Is this anxiety? Maybe I finally found what's wrong with me

[janana]

Hi guys, not sure where to start exactly...

From a young age I have always felt that something was different with me, but never knew what it was. As I got older,
I started reading about mental health, found some disorders I had some symptoms of, but it never quite hit the mark.

Recently, I read about Generalized Anixety Disorder and think I finally may have found what's going on.

My brain feels like it's in overdrive ALL.THE.TIME. I hardly ever really feel happy (although I live a good, comfortable life) because I think about all the things that aren't the way they should be or what could go wrong in the future. Mostly, this is an issue in my marriage. An example: My husbands father is sick. He wants to take care of his mother, so he wants to go to lunch with her on sundays. I am super afraid of people being up in my business and would rather not have ANY in-laws, but I do. She's a nice lady. Now we've been out to lunch with her for some months on sundays, and I completely panic that it will be like this for the REST of MY LIFE.

We were in a relationship for a long time before we got married. He put it off quite a bit. There were times when everything was ok and then, pretty much out of nowhere, this though popped up in my head. "He'll never marry you. He never will. He just wants to keep you so you're too old later to find someone else."
My mood can shift in minutes.

I hate not to be in control. I think I must control everything at all times. My husband suggests something we could do on a weekend, but I already made a plan in my head. I am completely offended and afraid to lose control. I want things to go the way I planned.

I read something and it triggers a thought which trigger another thought- for example: Someone in an atricle mentions a smoothie. I think: A smoothie, yes. Why do I never have enough smoothies? Why do I not think of that? I then beat myself up for not having thought of that before and it goes on and on and on.

Yearly performance reviews with my boss are THE WORST for me. I go crazy days before. My blood pressure is super high and I am restless. I am so afraid of criticism I completely stopped talking to a friend I had had for years when I was younger (this has gotten better though) because she wanted to have "a talk" with me.

I have no social phobia though(maybe a bit when I was younger), I actually like to be the center of attention and have no sleep issues.

[Anne1221]

I'm not exactly sure if it's GAD but you DO clearly have anxiety. I do a lot of the same stuff, just a little different. For example, I also do that "For the REST OF MY LIFE" stuff. While those without anxiety would never even entertain such an idea, it comes to me. They just seem to take life as it comes. Some people have health anxiety, some people have social anxiety, some have general anxiety (me) but I worry about the future, some people (my sister) dwell on things of the past and have guilt.

[Kirk]

Wanting to be in control is a tough one. I have come to realize as I have aged that their is little that I can actually control.

[MiST]

Wanting to be in control is a tough one. I have come to realize as I have aged that their is little that I can actually control.

Very true, our desire to be in control is hard to stop, accepting that we actually have little control over anything is actually a big step toward recovery.

[Kirk]

I have found that trying to be in control can also be very stressful. My internal medicine and GI physicians have
told me it is best to not think beyond today.

[MechPebbles]

I have found that trying to be in control can also be very stressful. My internal medicine and GI physicians have
told me it is best to not think beyond today.
My counselor also tells me to not think beyond today. But it's an impossible feat.

[Nowuccas]

Hey janana,


Hi guys, not sure where to start exactly...

I think about all the things that aren't the way they should be or what could go wrong in the future.

- catastrophic thinking and racing thoughts indicate an anxiety spectrum disorder.

You may benefit from viewing the following posts:

WORRYING: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34900-Still-regretting-letting-people-get-away-with-things&p=228409#post228409

COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33992-Magic-thinking-another-reason-why-I-am-afraid-of-my-thoughts&p=224089#post224089

GENERALISED ANXIETY DISORDER: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33964-New-to-the-site-and-looking-for-help&p=223989#post223989

Learn, and employ either Progressive Muscle Relaxation ( http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html ) or acupressure tapping / EFT, whichever you find most effective.

Give the Meridian Tapping Technique / EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via mercola.com or www.tapping.com (13 free videos), or www.eftuniverse.com or www.emofree.com or one of the many YouTube videos. Google: "YouTube; EFT videos".
Professionally instructed is generally preferable (Google: therapists; EFT; [your location] or mercola.com has a locator). - There is a version for use in public places at http://eft.mercola.com (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you employ the acupressure massage / tapping on your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I have anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself)." or words of your own choosing.

Once proficient in the Meridian Tapping Technique / EFT, you could try employing it by tapping your thighs as you walk, stand or sit, subvocalising using your chosen wording. If anyone asks, you could say that it's just a nervous habit.


Mood swings:

Recommended reading: The Mood Cure: The 4-Step Program to Take Charge of Your Emotions--Today, by Julia Ross MA,
Out-of-Control: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) - Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Workbook for Getting Control of Our Emotions and Emotion-Driven Behavior by Ph.D. Melanie Gordon Sheets, &
Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) by Matthew McKay,
Mood Swings: Understand Your Emotional Highs and Lows and Achieve a More Balanced and Fulfilled Life, by Paul Meier M.D., Stephen Arterburn and Dr. Frank Minirth,
Living The Mindful Way: 85 Everyday Mindfulness Practices For Finding Inner Peace by Sharon L Horstead,
Mood Swings: Show "Em How You're Feeling! by Jim Borgman,
The Diet Cure: The 8-Step Program to Rebalance Your Body Chemistry and End Food Cravings, Weight Gain, and Mood Swings--Naturally by Julia Ross MA, from your bookstore, Amazon.com or BarnesAndNoble.com

High blood pressure / hypertension:

Check out https://www.google.com.au/search?client=opera&q=hypertension%3B+mercola&sourceid=opera&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8 such as:

Blood Pressure | Normalize Your Blood Pressure, Naturally - Mercola
articles.mercola.com/.../how-you-can-normalize-your-blood-pressure-without-drugs.a...
Dec 15, 2009 - High blood pressure is directly connected with hypertension and anxiety. Follow these healthy guidelines to help you lower blood pressure ...

Five Smart Strategies to Lower Your Blood Pressure Naturally - Mercola
articles.mercola.com/.../five-smart-strategies-to-lower-your-blood-pressure-naturally.a...
Feb 3, 2009 - In this video, I explain the causes of high blood pressure, and how you can keep your blood pressure under control in safe and effective ways.

The Surprising Causes of High Blood Pressure ... - Mercola.com
www.mercola.com/Downloads/bonus/high-blood-pressure/default.aspx
Discover the causes and symptoms of high blood pressure and how you can lower hypertension naturally when you get this free report now.

[janana]

Hey janana,


This is the most accurate description of what's going on inside my head


Everyone, thank you SO MUCH for your answers!
It feels so good to finally feel like I'm not the only person in the world feeling this way!
Just realized how long my first post was. Sorry for that :eek:

Anne - I dwell on the past as well. A lot. I go over past mistakes (some of which happened just because of that anxiety) and beat myself up for them.

Novuccas - Thank you so much for all the suggestions. As for blood pressure, my blood pressure is only high when I panic, any other time it is very very low. I think (and I read) that my body tries to make up for the times I stress. I also get colds ALL THE TIME and also read that this could be symptom of anixety, your body 'demanding' rest phases.

Kirk - I rationally now I have little control over anything, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to have it still. I have made progress though. For example, I would have a birthday party when I was younger. If one person didn't show up, everything was ruined cause it didn't go the way I wanted it to. Nowadays, I can actually enjoy the people that DO care about me and take the time to come.

Kirk&Mech- Yeah, people tell me that as well, but how can you design and create your life or work towards any goal if you don't think beyond today?! It's virtually impossible, if you reach for (whatever definition of ) success somehow.

What do you guys suggest I do next?
Should I go see some kind of a doctor? I should say that I live in a country where I think most psychologists aren't exactly experts on anxiety. Some don't even recognize it as an actual disorder.
Since I come across very confident, I doubt they'll take me serious at first.
I had 25 hours with a therapist before, about 5 years ago, back then it was more about my relationship with my parents though and it did help. This was a psychologist.
Would a psychologist or psychiatrist be better?

I read anxiety is not genetic. I am afraid people will tell me 'it's all in my head' or 'my own fault'. "Just stop worrying." I have heard that before.

[Anne1221]

Yes, you should see a doctor. Clearly these things are interfering in your life and bothersome so some help might be good. Do you think you need/want to try medication? If so, see a Psychiatrist. If you just want to talk, see a psychologist/therapist. Do not pay one bit of attention to anyone who says it's your own fault or just stop worrying. Ignore those people and then "Next" until you find someone who knows better. Don't worry if they don't take you serious; if they don't, find someone else. You can set goals for yourself for the future, everyone does that, but once you start worrying or trying to imagine scenarios of what may or may not happen, tell yourself to stop and come back to the present. Look around you and focus on what you're doing at that moment.

You

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[janana]

Thanks for your answer, Anne.

I have now made the decision to definitely see someone about this because I want it to get better.
I have found two doctors in my town who are psychiatrists AND psychotherapists, and I'll try to see one of them. That would be great, they can talk and describe medication if necessary.

Today, I have panicked about
- not using this beautiful day well enough (what to do after work)
- if my bitchy colleague who returned from her vacation will lecture me on whatever
- whether I'm working in the right field and if I'm doing enough in terms of researching further education to get into the field I want
- if I'm performing well enough, why I am not performing well enough, why I am not one of the 'most important' people in the company yet like in my old company (mind you, after 4 months)

yesterday I've panicked about
- how I can't use my sundays the wan I want because of lunch with MIL
- my MIL telling me I needed to eat more potatoes because 'so healthy' and me panicking about how I won't be able to choose my own meals
- not being able to get eggs at the local farm because they were sold out and when to get them after work and how still to use the beautiful day to get outside

and this NEEDS TO STOP. It's so random. Small, ridicolous things! Why can't this just stop by itself?! It is SO irrational

What is weird about me is that I'm actually quite confident and
no one would ever guess I'm struggling with anxiety.

Random question: Does anyone else here hate TV and background noise?I learn fastest via hearing (I talk to myself a lot when studying) but background noise just triggers SO many thoughts in my head - which I get anxious about then.