willheal
10-14-2016, 08:48 PM
For the past 7-ish months or so I've been handling myself pretty well. Once things calmed down with my anxiety I was flourishing. I felt like I got control over my life again in a big way. The break from it was wonderful, and I felt like I had purpose again.
Today I had some issues, though. In the morning I realized I misplaced my keys. I tried retracing my steps and I realized that I suddenly couldn't remember anything from the past 2 days. And then it extended to the week, and then the year. It actually felt really uncomfortable to try and intentionally remember stuff. It made me feel like there was a pressure in my head & I started descending into a fog. I texted someone I trust about it, saying I was worried because I was unable to recall some memories and I felt funny.
I sat in a fog going back and forth between panic and self-assurance most of the day. I still haven't found my keys. I'm still not sure what I did today or yesterday or the day before.
My perception went haywire, too. I can only imagine this is dissociation. It's my best guess. I'm stuck in a fog and I only feel like a third of my brain is working right. I just feel ...weird. Like I'm not fully conscious. Like I'm typing this autonomously but my brain is really asleep. I was worried something might've happened to my brain, but my motor skills are perfectly fine. I doubt that's the case.
I've never had a dissociative episode this strong or one that lasted this long. It's frustrating and scary and I want to be normal again. I don't even feel like I'm fully alive like this. I tried to have a basic conversation earlier and I was just completely blank. Couldn't follow what the other person was saying.
I'm starting to fall asleep now but I'm worried that in the morning it'll be worse. I hope it's just good ol anxiety & dissociation. 'night all. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.
Today I had some issues, though. In the morning I realized I misplaced my keys. I tried retracing my steps and I realized that I suddenly couldn't remember anything from the past 2 days. And then it extended to the week, and then the year. It actually felt really uncomfortable to try and intentionally remember stuff. It made me feel like there was a pressure in my head & I started descending into a fog. I texted someone I trust about it, saying I was worried because I was unable to recall some memories and I felt funny.
I sat in a fog going back and forth between panic and self-assurance most of the day. I still haven't found my keys. I'm still not sure what I did today or yesterday or the day before.
My perception went haywire, too. I can only imagine this is dissociation. It's my best guess. I'm stuck in a fog and I only feel like a third of my brain is working right. I just feel ...weird. Like I'm not fully conscious. Like I'm typing this autonomously but my brain is really asleep. I was worried something might've happened to my brain, but my motor skills are perfectly fine. I doubt that's the case.
I've never had a dissociative episode this strong or one that lasted this long. It's frustrating and scary and I want to be normal again. I don't even feel like I'm fully alive like this. I tried to have a basic conversation earlier and I was just completely blank. Couldn't follow what the other person was saying.
I'm starting to fall asleep now but I'm worried that in the morning it'll be worse. I hope it's just good ol anxiety & dissociation. 'night all. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.