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brfoo
03-02-2016, 06:44 AM
Hey,

Most of the time I feel (rather try to be) positive or okayish and try to condition myself with watching videos with positive messages to boost my confidence. My worst enemy is fear, I tend to visualize the worst is going to happen if I face a problem. This I am working on (I try to shift focus on something else not to overthink a situation, collect my little achievements it works..:) )I know I should stop making everything into a huge problem instead of focusing on solving it. But as I was working on this, one thing occured to me that I unconsciously punish myself by not enjoying life as I should. Let me explain, if things just don't go the way they should I struggle with enjoying little things, because I feel like I don't deserve to be happy until the problem is solved. I am just writing it down, because this "you don't deserve to be happy" until you achieve 100% thought just occured to me now. Don't get me wrong, I do try to be positive and share positive messages, because lot of negativity would just drain me and you down. But I relaized this self sabotaging method of mine now and I feel like I just want to write it down. I am thinking about how to work on this effectively. One thing I know, I just don't want to give up. I have strenght in myself, I just have to untie it. :) I thought I know myself well, but this just hit me in the head today.

Hope you are doing well guys don't you give up and thanks for "listening".

cloudy black
03-02-2016, 01:19 PM
Hello brfoo
Gosh your post sounds just like me! And the you don’t deserve to be happy…well that is good that you are putting your thoughts down onto paper.

You are one step ahead of me although I am currently going through a book with the view to go on a retreat as I need to address the stinking thinking at the mo. And need to get beyond it.

There is always more to learn about yourself. We are never a complete picture.

salvator here
03-02-2016, 05:04 PM
I really needed to read this today. Excellent posting of self reflection. It rings so close to home for me as well - most of the negativity I fight actually come from my own mind.