it is no longer dark this early in the American mid-west. I am optimistic tonight will be even further progress.

I am feeling amnesia and a certain "unreality" about the last 5 months. So I posted a new thread.

[Teafrenzy]

Man I had a really good last two days. So good I really started to doubt if I should continue with my psychologist. I thought about beer this Saturday. The sleep has gotten better (only woke once last night). The days seemed almost seemless (feel a bit out of it but not bad and I can go inside buildings no trouble). The dusk wasn't bad.

then for some reason later tonight, I have been anxious; My head is just buzzing with fear and I don't know why.

i did some exercising, a bit more intensive than usual. According to anxiety centre this isn't good. But it wasn't that intense.

I am hoping it is just a pullback. On the way to a new milestone. Hoping.

[RoadToRecovery]

You and I are in about the same boat right now. I'm still getting anxiety for no reason sometimes, but overall far less anxiety than I've had in years. And even when some of the symptoms return, I am noticing they leave faster and aren't as strong as they used to be. Just remember to passively accept them when they come. You're doing great.

[Teafrenzy]

Man what a weird night. The day was pretty good. I was walking around during the day feeling good. Just a smidge of anxiety.

I had to go out for dinner at 5:30. it was getting dark and I felt a bit like I had to run out and the normal fear I get. But it wasn't too bad.

Now at night I'm watching the Oscars and my head is tingling in a new and bizarre way. I feel really happy and really emotional. I am crying after every award. Now this best Picture mistake, I feel even more like I am going crazy.

[Teafrenzy]

Well I got 5-6 good hours of sleep last night. It was strange, when I tried to fall asleep, I couldn't with the nightlight on. I had to have darkness which is very counter-intuitive to my my condition. I woke up at 6:45- then proceeded to a no man's land of sleep and lying in bed, I finally got up at 11:15am. Way too late. I am wasting 10-11 hours per day just laying in bed. You only need 8 hours of sleep, so it's a little frustrating.

I felt pretty good during the day. I went for a swim at 5pm and felt no anxiety whatsoever. Swimming always seems to agree with me. But at night I did my coffeeshop therapy and the stress hormones started firing again, worse than yesterday. The stress hormones create some light headedness and uncontrolled fear. Even though 90% of me knows I am perfectly fine. I am trying to use my good brain to go on autopilot.

I have been thinking I am on the verge of full recovery. I preyed hypnosis would be the last nail to the coffin. But I have more work to do.

[Teafrenzy]

Well I got 5-6 good hours of sleep last night. It was strange, when I tried to fall asleep, I couldn't with the nightlight on. I had to have darkness which is very counter-intuitive to my my condition. I woke up at 6:45- then proceeded to a no man's land of sleep and lying in bed, I finally got up at 11:15am. Way too late. I am wasting 10-11 hours per day just laying in bed. You only need 8 hours of sleep, so it's a little frustrating.

I felt pretty good during the day. I went for a swim at 5pm and felt no anxiety whatsoever. Swimming always seems to agree with me. But at night I did my coffeeshop therapy and the stress hormones started firing again, worse than yesterday. The stress hormones create some light headedness and uncontrolled fear. Even though 90% of me knows I am perfectly fine. I am trying to use my good brain to go on autopilot.

I have been thinking I am on the verge of full recovery. I preyed hypnosis would be the last nail to the coffin. But I have more work to do.

Sometimes I am not sure if I am recovering or simply getting used to the symptoms?

[RoadToRecovery]

I've found during "the rough days" that reminding myself of all the progress I had made and remembering just how far I've come helps out a lot. I myself am a Christian, and I have found that storing up the word in my heart is very powerful and can really help me to regain my mental bearings when my mind starts to worry.

Exercise, such as swimming is great. Tons of physical and mental health benefits. Swimming go me is a lot of fun too. Keep it up, you're doing great!

PS - I tried to respond to your private message, but it told me your mailbox is full and you'll have to delete some messages and make room. You shouldn't be so popular :)

[Teafrenzy]

I deleted a bunch of stuff, feel free to send away. :)

Anyways I popped on today to say something really different happened today.

I woke up, really really depressed. I was so depressed but I remember reading that depression can be a good sign. It can mean your stress hormones aren't firing. The afternoon was really good, barely felt anything. A little depressed. And now this evening my usual 5 pm "stress time" is just a flicker. My head is finally starting to relearn that night time is a good time. I am now very confident that a full recovery is around the corner. I also slept last night for 7 solid hours.

[Teafrenzy]

I deleted a bunch of stuff, feel free to send away. :)

Anyways I popped on today to say something really different happened today.

I woke up, really really depressed. I was so depressed but I remember reading that depression can be a good sign. It can mean your stress hormones aren't firing. The afternoon was really good, barely felt anything. A little depressed. And now this evening my usual 5 pm "stress time" is just a flicker. My head is finally starting to relearn that night time is a good time. I am now very confident that a full recovery is around the corner. I also slept last night for 7 solid hours.

Edit- the night after 8 pm was nearly perfect.

[gypsylee]

I'm always much more "at home" when it's dark, so Australia isn't the ideal place for me to live. We have about half the year when it's light until 8-9pm :rolleyes: Daylight Savings doesn't help and I always love when it ends (only 3 weeks to go!) This summer hasn't been particularly hot but it feels like it's gone on forever!

Edit: Make that 4 weeks until Daylight Savings ends *sigh*.

[Teafrenzy]

What a horrible week.

On Monday I got into a fender bender. It wasn't my fault but still did significant damage to my car. In Canada, it is an automatic 50/50 shared responsibility since it happened in a parking lot. Aside from the 500 dollar deductible cost, the more pressing issue was the damage to my central nervous system.

On Tuesday I had to go for an MRI, in Canada, it takes 5 months to wait for one but it's covered by the government. So there was no canceling. I got a Taxi but the traffic in Toronto is terrible. I arrived 10 minutes late and I had to prep by drinking awful stuff.

On Wednesday I had a job interview. My stupid phone cut out in the middle of the job interview. It was terrible. Luckily the interviewer emailed me and offered to reschedule but for sure this doesn't look good and it hurt my chances. Not even sure if I can get and hold down a job. It was also my mom's birthday. We had a party and I started to stress and depersonalize really bad. One of the guests was my mom's neighbor and I talked to her all night as her daughter has Bipolar disorder so we have a lot in common.

The stress just seemed to build up on me, on Thursday morning my head seemed like it was going to explode. I barely slept at all, maybe an hour and woke up with the worst feeling ever. So hyper charged, I couldn't sit still, I paced and walked around for hours then drove, then walked. I spoke to my mom and told her I was in deep trouble with all the stress I was going under.

Friday I had mood swings all day.. lots of discomfort. First I was sad, I cried for no reason. Then I was angry, thought about fighting and any confrontations I had all my life. Then I got really happy, started to talk to people on the street. They must have thought I was high on drugs. This seemed to continue for several hours...

Then tonight around 9 the anxiety just seemed to quit. My head cleared up nice. My memory started to improve. I don't really feel any anxiety or symptoms. Maybe I blew a fuse this week? Oh and my amnesia has gone from bad to worse. But in kind of a good way. I am praying for a good day like this all tomorrow.

[gypsylee]

Thanks for sharing that, Teafrenzy. Sounds awful but I must admit I laughed at "Then I got really happy, started to talk to people on the street."

My friend in the US was in a car crash the other week and my car has been at the mechanic for cooling problems (fixed $670 later). Cars are awesome for stress :rolleyes:

I had an ultrasound on Weds - covered by the government AND we don't have to wait. Yay for Australian healthcare!

Mood swings? Maybe you're actually a woman? ;)

[Teafrenzy]

Tonight my only symptom has been this general fear in the back of my head. It's a weird feeling, a paradox, where I feel completely relaxed but the back of my head is telling me to be afraid. I no longer seem to get the pumped feeling I used to get. Not sure if it's a good sign. I got a scrip for some meds today and I am debating in my mind if I should give it another week or delve right in. The meds take 2-4 weeks to kick in but I also think there's a chance the anxiety gets worse before it gets better.

[Anne1221]

Be sure to get the right medication. If you have anxiety/depression, then an antidepressant is what you need. If you have bipolar and are given an antidepressant, you also need a mood stabilizer. If your doctor rules out bipolar, tell him/her you want to start off at a very low dose and work up slowly. You don't get to feeling worse (in my opinion) once you start the antidepressant but you will start to feel better by week four. I have weened myself off antidepressants many times, so if you don't think it's helping, you can wean off of it and stop taking it. Just get a good therapist or doctor and the proper diagnosis.

The fact that you cried "for no reason" leads me to feel you might need medication. My friends cry too, but they can always tell me what they are crying about. Not me, I can just cry for no reason too, if I don't take the antidepressant.

[Teafrenzy]

Be sure to get the right medication. If you have anxiety/depression, then an antidepressant is what you need. If you have bipolar and are given an antidepressant, you also need a mood stabilizer. If your doctor rules out bipolar, tell him/her you want to start off at a very low dose and work up slowly. You don't get to feeling worse (in my opinion) once you start the antidepressant but you will start to feel better by week four. I have weened myself off antidepressants many times, so if you don't think it's helping, you can wean off of it and stop taking it. Just get a good therapist or doctor and the proper diagnosis.

The fact that you cried "for no reason" leads me to feel you might need medication. My friends cry too, but they can always tell me what they are crying about. Not me, I can just cry for no reason too, if I don't take the antidepressant.

Thanks for sharing, I am not Bipolar though, my anxiety revolves around PTSD and a phobia. I don't get too many euphoric moods. I did get them once in a while.

[Teafrenzy]

A lot has changed since February. Comparing February to March:

Sleep.

In February, the sleep was awful. Slept a few hours, woke up, scuttled about in bed, woke up in the morning with a hypercharged feeling like I drank 20 cups of coffee. Taking showers was terrible. In Mar sleep has improved, going to bed earlier some nights, sleeping deeply, unless there's trouble on my mind. Waking up tired, not with this hyper feeling. Sometimes over sleeping.

Days

In Feb I couldn't sit still, I'd go shopping in the middle of the day, just to move around- i didn't really need anything. Then I'd drive to somewhere. Staying indoors for a longer time than an hour seemed impossible.

In Mar - I have slowed down. I don't always go out and about. I take care of chores, then come home and watch tv or surf the net.

Nights

Feb - like the days, I just had to keep on moving, fear was terrible. Had nonstop nervous energy. Couldn't relax at all.

Mar- started to relax somewhat, still a bit fearful.

[grahic]

Hey Tea, have you started taking medications yet? Would you mind what were you prescribed?

[Teafrenzy]

Hey Tea, have you started taking medications yet? Would you mind what were you prescribed?

Cipralex (Lexapro). 10mg once per day. I have the order filled but I haven't taken it yet due to fear of side effects.

[Teafrenzy]

OK enough is enough I am going to have to risk taking the meds.

My anxiety has been terrible for the past two weeks. I haven't been able to sit still. I have been hyper. I have had 4 job interviews (telephone and live) in the past two weeks. My brain is stressed and exhausted. I feel a lot of fear and depression. My depersonalization is out of control. My days feel like dreams. My memory is terrible. I could have done so much better in those interviews but I could not remember my practiced answers. I had to wing it often.

[gypsylee]

Good luck Teafrenzy! Just keep in mind they do make you feel worse for a couple of weeks.

[barbimay]

Good Luck Teafrenzy! I can so understand your fear of side effects. I have that too, and unfortunately my fear has spilled over onto meds that I must take to slow the progression of my lung disease. Gypsylee, it is very difficult if you are already feeling bad and on edge, and the tablets make you feel worse. Is there any way to combat this?

[Teafrenzy]

Good luck Teafrenzy! Just keep in mind they do make you feel worse for a couple of weeks.

my doctor said not always, depends on the person. But from reading a lot of posts, I can see this being common.

Today, my anxiety is running sky high.

[gypsylee]

Gypsylee, it is very difficult if you are already feeling bad and on edge, and the tablets make you feel worse. Is there any way to combat this?

It is very difficult. I've been on and off them for 20+ years and need benzos to combat it. Now I just stay on them (Prozac). I guess another way would be to start on a minuscule dose and build it up but even at a regular dose they can take 6 weeks to kick in.

Teafrenzy - Hang in there. I remember the first time I went on Prozac - at about 3 weeks it was like a switch was flipped, after about 9 months of being a complete zombie on a cocktail of old-school meds. I changed psychiatrists and he took me off everything and started again. He tried some more of the older anti-deps (this was 1993) with no luck and then Prozac. At first I felt like my head was going to explode so I went back and he put me on Valium. I was 19 and had to go to this casual job in the city every day, so my anxiety was skyrocketting. Anyway, I went to the job feeling terrible then one day on the way home I started to feel great! I think I went a bit manic (Prozac is known to be more "stimulating" than Lexapro) but not crazy. Keep in mind this was when there was no internet and noone talked about anxiety, so I had no idea what was going on and was scared to death. I'll never forget that first experience with SSRIs though.

My younger brother ended up on them as well, though he liked Effexor because he got sexual side-effects with the SSRIs. They helped him quite a lot too.

[Teafrenzy]

My family are all encouraging me to take my medication.

I am still worried and too scared. I've had the pills since last Friday but they are sitting on my bathroom counter.

I had been getting a lot of depressing thoughts the past week. I have heard that SSRI's can cause sudden decreases in Seratonin levels. With my ongoing roller coaster mood swings, I am really scared for any sudden depression on top of my usual depression.

Off topic but tonight I think I am going to go for a drive and get a mutant ice cream cone.

[gypsylee]

Can you go back and talk to the doctor about your fears? Like I said, the first time I took Prozac I needed Valium as well. I know you don't want to end up on the benzo path but in my opinion and experience the bad press they get is exaggerated. Or there might be something else that helps take the edge off while the SSRIs kick in.

They do cause a decrease in serotonin INITIALLY because basically your brain thinks it's got too much so it compensates for that. That's why you feel worse. But it gets used to the medication and eventually you get to a point where you do have MORE serotonin. Don't use Dr Google too much on this because you'll probably find more horror stories than success stories. Conspiracy nuts think fluoxetine is used to kill people or make them sterile (like fluoride in the water). My answer to that is, it isn't doing a very good job! :rolleyes:

[grahic]

Yo tea how are you feeling these days? Have you started taking medications?

I know your anxiety started similar time as mine. I am feeling better now but still have mild anxiety and depression (plus depersonalisation)/

[Teafrenzy]

Thanks for thinking about me!

I have improved, not 100% yet, but improved. I feel a lot more like my old self again. But there are still some issues with depersonalisation and derealization of my own. I am a lot more relaxed overall. I am sleeping better.

I also got a job, pending a background check.

I didn't take the medication. My thinking was...thing are getting better naturally, why take the risk and rock the boat? If things stayed the same every week or got worse than I would have taken it. Right now I am not completely sure I will forego medication. Like what if I get this job but feel so anxious I can't keep it? Then it would be time for "the last resort"

[grahic]

Oh that's the spirit! Glad to hear that you are getting better. Obviously I am not a doctor but I do think that anti-depressants are just band-aids.

[grahic]

I did started taking omega 6 fish oil and Vitamin B12 about a week ago and I am feeling much better already.

[grahic]

Congrats on getting a new job by the way :)

[Teafrenzy]

Congrats on getting a new job by the way :)

Thanks.

It was really a minor miracle because I was still feeling pretty bad back in March. It made me act hyper during the interview...I would talk like this...YESITHINKIWOULDMAKEANEXCELLENTCANDIDATESIR.

I am barely feeling any adrenaline pump right now. This afternoon I felt really good. Only real problem is my sleeping still isn't great.

I changed my strategy where I would sit still and watch tv in my bed until 9pm, then go for an hour long walk after dark. I don't know if it's the sitting still regardless of how uncomfortable I felt or the night walks for exposure therapy that helped or maybe it's just time, it's been 6 months since I started to rehab.

Knock on wood..I give this thing another month or 2 before 100% recovery.

[RoadToRecovery]

That's great news! :) I'm happy to hear the update.

[Teafrenzy]

Thanks Pal.

The burning and choking sensations have lessened though they do creep on me once in a while. It was an unusually warm day here - about 21 Celsius. I went for a walk and it felt like a nice warm summer's day. Basically no anxiety.

Something about night is still a bit off but I am feeling way less adrenaline. I can go inside places and not feel as bad as I did. Watching tv, if there is a night scene, I still feel somewhat uncomfortable. This is one thing that still worries me - thinking I might have permanent brain damage.

[Teafrenzy]

Went grocery shopping last night and I felt awful. I got extremely depressed for no reason and started to cry in the checkout lineup. I must have looked idiotic.

Was so depressed I was actually thinking suicide.

Tonight things have improved somewhat.

[grahic]

Ah I know how you feel Tea. I have depression more than anxiety now. Have you tried taking Omega 3 and B-complex supplements? It's helping my mood a bit. I feel less depressed. I am also going to take Vitamin D3 2000UI. Apparently it helps with depression too. Maybe you should give it a shot.

[Teafrenzy]

Thanks for the info..I tried Omega 3 supplements but they didn't really do anything and the B complex Supplements just made me feel more stressed..or at least more jittery. So I stay away. I did take Vitamin D but it didn't do too much. I also take long walks in the sun.

[Teafrenzy]

SO far so good, 1 week at a new job. The amount of de-personalization I am feeling has reduced.

1) I wake up now with little morning anxiety. Just the usual anxiety that goes with having to rush to a job. There is sometimes a light buzzing sensation in my head that lasts until about 2pm. I can stay inside and communicate with reasonable comfort.

2) Around 2-3pm I start getting the first feelings of unease. It's not too bad but I find it hard to concentrate. I make excuses like it's getting late in the day and I'm getting a bit tired. Instructor is a nice guy and agrees as he's a young guy who likes to have fun at night. I caught a bit of luck here. I also say that I have a headache sometimes to deflect which has the benefit of being somewhat true. Advil is my friend. But so far I still don't medicate.

3) Depression often sets in in the late afternoon. I have been having suicidal thoughts all week. I try to say to myself this is a good sign that anxiety is no longer pumping stress hormones and it is a natural way to gear down. The human body is supposed to keep itself alive. Thousands of years of evolution are supposed to work it to our benefit. I can understand anxiety keeping me hyper aware and pumped with adrenaline. But why does it lead to making me feel so bad so often?

4) Late afternoon/Early evening - sundown starts to set in. I am a bit nervous. It's way better than it used to be though.

5) Evening comes, I still feel somewhat strange but usually the depression lifts. I still feel a little unreal and find it hard to concentrate.

6) Sleep, I seem to be able to sleep 7 good hours. I am dead tired, I exercise and I avoid caffeine every day. I still get nightmares and midnight trips to the bathroom but overall I can no longer complain about the sleep.

[BHTrix]

I always go up and down it's like a wave in the ocean. For me summers I'm generally a lot more productive than winters.
What helps me is, I know that after the next dip I will reach up and get to a new high. I might be going down in the moment, but when I look back at all I have achieved, there's an upward spiral underneath the waves.

What's your biggest worry about these setbacks?
To me every set back is a new chance to grow.

[Teafrenzy]

Ok just chiming in..

The Sleep. The sleep has gotten a lot better. I will wake up in the night once in a while but mostly it's 7 hours (my usual avg) of quality sleep. I wake up ok. But today I woke up jittery. It was a bit of a setback.

The morning. Mornings are generally good, I feel 80-90% of my old self. I got to work and I distract myself. Still feel a little too much adrenaline for no reason.

The afternoon. Ok, up to around 5. One thing I notice is that on the drive home, my foot goes asleep. Almost numb. I know this is anxiety related because it only happens at this time of day.

The early evening. Some fear and anxiety start to creep in. Some derealization, better than it used to be, still uncomfortable.

The night. It's very hard to explain. No obvious symptom. Something is just off. Very mild head pressure feeling and tingling in hands.

It's annoying because Thursday and Friday I felt really goo. Friday I went to a party. I felt pretty good. A little bit weird. The alcohol provided short term relief. Sunday I felt terrible and same with Monday morning.

[iwanttobeok]

I think you're just adjusting to a newish schedule, so hang in there :)