NEW TO THIS GAME AND ITS KILLING ME ALREADY

[ddaveddave]

HELLO MY NAME IS DAVID I HAVE IN THE LAST FOUR MONTHS BEGAN TO HAVE PANIC ATTACKS WHICH TURNED INTO DEPRESSION AND DUE TO MY BUSINESS GOING UNDER AND A BREAKUP WITH A GIRLFRIEND WHICH ALTHOUGH WAS A SHORT RELATIONSHIP WAS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME, NOW AS A RESULT I HAVE COMPLETELY LOST ALL MY FOCUS CANNOT WORK, WATCH TV OR HAVE FUN AT ALL. i AM COMING TO THE END, I AM O EXHAUSTED MY FAMILY ARE BEGINNING TO CRUMBLE AND I AM LOSING ANY GRASP ON MY BUSINESS EVEN THOUGH IT COULD BE SEMI OK AGAIN. I FEEL LIKE IVE MADE SO MANY MISTAKES (I HAVE) AND IM LOSING THINGS AS I WRITE. IM SO STUCK IN THE PAST AND THE MISTAKES IVE MADE AND I CANT STOP GOING OVER THE SAME THING RELIVING IT. AS A RESULT I CANT CATCH UP WITH THE PRESENT, AND IM TRIPPING UP AT EVERY TURN, IM LUCKIER THAN MOST AS I HAVE A SUPPORTIVE FAMILY BUT THE STRESS IS NOW BECOMING OVER WELMING FOR THEM TOO. MY BROTHER WHO I AM IN BUSINESS WITH IS IRRATE AND READY TO LEAVE AS I CANNOT WORK AND MY PARENTS ARE LOOKING LIKE THEY ARE GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK. MY FRIENDS HAVE LOST THEIR PATIENCE, AND I HAVE LOST SOME DUE TO THE MISTAKES IVE MADE. THE MAIN PROBLEM IS I HAVE REPETITIVE THINKING OF ALL THE MISTAKES IVE MADE WHICH MAKES ME HAVE PANIC ATTACKS, SEVERE JERKING ETC, AND IVE LOST THE ENERGY AND FOCUS TO CONCENTRATE ON HELPING MYSELF TO THE POINT WERE IVE HAD TO CONTACT A CRISIS TEAM. dOES ANYONE HAVE ANY POINTERS THAT ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN EXCERCISE OR DOING SOMETHING TO TAKE YOUR MIND OF THINGS AS NON OF THESE ARE WORKING AS MY THOUGHTS ARE SO CONSUMING I CANT GET RID OF THEM AND THERE DOESNT TO SEEM TO BE ANYTHING TO TAKE MY MIND OF MY MIND. iTS A VISCIOUS CIRCLE I CANT STEP OUT OF PLEASE PLEASE HELP AS I FEEL LIKE I ONLY GOT A FEW WEEKS LEFT BEFORE I LOSE EVERYTHING AND END IT ALL

:(

[Jay12345]

Hey there... You need to firstly accept that all of the feelings that you are going through are in your mind... I can appreciate that you have had problems with relationships and work, but what you must understand is that nothing is going to change, and therefore you need to try and forget the past, and focus on what lies ahead.... Whether little or small, you have gone through a psychological trauma, so therefore it may take a few weeks for your subconscious mind to settle but you'll soon feel alot better (trust me)... DON'T do anything stupid in the meantime.. just go with the flow.. try to go out as much as you can so the thoughts don't take over and go out of proportion..the worst thing you can do at the moment is stay at home and do nothing! BE pro active!

good luck :)

[Carla]

[b]Hello David
Firstly I am so sorry that you are going through what you are. It is awful isnt it but things will improve. Life can be good and fun again. It will not always be like this even tho you may feel like it will be.You are not alone. On this forum many of us are going thro or have gone through similar issues to what you are going through so we can help and relate to what you are saying.I was there where you are not so long ago - a few months ago. I went thro the panic, the anxiety and the depression. I was worn out and my doctor told me I was having a breakdown. I didnt want to believe him but eventually I realised that was what it was. It sounds very much like you are mentally exhausted. I would for now just switch off to how eveyone else is and how they are feeling and concentrate purely on yourself. You need to do this in order to feel better. Explain to your family how unwell you are feeling and then forget about how they are feeling for now. Make an appointment for as soon as possible to visit your doctor and explain to him how you are feeling. Anxiety is causing the repetitive thoughts and all the reliving of the past events. As soon as you start with the repetitve thinking, tell yourself you are not going to think about them and if needs be then allow yourself a small amount of time each day to think about the issues and then switch off again - allowed worry time. I do that and it does help. Distract yourself in any way you can. Just do this to give your mind a rest from stressing. It is worn out and needs time to rest. You can do this because it is not an outside force that is making you like this - it is purely you. You can choose to switch off the thoughts or switch them on. You need plenty of rest and time to relax and sleep. If the doctor prescribes medication then using that and getting counselling will be of a big help. For now get all the help you can and concentrate only on you. Forget about other people. They are not going through what you are. They will cope. Let your brother be irate.You are unwell - not in a physical way but with your mental health. You need the same support you would have if you had a physical illness that could be seen. You need to rest and relax and get lots of sleep and eat healthy when you do eat, this is what I did and I am slowly recovering. I have been there like a lot of people have on this forum, with panic attacks, anxiety and depression. I know work is important but health is much more. You will not be able to function at work if you are unwell, so by getting the help and getting better you will be able to return eventually to work. Please tell the doctor you are thinking of ending it all. (I take it that is what the end it all comment at the end of your post meant?) Tell your family this. Let people know that you are thinking this. I have been there with the suicidal thoughts. I called the Samaritans who were really good. I told people how I felt. Back then I really thought there was no other way, but there is. Ending it all is not the answer. You can fight this and come out stronger. Dont give in to it. Fight it. I am so glad now that I am still here and didnt do anything harmful. I can look back and see how poorly I was. I wasnt in the state of mind to make any rational decision. My family wld have been devastated too. It wld have been the biggest mistake ever and a very final one with no going back.Your illness is making you feel the way you do. It will not alway be like this. For now it seems like it will be but please believe me it wont be. Life will be better one day. In time you will look back and see how unwell you are now and will thank god you didnt do anything drastic.You are going through a very tough time and not surprisingly you are mentally exhausted and you need to get professional medical help and support, and to rest and recover. You will get better. There is a lot of help out there for you. Please explain to your family exactly how you are feeling and make that appointment as soon as possible with your doctor. Keep posting. You will get a lot of support and help off here. I am sorry my reply is a bit muddled but I read your message and wanted to reply to you quickly. Please let us know how you get on. Private message me if you wish to.
Lots of hugs. Be strong - it wont always be this way.
_________________
Carla x


THANKS CARLA ITS GOOD TO KNOW PEOPLE ARE READING YES I GOT SOME MEDICATION BUT IT DOESNT HELP THE PROBLEM IS THINGS ARE HAPPENING AROUND ME THAT COMPOUND THE PROBLEM AS TIME PROGRESSES THINGS ARE SLIPPPING AND EACH SLIP HITS ME HARDER AND I AM STRUGGLING OR FAILING SHOULD I SAY TO KEEP UP, ALL MY SECURITIES ARE COLLAPSING DAY BY DAY LITTLE BY LITTLE AND I CANT STAND IT. I AM IN A TOTAL TIGHT SPOT ITS A TRUE VISCIOUS CIRCLE MY ILLNESS IS MAKING MY SITUATION WORSE MY SITUATION IS MAKING MY ILLNESS WORSE I CANT AFFORD A BREAK AND IVE EVEN BEEN GIVEN A BREAK BUT IT DOESNT HELP THERE IS NO REST BIGHT. YOU CAN GO ON HOLIDAY BUT YOU CANT LEAVE YOUR MIND BEHIND. PRESSURES HAS BEEN TAKEN OFF ME BUT IT MAKES ME FFEL WORSE, I JUST CANT STAND THE DAY BY DAY WAKING UP AND FEELING THE SAME ITS LIKE BEING IN A CONSTANT NIGHTMARE. I HAVE LOST MY SENSES AND LOST MY ABILITY TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE SO QUICKLY IT IS TERRIFIYING. HTE WORLD KEEPS TURNING AND IM FROZEN

Hello again.
You say the medication is not working...You need to get back to the doctor and tell him. It is important. Medication for now can really help, it is just a matter of finding the right one for you. It will just help calm you whilst you tackle the issues that you have. Self help by positive thinking, diet, vitamin supplements, exercise and self education about what is happening to you and therapy can be all really beneficial but when things are at a really critical point then I believe prescribed medication that works for you can really help. Medication can take up to 6 weeks for the full benefits to be felt, and can make you feel worse to begin with before you begin to feel better. How long have you been taking it for?
I agree, it doesnt matter where you go, even on holiday, when you are feeling as you are, you are just taking the issues with you. Try very hard not to let the anxiety scare you. Letting the fear of it go helps a lot I found. I know you have work pressures but your health is the most important thing. I took time out *I had no choice but to* and I concentrated on getting better. I am now a few months on so much better than what I was. I never thought I would feel better. It happens gradually. Take it day by day. Even now I get bad days but they are getting less and less. I can enjoy life again. In April I was phoning the Samaritans crying that I wanted to end my life. Like you wrote, I felt like I was in a constant nightmare. I had to rest, I did all the self help that I could and also went for CBT, and gradually and slowly I began to recover. I wasnt well enough just to get on with my life. I had to work at it. I gave up drinking and smoking as this aggravates my anxiety. I wasnt in enough of a bad way to be hospitalised but I wasnt far off that I know. If I had to have gone into hospital in order to help me then I would have however. There is no quick fix. No magic wand treament. It takes time and positive thinking. It does get better tho. Does you doctor know how badly you are feeling? You need to tell him/her that you are suicidal and that things are getting worse. It is important. Do you have people around you? people you can call should you feel even worse?
_________________
Carla x

[Obelysk]

ddaveddave I feel sorry for what you are going through. Sounds like you are having a serious hard time with you panic attack, I myself feel completely hopeless at times as well but I always fight through and so should you. You cannot leave all those problems bottled up inside of you like that, I myself tried to do the same and like you they have come back and bit me in the ass. I have been going to counseling (you should look into it if you haven't already) and I have talked to friends and other people that have offered their help to me and to tell you the truth that has helped me A TON. I don't feel as bad as I used about certain things anymore, you cannot let your past control you like that you need to put and end to that, confront your insecurities and put an end to that cycle. You need to learn to be a happy man again. :) I know its hard but you need to try, I hope that you feel a lot better and I hope that you can recover soon. :console:

[joey9]

Hi Dave,

My anxiety is all about making mistakes. When I am anxious my mind races back over all the mistakes I have made and I suffer terrible guilt about really small things which I then blow completely out of proportion and go into full on anxiety meltdown - like the mistakes are about to be 'found out' and this will lead to some horrible catastrophe. Things I have learnt about these thoughts are: 1) They are worst when I am anxious - when I am not anxious I can think about these things in perspective and know that they're not so bad. So whilst making a mistake or doing something I consider to be wrong can trigger anxiety, when I am anxious through general stress or poor health/nutrition then these old guilt complexes rear up again. Therefore it is important to calm your body down - stress has caused your body to start circulating all sorts of defensive hormones and chemicals around your body and you must remember that you are NOT thinking straight - your thoughts are NOT REAL, and although they feel very real and OK you have made mistakes (as we all do), your guilt at these mistakes is out of proportion. 2) Excessive guilt and fear of mistakes is all about perfectionism. Perfectionists place excessively high standards upon themselves and consider making a mistake to be absolutely dreadful. This can cause anxiety and depression - making a mistake can become a stressor in itself, so if you can work on modifying these thoughts you are reducing the liklihood of anxiety recurring next time you are stressed. 3) Good CBT techniques that help are to look at your own mistakes through the eyes of someone who loves you - how would they feel about them? What would they say to you about them? What would you say to someone you loved if they had made the mistakes that you are so anxious about? I do these techniques with a hypnosis CD and it works really well as an instant 'fix' to calm me down. 4) Keep remembering that stress is making you feel this bad. Do what you can to calm down and distance yourself from any stress that you can. When your body feels better you will find yourself better able to deal with the thoughts, the guilt won't be as strong, and you will be able to think rationally about them again.

[ddaveddave]

HEY ITS DAVE HERE SO MY FEELING OF SHITNESS IS GETTING WORSE AND I CANT STOP THE DREAD INSIDE MY HEAD IT ALMOST LIKE THE MISTAKE IS JUST TOO HARD FOR ME TO HANDLE AND I CANT LET IT GO, I DONT KNOW WHY I JUST MADE THE WORST CAREER DECISION AND IVE LOST ALL FAITH IN WHAT IM DOING, BUT I HAVE HAVE TO CONTINUE BECAUSE OF OUTSIDE PRESSURE IE THE PEOPLE I WORK WITH, AND I KNOW IF I STOP MY BUSINESS I WILL HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO FALL BACK ON, AS IVE DAMAGED MY NAME BY FAILING SO BADLY, IVE LOST MY SUPPORT AND MY MENTORS AND ITS BROKEN ME REAL BAD IM LIKE A BROKEN RECORD, I NEED TO ESCAPE.

[Carla]

Hi again Dave
Give your self a break and stop persecuting yourself! If you carry on as you are, you will be too unwell to work, whether you want to or not. Let people know how bad you are feeling Tell your work partner. They will have to understand and it they dont then thats their problem.You need to look after yourself. Something has to give. You say you have to continue because of outside pressure. If you are unwell then you have to switch off from that pressure and concentrate on you and getting better. You say you will have nothing left to fall back on if you stop your business. Are there people who could run it for you in your absence? Either way your health is one of the most important things in life. You cannot run a business if you are too unwell to. Please get some professional medical help as soon as possible. Keep posting and let us know how you are.

[Jay12345]

HEY ITS DAVE HERE SO MY FEELING OF SHITNESS IS GETTING WORSE AND I CANT STOP THE DREAD INSIDE MY HEAD IT ALMOST LIKE THE MISTAKE IS JUST TOO HARD FOR ME TO HANDLE AND I CANT LET IT GO, I DONT KNOW WHY I JUST MADE THE WORST CAREER DECISION AND IVE LOST ALL FAITH IN WHAT IM DOING, BUT I HAVE HAVE TO CONTINUE BECAUSE OF OUTSIDE PRESSURE IE THE PEOPLE I WORK WITH, AND I KNOW IF I STOP MY BUSINESS I WILL HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO FALL BACK ON, AS IVE DAMAGED MY NAME BY FAILING SO BADLY, IVE LOST MY SUPPORT AND MY MENTORS AND ITS BROKEN ME REAL BAD IM LIKE A BROKEN RECORD, I NEED TO ESCAPE.

you need to listen to what we are saying... You cannot change what has happened in the past, all you can do is accept, and move on... As i said to you previously you have gone through a psychological trauma so therefore your head is all over the place and you can't think straight at the moment... these are completely normal symptoms.. You need to allow your body time to settle.

Don't do anything silly in the meantime. Talk to as many as you can... and KEEP your mind occupied, I promise you, you'll get over this, KEEP going!

[Obelysk]

If you need something else to occupy your time with read this book It will help you: :)


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