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View Full Version : Stuck and Hopeless.... Will I be ever normal again ?



samuel123
05-04-2016, 11:27 PM
Hello Everyone,



My name is sam. I had my first panic attack on 25th November 2015. I can not forget that day. I did not know what was happening to me... Sudden heart race.. tunnel vision... choking sensation. Then I started getting panic attacks quiet frequently. I was scared to leave my house..even to take shower. I lost my sleep, appetite and interest in everything. I did not know what was happening. I have done skydiving ,scuba diving , travelled countries alone. And now I was scared to even leave my room. All I wanted to do was to google my symptoms and look for answers. This continued for a month. Then I decided to visit my parents. Visiting my parents did help me, don't know how. My sleep cycle improved, from 3 hours to 6 -7 hours. Choking sensation was gone. Very few panic attacks.


After staying at my parents for a month, I had to resume to my old life. I thought everything was going well. I started exercising, I was no more afraid of showers, leaving house.. I was becoming normal and then...Something hit me again... Around Mid Feb 2016, I was in the kitchen and suddenly, out of nowhere I got tunnel vision. It was nothing like panic attack. It was different. I felt like I am in dream, I looked at my hand... my surrounding. I felt disconnected. I could recognize everything.. but still everything felt different. Felt like I am super high. I though its due to blood sugar or something. But No, The feeling continued . I felt like I was losing my mind .. going crazy. I googled my symptoms, those were more or less similar to Depersonalization/Derealization.I couldn't take it anymore.. So I decided to consult psychiatrist . After consultation , he diagnosed me with Anxiety Disorder, and put on medication. Medication made me numb, difficulty in orgasm, constant head pressure. Still I continued taking medication for months. It did'nt help me, so I stopped.

Its been 5 + months now,I haven't recovered yet completely. I question my existence, go deep into thoughts of space and universe. Vivid dreaming. Constant head pressure.Feel panicky, (Haven't had full blown panic attack sine 3 month though). Toughest part for me is to deal with feeling of depersonalization/derealization state. Its scary. When I look into the mirror, I feel different. I feel like I am disconnected with everything. When I look at other people and their NORMAL life, I feel like s**t.

I AM LOSING HOPE DAY BY DAY. I FEEL LIKE I AM WEAK AND STUCK,


What should I do ? will i ever be normal again.. any success stories are welcome. Please help me.

Sorry for long story.

annemieke87
05-05-2016, 11:50 AM
Hi Samuel 123. Sorry to hear your story. So now you got diagnosed by a psychiatrist and got meds? Did you also go see a psychologist? I am worried about you when you say that you are losing hope day by day, while there is some good help out there!

Ataner
05-05-2016, 03:59 PM
Hi. I suffered from PA and social phobias,and OCD for the last 8 years.Than started depression which was very bad. The only thing helped me get out of this horror is meditation. Every single day. I started from one download from amazon.:Mindfulness (mark willimas)- 8 week program. Then another download:Self compassion step by step (kristin neff). I meditated every day. Believe me it helps. Good audio book is "rewire your anxious brain" . It will help you to understand the anxiety and why PA are happening. Believe me you need to work on your condition. It won't go away till you start understand your brain and why it is doing it to you. I went through many yars of suffering and can not believe I am free ow. Every time I feel anxiety coming back i start do my old meditation. God Bless you. Hope you will get better. If you need any help on more information message me.

Ataner
05-05-2016, 04:02 PM
Never loose hope. There are many people in this world who recovered and live happy life even they had much worse symptoms. No better of what you have to always love your self and never judge your self. It is not your fault. It just our nervous system respond differently to life stress factors.

Anne1221
05-05-2016, 05:20 PM
If you can't get better on your own, find a good psychiatrist who will work with you to find just the right medication. They all have different side effects, so you hopefully will find one that will help you feel better, while not giving you too many of the side effects. I know there have been other men on this message board that take medication, so I would encourage you to not give up.

Dahila
05-05-2016, 08:38 PM
Hi Sam, one year, oh I wish, I think my first panic attack was like 50 years ago, still kicking ;))