Just when I thought I was....

[Felix Sky]

Just when I thought the darkness was coming to the end of its terror, I was hit 100 times harder than I could imagine.

I've taken pride in the fact that for the most part I was able to deal with my anxiety, depression, mood swings, etc., and having a more or less normal life was something that I truly enjoyed. I was actually very happy. Anxiety was a rare visitor and depression left me along with a lot of other negative things in my life.

Then something changed. Family members started dying off and all from cancer. My grandpa, who was more important to me than anyone else in my life. My uncle, my dog, my step-grandfather, my other grandfather, my step-grandmother. I got married, was more or less happy, but then my stepdad went to federal prison for making a bit too much money. Had to move for specific reasons. Had to move like 3 more times since. Cut off my mother and sister because they were toxic people. Cut off most of my old friends because they were greedy, nasty, Trump lovers. It's just my wife, my dog (who is my everything), my grandma, and my dad and his family abroad.
Just when I thought things were looking up, I get laid off. And it was a huge shock to me. It's very hard to find a job, even though I have excellent technical skills. Greedy corporations don't want to pay what I am worth. Interviewing is depressing the living crap out of me. Soulless automatons and walking calculators who interview me are more interested in the sound of their voice than hearing what I have to offer. I thought I found a job, but the recruiter lied and it didn't work out. I might lose my unemployment because of it. I am seriously becoming depressed, but not because things seem to be bad, no, things are actually really, really bad. I feel like I am sinking deeper and deeper. My wife says that she is confident that "this too shall pass", but I am not so sure. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. If not for my dog, I would be happy to just disappear from this hellish existence. I have absolutely no one to rely on. If something happens, I will literally be by myself. My wife is a child and can't do shit on her own. My parents love me, but could give a fuck about helping me. I am in a really bad place right now. I don't see anything good. I can't feel anything, bad or good. I just hope my dog stays healthy. He is my everything

[Nowuccas]

Hey Felix Sky,
A previous post follows, which is around 4 years old, so parts may be outdated now:

UNEMPLOYMENT RELATED DEPRESSION:

"You are not your job" is addressed in "Feeling Good - the new mood therapy" by David D. Burns, M.D., from your bookstore, or Amazon.com (it's a sequel to the bestseller "Feeling Good", with 5 million copies printed, so there is a good chance of finding either in your local library). Some others are: "Workplace Recipes: Coping with Unemployment and the Job You Hate", by Joy Mouton (paperback), & "Coping With Unemployment", 1993 by Brian Jud and Charles Lipka (paperback), & Everything Will Be All Right by Douglas Wallace (Kindle). Effective, non medication based depression treatments, many of which are free, or low cost, are at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/3.html and page B*. Dress for the type of position applying for, and don't appear overqualified. Consider volunteering, even from home, at first, as shown in page B*, which will act as occupational therapy, help boost self esteem, keep activity out of undesirable parts of the brain, help others, and provide you with something to tell prospective employers about your activities since becoming unemployed. Check out: http://www.wikihow.com/Special:GoogSearch?cx=008953293426798287586%3Amr-gwotjmbs&cof=FORID%3A10&ie=UTF-8&q=job+interviews#1046 to help maximise your chances of success. Research the company before any interview. Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible to some degree; 15% - 20% highly so, and 15% - 20% aren't much at all, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy, or, if not an option, www.instant-hypnosis.com has Interview Success & www.hypnotictapes.com has: EMPLOYMENT INTERVIEW & THE ULTIMATE TO GET A GOOD JOB

Don't be too picky about the type of job; employers prefer someone already employed (or volunteering). Keep in mind that the economy is in the process of turning around, at present, and employers will soon be hiring again in larger numbers, but at present, there can be many applications for any given vacancy. Remain resolutely optimistic, and maintain a positive mental attitude. Use the TECHNIQUE FOR COMBATING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, on page B, as necessary. A useful counterthought is: "Things will get better soon". Or make up your own. Repeat if necessary. Contact your county/local mental health agency, to see what help they can provide. Sliding scale based psychological counselling is often available from Catholic counselling, the Methodist church, or Unitarian Universalists, and sometimes the United Way. You don't have to be a member. Google: "clinics; mhmr; (your location)" & "free clinics; (your location)" Also contact your local department of human services and apply for state health care. See http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/21/health/21patient.html?_r=2 Talk with a social worker, via your local free clinic, (Google: "free clinic; [your location] ) or public hospital. Local is best, or (202) 408 8600. They often have useful advice, and contacts. Have a list of questions prepared, and jot down answers. Food stamps: http://www.fns.usda.gov/fsp Phone: 1800 221 5689.

Check out http://www.socialsecurity.gov Dept. of Children and Families. Enquire about Medicaid Insurance. Other advice that I am aware of is to contact your local social services department and apply for state medicaid, then find a doctor who accepts it. See http://www.walmart.com/catalog/catalog.g… for generic mental health medication, at $4/month's supply, or $10/90 days; (more in CA., and 8 other US states) also try calling Target pharmaceuticals. View www.pparx.org/ and call 1-888-4PP-ANOW (1-888-477-2669), if financially disadvantaged in the USA, and seeking a medication subsidy. Also see www.needymeds.com/ & www.low-cost-rx.com/ Some pharmaceutical companies will provide medications free, or at reduced cost, depending on the circumstances of the applicant; qualification guidelines vary. Advice from Yahoo!Answers is to call 211 in the U.S.A. Practice a relaxation method, daily, and when needed, such as: (free) http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm or http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate or Yoga Nidra, (a series of easy mental exercises only; no flexibility required) at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/l.html

Tai Chi, regular yoga, or Qi Gong, suits others better. They will enable you to emotionally centre yourself, when practiced regularly, and can also help you become a more self directed and controlled person; use them when needed to get through life's bad patches, as they will enable you to attain a way of being; awareness, without suffering, whenever you need it, and it is a valuable life skill and one well worth acquiring.

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From a previous answer: Consider bankruptcy as a means of starting afresh. Eventually you may have to sell up, and put yourself in a position where you qualify for food stamps, and welfare, so plan for this contingency. In the meantime, contact your creditors, and explain your situation. Public libraries usually offer free internet access. Now is the time to act, even though you feel depressed. Doing something about your problems will help you feel a little better than otherwise. Contact your local churches, and charities, to see what resources are available to you.

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[Nowuccas]

From healthcentral.com

Searching for a job is hard enough when you are already gainfully employed and not depressed. But, add depression and maybe a recent job loss, and the dynamic of your job search changes. Yes, the internet brings new tools to your search, but those tools are available to everyone and mean that there can be hundreds of applicants for every job. And, it is more likely than ever that a computer will reject your resume before it even gets seen by a person. Right about now you might already be getting depressed about the whole job search process but, wait, you are about to learn how to turn the odds to your favor.

Remember the first rule of a job search: you already have a job. That job is searching for your new job. The energy, skill and creativity you bring to this job every day while you search for your new job will determine both your monetary and psychic income for years to come. You may be depressed right now, but remember that it's your ultimate objective to put depression behind you and live a life that includes a great job. The second rule is that you can be good at this job even if you are really depressed, because you get to attack it in small, manageable bites. So, relax, read on and put your future on the road to success. What you are about to read might seem impossible in the face of depression, but it is easy if you remember to take small bites of the task.

The Rules

A. It's Your Job: Remember, until you have a job, its your job to get a job.

B. Two Types of Income: Every job has both monetary and psychic income and a job with negative psychic income isn't going to help you in the long run. Look honestly at the work and the working conditions. If you must take a job with low psychic income, don't let yourself forget what is causing that lump in your stomach.

C. Take Small Bites: Don't get overwhelmed. For instance, start off by scanning the job postings on the internet and writing down the keywords in the postings, since you will need to include them in your resume. Take one step at a time.

D. Pace Yourself: It is easy to get lost in the search for a job and find yourself more depressed every day. A job search is no different than any other job and it can easily become just a boring and depressing as filing documents all day long. Schedule time to do other tasks whether it's just the laundry or some other small physical task, one where you can see the real progress you've made before you go back to your "real " job.

E. Stay Healthy: Get exercise, be sure to take your medications and do whatever you need to do to de-stress.

F. Use Your Local Resources: Look around your community and see what it has to offer in the way of job training, education and job search services. These won't be great jobs, but they can get your career back on track, especially if you used to work in a dying industry. Go to your city hall, local charities and church groups.

G. Reference books: Go to the library or the Barnes and Noble reading room and research what others have to say about the job search process. Just remember that there is no magic bullet to finding a job or we wouldn't have 8 million unemployed workers today.

H. The Internet: You must accept that you will need to respond to many hundreds of internet postings just to get one or two responses. If don't get any responses look at your key words again. Responses to Internet job posting are pre-screened by computer software and you must have the right keywords to slip through the eye of the needle.

I. Network: Talk to others in your industry or field, but don't ever ask for a job, just information and advice. They will help you because everyone wants to have friends in high places and what better way than to have helped them get there?

J. Thank Everyone: Be sure to let everyone know how much you appreciate their time and their great advice.

K. Don't:

1. Ever say anything bad, or even equivocal, about your current or past employers, after all, no matter how big a part they might be of your depression, they are great business leaders and you're only look to find a better job with a great future.

2. Pay for a resume writer unless you can really afford it and the cost is appropriate for the type of work you are pursuing.

L. Be:

1. Realistic and look for jobs that you can do without increasing the stress in your life.

2. Honest with prospective employers about any past employment problems and your credit rating, if they're going to check.

M. Scams: There are heartless individuals willing to prey on you just because you are unemployed or just looking. Be careful.

Above all else, remember that your depression, properly treated, may be a permanent part of your life but it need not keep you from a rewarding career. And, when someone you know calls and asks for your thoughts, insights and advice about their career, give them all of the time and information you can afford.

[tndawg]

Grief weighs heavy on us from different sources. The loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, and moving can all affect us and put us in a "grief" mode. You have definitely been through some of the toughest days. But look where you are, man. You have come through these events. Do you have someone, besides family, you can talk to? Is there a local church or counseling center near you where you could talk to someone? Do you need some help notifying someone in your area?

[foreman]

well this trauma of yours its enough for everyone to suffer and the fact that you rezit to such a lot and hard problems show me that you are a very powerful person .I only can say head up and continue fighting i know you will never give up