Fed up today

[Carla]

It so frustrating. I am trying hard to be positive but its just not happening. Woke up tdoay feeling so unhappy - I cld stay here and cry forever until I am ancient. I went to see a consultant about my health yesterday as I have problems with kidneys and was told they cannot rule out anything serious at this stage until they have found out what is causing the problems - they have ruled out the common causes and I was told they are now looking for rarer causes and that I may need to have a kidney biopsy. I dont consider myself a weak person as I have been thro a lot,and still coping, like a lot of people do, and mostly I am positive but this uncertainty about my health has made me anxious and unhappy. I had blood tests and have had lots of them but there is not a reason so far to be found what is causing the real problems with my kidneys so now I have to have more tests and that involves more waiting. This has been going on for months. I was picked up for kidney problems thro tests when I went to see my doctor about how i was feeling - part of that was diagnosed as anxiety - and one of the tests to rule out anything else due to how i was feeling showed signs of kidney problems. I dont think I can be strong anymore cos my anxiety makes everything so difficult to deal with as in it feels 10 times harder to deal with things I cld previously have coped well with. Ok the alternative is I give up but what then? I have never 'given up' What happens when you 'give up' Do you just sit there forever until someone notices something is wrong? lol I have not felt this bad in ages.

[northstar]

dearest carla, i'm so sorry to see you have a rough time, you've been lending such good support to others here on the forum lately you deserve a bit of a break!

it's ok to have bad days, rememeber that. especially when you've got health worries, like you say stress is doubly hard to deal with when you have anxiety problems, the anxiety magnifies everything and makes it seem worse. is there anyone that you can talk to about it? sharing the strain can really help, it's simple but it can take a weight off your shoulders. i also wanted to say don't expect the worse just yet, doctors have to say things like they cannot rule out anything serious because if they tell a patient they will be fine and it turns out they were wrong then they can have lawsuits and other problems on their hands. so really they're just looking out for themselves, it doesn't mean that they are expecting the worst. so, as hard as it is with anxiety, try not to worry about something that hasn't happenend yet. easier said than done i know, but this situation is out of your control. you're already doing the best you can for yourself, try to focus on that :) and also modern medicine is amazing, even if the doctors do find something wrong then the chances are that they will also know how to solve the problem.

about giving up, i totally know how you feel. somedays it just seems that we've been given too much to deal with and we feeling like crippling under the pressure. but think about this: the choice is yours. you can give in to the anxiety if you like, you can live that life where you just sit forever and hope someone notices that there is something wrong. but if you do that then you are allowing yourself to become a victim to your own anxiety. and i know you are stronger than that, you've already been through so much, do you really want to stop now and allow the anxiety to win? imagine what kind of life that would be? is it really the kind of life that you want to live? think about all these things, you can choose whatever path you take in life, so you can choose to keep fighting and continue on a path to recovery or you can choose to give in, the power is in your hands.

i understand that some days the anxiety seems like it will just overwhelm you, it's a terrible thing to deal with, and i really wish you felt better. maybe try doing something nice for yourself today? go book yourself a massage or go for dinner in your favourite restaurant, have a big bubble bath full of lovely smelling things or treat yourself to a new outfit. go to the park and take some pictures of the autumn trees or rent out your favourite movie and watch it with a friend, a tub of ice cream and 2 spoons hehe. or put on your favourite CD and dance around the house to the music! do the things that make you happy, be kind to yourself and pamper yourself! believe me i know how depression works, you've got to get moving to lift it, distract it with love and kindness and allowing yourself to wallow in the joys of life around you :)

i'm so sorry i've got to finish up here, work is calling! but i hope i got some messages through here, remember its ok to have bad days, but be good to yourself when they come, you stuggle so hard you deserve a treat now and again! and remember also that the power is in your hands :) i hope your day gets a bit better xx :console:

[Carla]

Hello! :)
Thank you for a lovely kind encouraging post, and for taking time out to write it, especially when you were due at work. It means a lot. Thank You! I have took on board some of what you said, which made a lot of sense, and I am going to practice some of it. Its a beautiful sunny autumnal day and I do have a lot to be thankful for. I think as I am trying to beat anxiety I dont need any other issues such as the health problems I have at the present time, and it makes my anxiety worse. However I can look at it as that if I can get thro this with anxiety too then I can get thro a lot of other things in life too whilst having anxiety. My parents are both very ill and very old - late 80's - and I know they will soon not be here, and I am dreading the final stages especially with anxiety. I am scared it will make it all the worse. However maybe I can get thro these times without becoming a wreck emotionally. I feel a lot more positive than earlier today and your message really helped. I do have people that I talk with and I do have support that way, but I always feel that I am burdeoning them with my boring anxiety issues lol I get told that I am not but I tend to think Oh they are bound to say that and truly they must be thinking otherwise. I hope you have a lovely day. Just know you made me feel a lot better today :)

[Jay12345]

If you find it hard to stay positive, you have to try harder.. It's important that you stay strong. Treat this as challenge, do you want anxiety and depression to take over your life? i don't think so.... When i suffered with anxiety/OCD all combined... i literally forced myself to live normally, i went out crying everyday.. i was so determined, and not once i thought about letting go.. I know i know, everyone is different, but this is what people have to do! you have to just keep going, and i promise every one of you, time will recover you.. whether it takes 5 years or 50 years.. you have to stay pro-active and keep your chin up! The brain is extremely powerfull and can very easily take over.