This is getting unbearable...please help

[Ninety5eclipz]

Hello everyone. New here and this is my first post. In late November I had what I thought was a panic attack. If felt like liquid fear was injected into my veins. Blood pressure and pulse shot up, hot and cold flashes and just an overwhelming sense that something was wrong with me. There was no pain anywhere in my body. Although some days were better this attack lasted for the better part of 3 weeks. Then there would be 2 or 3 days of feeling better and the attack would start again and last another week or more. I wend to the Doctor, had blood work, ekg and cardio tests performed all of which turned out negative. It's gotten to the point where I think I'm dying and will check my blood pressure, pulse and temperature throughout the day, sometimes every hour. I even go to work with a blood pressure monitor so I can check it throughout the day. I constantly google my symptoms and get more anxious seeing some of the diseases out there that I "could" have even though my doctor said everything is fine. The main symptoms I have 3 months after this all started are, tiredness (I cant get a good nights sleep, I wake up multiple times throughout the night. I have a mild case of sleep apnea which I use a CPAP for), feeling lightheaded (this is everyday. not to the point that I feel like I am going to fall or anything is spinning. Just feel a little spaced out sometimes), fear of being alone (especially going to bed alone), appetite changes, constant worry ( I worry about everything (especially thinking there is something wrong with me). In the past 2 weeks I have quit smoking and cut my caffeine intake next to nothing. Although the anxiety has gotten better I still have trouble sleeping and still seem to have mild anxiety during the day. The doctor prescribed me .5mg of Lorazepam to help but I have a such a fear of even trying it. I'm not even sure why. I guess I think I might have a bad reaction to it or something. I'm not sure what to do anymore and it's getting so hard to go on day by day living like this. Just a little info on the month and a half leading up to my November attack; I retired from the Military after 20 years of service, sat on unemployment for several weeks looking for a job and worrying about how the bills were going to get paid, my best friend (pet golden retriever), died suddenly in front of me while laying in bed (heart attack I believe), and was having some marital issue which have since been resolved. I'm a 42 year old male. No known health problems.

[cj2000]

Some of your feelings are relatable though it comes and goes for me whereas it seems more constant for you.

First off, I will say that I totally understand how awful and unbearable life feels when you're under constant stress and fear that there's something wrong and just can't seem to feel like yourself.

I think you have to get to the bottom of what it is you're really afraid of. Is it passing out? Dying? Heart attack? Take a minute and ask yourself if any of the things you're truly afraid of have ever actually happened. You said yourself that everything checked out medically. Your heart is fine. Your BP is fine. You need to trust that and let go of that worry. The worrying does you no good.

If you just quit smoking and cut out most of your caffeine intake (both good things!) some of the physical sensations may just be your body re-adjusting and adapting. Nicotine and caffeine are two things our body starts to "rely" on after prolonged intake of either/or so when it's suddenly not there anymore, it may be a small shock to the system. Certainly not bad but again, some people experience some withdrawals at first.

You have to regain faith in your health. First step I would say would be to go to work without a BP monitor. Just make your goal one day without it. You'll get through that day and nothing bad will happen and you'll have evidence that you don't need it. The next day you can try it again. It's ok if maybe one day you feel like you'd rather have it. But eventually you should want to feel like you no longer need it.

Like I said earlier, you have to get to the root of what it is that is really scaring you the most and then you have to show yourself that what you're afraid of is not going to happen.

Also- stop googling symptoms. It's the worst thing you can do. Self diagnosing is something a lot of people do and really shouldn't. All it does is create unnecessary worry. Best of luck.

[ab8489]

I understand as well how hard it can be to go on day to day with worry in your head all day. I have not (after many years) pinpoint an exact worry but just feel "aware" or on guard all the time which drives me crazy. When people tell me to just not worry about it it makes me frustrated because I would love to be able to do that, but it isn't that easy. I have been on a daily antidepressant of some sort for about 12 years now and I am really good most of the time. There are some times where I relapse for a month or two but for the most part I'm fine. Its such a relief. Counseling can help too and finding loved ones and support that have been through it and understand what you are going through helps me tremendously too.

[Lis Rising]

I have the same understanding of what it's like to constantly feel afraid or worried, sometimes I feel like I'm scared of everything. I have a habit of checking my pulse which worsens when I'm anxious. I've been on Citalopram for just over a year which I'm slowly coming off, I would suggest trying the medication as I found mine lessened many symptoms, but with mine I did feel light headed for the first couple weeks so I'm not sure if that would help when you're feeling spaced out?
The main thing is to remember no one has ever died from a panic attack, telling myself this over and over eventually reduces some fear. Everyone on this forum has similar experiences just keep reading and posting and hopefully you'll see that you're not dying, unfortunately this is just anxiety but there are options to relieve your symptoms it's jst finding what works for you. Take it a day at a time.