Update - "From Under The Rock"

[Ponder]

Hello All. I'm back at special request from a few good friends and also the fact that this place has helped me so much, it only makes sense to start a new thread and enjoy the head space this place allows. I love the free style way I can write in here, especially now that I am writing in a more restrictive way at other places. I explain more about that later.

John - how's things going mate? I hope the fact that I have started another thread cheers you up? You like my. bush Vlogs hey? I do another one very soon. I promise. I could really use the down time. Man I have been flat out. But before I go on about that, I would like to SHOUT OUT!!!! to DAHILAAAAA!!!! as well. I hope your market products are keeping you focused Dahila? Although I am only using Facebook for my new Charity Venture, it's good to be chatting with you again. If I can find Jason on FB, I would be happy to add him back as well - you to john (if you use FB?)

Anyways :)
________________________

I'd like to share with you guys my progress with Social Phobia & Anxiety. Whilst the story I share is more about a venture to help the homeless, I think it's important for those who know me well in here to see how far I have come. Of course while the support of others with commiserations, encouragements and likewise musings has helped me tremendously, so has the space this forum has always afforded me. I think Dahila is the one that know me best in here, but I am sure there are others who've seen a big change in me. For the first time in my life, I have taken that incessant cycle of ups and downs and stretched it out into a more stable line that whilst still goes up and down ... it's way more in syn than it's ever been.

Long story short, that trip to the Royal Commission really helped. I tried to explain some when coming back the story about the homeless guy. I now share where that has lead: First UP ... you know how I always talk about my Mentor Friend? He is the guy standing between myself and my wife in the below pic:
______
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7546/26440779884_c9fcfa47b2_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/GhtUFf)

Here is the News Story the above Journalist put together. I was very nervous, but having the support of my mentor friend made it a lot more easier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_cWVPWOKA8

The website my wife and I made up:
www.peerhaps.org.au (http://www.peerhaps.org.au)
__________________________________

My weight loss update:
I be real quick as Lisa is ready to watch Game of Thrones and I don't want to miss that. :)

I am down to 80kg from 106kg. That's 167lbs from 233lbs - I''m now fluctuating between 79 - 80kg ... but in saying that ... I'm not obsessed about going any lower. I'd really like to talk more about the psychological aspect. Especially how we are now pretty much back to eating clean. But I save that for another post.

Just figured you guys might appreciate the sharing of the above. It's more about finding purpose in order to overcome one's anxiety and the like. Helping each other is such a powerful tool.

I bid you all good day/night and look forward to soon making another post.

Be Well. One of your peers:
~Dave.

[Ponder]

Come on guys, don't leave me hanging. - Just kidding. I understand that this forum is no longer the attraction it once was. Many posts beg the question which has a tendency to keep one down. Best move I made was taking a long break from this place. Very small doses I think from now on. will check back in a couple of days - if I don't forget. ;)

[Dahila]

Hi Dave thank you so much for the video. I think it is splendid. I noticed something; you are left handed. So this is why you are so logical and the learning curve. The website is already in my favorites. Your weight loss; well I am speechless, the change , you breathe easier, talk different a bit, probably due to oxygen intake, No to mention. eh you are simply handsome. Lisa looks wonderful as well. Warm greetings Lisa. You guys do such wonderful thing. I also noticed years ago, when we help others, we feel healthier. Instead of whining; helping
Last week my table price went 100% up, which is not good. Till end of year I have some money from agency so I will survive, and in meantime I am going to build the business, like I am 25 old ;) I already have returning customers with friends or family members. My man screams when he hears word "soap" but he is building wonderful displays for me. On end of month my big show, in College gymnasium, the same I had attend and finished. I hope I will make a new customers, and sell something :) keep your fingers crossed for me on May 28
Thank you for making a tread, I got my fix ;))

[Ponder]

LOL - Your welcome Dahila. Fingers crossed as well. Is great hear you feeling so spirited.

Taking the focus off our problems by moving forward is really a great way of overcoming obstacles. Even when we don't know what direction to take. Just keep moving, and move at a pace that allows you to keep going.

Take care
Catch up soon enough. ;)

[Dahila]

oH come on you watching stargate ? I was on third season, when Neflix stop airing it. What a shame. Are you watching spotlight, or Containment? 12 Monkeys I love it. Yeah why should I care so much. Whatever i do I do for my amusement. My DH build the displays for me, he finished the varnish today and all is in my room so I can mock the display then when done take a pic so setting up is going to be easier. I do not know if this big show will give me money back but I am sure I will learn a lot. They sending the email with tips (very smart show tips) .
Everyone who comes in is going to sign in, and they will make sure that every person will visit each vendor. There will be some ballot and if they redeem it at my table, I get the money back from the organizers. They send fliers to every school so children take it to mom. Fliers are everywhere. I am kind of terrified ;)) I just finished planting my cana lillies and dialhas . I hope maybe tomorrow I will plant the flowers I got , then we start the seedlings in the veggies path

[Ponder]

Sounds like you got a good balance going on there Dahila. We mostly just watching Game of Thrones. Fear of the Walking Dead is not cutting it with us, but one we are still watching. The break they have in between tv series these days makes tv not worth watching. Actually there are many more reasons why I don't watch much telly, but it still rates as a good distraction every now and then. The docos are getting pretty depressive all round, just like most things on the telly ... that is if your not into all the hype and pretense with reality tv.

Having said that though, we have watched a few good comedies of late. Would be good to see a unique sci/fi come out. Perhaps in another few years. :)

Hope all is well.

[Dahila]

yeah watch the blindspot, you will like it, What about Person of interest? I got so attached to this guys, and it is the last season. I am watching Rush hour and lol , the guys are pretty funny. Game of Silence, Pretty funny DC legends of tomorrow. Orphan black, and few others, I like that shows:)) GOT is boring so far

[Ponder]

At the moment I am getting by pretty good with https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7340/26552413074_8ea69e2c89_o.png (http://nirvanarelaxation.radio.net/) Via TuneIn Radio. OR to avoid signing up with TuneIn Radio; (which is a favorite app of mine/+ go to website for ambient selections) Just click on the image and see of that loads for you.

Take care.
~Dave.

[Ponder]

Whilst working on the PEERHAPS project: (Nothing like finding purpose to sail on through hardships)

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7571/27147869036_f3cc9b19c6_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/HmXVDw)

[Dahila]

Yes it had load for me thank you. You both look awesome, it is so good to see you smiling:))

[Ponder]

Its good to be smiling once more. It was the little fella's 2nd birthday. We took our daughter and grandson out along side Lisa's parents to a wild life sanctuary. It was a good day. That's the first photo with Lisa and I together let alone smiling in years. Lisa usually does not like having her photo taken. It took quite a bit of talking to get her flash appearance in the news story above.

Anyways ... it's good to see our efforts in life style change being capture like so. I ended up putting that shot in the about me section of the PEERHAPS website. That project is going really well I might add. Having said that though, I have had to slowly start drawing back a little as I have been having late nights due to the mind racing with a million and one ideas. I've been managing to keep my exercising and healthy eating going though ... we both have. Just a few slips here and there, but given how long we have now been at clean living, it really does not take us long or much thought to simply listen to our bodies. I guess it helps given the fact that we can once again feel our bodies. Major difference in that fact alone. Took like 6 months just to get to that stage.

Forgive the ramble ... it's been a while since I have been able to freestyle like this. My current focus on a funding pitch over at the website has me going over my words all the time. I look forward to when that part of the website is done and I can relax more with my general style of writing.

On that note - whilst I have my reservations about opening up in other areas of the website I am yet to create, I think I might of found a new place where I can take my journaling to the next level. hmmmmm - I want to keep it recovery based in an outreaching context that offers help for those who care to read. No doubt it will follow the theme I know so well - Homelessness, yet so much more than that. Since going local with our project in a number of formats, the general perception has been more about handing out food, blanket and like wise gratifying acts of giving. I guess I can talk loosely in here, but will have to watch my break down of that when discussing the fallibility in acts of kindness that only facilitate the need.

I have to be mindful that my recovery and the insights I wish to share may be too much for many if I don't take the time to reflect on my own struggle in comprehension and or the remember the processes I had to undergo in order for the same old things to take on new meaning. I remember just how much listening/reading it took to grasp the concepts and or wide array of revealings in Echkart Tolles Power of Now and various other books on self help similar to that one.

Forgive the typos as well ... not much for going back over in this post. Time for bed actually ... it was good to just rip out lines of text like so. Yawns ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tomorrow I have men's group - I have missed a few due to all the new work on said project. I am looking forward to rejoining the group. I'm also looking forward to my morning workout before I go. I am still struggling with my digestion issues, but slowly getting better if I play my card right each day. If I do not, I'm learning how to pay. :)

Thanks for listening.

Here's to wishing you all a good day.

PS - anyone know what's happening with Jesse ... please day Dave from AF said G'day.

[Dahila]

Please, do not spread yourself thin. You came a long way D. and try to keep calm mind. I do understand, you have to be creative, and do, learn new things. It is the way you are. I am similar. I spend hours, days thinking about new formula new cream. Then I put it on paper..........

[Ponder]

I hear ya. Keeping hydrated, eating right and keeping up my exercise helps to keep my spirit and energy lvls right. In regards to those thoughts that come to us like so ... I have to say that since getting my own whiteboard, I've discovered a new way to unload those racing thoughts:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/board_zpscaaoqxrv.jpg

Off to the gym ... have a good evening/day folks. :)

[Dahila]

Train that monkey mind;)) I really like what you guys do, I am so impressed

[Ponder]

Hows things in the land of soap :)

[Dahila]

1699170017011702eh , on Saturday is big show, costed a lot to be there, we will see. I need to show what I do, the only worry i have that there will be more of people like me, and I am small, still small I will upload my mock table here so you see. Pics are not good, I took them to have on the phone when I set up the table.

[Ponder]

I really appreciate getting up in the mornings and seeing the odd post reaching out from across the other side of the world. It's good your still putting up with me Dahila. :)- The first thing that stands our when looking at your table, is the time of love that has gong into your products. I also feel the earthy tones between the tablecloth, product display units, glass bottles and various caps adds to the theme. If your competing with others, I would encourage by saying your already off to a good start given the quality of your display. May I suggest you give thought to a small back drop attached to the back of you table to contrast further the products on display? Something about 20 to 30cm above (above the highest point of your display units) and across the back section of your table? I'm assuming this would allow reaching over and have you still visible from mid torso level? (you could simply add a small board with two bricks and stand on that to make up the difference :) ) Just a thought to assist with impact is all. I best pull up before too many thoughts overload my mind. :)

It looks really good Dahila. I am impressed! Please do keep me informed as to how your project goes from week to week and THANKS heaps for showing me the pics. Always love it when others can share like so.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ___________

My mentor friend is coming over today. Might do some work on the website. I only have one more on the funding pitch side of things ... then I go back through it all and take out unesscary words and polish the over all structure ... in fact now that I have nearly finished the pitch, I can reword my mission statement as well as vision. I'm a bit slow with that kind of thing but getting there. If anything, I have been consistent with this project. Being like so has been the key to both Lisa and I loosing so much weight and reclaiming the best parts of our health that are to be had.

Wishing you well Dahila and anyone else that bothers to read.

Peace out ...
Until next time. :)

[Dahila]

this is the table in my workshop, the show will have dressed tables, all the same. How I have no idea. I am taking with my white lace also and this brown runner. It is not booth, it is just a table. If I had a booth it would be different but 300 for a 6 hours of booth 10x10 ' it is just too much . No not really visible I am 5.4 Dave, with the 30 cm of drops you could only see my head at least on this table, It is high table in my workshop:))

[JohnC]

Howdy my friends, Just checking in and letting you know that i am still among the living. Dahl the soap looks really nice! peace my friends

[Dahila]

17031704John it is so good to see you. We are still here, but it seems it is just us D. and D. how are John, how is work and everything.
My show was a disaster , but thanks to other vendors who were fascinated by my products I am only -50 dollars.......... others had not sell anything. it was beautiful show but not people maybe 8 came in. We all want the refund or some kind of compensation. I lost what I could sell on Market, but on the other hand I do not consider this time wasted, it is all new experience, and kind and nice people. I took a pic or two of my table

[Kirk]

I like to see people smiling and happy.

[Ponder]

Hi Kirk, sometimes even when I kid myself with a smile in the mirror, I end up smiling for real :)

How's things?

[Kirk]

They are OK. I have had health anxiety for many years and I am 59. My first marriage broke up when I was very young partially due to the HA. I have now been married
almost 30 years and have one daughter who is almost 26. Medicine and therapy never worked for me, so I have had to tough it out when flare ups periodically hit me. People on
this forum appear pretty friendly and hopefully I can contribute something to it. Thanks for asking also.

[Dahila]

Hi Kirk it is nice to see you here, you are close to my age , oh man. You must know how to deal with anxiety. Like Ponder I smile to the mirror (fake one of course) the process of moving your face muscles somehow cheat our brain in surge of serotonin. I do this all the time........
Mr. Ponder when you have a sec knock on my door. :)

[Kirk]

Thank you Dahila. I try to smile and laugh when I can, but it can be tough. We are supposed to be heading up to Canada on vacation coming up
around mid June. We are flying direct non-stop to Montreal from Dulles and hopefully take a train to see Quebec City and possibly Ottawa while we
are their. This is my 5th trip to Canada and Canada is clean and nice. We were in Montreal in 1988 and Toronto twice and Windsor once. No complaints.
My wife said she read you can see Ottawa in just a day.

[Ponder]

Hi Guys. Really pleased you stopped by Kirk. Thanks heaps for sharing like so. Thanks for your contribution! :) I only wish I have more time guys. I will have to catch up latter. Mostly because I used what little time I had in another thread. Doh! Kicking myself now. -

Kirk - I would love to hear what does work for you on occasion? Flying about places sounds like a good trip. :)

I look forward to catch up with guys a bit later.

Hope everyone is as well as can be.

Edit - KNOCK KNOCK :)

[Dahila]

Lol Ponder :)) you made me laugh ;))

[TreeStar]

The last few posts on this thread have made me smile.

I'm going to try the mirror thing.

[Dahila]

Kirk when you are in southern Ontario just let me know, it is possible that you are going to be in my city ;)) Yes compare to states Canada is clean, but I regret I had not come to live in Us. Life is tough here, and imagine i chose Canada due it's health services, there is 30% of it left. New cuts coming. I have no idea what they are doing with health care. In my city they cut number of beds, one hospital only 160 beds out. We, having universal health care, have no care at all. The wait to see family doc is two weeks lately. To see a specialist is from 6 months to one year. Life is so expensive here. I love Canada, do not get me wrong, it is my home. I wish I could go and see Montreal and Ottawa, never had time of funds for traveling. Now it is difficult, my DH can not travel a long time due to his DVT. DVT which was a fault of our health care. eh
BTW fake smile is still a smile, so ssmileeeeeeee people:))

[Ponder]

Hi TreeStar. That's a nice username you have come up with there. The "mirror thing" :) - I have been doing a little more since mentioning it by chance in the previous posts. It seems to actually help despite feeling overloaded at times. I also now reminding myself when I am feeling down, that it can just be a simple case of battery running low.

I hope the mirror thing worked :)

[Kirk]

Dahila, I am sorry your DH feels so poorly. When it takes so long to see a specialist, that is not good.
DVT's are a real danger, so I understand fully.

[Kirk]

I need to keep my mind occupied, so I feel less health anxiety and worry.
I work a fair amount of hours a week as I have a small business with one full
time employee and a part time one when I need the extra help. I usually get to
my office around 730 am and stay until 6-630 pm 5 days a week and sometimes I
have to work a weekend day, which I don't like to do but I really have no _____ choice
sometimes. My business is not what it used to be and I have had it for around 14 years.
Some days I wish I was invisible.

[TreeStar]

Hi TreeStar. That's a nice username you have come up with there. The "mirror thing" :) - I have been doing a little more since mentioning it by chance in the previous posts. It seems to actually help despite feeling overloaded at times. I also now reminding myself when I am feeling down, that it can just be a simple case of battery running low.

I hope the mirror thing worked :)

Thank you, it's my poet name. I tried doing a mindful excersise with the smiling in the mirror, feeling my muscles move as I watch them. I started a 4 week therapy course two weeks ago, third session is today and we're doing an intense 'mindfulness,' so that will be interesting.

I forget that tiredness can attribute to feeling low these days, so I keep thinking there's something when really I just need to recharge my batteries,

[TreeStar]

I need to keep my mind occupied, so I feel less health anxiety and worry.

Umm, have you tried origami? I've been doing ait quite a lot, helps to keep my mind occupied.

[Ponder]

Srry to hear work is more confining than not Kirk. I do hope that may change for you. Are there any small changes you could make to improve upon your current situation? I’ve been spreading myself a bit thin of late and been thinking much on Dahila’s previous mention to me on that. I’m going to be telling a few new friends that I need more time to work so that I am not rushing so much. I appreciate hearing just how hectic your work is. Again, I hope you’re able to make some kind of new assessment where you can work out a plan to dial back a little bit?

I love Poetry TreeStar. When I am not so tired and manage to string my words together in a coherent way, I am thankful for the insights poetry has bestowed upon me when it comes to my new found and ever evolving ability to write. I’m really glad to hear others reaping the benefits of mindfulness practice as well. EDIT - please feel free to share any of your works in here ... would love to see some of your poems ... or even if you have a link. :)

Hope all is well Dahila? Whilst things are hectic here, I seem to be floating well enough. : ) My website is all over the place – I’ve been asked to be more clearer in my presentation. That was hard for me to take, but I will try. I’m thinking of joining Toast Masters once more. To remain positive, I tell myself that I am much further along than the last time I tried public speaking. I now have something of a decent topic to talk about with my homeless advocacy project and what not. I have about 20 days left to prepare a speech as I am now invited as guest speaker to one of the well-known local charity funders.

On that note, I best go make my website more concise and take out all the poetic speech. The latter is going to hurt me a lot as I like to be creative with my communications. None the less, I have to learn to speak the political language in order to get off the mark. However be assured, as soon as this “selling” of self is done, I will for sure be returning to my style of writing when it comes to reaching out.

I best get cracking.

Take care Kirk – I hope you find some much needed space to relax and do whatever makes you feel good. Same to you TreeStar, Dahila and everyone else.

Peace out. ;)

[Ponder]

I took the next step and rang Toast Masters. That's pretty major, but figure I can pull it off step by step. Last time I joined I had no real goal. This time I have something to focus on and also figure I can come up with topics of interest at a basic level. One thing that weighed me down last time was focusing too much on the negatives whilst being in a state not quite so ready to speak out. I'll be mindful of that this time around.

[Dahila]

Well,well, you are brave Ponder. I would not overcome public speaking, except when I am selling. ;)
I am sorry Kirk you working long hours and not having a lot of benefits from it. I lost my job due the company merge. Then I think I need to do what I like and I am making my products. At least it gives me satisfaction. Today I made a round soaps with buttermilk and Zinc oxide, it should be really mild soap good for young kids.
I report that 3rd time in the last 7 years I went to lie down to put my legs up and fall asleep. No good. At least I had energy to make the soaps. I am good, mentally at least , physically is so so.

[TreeStar]

I love Poetry TreeStar. When I am not so tired and manage to string my words together in a coherent way, I am thankful for the insights poetry has bestowed upon me when it comes to my new found and ever evolving ability to write. I’m really glad to hear others reaping the benefits of mindfulness practice as well. EDIT - please feel free to share any of your works in here ... would love to see some of your poems ... or even if you have a link. :)

Hopefully I will get some up onto a blog soon. I have a poetry reading a couple of weeks, trying to build up some confidence to read at that.

[Ponder]

You sound like your holding well Dahila. It felt good to read your last post like so. You've been a huge support to me and I with posts like that I can see why. OK enough back slapping. :)

Have you tried recording yourself and using the mirror at the same time Tree Star?

[Dahila]

Well , I just went to see my blood tests result and it is pretty scary , a lot of results are flagged. So maybe I am not that good. HM What do you think D?

[Ponder]

hmmmm - first thought is be careful with how you react as you might give credit to those results. In fact, I tend to defy the odds by accepting whatever comes my way and hope that in doing so that the damage will be less. Best we can do is take the path of less resistance. OK OK ... I ease up on all the zen philosophy. LOL :)

Seriously - is how I live with my torn ass hole that's yet to bear the weight of repeated use. :) Is best as I can say?

[Ponder]

Allow to to prescribe the following:
http://nirvanarelaxation.radio.net/
Be quick ... some really great vibes on it about now. :)

[Dahila]

thanks , I just calmed down. I need to start what you do quit on meds especially gabapentin and lose some weight ........... thanks, my health anxiety just lifted up its ugly head......

[Kirk]

My health anxiety raises its ugly head suddenly. At one point a number of years ago, I thought I was going to have a meltdown, but
I pulled out of it. I gets these weird symptoms sometimes and I try to blow them off.

[TreeStar]

(post deleted, combined two)

[TreeStar]

Dahila, and Kirk, can I ask how you both cope when your HA gets bad?




Have you tried recording yourself and using the mirror at the same time Tree Star?

No, not tried that :/

[Kirk]

I try to keep busy and distract myself the best that I can with work, hobbies, family, friends, etc.

[Dahila]

Hobbies, and hobbies, thanks heaven I love books and learning English from the books was so much fun, still is. I do distract myself with , not necessary this order; books, small paintings, making natural soaps and body products, sowing on occasion, gardening, flowers and veggies. Tv shows junkie, Tarot cards reading and constant studying it. Lately I started to learn how to make awesome boxes for my soaps. Not only boxes but at the same time have them printed. Picking up , drying and using herbs, then making healing salves...........With having so many hobbies I really do not have time for normal relation with people, so I am called antisocial ;))

[phuongtrinhqn1102]

thanks . bai post rất có giá trị.....................

[JohnC]

Ponder and Dahlia who know me well with my HA that i have had forever. My Latest, i started having this "weird heart beating or fluttering " not sure what it was at the time so i just figured it was my HA or stress from this new job so i just waited it out and tried not to think about it but it never went away and after several days of non stop heart issues i had to go in to see a cardiologist. After some blood work it turns out i was really low on sodium and potassium and magnesium. She changed my blood pressure meds and it is almost gone although i do have some return when the job stresses me out. with HA i guess you never know when to go in. I have had it so long that in my younger years i would run to doc. for everything but now i just wait it out but hell that could kill me too.
Changing subject, i still can't believe how far you have come P and you should be proud of yourself, keep it up.
Peace to all my AF friends
P.S. i gotta stop in more often to keep up but dam my life is getting complicated with three kids and new job etc, etc. i got my oldest turning 16 this next week and she thinks she is 25:rolleyes:
Peace all

[Ponder]

Hi John!!! Glad to hear you got some positive results in the end. So happy to see you again my friend. :) lol re your mentions of your oldest. My best wishes to you and yours. Thanks for you kind words. I've been flat out. I do hope your able to pop in a little more, but understand better what is going on with your update. Thanks for filling us in. Again ... we love to hear from you when ever your able.

I think I owe a lot to the people with HA in hear for sharing as they have. I've only been learning more about it since joining AF. It helps me to better respect others that I do not understand so well. Some of the positive response strategies mentioned here sound very similar to what I also use. It's good we all have things in common.John

Hope you are well Dahila, Kirk, TreeStar,John and phuongtrinhqn1102 - must be some good dynamics going on to see so many different names. Good to see. The more the merrier. :)

[Kirk]

Ponder, thanks for the positive response. I have nothing to hide about my HA. It has given me a tough time over the years and I
would not wish it upon anyone.

[Ponder]

Your welcome Kirk. I’m just going to ramble a little bit, but will try not to burden others with my load. Sigh. The toast masters thing was somewhat depressing. Emphasis on employment and other aspects of social status were ever present as always with such gatherings bent on shaping the minds of others. I seem to get little acknowledgement when highlighting my community voluntary position. It was repeatedly told to me that many could not attend as they were called away to either do surgery or on matters of great importance. Not wishing to be put off, I attempted to observe in a most nonjudgmental way; at least that I was humanly capable of doing. The more the meeting went on, the more I knew it was not for me. The best I could figure is that I needed to find a toast masters medium between a criminal and mental institution.

It's back to meditation for me. :)

[Ponder]

Righto, now that I have owned my dissatisfaction with the toast masters episode as best I could ... I have to admit that I have been struggling a little of late. You know how hard it can be resisting those things outside our control and or being hard on ourselves for not making enough effort with those matters we later figured were in fact within our means. One of those live and learn scenarios that goes for both ourselves and others. It can be hard when learning such lessons when going through them at the same time with loved ones. Having to both endure and watch at the same time.

I woke up at about 2:30am and got out of bed around 3:00am. I've always found that not fighting insomnia is the best way to right one’s clock. Something I read once and must say works well for me. I just got up and figured I would wait (still am) till it’s time to jump in my car, go pick up my eldest daughter and run laps around the hockey oval. That will in about another hour.

The whole thing with the website my wife and I are doing ... well that's being met with as much resistance as we meet with ourselves. However - in knowing this like so, we are keen to hold the fort and work it into something of worth. That's what I am at least telling myself.

I miss writing like so. I think I mentioned that early in this thread. I am more effective when writing from heart and soul. Such requires plenty of space. Again ... the website thing has been full on and due to taking short cuts on the more immediate concerns of life (food - sleep - relationships and so on) I have not afforded myself much space at all.
__________________________________

It showed at men's group to be sure - I was quick paced in my speech and rather erratic; but that's OK! I am just one of the gang living as best I can with whatever predispositions ... such is life in the fast lane. An orbit that this planet does not travel so well. We do well to keep our balance at all when you consider how we humans currently sit. Is not so bad when I consider this.

This Sunday I am going fishing with a new friend I recently made. I generally don't like fishing, but don't mind doing so having made this new friend. ZZZZZZzzz I am repeating myself now ... feeling much better for having written all this I guess.

I think is time to leave this rant for what it is.

Thanks for listening ... have a good day my friends. :)

[Ponder]

I just finish with one last thought - more so an insight. After glimpsing my forum signature and thinking on last nights toast masters meeting, I realized people are quick to change themselves in order to change others; that they lose sight of genuine intent. I've also been seeing this with others telling my wife and I, that we need to get on board with others before our own intent will be considered. Re operating as an unincorporated organisation Vs being controlled by others in matters of community / inter-agency affairs. That is another story ... but leave that sit for now.

I guess what I am saying ... is that it's hard renaming true to self whilst attempting to be someone else.

I start stretching to get in a good morning's exercise session.

I think I am now truly done with this mornings waffling.

[Kirk]

As I have aged, I find myself caring less what others think of me. The other week, I ran into someone I don't see too often and I have known him for
40 plus years. I used to be very thin and as I have aged, I have gained some weight and need to lose 10-15 pounds or so. When he saw me, he touched my
stomach and said I had gained weight in a bit of a cynical way. I then told him, sorry Mr. Perfect. I then said to him if you don't have nothing nice to say,
don't say anything at all. I don't criticize anyone. it is not in their or my best interest to do so. I would do what best suits your particular situation and not
listen to others as they are not experts either.

[Ponder]

Many are sidetracked with all kinds of influential conditioning. My experience with going back to toast masters was more a reflection of where I have traveled despite making the effort to view several perspectives. Without meaning to judge, my awareness of the situation was more discerning the implications with what was not said. Simply put, I sensed more of what was behind the words and what my perception really meant about me.

Good point Kirk - Indeed. People can try and tell us, but what matters most is what the person in the mirror thinks.

[Dahila]

Well the rant helped me, your rant P. it helped me. Kirk I had a situation years ago. From size 4 to size 12 in a few months, I went to Polish delicatessen and I heard screaming " D>>>>> you are awfully big, I had not recognize you till you start talking to the teller" The shop was full and everyone looked at me. I left, without commenting. Karma is a bitch gents. Few years later I met this idiot when I took my grandchild to Polish school. Imagine my surprise when I had seen a whale body and could not recognize her, She said hey and bla bla. The only difference was I had not commented on her weight gain. Yeah getting older give you the ability not to care what people think.
I am even older than you Kirk and really, I think only about me, how I feel, and how I react. The rest of world is a blur.

[Ponder]

Likewise Dahila - great share. TY :)

[Kirk]

I agree. People judge you without knowing all of the facts. For example, since I own a very small business with one full time
employee and sometimes a part time employee, people think I am a multi-millionaire. You would be surprised some of the
comments I have had said to me over the years. It is a joke. As my old boss used to say, perception is reality.

[Kirk]

I will be 60 this year and even though I have all of my hair, it is getting more gray, I sometimes don't sleep as well,
etc. Their was an actress once that said, aging is not for wimps and I believe she may be right on target with that statement.

[Kirk]

In fact, some days I feel like crap, but I push onward as what choice do I have?

[Dahila]

let's face it gents, we go through a lot of shit, especially Ponder. We are survivors and even in the bleakest hour of the night there is always something positive, I still have a place to go to talk (here) I still have someone who read what I write, it is not bad, not bad at all. We do not rush anywhere anymore, we living our life finally :))
Aging is not for the wimps that for sure

[Ponder]

You got that right Dahila. I really needed that boost Dahila ... thanks heaps.

Today I made 24 meals (dinners) for my grandson - that was positive. I manage to do it on shopping day as well. Kitchen is a bomb site, but was well worth it just knowing how much it helps out. I know it may feel like we don't have choices, but we don't have to believe that.

Goodnight folks. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Dahila]

D making a meal for loved ones is like a drinking from the fountain of love. Very good. Yes we do have choice, I am actually slowly getting out of gabapentin, even it helped a lot it gives a false result for blood glucose. Yesterday someone offer to give my business card to spa owner. Well maybe,........ I keep my fingers crossed........;)

[Ponder]

I always tend not to hold my breath with such well meaning gestures D - however I am feeling pleased with the spirit in which you have been writing of late. That someone must be really pleased also with the way you are going to be making such statements. That alone is a feather regardless of whether anything comes of the passing of cards or not. If it gives you a buzz and that inspires you to keep pushing forward then that's great. Just be careful how hard you push is all. OR push hard but don't expect too much I guess?

I'm looking at the bomb site in the kitchen now. :) I can beat it I guess. One step at a time and put on some cool vibes.

That's a wrap from me.

Peace out guys.

[Kirk]

You all are lucky you can cook. I can't cook a bit. My wife does not cook either. Either we carry out or eat out. I remember growing up, my mother used to cook. Come to think of it, I had a pretty screwed up childhood at times. My mother used to hit me and verbally abuse me sometimes. I remember when I used to go to a shrink, the shrink would blame my childhood for my health anxiety. I really wish I had a better relationship with my mother, but it was tough. She passed away in 2012 at 81. A little late to worry about it now. I forgive my mother as maybe she had mental illness also. She was not happy. We were poor when I was growing up. My father worked 7 days a week at crummy jobs to make ends meat. What else can I say as he passed away in 2013 at age 93.

[Kirk]

I remember the psychiatrist said their are 2 factors than influence anxiety and they are environment and heredity. He said I had both. so it is tougher to beat but it can be done. I should have asked him does he have any more good news to tell me.

[Ponder]

I am yet to meet one that can tell me something that I don't already know. Smiles at your comment regarding Good News. :) I hear ya, I really do. I save myself time and money by telling myself such things.

Today was a good day for me. Had my usual struggles, but pleased for the progress made and also for what the morning brings. Had a day off exercise wise, but looking forward to a good run in the morning.

OH YEA: Our PEERHAPS venture is now officially registered with the charity commission. :)

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/charity-milestone_zpsdfkw6fvd.png (http://www.acnc.gov.au/RN52B75Q?ID=D1B88EE0-A416-4B9B-AB74-6F4ABF78EE81&noleft=1)

[Dahila]

eh I am not really putting any attention what people promise. ..... Do not worry, I keep going very slow. tomorrow my day at market and they call for high temps. No good. The last Saturday was not good but my old clients come to the house, not the fortune but a few extra dollars. Kirk I am as well as you, have hereditary and environmental anxiety, but focusing on it does not help. We all struggling here. I started to wonder how much of my suffering was of my actions. I think a lot. I can not even imagine eating the food made by industry.
I had the opportunity to work in few places, fast foods, restaurants, and I will not to go to restaurant. I need to see how it is made. I do not touch soya, peanut oil, tofu, corn and alot of foods are used in production of foods. What about Canola, the cheapest oil , used everywhere, pure poison. I love fish but only farmed one is available, thank you very much. I am pumped in with all toxic waste, I rather make my food .....from scratch

I still have to buy a lot of veggies, and dry ingredients; like grains, or dry beans. No cans in this house.............excetera........excetera
BTW I was 25 when I first time cooked (correctly) potatoes. I learned everything when I got my children. I had to make foods for them. My daughter had an easy access to all this foods on the shelf but my smart granddaughter would not eat that. :) Must be some hereditary after all she is 1/4 my blood ;))

[Ponder]

I trust all has gone or is going well with your stall today Dahila. :) This morning I go pick up my grandson to give our daughter a break. Just about ready to go for a jog. Is hard to keep on track with the food no matter what way we eat - but there is always better choices to make no matter how toxic it all be. Sometimes the best we can do is believe that we will come out the others side all the better for remaining hopeful rather than not. Right now I don't feel like going for this jog, but I keep myself believing that if I approach it the right way, I can pull off an hour long run if I simply take it in my stride.

:( Lisa is still not doing well - I try also to be hopeful in that, but sometimes reality has it that not all our optimism rubs off. I am going through the same thing watching my daughter dive back into depression. I'm hoping to baby sit a lot more with my grandson and at the same time help him find the same kind of space that I am looking for. I think if I do it right, it will help his mum a lot as well. See what happens. SIGH -

I know one thing - I am certainly looking forward to camping out soon!!! Perhaps that is when I do my next Vlog.

Take care, I go do this jog ...

Just using ambiance for vibes, I tried going back to old tunes, BUT - is akin to clinging to the past for me. Ambiance helps to keep my mind clean. :)

[Dahila]

I thought it was Friday, I will on market tomorrow, but not high hopes it is going to be hot and humid, I do not think people will come. well
I am so sorry Lisa does not feel good, it is awful actually. No hope for the change....:(
Spending time with the little one is precious, is it not?
In my family depression is in our genes I think. My children suffer with it, I do. Oh maybe it is not depression but rather moods swing, I am never level, I am up and down, Maybe it is the time to just live with it.
It is very difficult for me to take charge of my emotions.
6 day of clean eating. We will see what next:)) Have a happy jog Dave, Kirk have a good weekend. ;)

[Ponder]

Hi D - I ended up making it a power walk instead then had a light breakfast. About to head off to the gym. Srry to hear the heat and humidity are not so agreeable. Yea, I know what you mean about the gene therapy. :) ... I find it's much easier to accept it's a human fallibility issue more than anything else. No matter how good it looks that others have it, they too suffer the same lessons. Some suffer less and others more. The way we meet such suffering can have others getting more out of life despite going through more pain
than others. Reminding myself of that helps me to overcome, rather than take charge. Control is too resistant in my opinion; although there be many versions of control ... perhaps learning to guide ourselves is better said when it comes to alleviating the pain of living.

My dialing back the intensity from jogging to walking was a good decision - Just like making healthier food choices based on how my body is feeling, so too it is the same when deciding what action to take. I know it can be draining just seeing and hearing our loved ones suffer in pain ... so it was I left some fuel in my tank as I endure listening to Lisa moan and groan with her pain ... same also to watch my grand son struggle in frustration with his little fits and then my daughter as she endures the anxiety of her struggles as well.

I care not to focus on negative aspect of my own issues and or the enduring of all the above ... I know I have to keep moving forward and making healthy choices. People do not understand me when I say I need a body that I can feel. Medications rob me of that vital aspect to living - With all that is going on, I still see myself as living and living well! There is no such thing as life without pain and to fool oneself into thinking that living like so is not normal, is simply playing into the consumerist way. Such a way is short lived and in fact creates more pain.

I'm off to the gym to lift some light weights. :) Keep on keeping on Dahila ... whatever your doing seems to be working ... do what works for you. All this rambling is only subject to what works for me. Please remember that. I am my own audience ... however very glad you always seem to come and listen. Whilst we are similar, I know we each have our own copping strategies.

Peace out ... I will have a good day.

[Dahila]

I will always come and listen. Yeah the day was ok beside small panic attack, I always get it on Friday, the stress of going to Market is sometimes overwhelming......... Each of us have their portion of suffering. I hide it pretty well so people do not believe I am anxious. They actually have no idea. eh

[Kirk]

I think you are right Dahila in that we can cause our own anxiety and maybe I do contribute to it by faulty thinking.
I will need to work on that. Thanks for the advice. We are heading up to Montreal and Quebec City soon. It is a short
flight than goodness.

[Dahila]

Hi Kirk hi D. it is good to see you guys. My day at market was bad, slow, I had not sell much. I got an idea, for years I was working with tarot cards, (thanks to Hindu people for inventing my best friends) My sales do not go well but I though. What if I offer free reading after they spend 50 backs on my products. Price of 20 when they spend 30. What do you think guys? Could it work? I had read for people for years, so maybe it will bring some customers.......

[Kirk]

Hey Dahila, I think it is worth a chance as you really have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.

[Dahila]

Thank you Kirk...............:))

[Ponder]

I'm thinking it might be an opportunity to reignite an old passion? Are you making enough to cover the stall costs? Maybe complement your store with crystals and the like as well. How long is a reading and do you have someone to watch and sell your stuff when taking the time to focus like so? I think its a good idea. I think Kirk hits the nail on the head with his comment.

Hope all is well Kirk. :)

[Ponder]

I must stop drinking coffee!!! Huge slip for me.

[Dahila]

No , I could not to do in place like market it would be in my home and I have difficulties to have shorter than an hour. I share booth with hairdresser and I have only one table, the rent went 100% up so now it is not easy to cover it, especially on Summers, it is slow.....

[Ponder]

DAY ONE - Juice fasting: Time for a solid food vacation.

I'd be interested to know how your readings go Dahila.

I'm off to do a few laps of the hockey oval ... I'm going to ease up on the exercise whilst I enter into this juice fast attempt. ;)

[Ponder]

Scratch that last post - SCRATCHHHHHH - I'm throwing in the odd smoothy until I have used up all my food. I'm still considering this a solid Food Vacation though. Just going to have to play this next week and a half by ear. The intent is still the same. Clean consumption all over again.

[Ponder]

So what else is happening?

[Ponder]

There are no chemical solutions for lifestyle related problems. Change your lifestyle. I like the message in this:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qd5xGUeZ7Xc

[Ponder]

I guess the other side to the above context with Cure is Pure! How pure does one want to be? I think I will let pain be the gauging factor to that. Trouble is that most things we consume today do not bring on the pain till it's too late ... or more over until we start making excuses. Just my theory, however this John Rose character makes a lot of sense to me

I'm off for another walk. This week I am feeling depleted, but being careful not to give up during such a phases.

Although I've been getting plenty of exercise, I have not been getting enough sun imo. I think when people reason they go to the gym, they figure they don't need much outdoor exposure. It's time I worked on stabilizing my maintain phases and actually enjoy the hard yards I have put in.
exposure.

It's time to ease up on the body by dialing back the intensity of exercise, work more on daily routine ... quality sleep ... eating clean and so on.

Sounds like a plan.

[Ponder]

Hey guys, I'm just going to freestyle for therapy's sake. Looking forward to my morning jog with my eldest daughter who is making progress with lapping the oval. Will do a work out after that. I know I said I was going to take it easy but feeling the need to arc up somewhat. I'll just be careful not to let sparks fly. Today's men's group kind of sucked. We seem to be losing structure with more Mammy's Whammy kind of stuff destabilizing an otherwise deep connection that some of us had going. I understand the efforts being employed to get others to come out of their shell, however we seem to have more people turning up for the sake of simply making appearances than anything else.

I ended up making friends with one of the guys. We have been fishing and I've made a few visits. Helping him out with downloading some movies and TV series to give him a much needed distraction from all the community mental health harassment this guy has been going through. Involuntary Treatment Orders with people sticking their noses into his business always in a threatening and clinical manner ... you get the picture ... if not ... you do now.

Lisa is flying clear across the country on Friday for a few days to attend a family wedding. I'll be going to the movies with my new found friend to watch the "The Conjuring 2" That morning I'll be meeting with the guy that's stepping in as guest speaker for me to talk shop with the whole charity PEERHAPS thing. The more I am learning about the Community Services and the BS attached with all that, the more I want nothing to do with receiving assistance. Society needs more independent groups to expose the BS that is keeping people service reliant. By the time I finish answering questions I am sure no one is going to want to support us at any rate which is fine by me ... the only people we want to support are people like me. Trouble with peer workers that seek certification is that all that shared experience is trained out of them.

SIGH ... anyways ... I saw my therapist today and she seem to completely agree. Told me it is why she remains within the private sector. We spoke a little about how the system abuses and or exploits the process of "self referral" ... How can you expect people without legs to get up and fucking walk? That kind of thing. How community workers are always saying that sick people need to pick themselves up ... and justifying why they do not pick up the phone and making the fucking effort to make follow up calls. SIGHHHHHH ... but no ... the system would rather wait until its time to take the kids from their mums when they can no longer cope. I wonder ... does anyone out there understand what I mean? Community services workers are such blugers when it comes to pulling rank, quoting policies and blaming the sick for not having picked themselves up and making the effort to ring. Fucking Koalas we call those people who sit on their asses and do not do their jobs ... lazy fuckers ...

... and that's all I have to say about that.

Righto ... I think I have dumped enough for the night. Certificate III in exposing the BS.
Adios

Edit ... PS - It's sad to think that when the penny finally drops that such complacent attitudes are then ever present during the follow up calls/visits ... hmmmm - one can only hope to hang in long enough to cross those special people that have the skills to actually help.

[Ponder]

Good news Dahila - I pm. Just quickly and then I tell more later. :)

[Dahila]

Thank you very much D:))

[Ponder]

Who here still smokes? Click the image to find out it's not too late:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/quit-smoking-2_zpsehcxzqtj.png (http://whyquit.com/whyquit/A_Benefits_Time_Table.html)

[Dahila]

I think on May 1 was my 7th anniversary of no smoking

[Ponder]

CONGRATS Dahila :)
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/quit-smoking-2_zpsehcxzqtj.png May 15th 2007 - over 9 years for me. :)
I encouraged my eldest to try giving up again. She is a couple of days into it. It's hard for her as she has two others who smoke around her home.

ATM no one in our extended family smokes. It's a filthy and disgusting habit. Srry - but when it comes to poison like that ... I call it like I see it. How brainwashed we were and still others are.

[Ponder]

-------------Smoking Helps Me to Relax:-----------
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/smoking_zpslusbfquh.png
------Give up smoking, then we will talk about anxiety------

[Dahila]

Imagine, from the early childhood I was suffering with asthma, and I was raised in house of smokers, constant smokers. They stopped smoking in the same room when docs told them I am going to die. They moved close to mountain so I had a change of climate, my attacks stopped, then they started to smoke again. I pick it up, who would not ....It is in my blood, After a life time of struggling, my partner had dare me... you probably know what happen.
He is still smoking, I am not. He told me that he would quit but i am a smoker so it does not make sense, Well he still smoking I am not anymore.
To mobilize me to do something, tell me not to do, or that I will not be able to do:))
I had seen people like that lady. Actually one of my friends (10 younger than me) looks like her.......imagine what this poison does to skin, body, organs.
My only regrets is that I had not done it 20 years ago.......

[Ponder]

I still see this kind of thing about the place:
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Catch%20up%20later_zpsdz3zrdi6.jpg

[Ponder]

All this smoking has made me feel like going for a run.
BRB.

[Dahila]

knock, knock , how was the run?
I had spend the last 4 hours finishing and packing my Cooling foot balm, it is wonderful with cocoa butter. then I made the laundry detergent probably for the next 4 years ;))

[Ponder]

lol - was good thanks Dahila ... really tired tonight ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz will make a better effort to catch up in the morning. The foot balm sounds like something I could use. Sounds like a real treat. :)

[Kirk]

Dahila, just got back from Canada. Went to Montreal and Quebec City and both were very nice.

[Ponder]

Just noticed the (MD) Kirk ... what does the (MD) mean - is it a status thing?

[Dahila]

Hi gents, nice to see you both. We have such temps today and tomorrow up to 32-40 Celsius, awful. Yesterday my cosmetics become runny a bit, was so hot. Almost no sale, people rush to the lakes not to markets
Kirk have you notice how clean are Canada's cities compare to States? It was a shocking experience for me. You chose the nice places to go. Both of that cities have French influence, Ottawa Canada's capital, is a beautiful city, but Montreal and the people there are the best ;)) I am happy you like it. I am happy to have you back to :)

[Kirk]

Thanks. Montreal and Quebec City are very clean, but the traffic was massive. We stayed in downtown Montreal and in the old town of Quebec City. It took us 3 hours to
drive from Montreal to Quebec City. The traffic reminded me of the Baltimore beltway or the DC suburbs traffic. People cut you off and drive crazy. Everyone was very
friendly, but we had a bit of difficulty communicating with some people as their english was poor, but overall, everyones english was great. The flight was very fast.
It took 100 minutes up and 50 minutes back to Dulles. I am going out to lunch later with my wife, daughter and her boyfriend for fathers day. Ponder, by the way, MD is just
an abbreviation for Maryland. It is a big day this week in Baltimore for the trial of the Baltimore City policeman. If he is not convicted, the riots may come back again.

[Ponder]

Glad to hear it ... thought I would have to make a new thread if you were some kind of certified doctor.

[Ponder]

Meat Is For Pussies:
http://tunein.com/topic/?TopicId=38457685

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18505838-meat-is-for-pussies

Smashes much of the stereotyping that goes on in and outside of the gym. Highlights just how docile most people are when it comes to understanding what they eat and how it keeps them chained to the pharmaceutical and medical industry. Yum Yum ...

More written for men ... but "skinny bitch" I hear is a good read for women.

Yadda yadda

Have a good day. ;)

[Ponder]

On that note, I'm off to take my medicine. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/fans/hiking-smiley-emoticon.gif

[Dahila]

hey !! what medicine?
I miss you guys so I came here for a moment. I am going to take my sowing machine downstairs so maybe I will make a table cover for the show:))

[Kirk]

On the plane rides back and forth, I took a half of Xanax to relax. It always works wonders for me when I am flying. Good luck at the show!

[Kirk]

I meant Valium and not Xanax. My brain is confused. Fatigue, age and stress maybe.

[Dahila]

I am nervous when flying too, would not do without Ativan, Fear of flying keeps me here, I should go back home for a visit but I am too scared. Money is an issue also...........

[Ponder]

I need to find some common ground.
I hand this thread over to you Kirk.
_________________________________________

I will PM later Dahila.

Adios - over & out.

[Ponder]

To remain transparent - I have put you on ignore Kirk - although technically one of us is no longer transparent.
We shall remain on opposite pages mate.

[Kirk]

I still suffer from health anxiety from time to time. My internal medicine physician told me that I can take the Valium once a week, but I am
trying not to. Anxiety runs in my family, sorry to say. I had a couple of heart skips while on vacation and it always scares me to a point.