Holding on to something..

[Felix Sky]

So I am really going through some bad times and it's reaching its peak. I've more or less beat anxiety, depression, mood disorders, hypochondria, and everything else in between. I've learned to not allow those disorders ruin my life. And I was happier than ever, but the last 2 years have been a nightmare. I don't think this is about my anxiety, depression, moods, or anything else, but just life. I don't know many people who can handle all this and come out on the other side unbroken. I am grasping at I don't know what and I don't know much longer I can hang on without breaking. I am a reasonable, logical, rational person, but I am also human and this world is beating the humanity right out of me.
I wasn't born in America. I grew up here, but I was born in the evil Soviet Union. And as evil as it all was, what wasn't evil are the people and how everyone cared about each other, because they did. People really looked out for each other. My point is that right now, I am struggling because I am left with no one and I wish there was someone looking out for me. I am 38 and not stupid, but I can't deal with anything much more right now. My stepdad went to prison 2 years ago and my parents lost everything after having everything. I lost a lot because of them. It's been a nightmare and since then, I stopped talking to most of my family because they are very toxic people (to me). I've continued to lose family members to cancer. And recently I got laid off and my marriage is about to fall apart. I am looking for work (high-tech industry), I am trying to work on my marriage, I am trying, trying, and trying, but I am about to break. I don't know much more I can take. These recruiters, interviewers, are all soulless walking calculators. Corporations are greedy fascist entities, and everyone is trying to lowball me. If I don't find something soon, I will be in trouble. I can't sleep anymore. I can't function well. I distanced myself form most of my friends. I do not speak with my mother or sister. Wife has had enough because she wants to be happy and I can't give it to her now. My dog, literally just one thing that brings me happiness. He is my everything.
Anyway, I am seriously losing the last few ounces of inspiration and hope and I don't know how much longer I can go on. This is not about anxiety, depression, mood disorders, or anything else. It's about everything and life. I can't go on much longer. I am not talking about taking my life or anything. I am an adult with a good head on my shoulders, but I am having a hard time coping with everything right now. I feel like I am about to break =\

[Kirk]

I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. It is quite a bit for anyone to be able to handle.
That is why you feel like you are going to snap. I went through a period where my mother. father
and uncle all passed away within a year. When I was a young man at 26 (I am 59 now) my first
wife left me for someone else and they were having sex for a time and I did not even know it.
The problem you are having is you are being bombarded from all angles and that is tough to deal with.
My my only advice would be to reach out to someone who way be able to help you through all of this,
such as a health care professional, etc. I wish I could offer more advice.