Inside out

[Dr Feelgood]

At the age of seven I knew something was different ,I was bullied by other kids and my father, and I was very submissive,this was followed by very troubled teens almost to the point of self destruction
At around 18 my angel found me ,two people brought together for a special purpose, to have and to hold each other forever and to bring two wonderful girls into the world .
Married now for 36 years a bond so strong ,My Wife My Love My life ,if it was not for her I would not have seen 20 years old ,she saved me from myself .
From being married at 19 we had our wonderful girls and I've worked all my life up till around four years ago there seemed to be no room for the depression that had troubled me all those years ago ,but around four years ago it came and took me quite badly ,I had to finish work and life became quite hard but we got by and got through the hard days together.
Around November last year I became very ill shaking and trembeling all the time , I wouldn't eat and lost a lot of weight I spent a few days in hospital nothing was found wrong with my insides etc ,my mental health team became involved and said it was panic and anxiety caused by the use of Diazapan so I'm on a very slow withdraw from it at the moment .
I've had every medication for the depression in the book and nothing works ,they tell me I'm medication resistant .
I'm in a very dark place at the moment ,trapped in a brain taken over by the silent , cunning ,invisible demon called depression ,it makes everything good in my life seem out of reach .
I must escape somehow the burden I'm putting on my loved ones is not fair ,my Wife has MS and I must get well to look after her .
My wonderful wife and girls are very supportive but I can see the pain in their faces as they watch their dad suffer.
Hell is not a place you may visit when you die ,it is here and now .
When I met my Wife all those years ago I gave her a promise and gave her my soul to keep ,thank you my love and keep it safe so as this devil inside cannot take it, I love you Moo xxxxxxxxxxxx I may bend but I will never break .
So hello this is me somewhere inside myself looking out but not seeing clearly all I have

[Kirk]

I am very sorry you feel this way. There are new medications out that treat depression. It may not be a bad idea to see a natural pharmacist or
physician and see what they can do to help you get back on your feet. Your wife being ill surely dioes not help. I remember in a years time from
2012 to 2013, my mother, father and uncle all passed away. It was very difficult to deal with. No one ever said life was going to be easy. I
too was picked on in school as I stuttered and was skinny and puny and it sure was no fun. I hope you feel better soon.

[Dr Feelgood]

I am very sorry you feel this way. There are new medications out that treat depression. It may not be a bad idea to see a natural pharmacist or
physician and see what they can do to help you get back on your feet. Your wife being ill surely dioes not help. I remember in a years time from
2012 to 2013, my mother, father and uncle all passed away. It was very difficult to deal with. No one ever said life was going to be easy. I
too was picked on in school as I stuttered and was skinny and puny and it sure was no fun. I hope you feel better soon.
Well Kirk I am under a phychatrist and have a community therapies team support ,at the moment there are no new medications here in my country .
At the moment im self reducing my current meds as I want to see how I feel drug free,I've been on different meds for so many years I want my brain to be free from all these chemicals .
So at the risk of feeling worse for a while maybe I may feel better in the long run .
Thanks again .