12 years of anxiety and sick of it

[amb20]

Hello everybody!

I just found this site and felt like it could be good for me to make a post. A quick (hopefully) background on me. I'm a 24 year old female and since I was around 12 I've been having anxiety. It started with something as simple as not wanting to go to school. I wasn't afraid of school and I wasn't bullied and I had great friends as well as great grades. I just didn't want to go and when my mom would make me, I would cry and run into my room and shake. At one point, I hid in the bathroom with the door locked crying so loud my grandma, who lives downstairs from us, came upstairs to see what was going on. She has suffered from anxiety all her life as well. When I got to high school, I loved school. I always wanted to be there. Plus, my home life was starting to get stressful so of course I wanted to be anywhere else. The anxiety got worse. I talked to a friend and she tried to help me all she could and she really was a great help. But the anxiety took over. I graduated in 2010 and was 8th in my class. I went to college that fall and ever since, my life has been nothing but anxiety. At least before it was on/off. I lived on campus and was only there for 5 weeks. I had several severe panic attacks because I couldn't make any friends because of my social anxiety and the work was overwhelming. The whole thing was overwhelming. I would call my mom crying and shaking on the floor while my roommate was at the library. It was getting so bad I was starting to have suicidal thoughts so I gave in and left school and moved back home. That was 6 years ago and since then, it's gotten so much worse. I haven't had a job and have been supported by my parents because the thought of going out in the world and interacting with people at a job where they might think I'm bad at my job or fight with me and make me uncomfortable or that I make a mistake and don't know how to fix it and look stupid and panic makes me sick. My very outgoing and happy cousin always tries to invite me out with her and her friends that I barely know just to get me out of the house and have some fun but I can't. Even going to family gatherings and holidays I get a small amount of anxiety at first for no reason. I've always had obsessive thoughts of the people I love the most dying and it scares me from leaving their side sometimes.

And for the last few years hada huge fear of dying. That's what's been going on lately and what has made me search for this forum. I can get a small pain and start worrying about, convincing myself that I have some sort of underlying disease. Then I have an anxiety attack which creates more symptoms that then convince me that they are just more symptoms of that underlying disease so I start panicing more. It started with a cramp in my leg a week ago that made me think I had a blood clot (since I've been concerned about that since I"ve been on birth control since I know they can cause them). So I went to the ER and I didn't have one. But I was still having attacks over it, convinced there was something seriously wrong and then I started feeling like I couldn't breathe out of nowhere and like my neck was inflamed as well as my chest. I went back to the ER and had a chest xray and there was nothing there. So a couple days later it was still really bad along with more anxiety attacks because I'm convinced I'm going to die from this mystery illness so I went back to the ER where my blood pressure was 185 over 120 and my oxygen level was a perfect 100 even though I felt like my airways were swollen and I wasn't getting any air in. The doctor was a bit rude to me about how many times I had been there but did a nother chest xray and it was still fine. That was yesterday. Today I feel more relaxed because deep down I know my leg was just a serious cramp that won't go away and my chest symptoms are anxiety related but I still am having such a hard time breathing. I feel like I'm breathing through a cement block. And it starts to make me panic again because what if I'm wrong about all the simple explainations for everything and I really am dying. I've heard that the hormones released during dramatic anxiety attacks can linger for a long time because you become so hyperstimualted and it could take a while to completely calm down even though you think you're done with this attack. My thoughts are still going back and forth and I wish I could stop it. I never can. They always run wild with over analyzing, over thinking, over worrying and everything in between.

I feel trapped, as I'm sure many do. I was so good in school and everyone has always told me how smart I am and how much more intelligent I am than they are but I feel stupid. I stayed in college for 5 weeks and haven't had a job in my life and am living off my parents who are super supportive and really amazing with all of this. It makes me feel extremely stupid and like a huge failure which only adds to my anxiety. I've never been to a therapist or anyone to talk about any of this and have never been on any medications but it's getting to the point that I can't handle it anymore. It has ruined my life and I'd like to become more productive and be an adult so I can live my life for once and stop feeling like a scared child all the time. I mean, I even make my mom or boyfriend order my coffee for me at Dunkin Donuts or make calls for me because I'm way too nervous to do it myself.

I had a feeling this wouldn't be short! Sorry about that. Thank you in advance for any advice or support!! It is 100% appreciated!

[Nowuccas]

Hey amb20,

To begin with, I suggest that, unless you know that your magnesium levels are adequate, you would probably benefit from taking a daily supplement; see http://www.naturalnews.com/046401_magnesium_dietary_supplements_nutrient_abso rption.html

https://www.google.com.au/search?client=opera&q=magnesium+deficiency%3B+muscle+cramps&sourceid=opera&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8 refers.

Also check out https://www.google.com.au/search?client=opera&q=magnesium+deficiency%3B+muscle+cramps&sourceid=opera&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8#q=magnesium+deficiency%3B+anxiety

Up to 80% of people are deficient in it, which can cause anxiety and / or depression.

Some other suggestions:

Consult a doctor and have your blood tested; address any deficiencies. Ensure your vitamin D level is at least 40 ng/ml (100 nmol/litre) and preferably closer to 60 ng/ml (150 nmol/litre). S/he may be able to recommend a clinical psychologist, or you can Google "clinical psychologists; Cognitive Behavioural Therapy; (your location)", for around 6 months; select one who can refer you to group therapy with other social anxiety sufferers. Avoid medications, at least until after your courses of therapy are completed. Posts on anti-anxiety medications (anxiolytics) and antidepressants as well as other relevant topics are shown below.

"Vitamin D3 Cured my Anxiety, Depression, and Panic Disorder", (another forum member's thread) is at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?12695-Vitamin-D3-Cured-my-Anxiety-Depression-and-Panic-Disorder&highlight=vitamin

My previous post about it may be viewed at: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34912-I-can-t-breathe-or-relax&p=228476#post228476

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Another forum member provided the following useful information:

Common Anxiety Symptoms

"Here are some of the many symptoms associated with anxiety disorder (because each person has a unique chemical make up, the symptoms and their intensity will vary from person to person).

The Member's area of this website contains explanations on what causes many of these symptoms and why they occur:
Body

* Burning Sensations throughout the body
* Chronic Fatigue
* Electric shock feeling
* Excess of energy, you feel you can’t relax
* Feel like you are going to pass out or faint
* Feeling cold or chilled
* Hyperactivity, excess energy
* Increased or decreased sex drive
* Muscle twitching
* Neck, back, shoulder pain, tightness/stiffness
* No energy, feeling lethargic, tired
* Numbness or tingling in hands, feet, face, head, or any other places on the body
* Persistent muscle tension, stiffness
* Sore or tight scalp or back of the neck
* Startle easily
* Sweating, uncontrollable profuse sweating
* The floor feels like it is moving either down or up for no reason
* Trembling or shaking
* Urgency to urinate, frequent urination, sudden urge to go to the washroom
* Warm spells
* Weak legs, arms, or muscles

Chest

* Chest pain or discomfort
* Concern about the heart
* Feel like you have to force yourself to breath
* Find it hard to breath, feeling smothered, shortness of breath
* Frequent yawning to try and catch your breath
* Heart – beating hard or too fast, rapid heartbeat, palpitations
* Heart - Irregular heart rhythms, flutters or ‘skipped’ beats, tickle in the chest that makes you cough

Emotions

* Dramatic mood swings
* Emotional blunting
* Emotions feel wrong
* Frequently feel like crying for no reason

Fears

* A heightened fear of what people think of you
* Afraid of being trapped in a place with no exits
* Constant feeling of being overwhelmed.
* Fear of being in public
* Fear of dying
* Fear of losing control
* Fear of impending doom
* Fear of making mistakes or making a fool of yourself to others
* Fear that you are losing your mind
* Fears about irrational things, objects, circumstances, or situations
* Fears of going crazy, of dying, of impending doom, of normal things, unusual feelings and emotions, unusually frightening thoughts or feelings
* Heightened self awareness, or self-consciousness
* Need to find nearest washrooms before you can feel comfortable
* Need to seat near exits

Head

* Dizziness or light-headedness
* Frequent headaches, migraine headaches
* Feeling like there is a tight band around your head, pressure, tightness
* Head, neck or shoulder pain, tightness/stiffness
* Giddiness
* Shooting pains in the face
* Shooting pains in the scalp or head
* When you close your eyes you feel like are beginning to, or will, float upwards
* Sore jaw that feels like a tooth ache

Hearing

* Frequent or intermittent reduced hearing or deafness in one or both ears
* Low rumbling sounds
* Ringing in the ears, noises in the ears, noises in the head

Mind

* Desensitization, depersonalization
* Fear of going crazy
* Fear of losing control
* Fear of impending doom
* Feelings of unreality
* Frequent feeling of being overwhelmed, or that there is just too much to handle or do
* Having difficulty concentrating
* Obsession about sensations or getting better
* Repetitive thinking or incessant ‘mind chatter’
* Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
* You often feel you are carrying the world on your shoulders

Mood


AnxietyCentre.com

* Always feeling angry and lack of patience
* Depression
* Feeling down in the dumps
* Feeling like things are unreal or dreamlike
* Frequently being on edge or 'grouchy'
* Frequently feel like crying for no apparent reason
* Have no feelings about things you used to
* Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
* You feel like you are under pressure all the time

Mouth/Stomach

* A ‘tinny’, ‘metallic’ or ‘ammonia’, or unusual smell or taste
* Choking
* Constant craving for sugar or sweets
* Constipation
* Diarrhea
* Difficulty swallowing
* Dry mouth
* Feeling like you can’t swallow properly or that something will get caught in your throat
* Feeling like your tongue is swollen
* Frequent upset stomach, bloating, gaseous
* IBS
* Lack of appetite or taste
* Nausea or abdominal stress
* The thought of eating makes you nauseous
* Tight throat, lump in throat
* Vomiting

Sleep

* Difficulty falling or staying asleep
* Frequent bad, bizarre, or crazy dreams
* Hearing sounds in your head that jolt you awake
* Insomnia, or waking up ill in the middle of the night
* Jolting awake
* Waking up in a panic attack
* You feel worse in the mornings

Sight

* Distorted, foggy, or blurred vision
* Dry, watery or itchy eyes
* Eye tricks, seeing things our of the corner of your eye that isn’t there, stars, flashes
* Eyes sensitive to light
* Spots in the vision
* Flashing lights when eyes are closed
* Your depth perception feels wrong

Touch

* Numbness
* Pain
* Tingling, pins and needles feelings

Other symptoms are described as:
Being like a hypochondriac, muscle twinges, worry all the time, tingles, gagging, tightness in the chest, tongue twitches, shaky, breath lump, heart beat problems, head tingles, itchy tingling in arms and legs, and so many more.

In addition to these symptoms, you may also find yourself worrying compulsively about:
• Having a heart attack
• Having a serious undetected illness
• Dying prematurely
• Going insane or losing your mind
• Harming yourself or someone you love uncontrollably
• Being embarrassed or making a fool out or yourself
• Losing control
• Fainting in public
• Not breathing properly
• Choking or suffocating
• Being alone

(NOTE: Each symptom is further described and explained in the Symptoms Demystifed section in the members area.)

These are some of the more common symptoms, but this list is certainly not exhaustive.

It is common for people to experience one or more of these symptoms. While some may experience them all others may experience only a few anxiety symptoms".

[Nowuccas]

From a previous post:

"There are some differences between anxiety and panic attacks. While books are written on this topic, the following will attempt to summarize some basics here for a brief overview".

Anxiety Attacks:
An anxiety attack, sometimes referred to as a panic attack, is an unforeseen periods or incidents where there is a sudden fright or fear of intense proportions. These attacks focus on fears that are most often not rational; however the person with the disorder believes he or she is in terrible danger or at extreme risk. Most often these anxiety attacks occur all of a sudden; i.e. they are not planned nor do they come with any type of warning mechanism built in for advance action. Results are that
the person suffering the attack will feel about to faint or near death's door. People who suffer anxiety attacks report the following symptoms, listed in no particular order:
Discomfort or pain in the chest, Vertigo or
Dizziness, Upset stomach / Nausea, Loss of
Control, Loss of Mental Stability, Stress,
Cold or hot flashes Heart palpitations or
near heart attack, Shallow breathing, Shakes / Trembling.
Anxiety disorder is characterized as having anxiety feelings that are "always there / all inclusive," make people want to isolate themselves from society and hamper everyday activities with others.

Panic Attacks:
On the other hand, a panic attack does not carry with it that "always there" association. In fact, panic episodes generally burst forth, peaking after roughly 10 minutes or so, then ending after about 25 minutes. During a panic attack, 4 of the symptoms listed below (in no particular order) generally make an appearance:
Hyperventilation, Shallow breathing, even to the point of
suffocation sensation...
Increased heart rates Tightness of chest, Chest pain or discomfort,
Shakes / Trembling / Sweating Choking
sensation, Upset Stomach / Nausea Vertigo,
Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations),
Surreal feelings, Loss of Control, especially
of mental faculties, Death coming on, Numbing,
Cold or hot flashes.

The Difference:
The main difference between anxiety attacks and panic attacks is in the duration of the attack and how intense it is for the person with the affliction. While anxiety attacks are less hi-stress, they tend to last longer than the power-packed panic stressors".

If panic, learn an anti-panic breathing method before another attack, so you are proficient.

Advice from a clinical psychologist about panic attacks is to breathe in to the count of 3: ( count: one thousand one; one thousand two; one thousand three) each takes around a second to say to yourself, in your mind, and out to the count of 3. Keep repeating this until the panic subsides, (up to 25 minutes) which will deal with the hyperventilation aspect. Learn to recognise the thoughts which trigger attacks; challenge and reprogram as shown*.

Also learn, and employ either Progressive Muscle Relaxation ( http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html ) or acupressure tapping / EFT, whichever you find most effective.

Give the Meridian Tapping Technique / EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via mercola.com or www.tapping.com (13 free videos), or www.eftuniverse.com or www.emofree.com or one of the many YouTube videos. Google: "YouTube; EFT videos".
Professionally instructed is generally preferable (Google: therapists; EFT; [your location] ). - There is a version for use in public places at http://eft.mercola.com (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you employ the acupressure massage / tapping on your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I suffer from anxiety / panic attacks, I deeply and completely accept myself)."
Once you are proficient in MTT /EFT, you could try using acupressure tapping in the open, in an unobtrusive way, by tapping on your thighs with fingertips as you walk, and subvocalising with your preference in wording.

* REPROGRAMMING:
Use the Technique for Reprogramming Negative Thoughts: It's important to regularly monitor, and deal with a negative internal monologue (self talk), or mental process, such as disturbing thoughts, images, impulses, or emotions, by the process of (a): recognising it, and (b): challenging it immediately. Technique For Re-Programming Negative Thoughts: When you notice something negative, such as: "I can't do this/ am never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so useless/such a loser?" or even an image, emotion, or a memory; recognise that it is being generated from the negative part of your mind.

After identifying and labelling it, visualise a large, red, flashing, "STOP!" sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!" You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick". In the case of an image, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version.

Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method. Try replacing a negative thought with a positive affirmation of your choice, like: "I am a unique individual, with my own set of skills, and good points", or "I may not be perfect, but I'm doing the best I can, right now".

I'm aware of the opinion that inflicting pain doesn't prevent fear, but the intention is to reprogram, and establish a different way of thinking, by commitment to repetition. It usually takes around 25 to 40 repetitions to establish a new habit.

"Even if we have some vague idea that we are not our feelings or our thoughts, when we are experiencing painful feelings or painful thoughts, we believe we have to feel them or think them just because of the fact that they are occurring to us. But painful feelings can be indirectly controlled by physical action, and changing our present thoughts for different thoughts (since feeling occurs as a result of thinking.) Painful thoughts can be directly controlled by choosing replacement thoughts for the ones that are troubling us. Sure, it takes some practice to change a habit. But it can be done. Of course it can't be done if we choose to believe that it can't be done. But, since the choice is ours, why not choose to believe it can be done, and do it?"

Read: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky, & Change Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman, & "Feeling Good." The New Mood Therapy. Harper Collins.1999. ( updated sequel to his US bestseller about treating depression & anxiety; very comprehensive), by David D. Burns, M.D. Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind; view http://myfavoriteinterests.com/hypnosis/ about what it is, and isn't. 85% of people are suggestible to some degree; 15% - 20% highly so, and 15% - 20% aren't much at all, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy, or, if not an option, hypnosisdownloads.com has one about stopping negative thoughts.

Check out http://www.wikihow.com/wikiHowTo?search=stop+negative+thoughts such as: "How to Get Rid of Negative Thoughts: 9 Steps", & "How to Use Switchwords to Clear Negative Thoughts: 5 Steps".

"I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside" - Dr. Wayne Dyer*.

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ANTIDEPRESSANTS / ANXIOLYTICS: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34327-Need-so-much-advice-Have-so-many-questions&p=225657#post225657

SOCIAL ANXIETY: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33912-My-SA-Dealing-with-thoughts-of-judgement&p=223666#post223666 (as stated, expect to feel some discomfort; you could begin by ordering next time you are out with your boyfriend).

GENERALISED ANXIETY DISORDER: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33964-New-to-the-site-and-looking-for-help&p=223989#post223989

HERBAL ANXIOLYTICS: (passionflower, valerian, St. John's Wort, etc.) http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34269-5-Powerful-Tools-You-Probably-Haven-t-Tried-Yet&p=225415#post225415

NON HERBAL NATURAL (NON PHARMACEUTICAL) ANXIOLTYICS: (5-htp, etc.) http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34355-Help-Please!!!/page2

FEAR OF DEATH: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?34530-Please-reply-to-this&p=226511#post226511

Hoping something in the above helps.