fsnow
02-17-2016, 07:51 PM
Hello,
I would like some guidance/advise/pointers from others on Reassurance Seeking but will start by giving a bit of a background on who I am. I'm 36 years old and have been struggling with anxiety since my late teens. It really started in high school when I would stress about getting A's and A+'s in all my courses. This followed me into university where I continued to study and study to ensure I never "failed". For me, I considered anything less than an "A" to be a failure. I don't know why I put this sort of pressure on myself but I did. My parents didn't love me any less if I got a B+ and they never demanded that of me. I remember having to take valerian root or gravol to aid me in falling asleep the night before an exam. At that time, it seemed to work. Since then, it seems my anxiety has progressed to something more.
I now have this need of reassurance seeking. I started a new job not too long ago and work with roughly a dozen people. The people I work with are men and women between their 20s to 60s. I have one particular colleague who causes me a great deal of anxiety. This colleague is very quiet and doesn't really speak to anyone. He tends to keep to himself but if asked a question, he will answer. He seldom goes out and initiates a conversation with anyone. The first few months of working together, we conversed as we got to know each other. Important to note that our desks are next to each other. It seems now we essentially say hello first thing in the morning and good bye at the end of the day Between that, there is 8 hours of awkward silence between us. I've tried to initiate conversations but they tend to die off quickly. If I ask about how things are going, they will answer with "okay" and that's it. I'll bring up something in the news and they'll just say "interesting" and nothing more. If I try and continue the conversation, I continue to get very short answers and as a result I feel I'm being annoying so I usually stop. I realize I'm at work and not there to socialize, but going 8 hours without saying anything to each other in complete silence, for me is awkward. It's been roughly a year now and I fear that maybe I said something, did something that might have insulted him? It could also be that there's something about me that just annoys him? Or perhaps it's simply his personality and I shouldn't take offense to that. The unfortunate part is that I obsess about this and do take offense to it, all the time. On the odd day where we do have a conversation, I feel happy and "validated". But after our conversation, I'll replay it in my head over and over convincing myself that he dislikes me. It's come to the point where I think about this even when I'm not at work. I'd like to note that I experienced this in my previous place of work as well and it also doesn't only apply to one person at a time - if I sense someone doesn't like me, I tend to go out of my way to "check" to see if they like me or not.
Has anyone else experienced or experiences something similar to this? If so, how do you cope? Do you have any advise?
I would like some guidance/advise/pointers from others on Reassurance Seeking but will start by giving a bit of a background on who I am. I'm 36 years old and have been struggling with anxiety since my late teens. It really started in high school when I would stress about getting A's and A+'s in all my courses. This followed me into university where I continued to study and study to ensure I never "failed". For me, I considered anything less than an "A" to be a failure. I don't know why I put this sort of pressure on myself but I did. My parents didn't love me any less if I got a B+ and they never demanded that of me. I remember having to take valerian root or gravol to aid me in falling asleep the night before an exam. At that time, it seemed to work. Since then, it seems my anxiety has progressed to something more.
I now have this need of reassurance seeking. I started a new job not too long ago and work with roughly a dozen people. The people I work with are men and women between their 20s to 60s. I have one particular colleague who causes me a great deal of anxiety. This colleague is very quiet and doesn't really speak to anyone. He tends to keep to himself but if asked a question, he will answer. He seldom goes out and initiates a conversation with anyone. The first few months of working together, we conversed as we got to know each other. Important to note that our desks are next to each other. It seems now we essentially say hello first thing in the morning and good bye at the end of the day Between that, there is 8 hours of awkward silence between us. I've tried to initiate conversations but they tend to die off quickly. If I ask about how things are going, they will answer with "okay" and that's it. I'll bring up something in the news and they'll just say "interesting" and nothing more. If I try and continue the conversation, I continue to get very short answers and as a result I feel I'm being annoying so I usually stop. I realize I'm at work and not there to socialize, but going 8 hours without saying anything to each other in complete silence, for me is awkward. It's been roughly a year now and I fear that maybe I said something, did something that might have insulted him? It could also be that there's something about me that just annoys him? Or perhaps it's simply his personality and I shouldn't take offense to that. The unfortunate part is that I obsess about this and do take offense to it, all the time. On the odd day where we do have a conversation, I feel happy and "validated". But after our conversation, I'll replay it in my head over and over convincing myself that he dislikes me. It's come to the point where I think about this even when I'm not at work. I'd like to note that I experienced this in my previous place of work as well and it also doesn't only apply to one person at a time - if I sense someone doesn't like me, I tend to go out of my way to "check" to see if they like me or not.
Has anyone else experienced or experiences something similar to this? If so, how do you cope? Do you have any advise?