For years, people have massively mistreated me! [Archive] - Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks

Hairy Harry

07-05-2016, 02:01 AM

Hi Scottish Pedro

My, it certainly seems you have had many anxious moments, particularly with people who don't understand your symptoms. It appears your PDD-NOS ("pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified") has affected your life for a long time. From what you have described in your thread, it seems like you are struggling with:

1. loneliness,
2. difficulty with being understood by people,
3. trusting people, who then seem to misplace your trust,
4. to find a job that suits you,
5. with appropriate boundaries, particularly with females you like,
6. communication issues.

According to Wikipedia, it appears that your difficulties will remain lifelong - particularly with communication difficulties and social behavior. This does not mean you do not have anything to look forward to, nor makes you anything unworthy of respect. From your writing, I can see that you are pretty intelligent. Your writing and grammar was very articulate; and it appears you are very generous (you gave your female friend "a lot of money". You also are eager to give something a try - you stated you were trying to get win an acting type job as an extra. This means, you could be a confident person, one who loves to play a role on television, and someone who may have an interest in drama or acting.

Many people from the mainstream of life struggle with persons who are slightly different. They may see your struggles, and misinterpret you. That's quite normal. Perhaps you should try to research groups in your area that might be struggling with PDD-NOS or Aspergers. You seem to be smart, and Aspergers sufferers also have troubles with communication and social skills. There may be workshops held in your town that teaches some skills you need to go the further step.

Don't give up. While you are breathing and the sun is shining another day, there are always chances to show people your good qualities, to get to make a positive difference in this world; and to learn new skills. I do hope you find another agency that can help you live a relatively normal life. Keep trying and never give up.

Hairy Harry

07-21-2016, 08:29 PM

What angers me is that the company lied to me after those women requested to stay the hell away from me, which provoked me to get angry. I'd gotten very attached to them, so these two women suddenly cutting me off was hurtful. They didn't enter my life and resent me in the beginning. They appeared to like supporting me, and in return, I was happy to have them be a part of my support rota. But once I became too friendly by sending text messages and other support workers grassed me up behind my back, they changed into savage wild animals.

Seemingly overnight, because I was being a nice guy, they turned on me. Maybe I did act inappropriate by asking if I could be friends with them if they left their post, but it was not intended to be frightening. I'm not making excuses for the emails I sent to them on Facebook where I said nasty and sexually abusive comments, but in a way, I think the abuse was partly deserved, because they had not been nice to me either. All their bosses did was contact the pigs, then deny they knew I was arrested.

The thing is, they knew all along I had issues with my "ex-girlfriend" from a year previously, and with me being plagued with cyberbullying, loneliness and social anxiety as well. This made me come across as clingy and in their view, perhaps lazy and unwilling to adapt to sudden changes, yet I felt that engaging with others outside of a professional capacity was too hard, and they would have been aware of that, of course. If I went outside and it was busy, my adrenaline rushes would cause me to feel nervous. Well, I even ran into my ex last year and the cheeky cow asked me for money. What a scrub!

In a way, I treated them like they were my friends and I think they took cruel, nasty and evil measures to ensure I realized they were not my friends. Looking back on everything in a retrospective fashion, my association with all of the workers now feels meaningless. To be honest, I feel like a jackass for having trusted them, but they were never my friends. They were just paid lackeys.

However, they certainly knew I was lonely and had problems connecting with people. That isn't to say their job was to hold my hand or say anything I wanted to hear, but they displayed no concern for how I felt. Nobody ever forgets being put in jail, and I was jailed four times. They even carted me off to Barlinnie.

My former key worker comes from Madrid. It is a shame, but I feel a lot of Spanish people have hurt me. Apart from my key worker, a Spanish sex worker hurt me recently. Somebody from an adult website blabbed to her manager, and we ended up not meeting up again. It's a long story, but I use sex workers because I cannot find a girlfriend, and I am very open to everybody I meet, which isn't always a good thing. Well, someone was a whistle blower, and this put her right off of seeing me again.

As for my former key worker; I wish she had never entered Scotland. Maybe we should never have met. Then I would not be feeling as crappy as I do today. This depression doesn't go away any more, because it just lingers in my mind, and probably always will. She never started off like this towards me, but it is like none of the good memories of her being my support worker matter now. All it is there is hate. Hate for how she stabbed me in the back and left me to rot in prison, just for being 'nice' to her, and then later retaliating once I was betrayed.

Sorry it took so long to reply, Scottish Pedro. I have family to look after. It's not easy when you struggle with 'finding a girlfriend'. It appears there is a long path of people who have disappointed you , and perhaps even betrayed you in your eyes. It also appears that your 'openness to everyone' can sometimes backfire on you. Knowing that you have autism means that you can try to understand the difficulties you face and compensate. For example, if you know that people may betray your openness and take advantage of you, discovering ways of maintaining your privacy may be helpful. If you are concerned about your inability to meet girlfriends, and hence you feel you need to meet sex workers, talking with a family counsellor, or finding ways to work out how you can make yourself attractive to girls (in the long term, not just short term), may assist. If you feel angry or hate, it might be wise to talk to a counsellor about this.

My daughter has autism also, and finds it difficult to communicate. I mentor her in trying to strengthen ways to resolve issues she faced on a daily basis; but know that this struggle is a real issue for her that may be lifelong. Gaining allies and working through ways of coping with a counsellor may assist you with your anxiety and depression.