I hate having people over

[equiiaddict]

I hate having people in what I consider my "safe space" which is my home. It gives me the worst, most overwhelming sense of dread that I can't even begin to fully explain. I hate that feeling of not knowing when they're going to leave, so on the rare occasions that I do have a friend over, I have to come up with some excuse as to why they can't stay late. I also have gone as far as to lie and say that I'm not home when someone wanted to drop by because I wasn't "mentally prepared" to deal with visitors that day and absolutely freaked at the thought of having to unexpectedly entertain.
I don't live alone, I live with my boyfriend, and oddly enough I experience absolutely no anxiety from being around him. He's the one person that doesn't drain me.
It has gotten to the point where I feel intense paranoia every single day that he'll want to invite one of our friends over and I won't be able to "handle" it that particular day because I won't be in the mood to see anyone and will feel like a freak. He understands my general anxiety because he has a bit of it himself, but he doesn't have social anxiety so that part is hard for him to get sometimes though he does try. Luckily he's not the type of person who feels the need to have a large amount of friends so I'm blessed there. Lol.
Is there anything I can do, or any advice that you guys have? I've found the only way this feeling goes away completely is if I'm drunk or high, which obviously isn't a healthy way to be all the time. :/

[Anne1221]

The only thing I can come up with is to find someone who can help you. Have that person come over for 15 minutes the first time. The next time they can stay 10 minutes longer than that. Each time extend for 10 to 15 minutes. That way you'll see "wow, I made it". This wasn't so hard after all. The goal is to learn how to get comfortable with people being over. By avoiding it, it doesn't get rid of the anxiety. While company is over, his or yours, make sure you are doing something YOU enjoy to keep your mind from wandering. There's always the "I've got a phone call to take" and leave the room for a while. But each time you succesfully allow company to come over and you survive it, you will feel stronger to accept it, and have less need to avoid it. But make your boyfriend promise to put a time limit on it, and if you two agree ahead of time everyone leaves at 10pm, then stick to that.
Go in and out (to the kitchen, bathroom, look at your phone, etc) to give yourself breaks. Good luck!

[Anne1221]

I've gotten into cooking lately, and cooking for others and it's fun! You look up recipes and try new things. You could cook and then invite people over and it's fun when they say "wow, this is delicious". Gives you an excuse to spend lots of time away from company in the kitchen too! It makes me feel so good when people enjoy what I cook!

[brittanyborg]

Hi, I definitely can relate to this because there was a time when my anxiety was so bad that I didn't want to be around people whatsoever and completely avoided entertaining people or being around my friends. It's definitely unhealthy and I think the best way to cope with it is to be more open with your friends and family about what's going on in your life and your battle with mental illness. I found that once you open up about how you're feeling (even if it's just in a small way) you can start the healing process with a lot of your phobias.

Brittany

[The Intolerable Kid]

I feel the same way. The only people we have at our home are close relatives like my parents and this is very uncommon. There's nothing wrong with getting high in moderation, there's also nothing wrong with lying to a guest so they'll finally leave. Some people just refuse to take the HINT that they've overstayed their welcome. The only other solution I can offer is when you're called about someone wanting to pop in on you, counter with the suggestion of meeting at a neutral place like a coffee shop or restaurant. That way when the meal ends, the encounter ends and you simply go home. Doesn't always work, but it's an option.