The worries

[Other shoe]

I have nothing but compassion for those who worry. One can't just make it go away. Sometimes I can walk off a bit of it. Other times it consumes me, overwhelms me. My Mother is in constant worry. Her mother became agoraphobic. It can be paralyzing more than a stroke. I always strive to find out what I am worried about. Sometimes it is just a feeling rather than a certain fear. This is the worst, but I remind myself that life is finite and to spend it worrying is nothing more than self torture. I can't control world events though I can speak about them. I can't control other people's opinions though I can observe them with conscious. My bottom line is this-nothing matters if you aren't happy. Pain, abuse, handicaps, fear, are all matched and subdued by joy. I have met happy homeless people. I have met miserable rich people. The happiness is obtainable by both groups. To worry about every event is a fight with one's own happiness. We won't allow it, we're afraid of losing it, or we simply cannot find it. It is there, hidden underneath some cloak of fear of ridicule, disaster, or death. I walk through life looking for joy, unwinding past mistakes and abuse, unravelling ropes of deep depression and self hatred. The past is real just because it existed. The past does not necessarily define who you are. I made mistakes, we all do. I cannot allow fear to lock up any opportunities to better myself and those around me. Fear is a mindset which can be overcome. It can be slow, I am still walking, but small steps are better than none. I've rotted in place by holding back on action. What is there really to lose?