Jlynne
08-04-2016, 11:08 PM
Hey everyone,
I am new to this forum, I have been battling anxiety since I was in my early teens. I feel that my anxiety has stemmed from past events and experiences that involved a variety of situations. First, men have always stared at me since I was young making me uncomfortable. I can recall one event where a man came up behind me when I was having lunch with my family ( about age 13 ) and started tickling me under my arms from behind. It really freaked me out. Another where I was followed home by a man in a red truck who kept turning around to drive by me walking home from the bus when I was in 7th grade. I ran down a side street and hid behind bushes to hide from the truck - who did drive around the street slowly looking for me. When he was out of site I ran home - I never told anyone. Other times walking down my street, a quiet " safe " neighborhood where landscapers where constantly whistling at me. I always dressed conservatively and not suggestively. Always I have been hit on by creepy men like a magnet...
I suffered from trichotillomania, and had a small bald spot on my scalp - I was able to hide by wearing my hair up. It did not last past middle school. When high school started my anxiety sky rocketed. I used to be out going but slowly became shy and closed in. Too scare to talk to others. I felt people were constantly judging my looks, what I said, etc. I had no friends in high school, just a few people I talked to once in a while during class. Others made fun of me because I was quiet. I hated high school and often faked sick to stay home.
I dated a guy in high school for a few weeks, who I realized was a creep and got away quickly. However, he still harassed me after the fact. He walked by me in the hallway and grabbed me between my legs. One day he followed me down a staircase after school and forced me into a corner trying to kiss me. I kicked him and got away. I don't know why I never reported. I was scared. Although these terrible experiences.. Has not interfered in my relationships.
However.. I feel that my constant worry, panic attacks, and social anxieties stem from these types of experiences I've dealt with.
My parents are wonderful, but there has always been a lot of pressure to do well in school. I feel this is normal but may have contributed by other family members telling me I should be more like my sister - and go to graduate school etc. Recently I graduated nursing school for LPN. It's like that isn't even good enough because I haven't even taken my NCLEX yet, or started working as a nurse and family member already ask when I'm getting my RN or others asking when am I going to be a "real" nurse. Or that I need to get a BSN, or work in a Boston hospital. I was so proud to finish and then others just make me feel inferior. I know that they probably just don't understand but it's hurtful. I feel nothing that I do is good enough, or ever will be.
I am 31. Lately my anxiety is an all time high, I went back on citalopram for a year and came off of it again. I wanted to try and be without medication but I'm having a difficult time. Can't sleep, i can't focus on anything, I am always tired, and I haven't even worked for the last month to take a break after nursing school. I don't understand why I have no energy, and no motivation. I experience dizzy spells every few days for months now, headaches. I have an amazing boyfriend that I live with, who is very supportive and wonderful. He is 35. We have been together for 4 years.
I found this forum today and hope that this will help me in some ways. It feels good to get this out there as a first step. 😊
I am new to this forum, I have been battling anxiety since I was in my early teens. I feel that my anxiety has stemmed from past events and experiences that involved a variety of situations. First, men have always stared at me since I was young making me uncomfortable. I can recall one event where a man came up behind me when I was having lunch with my family ( about age 13 ) and started tickling me under my arms from behind. It really freaked me out. Another where I was followed home by a man in a red truck who kept turning around to drive by me walking home from the bus when I was in 7th grade. I ran down a side street and hid behind bushes to hide from the truck - who did drive around the street slowly looking for me. When he was out of site I ran home - I never told anyone. Other times walking down my street, a quiet " safe " neighborhood where landscapers where constantly whistling at me. I always dressed conservatively and not suggestively. Always I have been hit on by creepy men like a magnet...
I suffered from trichotillomania, and had a small bald spot on my scalp - I was able to hide by wearing my hair up. It did not last past middle school. When high school started my anxiety sky rocketed. I used to be out going but slowly became shy and closed in. Too scare to talk to others. I felt people were constantly judging my looks, what I said, etc. I had no friends in high school, just a few people I talked to once in a while during class. Others made fun of me because I was quiet. I hated high school and often faked sick to stay home.
I dated a guy in high school for a few weeks, who I realized was a creep and got away quickly. However, he still harassed me after the fact. He walked by me in the hallway and grabbed me between my legs. One day he followed me down a staircase after school and forced me into a corner trying to kiss me. I kicked him and got away. I don't know why I never reported. I was scared. Although these terrible experiences.. Has not interfered in my relationships.
However.. I feel that my constant worry, panic attacks, and social anxieties stem from these types of experiences I've dealt with.
My parents are wonderful, but there has always been a lot of pressure to do well in school. I feel this is normal but may have contributed by other family members telling me I should be more like my sister - and go to graduate school etc. Recently I graduated nursing school for LPN. It's like that isn't even good enough because I haven't even taken my NCLEX yet, or started working as a nurse and family member already ask when I'm getting my RN or others asking when am I going to be a "real" nurse. Or that I need to get a BSN, or work in a Boston hospital. I was so proud to finish and then others just make me feel inferior. I know that they probably just don't understand but it's hurtful. I feel nothing that I do is good enough, or ever will be.
I am 31. Lately my anxiety is an all time high, I went back on citalopram for a year and came off of it again. I wanted to try and be without medication but I'm having a difficult time. Can't sleep, i can't focus on anything, I am always tired, and I haven't even worked for the last month to take a break after nursing school. I don't understand why I have no energy, and no motivation. I experience dizzy spells every few days for months now, headaches. I have an amazing boyfriend that I live with, who is very supportive and wonderful. He is 35. We have been together for 4 years.
I found this forum today and hope that this will help me in some ways. It feels good to get this out there as a first step. 😊