26F struggling to cope.

[pingu3000]

Hi guys.

I feel like anxiety is taking over my life and stopping me from doing things I want to do.

I don't think friends understand what I'm going through so I'm reaching out online.

I saw my GP recently to ask for meds, but he said I "wasn't anxious enough" and should go to support groups.

I hate my job. It is an admin role where I have almost 0 responsibility and am treated badly. While at work, I can't focus and have what seems to be ongoing panic attacks for most of the day. I have to take breaks to calm down in the loo, then return to starting at the screen pretending I am working. At the end of the day I feel horrendously anxious. I get chest pains, feel physically sick, have blurry vision, my heart pounds. At night I wake up with panic attacks and have insomnia. I have done the role for 8 months. I am desperate to quit the job and think of something else but don't seem to get anywhere. Before that, I quit a job in a bigger city cold turkey because I couldn't handle the stress/pressure. I moved to a smaller city and was on the dole before getting this job.

In fact for the past 5 years, I've worked different office jobs which I hated and quit cold turkey because I felt so anxious and trapped. I have never held down an office job longer than 8 months. My favourite times were being self employed (2 yrs) because I could feel calm all the time and in control. But then I would get anxious from the solitude as I also can't stand being alone and have panic attacks when alone.

I have quite bad social anxiety at times and agoraphobia. I get panic attacks in public places, especially in crowds. I also compulsively message people. On a day when I feel anxious, which is most days, I will text my friends random depressing thoughts non stop. It is exhausting and I desperately want to stop. I am the most calm when I'm with another person and feel like they will never leave me. Smoking weed helps but I rarely do this. Valium seems to solve all my problems so I avoid it as don't want to get addicted.

A bit of background on me, I am a graduate from a top university, which I got into in spite of immigrating as a child, being made homeless as a teenager, and having a traumatic health problem. I was also seperated from my parents at the age of 8, when I immigrated. My uni was very pressurised too. I also have a minor chronic health issue.

But regardless of how it started I want to get over my anxiety. It is exhausting being so stressed every day and I barely make enough money to live.

Things I am currently doing to try and resolve the problem: psychoanalysis (free on the NHS) to address childhood stuff, doing a panic online course, might attend local anxiety group. Also researching jobs/further education.

Should I go back to my doctor and ask for meds again? I definitely know people who are on meds and are probably this level of anxious.

Thanks for reading.

[MrsAbbo]

Hi,

Hope you're having a good day panic and anxiety level wise. I'm new here but when I read your post, in parts it was like reading my own diary.

I too can lose focus in work because of the anxiety and panic. Some days I get no where near what I should done and then at the end of the working day that makes the panic worse because then I start to worry about what I've not done and what I should have done!
I too can also hammer my friends and family with constant text messages on a really bad day. Talking to people calms me down, so if I'm having a bad day I'll text the people I'm close to....not always to say I'm having a bad day, just general conversion so that I'm talking to someone. If they don't answer though....I'll text again, if they don't answer that then I'll text them asking a question and it just gets out of hand. Once I've calmed down and I look back at them it's horrible! But on a bad day I freak out, I become totally irrational and think they are ignoring me because they don't like me anymore or because I must have done something to upset them (when usually they are just busy with life, work, kids, partners)

I think it's always worth going back to a GP for a second opinion, it doesn't do anyone any harm and it doesn't mean the first GP was wrong. Some just don't like throwing tablets at people as a solution as they get accused of just that "throw some pills at the person and send them packing" No one really wants to be on medication long term unless they absolutely have to, so a lot of GP's will now go through other means of help before they wrote a prescription.

As I have said talking to people really helps to centre me and calm me down. Usually I can do that with my husband but there are occasions, such as today when I have done something to upset him so he doesn't want to talk to me right now as he needs some headspace. So of course that boots my panic and anxiety into space and I'm literally sat shaking and crying with nothing to do and no way to calm down. So it's just climbing and climbing and my chest feels like it's going to explode and I'm shaking so much it's hard to type. However writing is another thing that helps me calm down and regain some shred of rationality. I have about a million journals/diarys. I try to write down everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. Something about getting it all out of my head and down onto paper helps me out things in perspective.

Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling so I'll stop there. This forum seems like a great place to reach out for some support, as I said I'm new but I have used similar for years before now.

Feel free to message me if you want to chat.

Mrs.A x

[gypsylee]

Hi and welcome both of you :)

You can vent as much as you want on here and not bother anyone! Seriously, some people just write posts on their own thread even if noone has responded since the last post (I've done it myself). Ponder has his own diary LOL "Dave's Diary", which is something I've been thinking of doing as well. I also have a friend in Europe who I email every day and can say ANYTHING. It's so helpful to have an outlet when you're feeling bad because we are conditioned to only tell people good things, so you always feel like a burden, which ADDS to feeling bad.

Pingu - I would definitely go back to the doctor and maybe even try a different one. You're doing things to help yourself (the anxiety group sounds like a great idea) and I don't see why you wouldn't be entitled to medication. Well done avoiding Valium - the benzos are definitely the best meds (in terms of how fast and effective they are). I've also found SSRIs helpful (Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro etc) but they take quite a while to work and usually make you feel worse at first.

It really sounds like you're suffering on your own there and you don't have to. I think you'll find this place helpful for a start :)

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[Teafrenzy]

First, I think you need to do a little more to address your anxiety. No caffeine, Alcohol, sweets. Drink lots of water. tea. Exercise every day. Take supplements. These boards are filled with advice on supplements. Finish with your course. Study breathing techniques. There is a book called Dare on Amazon. It is the top rated book on dealing with anxiety and panic attacks and I bought it and read it.

After 30 days of a serious lifestyle change, you don't feel significantly better, than go the meds route. I think your Doctor is right. You don't want to be addicted to meds if you don't have to be. Meds have their own risks, possible side effects, possibly ineffective (there are some studies that show that a placebo is as effective as some SSRI's for long term treatment) and can lead to addiction.