I think I'm a terrible person

[bluepaintcan123]

It always annoyed me when people respond to these sort of posts by saying "you're not a bad person" since they don't know anything about the person they're talking about beyond what they were told. In a way it felt better seeing a post where the person actually has a reason for calling themselves terrible but people insist that its nothing. (That alone makes me feel bad for wanting the person to actually be bad, but that is only a small part of it.)
I know I'm not completely delusional. I repel people and refuse to get close to people. I act withdrawn and cold to strangers and even to my own family. I am lazy at school and don't work nearly as hard as all my friends, which spend most nights working past midnight while I barely put any effort in. I tell myself that I'm going to change and be better and act better but it never happens.
I want to force myself to work harder, I want to force myself to be nicer, and I want to force myself to be a decent human being, but it never seems to happen.
It makes me wonder what my life would be if I could only tell the truth about myself and how much of an ass I am to others. I'd be alone, I wouldn't be able to hold a job, I couldn't go to college, etc. There is only so much people can tolerate.
I wish there was an easy way to change, but how could I? I am all too comfortable with being a terrible, over-dramatic, lousy, awful, lazy teenager who can seem to understand human decency.

I don't know what to do anymore.

[Kudzu2]

I'm sorry nobody has replied to this. I don't worry so much that I am a bad person but that I used to be. I still remember rude things I said 10 years ago and have a hard time forgiving myself for making them.

[DizzyPixie]

Look, it's true that you don't sound as bad as you think you are. Procrastination is very common, I'm the queen of it. :p Your relationship with other people is something you should work on, ask yourself why you feel this way. I feel the same way too, usually I don't like it when my parents come to stay with me for a few days because I'm used to being all by myself, I'm too strict on my little sister and once she told me she's afraid of me. I felt like such a horrible person that I cried a lot afterwards. I think anxiety has something to do with it though, it can make you irritable and it's hard to concentrate when you're experiencing it. I think you have issues to work on, but you're putting yourself through disproportional guilt.

[Kuma]

It always annoyed me when people respond to these sort of posts by saying "you're not a bad person" since they don't know anything about the person they're talking about beyond what they were told. In a way it felt better seeing a post where the person actually has a reason for calling themselves terrible but people insist that its nothing. (That alone makes me feel bad for wanting the person to actually be bad, but that is only a small part of it.)
I know I'm not completely delusional. I repel people and refuse to get close to people. I act withdrawn and cold to strangers and even to my own family. I am lazy at school and don't work nearly as hard as all my friends, which spend most nights working past midnight while I barely put any effort in. I tell myself that I'm going to change and be better and act better but it never happens.
I want to force myself to work harder, I want to force myself to be nicer, and I want to force myself to be a decent human being, but it never seems to happen.
It makes me wonder what my life would be if I could only tell the truth about myself and how much of an ass I am to others. I'd be alone, I wouldn't be able to hold a job, I couldn't go to college, etc. There is only so much people can tolerate.
I wish there was an easy way to change, but how could I? I am all too comfortable with being a terrible, over-dramatic, lousy, awful, lazy teenager who can seem to understand human decency.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I suspect there are also good things about you. It would be worthwhile for you to take some time to list those things. If your response is "there are no good things about me" then you are wrong. You are just blocking those things out of your mind and focusing on the negative. Don't do that. Force yourself to identify and write down the good things about you. Get at least ten things written down. One of those things is that you aspire to be a better person. That is a very positive attribute. I am CERTAIN there are many others.

Beyond that, if you want to be a better person, rather than getting overwhelmed with many ways you think you need to improve, just pick one or two fairly specific things you want to be better about, during the next year. You don't have to do all of it at once. And you will slip up and make mistakes in these areas, so just accept that. But pick a couple of things and work on them over the next year. Try to be better about those things. Not perfect; just better. And when you do good things in these areas, recognize it and give yourself the credit that you deserve (rather than saying to yourself "I am still not good enough"). Self improvement is hard, but worthwhile. It is something we do over a lifetime, not all at once. But while trying to be better, it is also important to see the positive and not only the negative.

[Malone]

You're a teenager - I'm guessing there are numerous scientific writings saying that what you are feeling and experiencing are totally normal for someone your age. Whereas many teenagers might now even recognise it, you have some self awareness which is a double edged sword. Take tiny steps to get on top of the things you need to do and try not to be so hard on yourself. It's actually a really good thing that you recognise your coldness to your family. Better than not recognising it. Like the control of a heating system, try to turn the control to a little warmer and see how you change people's attitude to you. You'll be amazed what power you suddenly have and the ability to make them happy.