Generalized Anxiety Disorder is about to strike again?

[alexdakota]

Hello everyone! I have quite the unbelievable story to share today. I try to avoid this forums as much as I can trying to convince my self that I'm ok and fight more, but this time I honestly can't and I'm using this as my last source of possible help!

Around 3 years ago when I was 17, I smoked only a gram of weed just for fun since the schools were about to close for christmas.. Little did I know that 1 gram of weed would destroy my life. 3 days later I started not being able to fall asleep even If I tried everything and I would sleep for like 2 hours at best after trying for 6! To make things even worse my first symptoms of GAD arrived feeling like a knife was always in my heart and literally burning my chest! I didn't know at that time I was quite young and had 0 idea of mental illnesses. But 6 whole months passed and I've yet to fall asleep like a normal person I was at the urge of suiciding, because not only I could not fall asleep, I had at least 3 panic attacks, one so severe that I lost control and almost got killed riding my motorbike (I know i shouldn't hopped on it, but I was of no control).

Going to the psychiatrist after talking to a psychologist, after explaining my symptoms his immediate response is, did you perhaps smoke weed? I told him yea.. does that have anything to do with this? He answered, yes of course, your brain and nervous system completely rejected the THC therefore disrupted a lot of normal functions, hence the extreme insomnia and illogical anxiety you have. I was shocked, but shrinking things up, he put me on cipralex and they helped a ton!

But the issue is that, after all this time of fighting and cooping with my anxiety I had to go to a friends house that I know he is a huge pot smoker as well as the rest of my crew except maybe for another 3 friends that don't smoke.. (we are a very good breakdancing crew and its like a reunion day when everyone is off their jobs for the day) But I knew I had to do it because I would always be afraid of smoke if I always keep avoiding it and cancelling the invitations because of the same anxiety! While we were on the grass practicing around 10 meters away from the others, I was aware that they were smoking pot sitting in the front of the house and I did my best to keep as much distance as possible.. I was holding my breath whenever I had to go there and grab something from my bag or anything that I needed... But I am 100% sure that I smelled it and ofcourse breathed it..

After I left, I said to my self there is a countdown of 3 days before actually knowing if it affected you or not.. But today, while I was sitting on the table eating I started feeling the same burn I first felt when the hell began, I tried sending any thoughts away so I went to my computer.. The mouse motions were very mechanical, my mind was not on the screen at all, but to my out of the ordinary anxiety.. A short while I had my first mini panic attack were I could not even read whats in the screen and everything became blurry and nothing could calm me down.. That brought even more fear that indeed it damaged me again and its been so many hours that nothing calms me down fully even if the panic attack is gone..

Do you guys think it actually damaged me? Or is this a trick of the brain like false anxiety and something that I have to pass to become stronger and I will be ok? :(
Please any opinions matter greatly to me, reply whatever you feel will help!

Thank you!

[Berry-Bamboo]

Is there such a thing as false anxiety? I don't know. All I know is, it is the same thing when you spend time around smokers, you don't have to smoke yourself personally to be affected. And you are already afraid of a past experience, so it is much easier for your system to go into panic mode. Losing your fear of this, is not easy to do. You can't run from your fear, but there is one thing here. Anxiety surfaces when you are not in control of a situation. You may not have wanted to smoke, maybe you did this to prove to them that you are a part of them. When you try to do something you don't really want to, it feels like you have betrayed yourself, and have no control over the matters any more. And every time you are subjected to the same situation, you experience anxiety. But you can do something. You can distance yourself from smokers and when you feel in control, you can spend some time with them, but according to your conditions, if you feel even one second that you are losing control, you will feel anxiety again. This is all about your ability to feel safe according to your actions. You can! But you have to work for it. Don't try to act like you don't care. You do. Be aware of what you want. Always.

[gypsylee]

Hey there,

I used to be like this around weed because it really doesn't agree with me and I've had some really bad anxiety attacks after smoking it. But I don't actually think weed caused my anxiety, nor do I think it can do any permanent damage. The exception is heavy, long-term users (I know one guy who ended up with schizophrenia but that was after a TON of weed AND acid). So I do think this is what you call "false anxiety" but yeah that's still anxiety.. I think you just need reassurance that you aren't permanently going to feel like this because of some weed-induced mental illness.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[alexdakota]

Thanx a lot for your reply! What I meant with <But I knew I had to do it> is that I have to go in my friend's place even if I know they will smoke, because I get to see the rest of my crew only once a year and cancelling the invitation because they will smoke is like imprisoning myself into my safe little home when I could have spent a very good day with my friends! I didn't mean myself smoking again, I will never smoke after that dreadful past experience, I'm talking about second hand smoking that occur from 10 meters away from me!

<Anxiety surfaces when you are not in control of a situation.> This is absolutely true.. I'm even aware of the direction of the air blowing.. If the air blows towards me and brings smoke in my face, full throttle anxiety triggers and I immediately step away or else I'm getting closer to a panic attack with each passing second.. (Btw this also causes people to look at me weird) This is what I'm currently fighting to overcome, letting things roll the way they will and feel that I will be ok no matter what happens as long as I don't go and smoke weed or cigarettes myself!

But the fact that some smoke may finally made it into where I was standing is the reason my anxiety triggers. The thought that, that smoke just came on to me and I inhaled it through normal breathing and it is now in my body, will that be enough to damage me again?

^ This is what I'm trying to eliminate. But thanx a ton for your reply! It's always good to have someone hearing you out! :)

[alexdakota]

Hey there,

I used to be like this around weed because it really doesn't agree with me and I've had some really bad anxiety attacks after smoking it. But I don't actually think weed caused my anxiety, nor do I think it can do any permanent damage. The exception is heavy, long-term users (I know one guy who ended up with schizophrenia but that was after a TON of weed AND acid). So I do think this is what you call "false anxiety" but yeah that's still anxiety.. I think you just need reassurance that you aren't permanently going to feel like this because of some weed-induced mental illness.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

Yes this is exactly what I'm going through! Really frightening about the person that ended up with schizophrenia I gotta say..
I'm very glad that you understood my situation, and yes I need reassurance that I will be ok!
Thanx a lot for your reply Gypsy! :)

[gypsylee]

No worries and trust me - this guy smoked wayyyy more than a gram (over about 5 years) and as I say, took acid as well. He was also into some heavy occult stuff and basically had no fear of anything.. Pretty much the opposite of me!

[Berry-Bamboo]

Okay, don't concentrate on them. Concentrate on yourself. Trust that this is really not good for you. I know you are not smoking. This is different. I'll try to explain this better for you.

When you are with a friend who smokes, it is like you are betraying them, (not betraying yourself, now I understand better what you mean). And you get awkward around them, because you want to please them by doing the same things, because that's what friends do. This is so not about weed, this is about friendship, and you are not accepting that something isn't working here, and you are blaming yourself. If you really want to be with your friends, you have to be sure about how to fix this weed issue! It's not as simple as telling yourself "I will never smoke". You have to get rid of this feeling that if you don't do what they do, you will be hated or ignored. This is an issue you have to solve if you want to go back and stay healthy at the same time. Health comes first. Don't forget that. Happiness comes second. And pleasing some friend comes after them.

I had friends who loved smoking too. But when you are doing a major compromise to be with someone, you have to adjust who you are, and how to be okay with everything they expect from you. Instead of being too conscious about what you are not giving them, be conscious about why you won't give this to them, and what to give back instead of this. That is the best it can get, to be aware of what you can do, understand how important this is, you have to assign importance to things in your mind, that you want to share with someone. We all have things we can't do, and shouldn't do.

Accept your friends, and help them accept you, and they will if this is going to work. Concentrate on what you can fix always !!!

Sorry for the extra extra editing this post... :)

[alexdakota]

No worries and trust me - this guy smoked wayyyy more than a gram (over about 5 years) and as I say, took acid as well. He was also into some heavy occult stuff and basically had no fear of anything.. Pretty much the opposite of me!

Yea, I completely understand! You be careful as well, friend! :)

[alexdakota]

Okay, don't concentrate on them. Concentrate on yourself. Trust that this is really not good for you. I know you are not smoking. This is different. I'll try to explain this better for you.

When you are with a friend who smokes, it is like you are betraying them, (not betraying yourself, now I understand better what you mean). And you get awkward around them, because you want to please them by doing the same things, because that's what friends do. This is so not about weed, this is about friendship, and you are not accepting that something isn't working here, and you are blaming yourself. If you really want to be with your friends, you have to be sure about how to fix this weed issue! It's not as simple as telling yourself "I will never smoke". You have to get rid of this feeling that if you don't do what they do, you will be hated or ignored. This is an issue you have to solve if you want to go back and stay healthy at the same time. Health comes first. Don't forget that. Happiness comes second. And pleasing some friend comes after them.

I had friends who loved smoking too. But when you are doing a major compromise to be with someone, you have to adjust who you are, and how to be okay with everything they expect from you. Instead of being too conscious about what you are not giving them, be conscious about why you won't give this to them, and what to give back instead of this. That is the best it can get, to be aware of what you can do, understand how important this is, you have to assign importance to things in your mind, that you want to share with someone. We all have things we can't do, and shouldn't do.

Accept your friends, and help them accept you, and they will if this is going to work. Concentrate on what you can fix always !!!

Sorry for the extra extra editing this post... :)

It's really a very complicated issue, and I completely get what you mean! They won't feel like I'm weird if I tell them about the weed issue, they will think I'm weird if they are smoking and I'm constantly changing positions to avoid the smoke without telling them anything! My closest friends out of the crew are the ones that do not smoke at all and I can't thank them enough that they choose the clean air life! With the others I rarely meet that's why I don't really have an opinion towards what they choose to do but I understand that I should say something when I feel bothered... Hopefully it won't come out wrong and create an awkward situation, I think everything has to do with the way you say it, instead of what you say!

I honestly sometimes feel unlucky when something so commonly used that is now starting to even become legalized has so much negative effect on me, but I try to stay positive!

Thanx for the time and effort you took to reply to me, it's highly appreciated! :)

[Berry-Bamboo]

I have time for this now. You're welcome.

Maybe not the same issue, but I couldn't eat chocolate and ice-cream when I was a kid. And everyone else was eating them, and I felt so left out and empty somehow. So I decided never to feel guilty about it, never to crave for something I can never eat. I let go of the thought I was missing out on an important thing. I focused on other things to eat and be happy about, and my friends never made this an issue, yeah they were weird at first, but they knew, and they didn't mind and I didn't mind. It was all good.

[Ponder]

My brother was diagnosed with drug induced schizophrenia (now dead) and he just smoked weed. Another guy I know is also diagnosed with schizophrenia and also a pot smoker. Dope is well known to heighten ones own state of mind [I of course talk from personal experience] (bit like when we die ... Our imprinted thoughts will dictate how painless or painful that experience will be ... . I spent many years with hard core addicts and was one myself. Of course we are all addicts in this world of chemical balances. Weed today is not like it was in the past ... then of course it depends on where you get it and a number of other factors.

Personally I'd be more concerned with what is prescribed and or what's available over the shelf. At least when I smoke pot, I know well it's not for me ... the other shit is more a slow killer that bites hard when one wants to come off.

I say "No" to drugs point blank. They are all poisons in their own right. I include sugar, salt and many other forms of food in that mix. Easy once you know how to give up hard core drugs. :) I've never been healthier since adopting such an attitude. Life still sucks on this rock ... but at least I am fit enough to suffer all the more. lol ;)

[gypsylee]

Yeah I've been around pot heads my whole (adult) life pretty much and I only know of one guy who lost the plot. I hate the stuff so never been an addict but I personally think it's a lot safer than alcohol. I actually wish it agreed with me because sobriety is torturous LOL. Most people in this culture are addicts of some sort - money, sex, food, work etc. Substance addiction is demonised unfairly and is at least "real".. Like you will definitely know about them whereas other addicts are socially accepted and can hide from their addictions. Don't get me wrong though - good on you for being chemical free :)

[Kirk]

My daughter smoked weed a few years ago and she is now 25. She became very anxious from the weed and never smoked it again as her reaction to it scared her.
Only a physician I believe is qualified to give you an answer to your question.

[Kirk]

Pot can effect everyone differently. Pot is now being legalized more and more.
The long term outcome of its legalization will not be known for some time.
The legalization of pot has caused and will cause more controversy. I sure
don't have any answer.

[Ponder]

Well said gypsylee.

[gypsylee]

Thanks Ponder :)

[Berry-Bamboo]

We seem to be in this forum on different times lately Dave. I guess I was trying to keep things light in this thread. I never understood people's need to hold onto addictions. Especially poisonous ones. And lets face it, every addiction is poisonous to us at some level. But I keep thinking about things. I am not ready to explain what I think just yet. But I can say this. We all have some kind of pain that drives us towards the inevitable. Because we won't see the real problem about us! We give up too easily! We give up on us! We start not caring what happens to us! Because we are too tired and too helpless and more stupid crap like that. And because what others think we should do is more important than what we we really need inside this horrible pain we can't escape! I believe people is the real addiction we can't avoid. You can get rid of anything else, but people you can't let go... Because people is the ultimate addiction! What we never face reflects off of them and back to us, creating perfect high, since we won't see the truth, this is inescapable. And we seek the wrong kind of acceptance to feel better, to feel happy. Whatever that is about! And because it is not real, we crave more and more. The perfect addiction. All the rest is just side effects of people! I have seen all kinds of crap people's influence brought other people.

Doesn't matter if you are trying to avoid weed, if you cannot avoid the people who influence you largely in your life. Because that's what this is about.