Need a friend or someone to talk to..

[Aka_Hobbes]

Well I tried to type out my feelings and everything that ive kept bottled up over the past ten years but it didnt work out so well. My intention was to start from my childhood and work all the way up until now, but in order to put it all on here id have to make six different threads. Apparently theres a 10,000 character limit, but after two days of writing I ended up at 60,000. So idk. At least I feel better after getting it all off my chest one way or another, even if no one else reads it. But getting it off my chest was only half the battle. I want someone else to know what ive been through, I want someone else to read everything I wrote and just be in awe at my life and my ability to keep pushing forward. I want someone to tell me that ive done a good job in not killing myself. I just want to have someone acknowledge my struggle and tell me they understand or even if they dont to tell me that they are here for me. I just have no one to talk to, ive tried talking to people but the things ive been through are so messed up nobody knows what to say. They either stop talking to me or yep, stop talking to me. Which only makes me feel worse, its like theyre putting me down for having to go through the things ive been through, as if just living it wasnt enough. I told my dad I wanted to kill myself a while back and he called me a bitch and told me to do it. I just need someone, anyone to tell me that im worth it. I just need someone to talk to. And if nobody wants to talk to me thats okay too, I understand that most people are here to get stuff off there chest and not take on other peoples bullshit. But itd still be nice if someone wanted to listen for a bit.

[gypsylee]

Hi and welcome :)

You've come to the right place my friend and I'm sitting here doing nothing much. I've had some stuff go on that people just can't deal with as well but I have had people say they're amazed I'm still alive and not in jail (the stuff relates to a particular person in my life). My psychiatrist said I've dealt with some heavy stuff in the time he's known me and that I'm quite resilient. I often think people really just need that validation and encouragement to keep going. There's nothing worse than feeling like you're in the "too hard" basket and that your life is messed up more than anyone else's. So I'm quite happy to "listen".

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[Aka_Hobbes]

I think I kindve said too much so I redid it but thanks for replying. I didnt really think anyone would. Im going to try and figure out what my problem is and do another thread and hopefully it will help.

[fixmybrokenmind]

Anytime you need anything I am here. Sorry to hear you have been through so much and sorry to hear about your dad..

[Aka_Hobbes]

Hey thank you, yea me and my dad have one of those love to hate relationships but nevertheless hes still my dad and im just glad I still have one when a lot of people out there dont anymore. Sometimes you just gotta take the good with the bad but I appreciate you taking the time to reply, ill have to take you up on your office sometime soon. Oh and btw I love your name, I mean its not a very smiley name and I hate that you feel that way, but it just has a certain ring to it if you know what I mean.

[Kirk]

I am very sorry that you are feeling so poorly. Just remember your life IS worth living and the key is to never give up
and to never quit as things will eventually turn in your favor. People say very mean things, even family members. I remember
when I was a child and I told my mother I did not feel good, her response was, why can't I be blessed with healthy children like other people.
What kind of response is that? That is the response of an uncaring or unloving person. Too bad for me.

[HopefulJacob96]

We're here for you. I know firsthand how tough things can be in this life, and sometimes it helps tremendously to simply have someone to talk to. By all means, feel free to get anything that is stressful to you off your chest, we're here to listen and to help.

[Aka_Hobbes]

Hey thanks for replying guys, kirk thats really messed up what your mom said, I cant believe someone whos sipposed to care so much can care so little. Im sorry you had to deal with that. And jacob I appreciate the offer man. Im in a pretty good mood today but that wont last forever unfortunately. Im glad I can come here and feel so welcomed because for so long its been burned into my brain to keep my feelings to myself because no one cares. It feels good to not feel like a burden.

[fixmybrokenmind]

If it makes you feel better I grew up never knowing my dad. I feel better than I have in years especially depression wise thankfully, when I was at my lowest I always remember asking "what is wrong with my brain". When you are ready feel free to take me up

[Jayni]

Writing out your life story is also called a personal inventory in the 12 step program. It can be very cathartic to do so. Yes, I know what it's like to have things so burdensome that many people don't know how to deal with it. In my younger years I got hurt many times and burned out friendships by expecting people to get it who were never going to. I learned that I have to be realistic in what I expect of others. First you have to look for someone who would get you and would be able to deal with it. I recommend the book Safe People by Henry Cloud. It helped me take stock of people in my life I needed to get away from or change my expectations of. Your dad is definitely someone you don't want to take those feelings to. I will tell you since no one else will, YOU ARE WORTH IT. You've already said you've survived a great deal so don't let the jerks win. You are better than them so BE better than them. I pray for your healing and suggest you get a good counselor/therapist. Focus on the Family has a number you can call (855.382.5433) for a free consultation with a licensed counselor. Then they can refer you to someone in your area. Hugs.

[Aka_Hobbes]

Hey thanks for the reply jayni, im actually waiting on a workmans comp provided therapist right now, it needs to be suggested and paid for by workmans comp due to legal issues and a current lawsuit ive been going through for almost two years but things have been a lot better for me thankfully. A lot of the credit goes to this website honestly, it helped me start to talk about my problems. Once I got comfortable talking about them I opened up to my fiance and shes the most supportive woman a man could ask for. You guys are all amazing thanks for your time and words of wisdom, and I really hope all of you are doing better as well.

[Jayni]

Good to hear!

[metal4life]

Hi Hobbes!!

Well i think were all here for each other so
theres no problem :D

[Artistmom]

I'm new but here also. I feel the same way. My husband isn't supportive and thinks we should just punish her for her school refusal.

[Gemma89]

Hello, I'm sorry you're going through such a bad time. That is awful what your dad said, just know that is his problem, not yours.

I'm still in the most painful time of my life right now that I don't know how I'm still here, and I can understand your need to talk and connect with other people. It feels so isolating, doesn't it :(

You're free to message me if you ever want to talk.