Awkward Around Others

[Sue84]

When I am at a social gathering with new people or people I haven't seen in a while I always keep to myself and don't engage in discussion, which makes me seems very odd and awkward. I am very anxious around people I don't know well, and don't know how to talk to them or what to say. I am always afraid of saying the wrong thing. I wonder if there are any tips I could use to help me get out there more, because the way I'm living now is not working for me.

[Nowuccas]

Hey Sue84,

There are books on social skills; "People Skills," written by Robert Bolton, Ph.D. The book help will help with communication in all areas. It helps when you have anxiety in "people" situations. Others are: The ABCs of Life : Lesson One: The Skills We All Need but Were Never Taught, by Jon Oliver and Michael Ryan, & The Social Work Skills Workbook by Barry Cournoyer, & Conversationally Speaking : Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness by Alan Garner. Ask at your bookstore, or go to www.amazon.com Try http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/

Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind; view http://myfavoriteinterests.com/hypnosis/ about what it is, and isn't. 85% of people are suggestible to some degree; 15% - 20% highly so, and 15% - 20% aren't much at all, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy, or, if not an option, www.hypnosisdownloads.com has ones on caring less about the opinions of others, meeting people, making small talk, and http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com Social Anxiety CD - MP3 & Overcoming Shyness CD - MP3.
Professional advice is to use preferably only 1, or a maximum of 2 at any one time.

[salvator here]

I can really understand where you are coming from, Sue. I am struggling with this same problem. I've been avoiding all social interaction lately, because, more often than not, I wind up feeling even worse about myself so its just not worth putting myself through this torture. I listen to people talk about their jobs, their friends (mostly drama), and It too painful to admit I'm jobless and with no friends at 42 years old. I've never really been good at socializing, and never was able to "fit in". I was always a square peg in a round hole. I also feel as you say "the way I'm living now is not working for me", as well. I think its also possible that we are putting an undue pressure upon ourselves here. Maybe (just maybe) we could better learn to enjoy our own company. Its too much work and waste of energy (my opinion) trying so hard to be accepted by others. Honestly, I'm (personally) feeling it might be better to just accept that I might be a loner. Instead of crying that I'm not the social butterfly, I want to go forward searching for things I can enjoy doing alone. If I meet people that I can converse with along they way, Great! Otherwise, its too easy to come across as desperate to people and they can sense it.

Good luck and I hope you are able to find something that works for you :)

[The Intolerable Kid]

All I can do is tell you I feel the same way. It's hard to trust new people or people you haven't seen for a long time. After a period of observation I can bring myself to engage them, but it is difficult. I think caution is natural and practical, though, even if it might be a little exaggerated by anxiety.