Having Breakdown - Exhausted, severely anxious and questioning my life choices.

[Jena8441]

Hi everyone-

I am in a bit on a panic and I need some relief. PLEASE - advice would be appreciated.

A few weeks ago, I moved into a new apartment on the other side of town. The apartment is pretty bare and I am NOT feeling at home. I moved further away from friends and my normal routine (routine makes me happy). I tried my best to do things around the apartment to feel better about it. So far, all it does is give me this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach (maybe due to change???).

My boyfriend of 9 months has been hanging out here more often (practically living here) since I moved in. He has been an amazing bf to me. He's the sweetest, most caring guy and I've decided months ago that he is the one I want to marry. I feel very comfortable around him, he comes from a very supportive and loving family, and amazingly smart. In a long time, he has been the only guy that has made me comfortable enough to where I don't feel self-concious when I do things. But now, I also have this horrible feeling when I see him since I associate him with this new apartment (i think???? I hope.....). I get this nervous, suffocating-doom feeling when I see him in the pit of my stomach but I know he did nothing wrong. Then I start to question if I really like/love him. Also, I don't feel loving or any feeling towards him at the moment. When I see him, I don't feel anything, which in turn make me panic (since I SHOULD feel something right?) and I start to get severe anxiety. Sometimes I feel like he's a stranger to me and I feel detached. There has been days when I feel like I'm in a haze and I feel nothing except my stomach churning. This feeling has happen twice since we started dating. Last time, this feeling took two days to past. Not realizing what it was at the time, I almost broke up with him.. Last night, we went out to dinner and it got so bad I had to go home because I was freaking out and felt like I was going crazy. We talked about it in length last night and I am waiting to hear back from a psychologist because I think I need to start going.

I read somewhere about Depersonalization disorder and I feel like I have alot of the symptoms they talk about - feeling detached, feeling foggy, and hazed, searching for familiarity and comfort.

Is this severe anxiety or am I losing my feelings for him? I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, and panicking trying to figure it out. Someone please help, tell me you can relate....

Thank you <3

[Kirk]

I think this is just a temporary feeling for you and once you get acclamated, you will be your old self again.

[Jena8441]

I think this is just a temporary feeling for you and once you get acclamated, you will be your old self again.

I am home at the moment in my new apartment... I don't feel too anxious until I start thinking about my boyfriend - then my anxiety goes through the roof.

[Anne1221]

All I can tell you is what I would do. I would ask him if the two of you can take things slowly as you need time to adjust to the new apartment and feel comfortable in it. See if he would be okay with him not coming over so much until you feel more settled in. I think you may be trying to adjust to the new apartment AND adjust to this new situation of seeing him so much as he's over there a lot. Go slowly, take it one step at time, so you'll know. Think it over and if he is wonderful and he's the one you want to marry, then you will see if he can be patient with you during very anxious times. Still, professional help is in order.

[Jena8441]

All I can tell you is what I would do. I would ask him if the two of you can take things slowly as you need time to adjust to the new apartment and feel comfortable in it. See if he would be okay with him not coming over so much until you feel more settled in. I think you may be trying to adjust to the new apartment AND adjust to this new situation of seeing him so much as he's over there a lot. Go slowly, take it one step at time, so you'll know. Think it over and if he is wonderful and he's the one you want to marry, then you will see if he can be patient with you during very anxious times. Still, professional help is in order.

Thank you Anne1221 for the response. We have discussed it and he is very patient about it. He did mention giving me some time to myself to adjust to the changes. I am more worried that the anxious feeling I get when I see him will not fade and I will have to end our relationship, which is something I do not want. I don't know what to do.

[Anne1221]

I do think it will fade because you really do like him. I think it's your anxiety worrying you but as long as he is patient and kind, I think you'll be fine. Slow is good because it gives you time to adjust to little changes.

[brooklyn3383]

Jena8441 - I'm on a diff boat, but before I get to that, I agree with Anne1221 about you having time to adjust to little changes. For people like us with anxiety, the little changes are actually HUGE to us. It takes a little more time for us to adjust. You seem to genuinely love him, and he seems totally understanding, so take that time to yourself & decorate your new place as you'd like it and make it home. Meet him for dinner or for a walk then go your separate ways afterwards if that helps? I'm dealing with separation/moving anxiety. I'm moving closer to Family for a year, while my boyfriend of 3.5 years is going to Colorado for more $$. It's all for the better, but dang, the closer the moving date comes the more anxiety I get. I was A-OK about 2 weeks ago & now I find myself all sad and just thinking "what ifs". I'm moving with my Sis so it's not like I'll be lonely either. It has helped me a lot. I'm so new to these feelings...Best of luck to you! xo