Communication...SA or fear or both?

[Spot]

Is not knowing how to handle yourself socially (what to say, response, limits etc.) considered SA? Even though I want to participate and I even come off as interesting/challenging, I never have control over the things I meant to say and think of all the right answers later (3 days later) and therefore avoid it altogether. It's costing me jobs, social skills on a downslide and dating - what's that?
A lot of people lately accuse me of being brain damaged. :sigh:

Anyone else experience this?

[Fear]

Is not knowing how to handle yourself socially (what to say, response, limits etc.) considered SA? Even though I want to participate and I even come off as interesting/challenging, I never have control over the things I meant to say and think of all the right answers later (3 days later) and therefore avoid it altogether. It's costing me jobs, social skills on a downslide and dating - what's that?
A lot of people lately accuse me of being brain damaged. :sigh:

Anyone else experience this?
Yeaah.
I tell you what happens to me.I' m completely lost.I do want too to participate but don't do it.In the beginning maybe is not that hard.I think they don't know me and everything is to be built.So I TRY to be myself.But then the hard part begins.When people get to know me a little better they terrify me.I fear the fact they could know I make up lots of lies to hide the fucked up truth.SO this makes it harder to stand.I feel like I'm cheating everyone and make me feel in blame.So I constantly analyze what I and othrs say in order to know how to act the next time.

[Spot]

I fear the fact they could know I make up lots of lies to hide the fucked up truth.SO this makes it harder to stand.I feel like I'm cheating everyone and make me feel in blame.So I constantly analyze what I and othrs say in order to know how to act the next time.

It depends on your perspective. As a religious person, it's a sin. As a hellion, it's alright. I don't look at it as lying. Lying is fabricating stories. I look at it as being protective. Sure I'll lie in the face of danger. It's a defense mechanism (but I don't go around telling people I was the one who originally conjoured the theory of relativity). I think it's humourous what we do to justify ourselves at times, or jus to simply keep alive. I still value choice. Otherwise, if not, jus lay back and let the crows feed.

[joey9]

Whether or not you would say you had social anxiety would depend on why you can't handle yourself socially. If you have no fear of social situations but just find them difficult because you genuinely don't know how to act then it doesn't sound like it. But if you are messing up because of a fear of those situations then that would be social anxiety. The fear of a social interaction can make that interaction go disasterously wrong. Overthinking what you are saying and doing because of a fear of not behaving 'perfectly' in front of others will inevitably make you make mistakes. The key to overcoming social phobia is to lower your expectations of social outcomes. Eventually, this will raise the outcomes because you will be more relaxed about the whole situation. Nobody expects a perfect social performance when they meet anyone. Trying not to do anything wrong takes huge effort and the act of self-scrutiny is exhausting. It is also a sure fire way to mess up. Next time you have a social interaction that you fear, instead of thinking about how you can appear flawless, just give yourself one or two small goals and concentrate on achieving them, like asking people how they are or something mundane. If you spend the whole time thinking of something interesting to contribute to a conversation you will most likely end up saying nothing at all, yet spending the whole time worrying about what you want to say and how others will respond to that. Eventually you will become more comfortable in those situations and one day you will find you can say all the interesting stuff you have inside without blowing it by overthinking.

[Fear]

It depends on your perspective. As a religious person, it's a sin. As a hellion, it's alright. I don't look at it as lying. Lying is fabricating stories. I look at it as being protective. Sure I'll lie in the face of danger. It's a defense mechanism (but I don't go around telling people I was the one who originally conjoured the theory of relativity). I think it's humourous what we do to justify ourselves at times, or jus to simply keep alive. I still value choice. Otherwise, if not, jus lay back and let the crows feed.[/quote]

I'm not that religious,but I do feel blame when I make some sin.It's always been this way.I don't go around telling lies to everyone,like you said is just all to protect yourself,but I feel dirty coz I feel I'm cheating,which is something I hate and I repulse coz I've been cheated a lot in the past myself,I don't wanna do the same.
I'm scared to lose the people that come near me coz they want it,and I act like someone else.Which I'm honestly always trying.Being myself when nervous with those people is impossible for me,my brain is in fire in those moments and the smoke comes out of my ears.So maybe I try to act in a way I could feel more confortable,coz I think they could like that.That's stupid I know,but...I mean if I do that and make something wrong anyway,they will misunderstand me.They would be like:"WHy do you do that?!" and I would be like:"No wait,that's not me!"

Ehm,I 've been a little confusing,sorry

[fernandogress]

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