Anxiety? Pressure? Depression? What's going on?!

[TheKid]

PThis is my first post and I'm all over the place right now. Just searching for some advice from someone who might understand. I've struggled with anxiety for years, since I was a teen. Recently things have been going crazy... I might be moving to a new town with my girlfriend, that in itself comes with a laundry list of fears and doubts. A new town, full of people I don't know, leaving my family and friends behind. My girlfriend is getting a new job, which is basically her dream job in a place she's always wanted live. But with that comes HER anxieties about her job, in fact this new job is a step up for her, and she's great at what she does... but I'm constantly hearing her doubts and fears, which is fine, I always support her, remind her how great she is at her job. But whenever I voice my concerns and fears she shuts me down. She almost gets annoyed... So now lately I'm not only dealing with my generalized anxiety and depression, I'm now worried about moving, I'm worried about finding a job down there, I'm worried about everything... and add in her anxiety and fears... I just don't know what to do... I don't know how to process this. I don't even know where to start... for the past two weeks I've been on the verge of a panic attack. I'm just looking for someone who might be able to relate to my current madness lol.

[Anne1221]

New things stress anyone out, but especially for those with anxiety. You just have to keep telling yourself you're going to take this one step at a time. You WILL find new friends, you WILL get a new job, it WILL work out. Have you tried exercise, meditation, yoga, or anything else that will help you relax?

[Boo Bass]

What bothers me is your relationship with your girlfriend. She' s calling all the shots and not giving you the support you need.

In your place, I' d suggest she make the move alone and you will join her when you' re ready. If she makes an issue of it, let her go her own way. You need the support of your family and friends since you' re getting none from her.

[andydoerksen]

TheKid: I understand what you're going through. Not the specific circumstances, necessarily, but the broader experience of "struggl[ing] with anxiety for years," ever since I was a kid. (Although more specifically I too can relate to the anxiety prompted by a big move and then having to look for a new job, in connection with a relationship.)

As you've indicated, sometimes anxiety is prompted by circumstances, but sometimes by our dealings with other flawed human beings. One thing I've learned is that we simply can't control others' attitudes or behaviours. From an intellectual standpoint, that's obvious, of course - but emotionally we often don't "get it," and we try to change others. You haven't indicated you're attempting that, but the instinct may be there nonetheless.

I've learned that while one can be helpful to others - as you are when you're listening to your gf express her own anxieties - when it comes to actual *change*, you can only look to your own.

But I also realized that just altering my own emotions wasn't really what I longed for, deep down. I came to realize that I wanted - and needed - to have an entirely different outlook on life, a brand new context in which to interpret and process my emotions. But that context, it turned out, wasn't a thing; the context is a Person.

From this Person I learned that anxiety isn't a thing by itself; it's generated by my heart's clinging to certain objects or desires to such an extent that those objects or desires control me - thus controlling my emotions as well. I learned that I need to have my heart set on that mysterious Person instead; that every fibre of my being needs to be oriented around *Him*.

The Bible says, "Therefore, humble yourselves under God’s power so that He may raise you up at the right time - throwing all your anxiety onto Him, because he cares about you." (1 Peter 5:6-7) God is that Person, who took on human form as Jesus Christ to die for my sin - ultimately, the sin of clinging to myself and earthly things ahead of Him - so that I could begin a new life.

This new life is NOT struggle- or worry-free! But it provides the "context" I was talking about: I now better understand (a) what drives my emotions and (b) what to do with them. God specially equips those who've trusted in Jesus to deal with anxiety - and life's other challenges too.

Feel free to message me any time with questions.

[Boo Bass]

TheKid: I understand what you're going through. Not the specific circumstances, necessarily, but the broader experience of "struggl[ing] with anxiety for years," ever since I was a kid. (Although more specifically I too can relate to the anxiety prompted by a big move and then having to look for a new job, in connection with a relationship.)

How I wish what you say is true for everyone. The Bible mentions amxiety a few times but it hasnt helped me.

The rest of what you say I dont understand at all

As you've indicated, sometimes anxiety is prompted by circumstances, but sometimes by our dealings with other flawed human beings. One thing I've learned is that we simply can't control others' attitudes or behaviours. From an intellectual standpoint, that's obvious, of course - but emotionally we often don't "get it," and we try to change others. You haven't indicated you're attempting that, but the instinct may be there nonetheless.

I've learned that while one can be helpful to others - as you are when you're listening to your gf express her own anxieties - when it comes to actual *change*, you can only look to your own.

But I also realized that just altering my own emotions wasn't really what I longed for, deep down. I came to realize that I wanted - and needed - to have an entirely different outlook on life, a brand new context in which to interpret and process my emotions. But that context, it turned out, wasn't a thing; the context is a Person.

From this Person I learned that anxiety isn't a thing by itself; it's generated by my heart's clinging to certain objects or desires to such an extent that those objects or desires control me - thus controlling my emotions as well. I learned that I need to have my heart set on that mysterious Person instead; that every fibre of my being needs to be oriented around *Him*.

The Bible says, "Therefore, humble yourselves under God’s power so that He may raise you up at the right time - throwing all your anxiety onto Him, because he cares about you." (1 Peter 5:6-7) God is that Person, who took on human form as Jesus Christ to die for my sin - ultimately, the sin of clinging to myself and earthly things ahead of Him - so that I could begin a new life.

This new life is NOT struggle- or worry-free! But it provides the "context" I was talking about: I now better understand (a) what drives my emotions and (b) what to do with them. God specially equips those who've trusted in Jesus to deal with anxiety - and life's other challenges too.

Feel free to message me any time with questions.

How I wish what you say was true for everyone. The Bible mentjond anxiety a few times, inspiring words but they didnt help me.

The rest of what you say I dont understand at all

[andydoerksen]

How I wish what you say was true for everyone. The Bible mentjond anxiety a few times, inspiring words but they didnt help me.

Hi, Boo Bass. Thanks for the response. No, the Bible's "inspiring words" aren't meant to be taken as if they were pills that will make a headache go away. The entire Bible is meant to guide us in the development of a relationship with God Himself - and it's that relationship which, over the course of a lifetime, infuses us with strength and hope and character. That's why the Bible says to followers of Christ, "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." (James 1:2-4)


The rest of what you say I dont understand at all

Tell me specifically where I lost you, and I'll try to explain. :)

[Jesusgirl04]

Wow! You certainly have a lot on your plate and I can most definitely relate to the anxiety. The good news is that anxiety usually comes as a result of what you have already described; the unknown. We tend to "awfulize" events and situations when in reality these things may never materialize. I am confident that if you confront these "awfulizations" logically and realistically, you will find they tend to lose control over you. For example, when you are thinking about moving one exercise is to think of the most horrible, awful, terrible things that can happen. Next, look at each one of these and ask yourself, "what is the realistic chance that 'such and such' would happen. While, it's true awful things DO happen, it's when we become incapacitated by those fears that we run into trouble. One of the best pieces of advice my dad always gave me was "be afraid but do it anyway". I think what you have described as a bigger concern, however, is the lack of reciprocating support by your girlfriend. Not everyone is equipped the same, but she may not feel up to supporting your anxieties as well as hers. You may have to do some serious questioning of yourself and ask whether or not you are able to function in a relationship that is not mutually supportive. If the answer is no, than you owe it to you both to re-evaluate where things are headed. One final thought, if you haven't spoken to a mental health professional about your anxieties or explored the option of a short-course of medication, you may want to. A short-term course of an anti-anxiety can help you in resolving some issues and the majority of people find that once they resolve some of these issues, they no longer require the medication. I hope you find the peace you are looking for. :-)