Long time coping with anxiety/depression-looking for sounding board

[a2area]

Hi all,

I've been dealing with depression for most of my life, it comes and goes, or maybe manifests itself differently at different points in my life. That, along with substance abuse/self medicating have caused serious life issues and bad decision making. I'm on medication for bipolar and depression, and just recently started to experience elevated anxiety levels, especially after a drink - next day etc. I was clean for 6 years and just started having the occasional drink this past summer after a trip to europe - where i "let" myself have beer in germany - of course. This occasional drink started out "fine," though inside i knew i was probably treading in a danger zone. Then it turned into drinks, and now it is clear (again) that alcohol is poison to me and my thinking process, body, life, everything.

It's been 3 days since having any alcohol, and while i'm much better than yesterday & the day before - at this point I am still experiencing extreme feeling of what seems like loneliness or doom, and even though nothing terrible is actually happening, i can't seem to shake it. Each time I have any alcohol these feelings have been growing and lasting longer (days). I think i am out of the danger area of thinking i can douse my anxiety with substances - but I am planning on contacting my dr. tomorrow (11/2) to see if i can speak to someone ride out any aftershocks i have from this. The anxiety and dread feelings just make it very difficult to channel my thoughts into something to occupy my time or concentrate. Anyhow, i figured that i would post here for moral support and just to feel like i'm getting this off my chest.

Thanks for listening,

Brian / a2area

[gypsylee]

Hi Brian and welcome :)

You sound like me. That's awesome being clean for 6 years :) I've read quite a lot about addiction and an interesting thing when it comes to alcohol is that if you've been a heavy drinker in the past it doesn't take much at all for the levels of a certain brain chemical (I can't for the life of me think what it's called) to return to where they were when you were drinking heavily. In other words, the body never forgets and you never go back to being a "clean slate". So it can be quite distressing how bad you feel after having only a small amount compared to the amount you used to drink. It should be almost out of your system by now but day 3 can actually be the worst.. So hang in there and just know that your brain chemistry is returning to normal and the feelings of extreme doom are related to the chemicals being out of whack. You can speed it up by drinking water.

I'm not sure how you or your doctor feel about benzodiazepines but I take Mogadon and I find that much much safer than alcohol when it comes to anxiety and depression. So it might be worth talking to your doc about that. I'm also on 20mg Prozac.. Not sure if that really does anything (I've been on it for years) but I seem to be on a pretty even keel atm.

All the best.. I hope you find it helpful here.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[Kirk]

Welcome to the forum. Six years is an excellent track record and I agree with you that a call to your physician is in order.

[tirediron]

I've been fighting through some stressful issues myself, and noticed, (as I posted here), a direct correlation between alcohol and my anxiety. I've never been a heavy drinker, but with everything my wife and I have going on at the moment, even a single beer will cause the gloom and doom experience. I'm staying away from it for the time being, and may just stop all together. Best of luck.