JoeCalm
10-09-2008, 10:39 PM
Diary of my initial battle with Anxiety. I did not know what was happening to me, so this may have exacerbated the sensations I was feeling at the time because I was afraid of the unknown. During the period of the Diary, I consulted with many doctors and took all manner of lab and medical tests searching for an answer, all in vain. To all readers, I finally encountered a doctor who advised me that I had Generalized Anxiety Disorder and broke the cycle of acute symptoms with medications. Later, I went on to defeat acute anxiety.
Today …. I manage my condition without medications by using diversion techniques, exercise, and relaxation. I have discovered, in my case, that anxiety mimics a wide variety of illnesses, so I have taken numerous medical tests—which in turn compounded my misery. On two occasions, it shut down my gastrointestinal system for several months. I had zero appetite and had internal thoracic and back pain. My weight plummeted. I endured endoscopy, CAT Scans, and Lab tests, but no diagnosis. Another time, it attacked my muscles and caused tiredness, pain, and weakness in them. Later, I developed parathesias, which are hot, prickly pins and needles sensations primarily in my head, but throughout my body. This precipitated an MRI Scan of my brain because the doctor said my symptoms were compatible with MS and he wanted to rule it out. I went through another stressful test, which fortunately came up unremarkable. I post this Diary to demonstrate that no matter how miserable you feel with this condition you can defeat it and live a relatively normal life. I have, and my hope is that you will, too.
It’s a little long and redundant, but for those of you who have an interest in what anxiety was like for one person ………. then, read on.
MAY 11, 2002 Saturday
9PM: Laid in Bed. Shooting muscular ticks in buttocks, calves, thighs and other areas of body. Finally slept. Tics at rate of 50+/- / per minute.
MAY 12, Sunday
Tremor and jitters in head and thorax. Heart rate elevated approximately 10bpm. Heart THUMP, THUMP, THUMPS ….. rather than beat, beat, beats. Muscular tics in calves, bottom half of thighs and less frequently in triceps, biceps, shoulders and abdominals. Temperature: 95 degrees. Left hemisphere headache.
MAY 13, Monday
Left big toe ached for one hour. Right deltoid and upper bicep ached all morning, then subsided. Tremor in head and torso comes and goes …… Tics mostly in legs, but elsewhere, too. Felt intermittent wrist and ankle aching. Left hemisphere headache subsides at 3:30PM, but came back later.
MAY 14, Tuesday
Temp: 97 degrees. Sore buttocks in morning. Tremors in torso and head. Jittery feeling and slight headache. Slight fatigue. Cold feet every day this week. Headache, again. 98.7 degree temp. Never ran higher than 98 degrees until tremors started. Both knees ache for a few hours. Headache intensifying. Temp: 99.1 degrees.
MAY 15, Wednesday
Quivering, jittery, tremors while lying in bed this morning. 10AM temp: 95.2. Heart rate: 56bpm. Cold feet. Slight headache. Aching calves.
MAY 16, Thursday
Legs and arms have strange intermittent aching. Tired feeling this week. Body tremors. Temp 10AM: 97.2.
MAY 17, Friday
Awoke 5AM with both knees and ankles aching. Headache all afternoon. Calves ache most of the evening.
MAY 18, Saturday
5AM: Awoke with intense headache. Knees and thighs above knees ache. Headache again at 6PM. Feel pain in sternum drifting into Right Pectoral muscle.
MAY 19, Sunday
Calves ache at bedtime. Slight headache upon rising. Have Sternum and Right Pectoral pain. Also, discomfort across upper mid-back. 40% reduction in full body muscle tics from onset MAY 11.
MAY 20, Monday
Knees ache and feel pain in the Sternum area.
MAY 21, Tuesday
Sternum pain all day.
MAY 23, Thursday
**Relapse of Tremors** Bedtime: Increased quivering and whole body tremors. Can’t sleep. Urinated 7 or more times during night. General uncomfortable hyper feeling.
MAY 24, Friday
Global headache upon rising. Jittery in morning. Left knee and lower thighs ache.
MAY 25, Saturday
Took 3 Valerian capsules Friday Night. Slept well. Felt moisture on pillow and around chest during sleep. Mild global headache upon rising. Jittery. Persistent headache all day long.
MAY 26, Sunday
Woke up to aching Left knee and Right wrist. Excessive muscular twitch in Right lower thigh. Headache almost constant, daily now. Muscular aches. Left Sciatic Nerve pain. 2PM: Cold feet. Tremor and quivering diminished somewhat. Temp: 96.8. Heart rate: 63bpm. Left ankle joint aches.
MAY 27, Monday
Weight: 161.5 lbs. Woke up with slight muscle tics and aching in ankles and wrists. Slight headache. Temp: 97.7. Heart rate: 64bpm. Headache much worse. Slight tremor in upper body. Arms and legs began aching after 5PM.
MAY 28, Tuesday
Slight headache. Slight jitteryness.
MAY 29, Wednesday
Awoke with headache and slight tremor. Both legs from knees down to feet ache. There is slight ache in both wrists and elbows.
MAY 30, Thursday
Headache. Awoke with aching Left wrist and lower legs. Also, awoke with total body muscle twitching and some muscular tics. Light tremors.
MAY 31, Friday
Awoke with mild headache and mild aching of extremities. Ankles and wrists ached most of the day.
JUNE 1, Saturday
Awoke with almost NO tremors. But, had slight headache and aching extremities. NO discernable tremors today. Muscle tics at 30% of symptoms at initial onset.
JUNE 2, Sunday
Awoke with aching wrists and ankles, and a headache. Not much tremor. 2:30PM Temp: 99. Tired today. Lower legs ached throughout afternoon.
JUNE 3, Monday
Maybe slight tremor on waking …. I’m not sure. Aching extremities. Headache. Saw the Endocrinologist. Blood Pressure: 168/100 … must be anxiety. Never had blood pressure over 140/90. Slight tremor after 9PM.
JUNE 4, Tuesday
Headache. Slight tremor in morning. Took blood pressure at two different pharmacies: averaged 132/82. Ankles ache. Muscle tics are down 80% from onset.
JUNE 5, Wednesday
While trying to sleep Left ankle and other joints ache. Headache. 8:30PM: legs from above knees to top of feet ache.
JUNE 6, Thursday
Intense aching of Left ankle while trying to sleep. Slight tremor at bedtime.
JUNE 7, Friday
Ankles and wrists ache while trying to sleep. Headache.
JUNE 8, Saturday
Arose at 3 and 6AM to use restroom. When I returned to bed and laid down, tremors surged throughout my body for 15 minutes and then subsided. Woke with headache and aching joints. Tremors throughout the entire day. Not a dramatic increase, but muscle tics throughout the day, also. Global headache bothersome all day. Took 2gms of Tylenol.
JUNE 9, Sunday
Slept well. Slight headache on rising. Tremor in morning. Moderate headache today. Experiencing muscle tics in thighs, calves, abs, shoulders, arms and legs at rate of 2 to 10 per minute. Tremors all day. Intense Right front hemisphere headache at bedtime.
JUNE 10, Monday
Slight headache. Tremors. Headache worsened as day progressed.
JUNE 11, Tuesday
Headache. Uneasy, jittery, hyper feeling from morning well into afternoon. Some unusual facial tics (near mouth) in the evening. Arms and legs ache. Tremor.
JUNE 12, Wednesday
Strange dream imagery while sleeping. Tics and headache. Elbows to hands ache.
JUNE 13, Thursday
While trying to sleep, knees to feet ache. Tremor.
JUNE 14, Friday
While trying to sleep, Left elbow, other joints, and arm muscles ache. Tics and tremors upon waking. Giddy hyper feeling all day long along with tremors.
JUNE 15, Saturday
When I wake to go to restroom or get up in the morning, I feel intense tremor for 15 or 20 minutes. Headache. Tremors off and on throughout the day. Felt heart palpitations today.
JUNE 16, Sunday
Tremor on waking. Right forearm and elbow aches. 1PM: slight tremor accompanied with hyper feeling all morning. Feels like adrenaline coursing through my body. Not an intense hyper feeling, but enough to make me feel uneasy, giddy, jittery. Mild headache. Hyper feeling into evening.
JUNE 17, Monday
On waking, Left thigh tics at elevated rate of 30+/- per minute. Tremor and headache. Hyper feeling in afternoon. Tremor and continuing hyper feeling right up until bedtime.
JUNE 18, Tuesday
In bed: Left thigh and Right tricep aches. Tremors and headache. Hyper like a car on high idle. HYPER! HYPER! Right elbow aches.
JUNE 19, Wednesday
Strong headache overnight. Tremor and tics upon waking. Hyper feeling all day. Right wrist and hand aches. Strong headache in evening. 8PM: Hear palpitations. Seems muscle tics every day since onset in early MAY. Right forearm aches.
JUNE 20, Thursday
While trying to sleep, Right shin aches. Headache. Tremor upon rising. Arms and legs ache.
JUNE 21, Friday
Headache. Body tics. Knees ache.
JUNE 22, Saturday
Woke up and went to restroom. Laid back down and felt intense tremors for 15 minutes. Knees ache. Headache. Hands ache. 11AM: Right bicep fatigued and aches mildly. Hyperactive jittery feeling all morning. Right bicep and elbow ache all day. Hyperactive feeling all day. Muscle tics every day with no let up.
JUNE 23, Sunday
Woke with tremor and headache. Hyperactive feeling, again, going on 40 days now. Noticed small noises make my nervous system jump. Supercharged nervous system all afternoon. Feels like adrenaline coursing through my veins!
JUNE 24, Monday
When I rise, it triggers tremor and hyper feelings. Knees ached while sleeping. Headache. Worked outside in the yard all afternoon and now I am tired and hyper.
JUNE 25, Tuesday
While sleeping, knees and wrists ache. On rising, muscles are fatigued. Headache. Hyper feeling. Slight tremor. Hyper feeling in the evening.
JUNE 26, Wednesday
On waking, I feel tremor, shaking, and hyper. Headache. Ankles, feet, wrists and hands ache.
JUNE 27, Thursday
While trying to sleep, intense Right hemisphere headache. Extremities ache. Tremor. Hyperactive feeling. 6:30PM: Right wrist aches.
JUNE 28, Friday
Tremor. Hyper. Aching arms and legs. Headache. This day-in-day-out hyperactive feeling is wearing me down.
JUNE 29, Saturday
On waking: tremors and aching Right hand. Slept well, though. Headache, as usual. Ankles ached all day. Total body muscle tics all day.
JUNE 30, Sunday
Awoke at 6:30AM. Laid back down and felt intense tremors and jitteriness that lasted 20 minutes. After tremors subsided, hyperactive adrenaline feeling continued unabated. Headache. Extremely hyper feeling all day!! Palpitations. Tics.
JULY 1, Monday
Woke with tremor, headache, hyper feeling, and muscle tics. Saw Cardiologist who put me on Holter Heart Monitor. 7PM: SUPER adrenaline feeling.
JULY 2, Tuesday
Woke with tremor, headache, and aching knees. Hyper feeling, but less than yesterday. 9:25PM: Heart palpitations. A 5 second burst of pounding and accelerated heart beats.
JULY 3, Wednesday
Headache. Hyper. Extremities ache. This must be what amphetamines feel like.
JULY 4, Thursday
Headache. Arms and legs ache. Super adrenaline feeling. Multiple abdominal muscle twitches. 8:40PM: a 2 second burst of fluttering palpitations.
JULY 5, Friday
Headache upon waking. Also, aching arms and legs. Increasing muscle tics and hyper feeling. Tremors.
JULY 6, Saturday
Tremors and hyper feeling. Tics, as always. Slight headache. Hyper all day. 6:10PM: Felt hot flash course through my body for several minutes. Slight fluttering heart palpitations. Hyper, tics, and jittery throughout evening.
JULY 7, Sunday
On waking, tremors, jittery, headache, tics, and arms/legs ache. 11AM: Super hyper feeling with hot sensation throughout my body. Burst of heart palpitations. 6:15PM: another hot flushed feeling. Right hand aches. Muscular tics all day long.
JULY 8, Monday
Tremors, headache, and hyper upon waking. Elbows and wrists ache. Continuous hyper feeling into afternoon. Bouts of heart palpitations. 6PM: Tics in ALL muscle groups, with abdominal muscle tics escalating.
JULY 9, Tuesday
5AM: Aching elbows, wrists, and ankles. Headache and tremor, also. 8:30PM: hyper all day. Feels like I’m hooked to an adrenaline I.V.
JULY 10, Wednesday
7AM: tremors, jittery, headache, aching wrists / ankles / hands. Feels like adrenaline is coursing through my arteries. 12:30PM: SUPER hyper feeling. 4AM: So hyper that I couldn’t sleep well, so I got up.
JULY 11, Thursday
7AM: Hyper feeling is getting worse. Feels like adrenaline I.V. Headache. Intense hyper feeling. The hyper adrenaline feeling is so bad today, I’m beginning to suffer. All afternoon, I lay in fetal position on floor trying to cope. At 4PM, I went to Clinic Emergency and pleaded with doctor to help ease the adrenaline surge. He muttered something about he couldn’t give me those kind of drugs and for me to report to hospital emergency if it was that bad. I left and went home. Looks like I’ll have to wait and see new doctor at scheduled appointment next month. On an adrenaline suffering scale of 1 to 10 …. it’s been a 10 all day. Extreme tremor.
JULY 12, Friday
Awoke with ringing in ears and elevated heart rate. Vision seems a little blurred this morning. 7AM: headache is low between the ears. 8:30PM: hyper feeling and tremors all day. Thankfully, it’s not as bad as last night. 12 Midnight: laid down to sleep and Right pectoral muscle went into non-stop, rapid-fire tics that lasted 20 minutes.
JULY 13, Saturday
7AM: Woke with extreme tremor and pectoral tics. Headache. Weight down 3 lbs to 159.25. 11AM: headache worsening. After 2PM: hyper feeling has been surging since this morning. It’s really beginning to get me down. 9PM: wrists and knees ache.
JULY 14, Sunday
7AM: strongly aching knees. Intense headache. Hyper, but tolerable. Maybe nothing: felt strange twinge of pain in kidneys. Feet ache. At 8PM, headache surging again. Ankles ache. Shoulders ache. Elbows ache.
JULY 15, Monday
6AM: headache and extremities ache. Strangely, not much tremor. But, hyper feeling is still there. 10AM: tremor coming on. Discomfort in Left kidney while sleeping last night. 1PM: Palpitation – a flurry of 6 rapid beats. Hyper feeling, but tolerable this afternoon. Chondritis sternum pain. 9:30PM: Another 6 rapid beat, pounding heart palpitations.
JULY 16, Tuesday
7AM: Slept with headache and aching arms and legs. Reduced tremor. 9:30AM: adrenaline feeling beginning to surge. 12 Noon: mid-range hyper feeling. 8PM: Ankles ache. Chondritis chest discomfort, again.
JULY 17, Wednesday
7AM: headache and aching extremities. Tremors and slightly hyper. 10AM: adrenaline beginning surge. Tics every day. 8PM: ankles and feet ache.
JULY 18, Thursday
5AM: Got up and laid back down to tremor. 7AM: tremor, headache, and aching extremities. 10AM: hyper feeling beginning to ramp up. 12 Noon: underlying high frequency tremor.
JULY 19, Friday
7AM: Tremors at Breakfast. Headache. Wrists and ankles ache. Hyper feeling surging and causing shiver to travel up and down my spine. 4:30PM: adrenaline growing stronger! 10PM: tremor with hyper feeling.
JULY 20, Saturday
6AM: aching extremities, headache, and hyper feeling. When I woke, body felt abnormal, but with a pleasant adrenaline glow. Now it seems, July 11 hyper feelings may have been zenith. 3PM: tremor most of afternoon. 6PM: hands ache. 9:30PM: another step up in adrenaline surge.
JULY 21, Sunday
7AM: Elbows to hands …. Knees to feet ache. Headache is quite strong. Mild tremor. 12 Noon: hyper feeling building.
JULY 22, Monday
7AM: extremities ache. Tremor. Headache. 9AM: adrenaline surge beginning along with heightened tremor. 10AM: second high-pitched ringing in the left ear. Entered into uncomfortable adrenaline zone. Trying to relax! 5PM: tremor and headache. Higher tic count today. 8:30PM: wrists ache.
JULY 23, Tuesday
7AM: extremities ache. Headache. Slight tremor. Chondritis discomfort to right of sternum in chest. Left foot aches. 8PM: hyper feeling all day, but less than yesterday. 10PM: legs and feet ache.
JULY 24, Wednesday
7AM: aching extremities and headache. 10:30AM: Slight tremor and hyper feeling is already stronger than it was yesterday. Noticed strange blemishes on my face. 11AM: entered uncomfortable adrenaline zone. 3PM: solidly hyper … and VERY uncomfortable. 4PM: intensity may be waning. 10PM: lower legs ache. 11PM: discomfort eased after 4PM, but not as much as I had hoped. I pray tomorrow brings lighter symptoms.
JULY 25, Thursday
7AM: headache, extremities ache, and tremor. Series of full body tics upon waking. 10AM: wrists ache. Adrenaline feeling at 4 on 1 to 10 scale. 7:15PM: elbows and forearms ache. Headache. 9PM: hyper feeling surging to 6 on scale. Two to 5 muscle tics per minute all day long, which is a typical day for tics. 9:30PM: low level tremor.
JULY 26, Friday
7AM: Woke with tremor. Hyper at 3 on scale. Headache, again, for 80+ consecutive days. 11:30AM: came in from doing yard work and adrenaline surged to 6 on scale. Heart thumps … and tremors and jittery, uneasy feeling. 4:30PM: hyper at 4, but jittery with tremors. Dealing with sternum Chondritis chest pain all afternoon. 11PM: hyper feeling with heavy tremors all evening.
JULY 27, Saturday
Slept poorly. 7AM: intense headache. Jittery … with tremors and uneasiness. Wrists and other extremities ache. 8:30AM: heard high-pitched ringing in Right ear.10AM: adrenaline feeling at 3 on scale and surging higher. 11AM: fuzzy headache at lower back of head and mild elevated pressure in both ears. Face flushed red color. 6:30PM: hyper feeling at 5. Tremor and jitters all day. Headache. 9PM: No appetite all day. Aching joints. Tremors are like a high-frequency tuning fork moving from my central core outwards. 11PM: hyper at 3, but the tremors have been severe today.
JULY 28, Sunday
7AM: headache, tremor, and aching extremities. Right wrist aches. Hyper at 3. 6PM: hyper at 4 with jittery tremors and global headache. 8:30PM: a rare respite from hyper adrenaline feeling. Down to 2 for last two hours, but internal tremors continue (like nerves are on a rolling boil). Headaches continue, also. Right wrist aches. Headache rises in intensity. 11PM: jittery tremors, and I feel very uneasy.
JULY 29, Monday
5:50AM: headache, tremors, and aching extremities. 8AM: waves of uneasiness, jittery tremors, and adrenaline wash throughout my body. I’m worried. 9AM: palpitations. Tics. 7PM: headache and ravenous appetite. 11PM: jitters, tremors, and uneasiness feeling all day.
JULY 30, Tuesday
7AM: tremendous headache. Slight tremor upon waking. 12 Midnight: Mild headache all day. Aching joints. Tremors down a notch from yesterday. Hyper feeling at 2 all day.
JULY 31, Wednesday
7AM: intense headache. Hearing changed from muffled to clearer, louder volume in an instant. Felt like pressure in ears. Tics strong. 8:30AM: tremors and hyper is a 2. 2:30PM: hyper surged to 5 and quite jittery and uneasy. 6PM: tremors worse.
AUG 1, Thursday
4AM: forearms to fingertips ….. knees to toes ache. 6AM: tics (muscle tics occur every day unless otherwise noted). 7AM: intense global headache. 3PM: hyper tolerable at 2, so far. 11PM: hyper up to 4 with slight tremor.
AUG 2, Friday
6AM: head, wrists, hands, ankles and knees ache. Saw doctor in afternoon. He said it appears I have acute anxiety. Prescribed a half mg of Ativan to be taken 4 times per day. Extremely tired.
AUG 3, Saturday
8AM: headache. Ativan makes me groggy.
AUG 4, Sunday
Headache. Groggy today. Slight tremor. Hyper feeling seems in check.
AUG 5, Monday
7AM: headache and extremities ache. 7PM: definitely feel sedated.9PM: tremors and headache.
AUG 6, Tuesday
Feel better, but drugged.
AUG 7, Wednesday
8AM: Headache. Wrists and ankles ache.
AUG 8, Thursday
7AM: headache and aching extremities.
AUG 9, Friday
7AM: headache, wrists, and ankles ache. 8PM: slight tremor and hyper feeling, but medication helps.
AUG 10, Saturday
Headache and aching extremities.
AUG 11, Sunday
7AM: headache, slight tremor, and slightly hyper. Med helps dampen symptoms, but not complete panacea.
AUG 12, Monday
7AM: headache and extremities ache. Hyper feeling at 2 on scale. Ativan eased symptoms.
AUG 13, Tuesday
7AM: Headache.
AUG 14, Wednesday
7AM: headache and extremities ache. 7PM: tics. Feel somewhat like a Zombie. 10PM: It’s a tread off. I function with tolerable symptoms, but my wife says I act like a Zombie or someone with early onset Alzheimer’s disease. 10:20PM: Slight tremors.
AUG 15, Thursday
8AM: intense headache and all joints ache. 9PM: Ankles and feet ache. Ativan medication makes me feel a bit Zonked! Only taking 2mg per day, but can’t think optimally and waling gait is unsteady at times. 10PM: arm tremors.
AUG 16, Friday
7AM: Intense headache, and arms and legs ache. 9PM: ankles ache. Undercurrent of hyper feeling all day. But I can tell medication is keeping it in check, or it would be much worse.
AUG 17, Saturday
7AM: Intense headache with aching extremities.
AUG 18, Sunday
7AM: Intense headache. Ankles ache. Arms ache from shoulders to fingertips. Tremors. 7PM: headache and total body ache. 11PM: underlying hyper, tremor, and ache muted by sedation.
AUG 19, Monday
7AM: head, arms, and legs ache. Jitters. 9PM: Tremors have pretty much overwhelmed medication today. Hyper feeling is controlled, but slight.
AUG 20, Tuesday
Headache. Tremors.
AUG 21, Wednesday
7AM: Intense headache. Feet, ankles, wrists, and elbows ache. Minor hyper feeling and tremor. Symptoms seem to be controlled by Ativan; however, med leaves me lethargic, forgetful, and Zombie-like.
AUG 22, Thursday
7AM: headache. Minor hyper feeling all day. Tremors controlled.
AUG 23, Friday
7AM: Intense headache. Extremities ache.
AUG 24, Saturday
**Stopped Ativan** 7AM: headache. 5:30PM: feel hyper feeling coming on strong. 6:45PM: head and hands ache. Feel micro-tics in both hands. 10:45PM: ankles and hands ache.
AUG 25, Sunday
7AM: Aching extremities. Hyper adrenaline feeling strong at 5 out of 10. 1PM: tics in Left forearm and hand. 1:30PM: adrenaline surge at 7 out of 10. 7:30PM: down to 5. 8:30PM: adrenaline surge back up to 7. 10PM: adrenaline surging heavily to 8 on the discomfort scale.
AUG 26, Monday
4AM: hands and ankles ache. 5:30AM: adrenaline feeling at 2 to 3. 9:30AM: adrenaline feeling at 4. 10:15AM: Mild tremors and tics. 1PM: hyper feeling down a notch to 3. 3PM: headache. 4PM: Back on ATIVAN to relieve misery. 9PM: adrenaline surge, tremor and aches have already faded to where I feel much better. I am not suffering!
AUG 27, Tuesday
7AM: Awoke with adrenaline, jittery feeling. Felt worse this morning than I thought I would. Took medicine. 10AM: hyper feeling at 2, which is a little uncomfortable and higher than I would like. 4PM: Still having tics mostly in Left hand and forearm since Saturday. Hyper feeling at 3. It must take a while for med to kick in.
AUG 28, Wednesday
7AM: slight adrenal feeling at 2. Took medicine. Knees and ankles ache. 10AM: feel constant battle between adrenaline feeling and medicine, giving me an uneasy somewhat controlled hyper feeling at 3 to 4 on scale. Back to Doctor: he added another med: Buspar. 10:30PM: Ativan may be working.
AUG 29, Thursday
6:30AM: PUSH / PULL …… will adrenal or med win? Slightly hyper. Took Ativan and Buspar.
AUG 30, Friday
7AM: headache. Hyper controlled, but still seems thee is a battle between condition and medication. Right wrist aches.
AUG 31, Saturday
4:30PM: Troubled that meds aren’t controlling adrenaline feeling as well as the first time around a few weeks ago.
SEP 1, Sunday
6AM: Intense aching in hands. More hyper than expected, even with meds.
SEP 2, Monday
Feeling a little better than previously. Maybe new medicine Buspar is kicking in?
SEP 3, Tuesday
Ever so slight improvement. Medication must be working
It was a slow climb to recovery from here. When the horrendous physical sensations dissipated within a couple of months, I weaned myself off all medications.
Today …. I manage my condition without medications by using diversion techniques, exercise, and relaxation. I have discovered, in my case, that anxiety mimics a wide variety of illnesses, so I have taken numerous medical tests—which in turn compounded my misery. On two occasions, it shut down my gastrointestinal system for several months. I had zero appetite and had internal thoracic and back pain. My weight plummeted. I endured endoscopy, CAT Scans, and Lab tests, but no diagnosis. Another time, it attacked my muscles and caused tiredness, pain, and weakness in them. Later, I developed parathesias, which are hot, prickly pins and needles sensations primarily in my head, but throughout my body. This precipitated an MRI Scan of my brain because the doctor said my symptoms were compatible with MS and he wanted to rule it out. I went through another stressful test, which fortunately came up unremarkable. I post this Diary to demonstrate that no matter how miserable you feel with this condition you can defeat it and live a relatively normal life. I have, and my hope is that you will, too.
It’s a little long and redundant, but for those of you who have an interest in what anxiety was like for one person ………. then, read on.
MAY 11, 2002 Saturday
9PM: Laid in Bed. Shooting muscular ticks in buttocks, calves, thighs and other areas of body. Finally slept. Tics at rate of 50+/- / per minute.
MAY 12, Sunday
Tremor and jitters in head and thorax. Heart rate elevated approximately 10bpm. Heart THUMP, THUMP, THUMPS ….. rather than beat, beat, beats. Muscular tics in calves, bottom half of thighs and less frequently in triceps, biceps, shoulders and abdominals. Temperature: 95 degrees. Left hemisphere headache.
MAY 13, Monday
Left big toe ached for one hour. Right deltoid and upper bicep ached all morning, then subsided. Tremor in head and torso comes and goes …… Tics mostly in legs, but elsewhere, too. Felt intermittent wrist and ankle aching. Left hemisphere headache subsides at 3:30PM, but came back later.
MAY 14, Tuesday
Temp: 97 degrees. Sore buttocks in morning. Tremors in torso and head. Jittery feeling and slight headache. Slight fatigue. Cold feet every day this week. Headache, again. 98.7 degree temp. Never ran higher than 98 degrees until tremors started. Both knees ache for a few hours. Headache intensifying. Temp: 99.1 degrees.
MAY 15, Wednesday
Quivering, jittery, tremors while lying in bed this morning. 10AM temp: 95.2. Heart rate: 56bpm. Cold feet. Slight headache. Aching calves.
MAY 16, Thursday
Legs and arms have strange intermittent aching. Tired feeling this week. Body tremors. Temp 10AM: 97.2.
MAY 17, Friday
Awoke 5AM with both knees and ankles aching. Headache all afternoon. Calves ache most of the evening.
MAY 18, Saturday
5AM: Awoke with intense headache. Knees and thighs above knees ache. Headache again at 6PM. Feel pain in sternum drifting into Right Pectoral muscle.
MAY 19, Sunday
Calves ache at bedtime. Slight headache upon rising. Have Sternum and Right Pectoral pain. Also, discomfort across upper mid-back. 40% reduction in full body muscle tics from onset MAY 11.
MAY 20, Monday
Knees ache and feel pain in the Sternum area.
MAY 21, Tuesday
Sternum pain all day.
MAY 23, Thursday
**Relapse of Tremors** Bedtime: Increased quivering and whole body tremors. Can’t sleep. Urinated 7 or more times during night. General uncomfortable hyper feeling.
MAY 24, Friday
Global headache upon rising. Jittery in morning. Left knee and lower thighs ache.
MAY 25, Saturday
Took 3 Valerian capsules Friday Night. Slept well. Felt moisture on pillow and around chest during sleep. Mild global headache upon rising. Jittery. Persistent headache all day long.
MAY 26, Sunday
Woke up to aching Left knee and Right wrist. Excessive muscular twitch in Right lower thigh. Headache almost constant, daily now. Muscular aches. Left Sciatic Nerve pain. 2PM: Cold feet. Tremor and quivering diminished somewhat. Temp: 96.8. Heart rate: 63bpm. Left ankle joint aches.
MAY 27, Monday
Weight: 161.5 lbs. Woke up with slight muscle tics and aching in ankles and wrists. Slight headache. Temp: 97.7. Heart rate: 64bpm. Headache much worse. Slight tremor in upper body. Arms and legs began aching after 5PM.
MAY 28, Tuesday
Slight headache. Slight jitteryness.
MAY 29, Wednesday
Awoke with headache and slight tremor. Both legs from knees down to feet ache. There is slight ache in both wrists and elbows.
MAY 30, Thursday
Headache. Awoke with aching Left wrist and lower legs. Also, awoke with total body muscle twitching and some muscular tics. Light tremors.
MAY 31, Friday
Awoke with mild headache and mild aching of extremities. Ankles and wrists ached most of the day.
JUNE 1, Saturday
Awoke with almost NO tremors. But, had slight headache and aching extremities. NO discernable tremors today. Muscle tics at 30% of symptoms at initial onset.
JUNE 2, Sunday
Awoke with aching wrists and ankles, and a headache. Not much tremor. 2:30PM Temp: 99. Tired today. Lower legs ached throughout afternoon.
JUNE 3, Monday
Maybe slight tremor on waking …. I’m not sure. Aching extremities. Headache. Saw the Endocrinologist. Blood Pressure: 168/100 … must be anxiety. Never had blood pressure over 140/90. Slight tremor after 9PM.
JUNE 4, Tuesday
Headache. Slight tremor in morning. Took blood pressure at two different pharmacies: averaged 132/82. Ankles ache. Muscle tics are down 80% from onset.
JUNE 5, Wednesday
While trying to sleep Left ankle and other joints ache. Headache. 8:30PM: legs from above knees to top of feet ache.
JUNE 6, Thursday
Intense aching of Left ankle while trying to sleep. Slight tremor at bedtime.
JUNE 7, Friday
Ankles and wrists ache while trying to sleep. Headache.
JUNE 8, Saturday
Arose at 3 and 6AM to use restroom. When I returned to bed and laid down, tremors surged throughout my body for 15 minutes and then subsided. Woke with headache and aching joints. Tremors throughout the entire day. Not a dramatic increase, but muscle tics throughout the day, also. Global headache bothersome all day. Took 2gms of Tylenol.
JUNE 9, Sunday
Slept well. Slight headache on rising. Tremor in morning. Moderate headache today. Experiencing muscle tics in thighs, calves, abs, shoulders, arms and legs at rate of 2 to 10 per minute. Tremors all day. Intense Right front hemisphere headache at bedtime.
JUNE 10, Monday
Slight headache. Tremors. Headache worsened as day progressed.
JUNE 11, Tuesday
Headache. Uneasy, jittery, hyper feeling from morning well into afternoon. Some unusual facial tics (near mouth) in the evening. Arms and legs ache. Tremor.
JUNE 12, Wednesday
Strange dream imagery while sleeping. Tics and headache. Elbows to hands ache.
JUNE 13, Thursday
While trying to sleep, knees to feet ache. Tremor.
JUNE 14, Friday
While trying to sleep, Left elbow, other joints, and arm muscles ache. Tics and tremors upon waking. Giddy hyper feeling all day long along with tremors.
JUNE 15, Saturday
When I wake to go to restroom or get up in the morning, I feel intense tremor for 15 or 20 minutes. Headache. Tremors off and on throughout the day. Felt heart palpitations today.
JUNE 16, Sunday
Tremor on waking. Right forearm and elbow aches. 1PM: slight tremor accompanied with hyper feeling all morning. Feels like adrenaline coursing through my body. Not an intense hyper feeling, but enough to make me feel uneasy, giddy, jittery. Mild headache. Hyper feeling into evening.
JUNE 17, Monday
On waking, Left thigh tics at elevated rate of 30+/- per minute. Tremor and headache. Hyper feeling in afternoon. Tremor and continuing hyper feeling right up until bedtime.
JUNE 18, Tuesday
In bed: Left thigh and Right tricep aches. Tremors and headache. Hyper like a car on high idle. HYPER! HYPER! Right elbow aches.
JUNE 19, Wednesday
Strong headache overnight. Tremor and tics upon waking. Hyper feeling all day. Right wrist and hand aches. Strong headache in evening. 8PM: Hear palpitations. Seems muscle tics every day since onset in early MAY. Right forearm aches.
JUNE 20, Thursday
While trying to sleep, Right shin aches. Headache. Tremor upon rising. Arms and legs ache.
JUNE 21, Friday
Headache. Body tics. Knees ache.
JUNE 22, Saturday
Woke up and went to restroom. Laid back down and felt intense tremors for 15 minutes. Knees ache. Headache. Hands ache. 11AM: Right bicep fatigued and aches mildly. Hyperactive jittery feeling all morning. Right bicep and elbow ache all day. Hyperactive feeling all day. Muscle tics every day with no let up.
JUNE 23, Sunday
Woke with tremor and headache. Hyperactive feeling, again, going on 40 days now. Noticed small noises make my nervous system jump. Supercharged nervous system all afternoon. Feels like adrenaline coursing through my veins!
JUNE 24, Monday
When I rise, it triggers tremor and hyper feelings. Knees ached while sleeping. Headache. Worked outside in the yard all afternoon and now I am tired and hyper.
JUNE 25, Tuesday
While sleeping, knees and wrists ache. On rising, muscles are fatigued. Headache. Hyper feeling. Slight tremor. Hyper feeling in the evening.
JUNE 26, Wednesday
On waking, I feel tremor, shaking, and hyper. Headache. Ankles, feet, wrists and hands ache.
JUNE 27, Thursday
While trying to sleep, intense Right hemisphere headache. Extremities ache. Tremor. Hyperactive feeling. 6:30PM: Right wrist aches.
JUNE 28, Friday
Tremor. Hyper. Aching arms and legs. Headache. This day-in-day-out hyperactive feeling is wearing me down.
JUNE 29, Saturday
On waking: tremors and aching Right hand. Slept well, though. Headache, as usual. Ankles ached all day. Total body muscle tics all day.
JUNE 30, Sunday
Awoke at 6:30AM. Laid back down and felt intense tremors and jitteriness that lasted 20 minutes. After tremors subsided, hyperactive adrenaline feeling continued unabated. Headache. Extremely hyper feeling all day!! Palpitations. Tics.
JULY 1, Monday
Woke with tremor, headache, hyper feeling, and muscle tics. Saw Cardiologist who put me on Holter Heart Monitor. 7PM: SUPER adrenaline feeling.
JULY 2, Tuesday
Woke with tremor, headache, and aching knees. Hyper feeling, but less than yesterday. 9:25PM: Heart palpitations. A 5 second burst of pounding and accelerated heart beats.
JULY 3, Wednesday
Headache. Hyper. Extremities ache. This must be what amphetamines feel like.
JULY 4, Thursday
Headache. Arms and legs ache. Super adrenaline feeling. Multiple abdominal muscle twitches. 8:40PM: a 2 second burst of fluttering palpitations.
JULY 5, Friday
Headache upon waking. Also, aching arms and legs. Increasing muscle tics and hyper feeling. Tremors.
JULY 6, Saturday
Tremors and hyper feeling. Tics, as always. Slight headache. Hyper all day. 6:10PM: Felt hot flash course through my body for several minutes. Slight fluttering heart palpitations. Hyper, tics, and jittery throughout evening.
JULY 7, Sunday
On waking, tremors, jittery, headache, tics, and arms/legs ache. 11AM: Super hyper feeling with hot sensation throughout my body. Burst of heart palpitations. 6:15PM: another hot flushed feeling. Right hand aches. Muscular tics all day long.
JULY 8, Monday
Tremors, headache, and hyper upon waking. Elbows and wrists ache. Continuous hyper feeling into afternoon. Bouts of heart palpitations. 6PM: Tics in ALL muscle groups, with abdominal muscle tics escalating.
JULY 9, Tuesday
5AM: Aching elbows, wrists, and ankles. Headache and tremor, also. 8:30PM: hyper all day. Feels like I’m hooked to an adrenaline I.V.
JULY 10, Wednesday
7AM: tremors, jittery, headache, aching wrists / ankles / hands. Feels like adrenaline is coursing through my arteries. 12:30PM: SUPER hyper feeling. 4AM: So hyper that I couldn’t sleep well, so I got up.
JULY 11, Thursday
7AM: Hyper feeling is getting worse. Feels like adrenaline I.V. Headache. Intense hyper feeling. The hyper adrenaline feeling is so bad today, I’m beginning to suffer. All afternoon, I lay in fetal position on floor trying to cope. At 4PM, I went to Clinic Emergency and pleaded with doctor to help ease the adrenaline surge. He muttered something about he couldn’t give me those kind of drugs and for me to report to hospital emergency if it was that bad. I left and went home. Looks like I’ll have to wait and see new doctor at scheduled appointment next month. On an adrenaline suffering scale of 1 to 10 …. it’s been a 10 all day. Extreme tremor.
JULY 12, Friday
Awoke with ringing in ears and elevated heart rate. Vision seems a little blurred this morning. 7AM: headache is low between the ears. 8:30PM: hyper feeling and tremors all day. Thankfully, it’s not as bad as last night. 12 Midnight: laid down to sleep and Right pectoral muscle went into non-stop, rapid-fire tics that lasted 20 minutes.
JULY 13, Saturday
7AM: Woke with extreme tremor and pectoral tics. Headache. Weight down 3 lbs to 159.25. 11AM: headache worsening. After 2PM: hyper feeling has been surging since this morning. It’s really beginning to get me down. 9PM: wrists and knees ache.
JULY 14, Sunday
7AM: strongly aching knees. Intense headache. Hyper, but tolerable. Maybe nothing: felt strange twinge of pain in kidneys. Feet ache. At 8PM, headache surging again. Ankles ache. Shoulders ache. Elbows ache.
JULY 15, Monday
6AM: headache and extremities ache. Strangely, not much tremor. But, hyper feeling is still there. 10AM: tremor coming on. Discomfort in Left kidney while sleeping last night. 1PM: Palpitation – a flurry of 6 rapid beats. Hyper feeling, but tolerable this afternoon. Chondritis sternum pain. 9:30PM: Another 6 rapid beat, pounding heart palpitations.
JULY 16, Tuesday
7AM: Slept with headache and aching arms and legs. Reduced tremor. 9:30AM: adrenaline feeling beginning to surge. 12 Noon: mid-range hyper feeling. 8PM: Ankles ache. Chondritis chest discomfort, again.
JULY 17, Wednesday
7AM: headache and aching extremities. Tremors and slightly hyper. 10AM: adrenaline beginning surge. Tics every day. 8PM: ankles and feet ache.
JULY 18, Thursday
5AM: Got up and laid back down to tremor. 7AM: tremor, headache, and aching extremities. 10AM: hyper feeling beginning to ramp up. 12 Noon: underlying high frequency tremor.
JULY 19, Friday
7AM: Tremors at Breakfast. Headache. Wrists and ankles ache. Hyper feeling surging and causing shiver to travel up and down my spine. 4:30PM: adrenaline growing stronger! 10PM: tremor with hyper feeling.
JULY 20, Saturday
6AM: aching extremities, headache, and hyper feeling. When I woke, body felt abnormal, but with a pleasant adrenaline glow. Now it seems, July 11 hyper feelings may have been zenith. 3PM: tremor most of afternoon. 6PM: hands ache. 9:30PM: another step up in adrenaline surge.
JULY 21, Sunday
7AM: Elbows to hands …. Knees to feet ache. Headache is quite strong. Mild tremor. 12 Noon: hyper feeling building.
JULY 22, Monday
7AM: extremities ache. Tremor. Headache. 9AM: adrenaline surge beginning along with heightened tremor. 10AM: second high-pitched ringing in the left ear. Entered into uncomfortable adrenaline zone. Trying to relax! 5PM: tremor and headache. Higher tic count today. 8:30PM: wrists ache.
JULY 23, Tuesday
7AM: extremities ache. Headache. Slight tremor. Chondritis discomfort to right of sternum in chest. Left foot aches. 8PM: hyper feeling all day, but less than yesterday. 10PM: legs and feet ache.
JULY 24, Wednesday
7AM: aching extremities and headache. 10:30AM: Slight tremor and hyper feeling is already stronger than it was yesterday. Noticed strange blemishes on my face. 11AM: entered uncomfortable adrenaline zone. 3PM: solidly hyper … and VERY uncomfortable. 4PM: intensity may be waning. 10PM: lower legs ache. 11PM: discomfort eased after 4PM, but not as much as I had hoped. I pray tomorrow brings lighter symptoms.
JULY 25, Thursday
7AM: headache, extremities ache, and tremor. Series of full body tics upon waking. 10AM: wrists ache. Adrenaline feeling at 4 on 1 to 10 scale. 7:15PM: elbows and forearms ache. Headache. 9PM: hyper feeling surging to 6 on scale. Two to 5 muscle tics per minute all day long, which is a typical day for tics. 9:30PM: low level tremor.
JULY 26, Friday
7AM: Woke with tremor. Hyper at 3 on scale. Headache, again, for 80+ consecutive days. 11:30AM: came in from doing yard work and adrenaline surged to 6 on scale. Heart thumps … and tremors and jittery, uneasy feeling. 4:30PM: hyper at 4, but jittery with tremors. Dealing with sternum Chondritis chest pain all afternoon. 11PM: hyper feeling with heavy tremors all evening.
JULY 27, Saturday
Slept poorly. 7AM: intense headache. Jittery … with tremors and uneasiness. Wrists and other extremities ache. 8:30AM: heard high-pitched ringing in Right ear.10AM: adrenaline feeling at 3 on scale and surging higher. 11AM: fuzzy headache at lower back of head and mild elevated pressure in both ears. Face flushed red color. 6:30PM: hyper feeling at 5. Tremor and jitters all day. Headache. 9PM: No appetite all day. Aching joints. Tremors are like a high-frequency tuning fork moving from my central core outwards. 11PM: hyper at 3, but the tremors have been severe today.
JULY 28, Sunday
7AM: headache, tremor, and aching extremities. Right wrist aches. Hyper at 3. 6PM: hyper at 4 with jittery tremors and global headache. 8:30PM: a rare respite from hyper adrenaline feeling. Down to 2 for last two hours, but internal tremors continue (like nerves are on a rolling boil). Headaches continue, also. Right wrist aches. Headache rises in intensity. 11PM: jittery tremors, and I feel very uneasy.
JULY 29, Monday
5:50AM: headache, tremors, and aching extremities. 8AM: waves of uneasiness, jittery tremors, and adrenaline wash throughout my body. I’m worried. 9AM: palpitations. Tics. 7PM: headache and ravenous appetite. 11PM: jitters, tremors, and uneasiness feeling all day.
JULY 30, Tuesday
7AM: tremendous headache. Slight tremor upon waking. 12 Midnight: Mild headache all day. Aching joints. Tremors down a notch from yesterday. Hyper feeling at 2 all day.
JULY 31, Wednesday
7AM: intense headache. Hearing changed from muffled to clearer, louder volume in an instant. Felt like pressure in ears. Tics strong. 8:30AM: tremors and hyper is a 2. 2:30PM: hyper surged to 5 and quite jittery and uneasy. 6PM: tremors worse.
AUG 1, Thursday
4AM: forearms to fingertips ….. knees to toes ache. 6AM: tics (muscle tics occur every day unless otherwise noted). 7AM: intense global headache. 3PM: hyper tolerable at 2, so far. 11PM: hyper up to 4 with slight tremor.
AUG 2, Friday
6AM: head, wrists, hands, ankles and knees ache. Saw doctor in afternoon. He said it appears I have acute anxiety. Prescribed a half mg of Ativan to be taken 4 times per day. Extremely tired.
AUG 3, Saturday
8AM: headache. Ativan makes me groggy.
AUG 4, Sunday
Headache. Groggy today. Slight tremor. Hyper feeling seems in check.
AUG 5, Monday
7AM: headache and extremities ache. 7PM: definitely feel sedated.9PM: tremors and headache.
AUG 6, Tuesday
Feel better, but drugged.
AUG 7, Wednesday
8AM: Headache. Wrists and ankles ache.
AUG 8, Thursday
7AM: headache and aching extremities.
AUG 9, Friday
7AM: headache, wrists, and ankles ache. 8PM: slight tremor and hyper feeling, but medication helps.
AUG 10, Saturday
Headache and aching extremities.
AUG 11, Sunday
7AM: headache, slight tremor, and slightly hyper. Med helps dampen symptoms, but not complete panacea.
AUG 12, Monday
7AM: headache and extremities ache. Hyper feeling at 2 on scale. Ativan eased symptoms.
AUG 13, Tuesday
7AM: Headache.
AUG 14, Wednesday
7AM: headache and extremities ache. 7PM: tics. Feel somewhat like a Zombie. 10PM: It’s a tread off. I function with tolerable symptoms, but my wife says I act like a Zombie or someone with early onset Alzheimer’s disease. 10:20PM: Slight tremors.
AUG 15, Thursday
8AM: intense headache and all joints ache. 9PM: Ankles and feet ache. Ativan medication makes me feel a bit Zonked! Only taking 2mg per day, but can’t think optimally and waling gait is unsteady at times. 10PM: arm tremors.
AUG 16, Friday
7AM: Intense headache, and arms and legs ache. 9PM: ankles ache. Undercurrent of hyper feeling all day. But I can tell medication is keeping it in check, or it would be much worse.
AUG 17, Saturday
7AM: Intense headache with aching extremities.
AUG 18, Sunday
7AM: Intense headache. Ankles ache. Arms ache from shoulders to fingertips. Tremors. 7PM: headache and total body ache. 11PM: underlying hyper, tremor, and ache muted by sedation.
AUG 19, Monday
7AM: head, arms, and legs ache. Jitters. 9PM: Tremors have pretty much overwhelmed medication today. Hyper feeling is controlled, but slight.
AUG 20, Tuesday
Headache. Tremors.
AUG 21, Wednesday
7AM: Intense headache. Feet, ankles, wrists, and elbows ache. Minor hyper feeling and tremor. Symptoms seem to be controlled by Ativan; however, med leaves me lethargic, forgetful, and Zombie-like.
AUG 22, Thursday
7AM: headache. Minor hyper feeling all day. Tremors controlled.
AUG 23, Friday
7AM: Intense headache. Extremities ache.
AUG 24, Saturday
**Stopped Ativan** 7AM: headache. 5:30PM: feel hyper feeling coming on strong. 6:45PM: head and hands ache. Feel micro-tics in both hands. 10:45PM: ankles and hands ache.
AUG 25, Sunday
7AM: Aching extremities. Hyper adrenaline feeling strong at 5 out of 10. 1PM: tics in Left forearm and hand. 1:30PM: adrenaline surge at 7 out of 10. 7:30PM: down to 5. 8:30PM: adrenaline surge back up to 7. 10PM: adrenaline surging heavily to 8 on the discomfort scale.
AUG 26, Monday
4AM: hands and ankles ache. 5:30AM: adrenaline feeling at 2 to 3. 9:30AM: adrenaline feeling at 4. 10:15AM: Mild tremors and tics. 1PM: hyper feeling down a notch to 3. 3PM: headache. 4PM: Back on ATIVAN to relieve misery. 9PM: adrenaline surge, tremor and aches have already faded to where I feel much better. I am not suffering!
AUG 27, Tuesday
7AM: Awoke with adrenaline, jittery feeling. Felt worse this morning than I thought I would. Took medicine. 10AM: hyper feeling at 2, which is a little uncomfortable and higher than I would like. 4PM: Still having tics mostly in Left hand and forearm since Saturday. Hyper feeling at 3. It must take a while for med to kick in.
AUG 28, Wednesday
7AM: slight adrenal feeling at 2. Took medicine. Knees and ankles ache. 10AM: feel constant battle between adrenaline feeling and medicine, giving me an uneasy somewhat controlled hyper feeling at 3 to 4 on scale. Back to Doctor: he added another med: Buspar. 10:30PM: Ativan may be working.
AUG 29, Thursday
6:30AM: PUSH / PULL …… will adrenal or med win? Slightly hyper. Took Ativan and Buspar.
AUG 30, Friday
7AM: headache. Hyper controlled, but still seems thee is a battle between condition and medication. Right wrist aches.
AUG 31, Saturday
4:30PM: Troubled that meds aren’t controlling adrenaline feeling as well as the first time around a few weeks ago.
SEP 1, Sunday
6AM: Intense aching in hands. More hyper than expected, even with meds.
SEP 2, Monday
Feeling a little better than previously. Maybe new medicine Buspar is kicking in?
SEP 3, Tuesday
Ever so slight improvement. Medication must be working
It was a slow climb to recovery from here. When the horrendous physical sensations dissipated within a couple of months, I weaned myself off all medications.