Agoraphobia and social phobia

[stingray313]

Hello Everyone, a new member here.

I was wondering, are there any people that are interested in a story how I dealt with anxiety attacks? I would like to share my experience, in case that would help at least one person, knowing the hell that I went through. My diagnosis were (roughly) agoraphobia and social phobia, and it took less than two years to come back to normal.

[metal4life]

Hi stingray,

You dont need to ask if someone is interested bc there
will be always people who reads it so go on!!! :D

[Kirk]

Welcome to the forum. Let it rip.

[stingray313]

I'll start with the general comparison of the lowest and current point in my life (2 years span):

At my lowest point, I was "locked up" in a room (and mind), almost destroyed in a mental and emotional way, excessive use of alcohol and drugs, dealing with obesity, kept the relationships with family and friends on minimum, left my job because of physical manifestations due to anxiety attacks, breathing that felt like suffocation all day every day... This list is endless.

Now, I live in another country, building a promising career, travel regularly (which I couldn't since I was freaking out in airplanes without alcohol and meds), having a girlfriend of my dreams, having much better relationship with my family and friends and still working on it.. Let's be clear, there is no magic button to "erase" the attacks, but now they are on a "laughable" level. Still doing breathing exercises and really don't remember when was the last time when I freaked out.

I had my first panic attacks, that I remember off, when I was 18. They were triggered at the same time I first tried drugs (ecstasy). I'll never forget that night... Just as I was slipping into the dream, I felt like I am loosing sensation in my arms (happened on many occasions years after). Since I knew nothing about it, I would always blame it on a hangover, hot weather, lack of sleep etc. Over the years I had my ups and downs, but in general, I never exploited my own potential. I was lazy for everything, just watching the life go by, waiting for my friends to push me for any kind of activities. I was raised in a pretty much stranded family, with almost no share of emotion. I believe that this affected me a lot how I dealt with people later, with no real feeling for anyone, even the closest ones. I really had no empathy, couldn't care less if anyone close to me experienced something bad. I made no difference between them and, let's say, a chair.

All the lack of work and mayor laziness was piling up over the years, making me feel like I wanna explode.. Making the panic attacks even worse. Every day I was thinking what should I do with my life and I had most of the answers. It's just I did nothing about it. Things were changing, people, their life.. And I was just taking my mental blows on a daily level, pushing more and more demons under the carpet. Everything I started before I have never finished it.. I would just drop things in half way. Every year it became worse. Time was flying and my panic alarm was there, reminding me to change something... And still, I did nothing. Parties, alcohol, drugs, nothing else.

Now to more recent reality, two years ago, last job in my home country.. Two days before I took sick leave, I had a most sever panic attacks on my way to work, suffocating in public transport and vomiting in office bathroom after 10 minutes spent there (prior to massive spasms in my arms). Second day, same situation. I asked for sick leave since I was 100% sure what was wrong.. I've told my mom the whole story (felt weird, but really didn't know who to talk to). She found a psychiatrist, a friend from her school days. He had all the good reference across the country so I was hoping for a miracle. On my great disappointment, I only got a short talk, was told to go out for walks and a prescription for medications (to take them for at least two years).

First when I tried them, I felt reborn. I could do everything, go out, breathe normal, no panic attacks.. But, after couple of days, I was mentally drained. I cared about nothing in the world (even more than before, if possible). After short time, I needed a higher dose.. and higher.. then I got back with alcohol and all hell broke loose. That was the worst, lowest moment of my life, I thought that next step is just to blow my brains out and end that misery...

A miracle happened: my best friend, who left the country couple of years before me, found me a job in a company he works in. Two months later, I was on the airport, drunk and medicated so I can cope with the flight... He had no idea what have I become (at least not all of it), since I was really good at hiding my feelings and was acting usual. Oh boy...

After two months in my new country, I've dropped the meds. Even before that, my life here was awful, again stuck at one place.. All in all, without my friends help, I don't know if I would here to write this. He managed to unlock all the worst in me. I was pushed every day, without my meds, to face my fears (take shopping malls for example). Now when I think of it, it looked funny.. I would have my panic attacks, freak out in a big place, surrounded by hundreds of people and he would just say like "please die already, I beg you, end the misery..". In that way, my buttons were finally pushed, to fight. Only thing I wished is "to be normal again". In one year, I've had mayor improvements. That included fighting and arguing every single day, but I never ever took a med, which was a good decision. It took a lot of devotion and courage from both sides.. I was doing all of the things which caused me to have panic attacks.. Day by day, month by month. I was reading, researching, trying some courses, but the only thing that helped me was to go out and fight, face my fears.

I've dropped 25kg, didn't use drugs in years, keeping the drinks on a minimum and never felt better in my life. Therefore, with all the gratitude that I have for my life change, I wanted to share this, hoping it will help someone to deal with it easier and conquer it one day.

Just a brief story, loads of details were there, but for a first post I have kept it to essentials.

My advices to anyone suffering from the same or similar issues:

- FACE YOUR FEARS - No, you will not suffocate. No, you will not have a heart attack. No, you will not "loose your mind". Just how many times you thought it will happen? Million times. How many times did it happen? Zero times.
- START DOING THINGS - Set a goal. Start simple. Clean your room, your desktop, inbox or whatever. Just small things around you. Then ask yourself what you want, why are you not doing it and and what will you do about it.
- UNDER THE CARPET- Clean it (not literally). What are you running away from? Cut loose of the demons from the past, manage what you have to and turn to the future.
- BELIEVE - Only you are making the boundaries of possibility. I can't = I won't, my philosophy.
- OPEN UP - Don't be ashamed of your condition. I had no idea until people started to open up to me, how many of them are suffering in silence. Thought I was the only one in the beginning and felt too bad to share it with anyone.

All in all, it's up to you. You can fight it or live in fear with mouthful of excuses. Also, if you have someone who is willing to deal with your issues until you get better (my case), be prepared to leave your ego for sometime. Only that way you can listen and learn, and finally putting yourself on the right track.

Any kind of questions out there, ask.

[gypsylee]

"OPEN UP - Don't be ashamed of your condition. I had no idea until people started to open up to me, how many of them are suffering in silence."

Yes.. I was saying this on another post today. It's not an easy thing to do at all and it's hard to even admit to yourself how you really feel sometimes, let alone to other people. But I've been finding the same thing since I've been more honest and told people (neighbours for example) that I suffer from social anxiety, that there are many many others going through the same thing. It's really powerful actually and I have some "spiritual" beliefs about this.. Basically that having the courage to be honest will have a "ripple effect" in your life (it's a bit more in-depth than that but you catch my drift!)

Some very good advice here. Thanks for sharing :)

Gypsy x

[stingray313]

"OPEN UP - Don't be ashamed of your condition. I had no idea until people started to open up to me, how many of them are suffering in silence."

Yes.. I was saying this on another post today. It's not an easy thing to do at all and it's hard to even admit to yourself how you really feel sometimes, let alone to other people. But I've been finding the same thing since I've been more honest and told people (neighbours for example) that I suffer from social anxiety, that there are many many others going through the same thing. It's really powerful actually and I have some "spiritual" beliefs about this.. Basically that having the courage to be honest will have a "ripple effect" in your life (it's a bit more in-depth than that but you catch my drift!)

Some very good advice here. Thanks for sharing :)

Gypsy x

I really felt that I need to share and I hope that someone who feels like that will read it. At the end of the day it's all about that are you ready or not and brave enough to face it. It was a long road, but with effort and will, nothing is impossible.

[Rsof]

Thank you for sharing this. I needed to read this advice today.

[stingray313]

Thank you for sharing this. I needed to read this advice today.

Rsof, if you are in the "same skin", ask, don't wait. I believe I can help, even in written words since I went through hell and back.

[Rsof]

Rsof, if you are in the "same skin", ask, don't wait. I believe I can help, even in written words since I went through hell and back.

Thank you! I'm actually getting better at dealing with my anxiety.. but some days are worse, so I need to be reminded of the things I can do to get better.

I was actually feeling great this month.. but for some reason 2 days ago I started feeling really anxious and yesterday I had an anxiety attack.. also, I didn't eat healthy yesterday and today it was even worse.. I barely ate all day.. only ate when I was finally calmer and obviously super hungry.. so now I feel tired and yeah.. I need to take care of myself.