The lies social anxiety tells me.

[Greerin]

My anxiety takes over and feeds me lies - I'm not good enough, I'm going to make a fool of myself, I'm going to humiliate myself, everyone is looking at me, people will laugh.
Even sitting here writing this is hard. It's telling me all of those things and more - nobody is interested in what you have to say.
I know deep down that they are lies but they are just so strong and take over!
Then there is that small part of my brain that tries so hard to take control and say "lies all lies, don't listen".
I wish I could figure out a way to make that part bigger and stronger.
My 14 year old daughter has not been able to attend school because of social phobia/anxiety and I don't know how to help her when I can't seem to even help myself.
How do you fight those lies?

[Berry-Bamboo]

Lately I am trying to fight them by forcing myself to write about my thoughts in this forum. Believe me, every time I write, I ask myself, why would anyone be interested in what I just wrote, but someone always is, and I am interested in what they have to say, because it's like they are talking about me when they write about their anxiety issues. And I get lots of ideas on how to fix myself from what I read. I like this, even if there are times I hate myself for writing about what I never speak of, since I am not really a talkative person. When I am not writing or reading here, I try things, learn things, try to have fun and figure out who I really am. And when I can't run from people, I try to act like I am fine around them, sometimes it works. Sometimes I really try to be brutally honest, at least that's what it feels like when I am talking like a normal person. This helps a lot. This is all about understanding who you are and accepting everything as it is, but moving forward no matter what, how painful it gets, you keep going... Tried to keep it brief, hope it helps...

[Zena]

This is difficult for me, too. Talking to other people who understand/deal with social anxiety has been helpful, though. At least I don't feel completely alone in my struggle. The decision I made to seek professional help is one I do not regret. I know there are at least a few people who believe in me and that helps to neutralize the negative messages my anxiety tries to convince me to believe are true.

[CSAJourney]

I find that I write posts or replies only to edit, delete, rewrite, delete and start all over again for the same reasons which you mentioned. Who cares about me when everyone has his or her own issues to face? Well, I know that the reality is that we really do care about each other because we're all in this battle together and in a support group for support. I once read a profound statement, "Pretending to be OK is easier than having to explain why we're not." I can't think of too many statements truer than that. One of the best books that I read on cognitive behavior exercises (CBT) is "When Panic Attacks" by Dr. David Burns. Check your library. You may learn how to put truth to the lies and to help yourself, your daughter and other members this community. Stick with us here and keep us posted. We are on a journey... and despite the social anxiety, we are on the journey TOGETHER!







My anxiety takes over and feeds me lies - I'm not good enough, I'm going to make a fool of myself, I'm going to humiliate myself, everyone is looking at me, people will laugh.
Even sitting here writing this is hard. It's telling me all of those things and more - nobody is interested in what you have to say.
I know deep down that they are lies but they are just so strong and take over!
Then there is that small part of my brain that tries so hard to take control and say "lies all lies, don't listen".
I wish I could figure out a way to make that part bigger and stronger.
My 14 year old daughter has not been able to attend school because of social phobia/anxiety and I don't know how to help her when I can't seem to even help myself.
How do you fight those lies?

[ItsAres]

This is what happens to me too. When the lies start coming, i just freeze. I feel like i cant move, cant breath, cant function. I'm currently a freshman in highschool, and school started three days ago, and i havent been able to go due to my anxiety. I was able to deal with it through middle school because i had classes with some of my closest friends and they would help me, but they all moved over the summer. I dont know what im gonna do. I started to freak out today because i was in the car at a stop sign by my school, and i was worried people would see me and start talking about me and laughing at me...

[The Intolerable Kid]

It's not necessarily all lies, other people are pricks that could laugh at you. The trick is not to care if they do. You live your life for yourself, not to please others. Since you can't please all of the people all of the time all you can do is what you think is right. Try to operate somewhere between confidence and apathy.

[Kirk]

Welcome to the forum. Try to remember that your mind is playing tricks on you and that
no one will make fun of you and what you have to say matters. Try to develop a thick
skin or let your fears slide off of you like Teflon.

[GaryM99]

You are the first person I have written and really read here. I understand you completely. I am a geezer, will be 60 in October. I have lived with this demon for decades. I was married for 33 years and ended up divorced from a woman I still love. I think she got tired of me and this illness. It sucks hope from you. That said, I am hoping that contact with people like you will help me wind my way out of this curse.

[GaryM99]

It's like a devil on your shoulder.

[Kirk]

I will be 60 in September. I have also lived with this off and on for decades.

[Jlynne]

It does lie to you. I try to just dissuade myself sometimes - thinking "I'm ok, I'm good, Everything is fine" but sometimes it's overwhelming. Id like to find that book "When Panic Attacks" - thank you for sharing that!

[salvator here]

The biggest lie I suppose Social Anxiety tells me is that I'm socially awkward and that is me that is wrong, when in reality (maybe, just maybe) I just don't do all that well with some peoples selfish mannerisms/ways. Friendship for me has always been "one-sided". I watch the way people socialize now more than every and I see it as more of a competition of whom is the Alpha. I've better accepted that I am a loner, though it is lonely at times I will admit.

[maximadam]

At least you can recognize they are lies. It's the first step.

[Ponder]

My anxiety takes over and feeds me lies - I'm not good enough, I'm going to make a fool of myself, I'm going to humiliate myself, everyone is looking at me, people will laugh.
Even sitting here writing this is hard. It's telling me all of those things and more - nobody is interested in what you have to say.
I know deep down that they are lies but they are just so strong and take over!
Then there is that small part of my brain that tries so hard to take control and say "lies all lies, don't listen".
I wish I could figure out a way to make that part bigger and stronger.
My 14 year old daughter has not been able to attend school because of social phobia/anxiety and I don't know how to help her when I can't seem to even help myself.
How do you fight those lies?

Great subject. I foster that other part by finding a balance between what I choose to be real and what I choose is not. Making a choice that aims towards feeling less pain is not so easy when your currently surrounded by discomfort on all sides. In such a situation it can be hard to see where to aim. Finding a good direction for me is more about feeling rather than analyzing. I must admit though as a chronic thinker, analyzing does at first seem to be more comforting. The more I think, the more them lies creep in.

Blaming others does not work form me. [although seeing it's not all about ones self can help] I often try that route. "It's not me ... it's others!" Narrr. Something does not feel right about that breakdown to me. It still comes back to how I choose to view the world. Choice and Owning the direction I take I feel best works to retrain the brain. Admittedly, right now I am not in a good place myself; but that is OK.

As for your daughter: Seeing the pain you know so well and feeling powerless to do anything about it, is something I can relate to as has been very much the case for me and all my kids. It can at times be agonizing watching them grow in this world from where I sit. The reality of this world for me no matter how much I would like to paint it, presents "unavoidable growing pains" for both my wife and myself + our kids.

I see you only have one post. I thank you for making this thread as is something always on me mind and it does at times ware me down. I will attempt to relate some more (in my own thread) on how I ride such fearful waves. For me - I still worry quite a lot even now my kids are much older and one with a child of her own. Now I have to navigate the view with a grandson and with the way I see the world - those waves just seem to be getting larger and more turbulent. Finding courage through being kind to myself [which is more about the way I react] does help me to drum up enough courage to weather the storms. I know that pretending the world in not messed up is as much a lie to me, as blaming others for the choices I make. I prefer to see things as is, but work on not projecting my fear. The later is what tends to affect our kids if we are not able to handle the truth - or whatever it is that we choose to see.

That last bit I know sound so vague and it needs work. Think of it more as where we choose to look. That said, if too many of us ignore the pain of others, that too will eventually come back on us and all others. In some form or another. I guess if more of us just work on what we can change rather than fearing the worst in others then maybe ... just maybe ... the world won't look so threatening as it currently does.

Something like that.

Peace to you and yours.
~ Dave.