MrsAbbo
11-06-2016, 05:51 PM
It's been a very VERY long time since I used a forum so forgive me if I'm a little rusty.
I have suffered with severe panic and anxiety for a long time now, mild signs I would say started when I was finishing primary school. High school is when it kicked in big time and now I'm 30.
The main things that kick it off are arguments with people I care about, I know that everyone argues and falls out but the panic takes over me.
For example tonight, I have tried to say something to my husband as a joke. It has either come out wrong - as in the actual words I used were wrong. Or my tone has just been outright bitchy and horrible (which I can do a LOT without noticing) Anyway...whichever way the ground lies it's made him very angry and upset. To the point that he has told me, in not the nicest of ways to leave him the hell alone.
Panic won't let me do that...no no....panic is making me try to talk to him every 15 mins or every half an hour. He is sat with massive headphones on, clearly pissed off, telling me to leave him alone and what am I doing? I'm tapping him on the arm, asking him questions. I apologised as soon as he stormed off but he just said "whatever" I'm dying inside to make it better, to find out what upset him. What I said was meant as a joke and it's clearly not come out as such. By going back and forward trying to get him to talk to me I'm making him more angry and wound up, but I need to make things better. I wasn't trying to upset him, things haven't been great recently and we were making some progress and now I've ruined it all. I can't lose him he's my world.
So I'm sat on the bed, with no one to talk to, trying to calm down and it's not working. It never works. He IS my calm. So when the thing that's making me panic is also the thing that makes me calm what do I do? I'm shaking and I feel horrifically sick. I want to go to him again and ask him to talk to me but I know it will only make him more annoyed and I don't want a fight. I really don't. All I want is to understand what made him flip so badly.
I feel like a horrible person, a horrible wife. I feel lonely, like I'm sinking and no matter what I do I can't get up.
N xx
I have suffered with severe panic and anxiety for a long time now, mild signs I would say started when I was finishing primary school. High school is when it kicked in big time and now I'm 30.
The main things that kick it off are arguments with people I care about, I know that everyone argues and falls out but the panic takes over me.
For example tonight, I have tried to say something to my husband as a joke. It has either come out wrong - as in the actual words I used were wrong. Or my tone has just been outright bitchy and horrible (which I can do a LOT without noticing) Anyway...whichever way the ground lies it's made him very angry and upset. To the point that he has told me, in not the nicest of ways to leave him the hell alone.
Panic won't let me do that...no no....panic is making me try to talk to him every 15 mins or every half an hour. He is sat with massive headphones on, clearly pissed off, telling me to leave him alone and what am I doing? I'm tapping him on the arm, asking him questions. I apologised as soon as he stormed off but he just said "whatever" I'm dying inside to make it better, to find out what upset him. What I said was meant as a joke and it's clearly not come out as such. By going back and forward trying to get him to talk to me I'm making him more angry and wound up, but I need to make things better. I wasn't trying to upset him, things haven't been great recently and we were making some progress and now I've ruined it all. I can't lose him he's my world.
So I'm sat on the bed, with no one to talk to, trying to calm down and it's not working. It never works. He IS my calm. So when the thing that's making me panic is also the thing that makes me calm what do I do? I'm shaking and I feel horrifically sick. I want to go to him again and ask him to talk to me but I know it will only make him more annoyed and I don't want a fight. I really don't. All I want is to understand what made him flip so badly.
I feel like a horrible person, a horrible wife. I feel lonely, like I'm sinking and no matter what I do I can't get up.
N xx