anxiety about widowed mom talking to another man.

[jasonx165]

I feel really lame to feel this way but its just kind of hard for me at the moment.

My father has been passed about for almost 5 years now and I always told myself that I would be the one who wouldn't mind or "feak out" if my mom started talking to another man. Well that day finally came and I am a whole mess of emotions. We've moved into this new place about 2 years ago now and we have this neighbor whom we both met. For the longest time my mom has been pretty firm that shes not interested in him and actually got kind of annoyed at his attempts to get closer to her. Now kind of out of the blue (for me atleast) shes talking to him, setting up a breakfast date and is inviting him into the house to watch a movie that she had me setup for them downstairs (right now).

I cannot say that I am really mad at her in any way shape or form because I understand loneliness and know how unfair it is for me to even fathom the fact that she can be fully satisfied with just me and her in the house and her alone watching tv sometimes while im on the computer. So that is part of the reason why im just a mess of anxiety type emotions. I feel like im supposed to be feeling anything because im a 24 year old adult and my mom is old enough to take care of herself and have her own relationships and live her own life. But I just cant shake this awkward feeling I have. I can't eat, my stomach is upset, and its just bad all around.

I also always had a bad habit of making scenarios worse than they are in my head (anxiety) for right now they are most likely not even close to any type of serious relationship past just talking together. But here I am thinking that things are going a million miles per hour and thinking about more intimate things going on (which frankly isnt any of my business I know). I guess part of it as well is just my anxiety acting up because im not a fan of big changes in any way.

So at the end of the day I just cant stop feeling bad for feeling bad about all of this. Sorry if this seems like just rambling, im just a mix of emotions right now.

[Dahila]

Jesus you need help man, doctor, and therapy. The situation is normal for ten years old not for grown up man. Anxiety does not explain everything. You need to accept that she wants to have life, and support her, not the other way around. Children believe that parents are their property and that's bad, I have been there, do not do it, please and welcome to the forum

[jasonx165]

Look, I'm not sure if you just saw a wall of text and thought I was having some major unreasonable break down but I clearly stated that I hold no animosity towards her because I completely understand her situation but like I also stated the only thing bugging me was this awkward feeling that upset me a little, and feeling awkward about the situation is what bugged me the most.

And don't take this the wrong way but I feel that saying "Jesus man" and making it sound like it's so out of the ordinary for me to feel this way just because I'm not 10 is really unfair. I've talked and read around found many others proving that these type of feelings are normal as long as you realize and understand the otherside of the situation and eventually just talk about it which is what I did. I'm now feeling better about it, I've came to the conclusion that we have our own lives as adults.

Anyways, sorry for the disagreement but thanks for the welcome.

[brfoo]

Maybe you can sit down with your mother and politely, but honestly tell her that this is a new situation for you and it will be hard to let someone else into your lifes, but you want her to be happy again so you will do your best to adapt to the situation, on the other hand she can confinde in you and take her time, because you want her to be safe as well. :) After all, in a couple of years you will probably leave the house to live your own life and beleive me you don't want to think how alone your mother is back home. I know it feels like he is an intruder, but if he is a decent and good willed man whom your mother enjoys spending time with she will be happy and you will be happy too, knowing she is having a healthy relationship and you don't have to worry about her from the distance and you can focus on your life and goals.

[Dahila]

I had the same talk with my son he was same age as you Jason, and it hurt, I do understand the bond with mothers, I have grown up son, I really do, it was a shock for him to when I started to put my life in order and moved in with my hubby. It is shock when the situation changes, at least you are honest , it is not the fear for mother it is the fear of change. Help her to be happy:))

[jasonx165]

Yeah, thank you both I fully understand both of your points and already felt that way as well, I never let her know I was "uncomfortable" because I didn't want her to change her opinions and she is an adult as well so I respected that, but as per usual my anxiety got the better of me. We both talked about it and it turns out it was more her just giving into his constant bugging her and it even turned out that that little "date" they had turned her off to him even more.

At the end of the day the anxiety I was having was also due a little to her safety, I'm not going to go into the details on that for personal and security reasons but let's just say I had mixed feelings about him after a few stories she's told me prior to all this and it made me uncomfortable as well. Turned out after we had a talk about it all we both ended up having the same feelings.


So anyways, thanks for the replies, I also hope to be able to spread advice whereever I can on here as well.

[Dahila]

Jason I do understand you, I really do, you do not have to give the details, I would think a lot of people would understand here.............. We all have our ups and downs, and we eventually recover and go on. It is what life is. I would really tell your mom about the problem. She is the best to explain everything. Trust her, she will know what you need before your realize what you need:)) It is good you feel better :)

[The Intolerable Kid]

If you're living with your Mom, maybe this is a good point to move out and give them some space. If they're in the process of forming a relationship some distance could be good for you both, it would avoid at least some of the friction you currently perceive.