Massive Fear!!!!! And Sadness!! help

[Helplessand23]

i been on here before and talked to some of you. Wanted to update my situation. So long story short about me... was up all night when i was 16 and went over to a friends to smoke weed. after that experience i felt like i was hit by a truck and super heavy out of body experience. Massive Derealization that has lasted me to this day! i am now 24 and its been 8 years and i have had this unreal feeling non stop 24/7. around age 18 i started talking citalopram. No change in the Unrealism just less anxeity and confused. Skip ahead to a year in a half ago. I continued to smoke weed and drink alc to give myself a reason to feel the way i did. After having a bad episode of complete dissasosiation ( couldnt even understand english and its the only language i speak ) Like looking at the t.v would confuse me. After that i cut back on the drugs and alcohol. Now a few months ago i switched over to Zoloft and that helped big time. Took away my useless feeling and random fear and confusion. Since then i kept smoking weed 2 grams a day. Yesterday i got some weed from someone else and i started to think in my own mind.. what if? what if its laced ect.. what if? and that caused me to panic like crazy! now my unreality feels more intense. So i talked to the old friend who i smoked with when i was 16 about that Horrific day. he finially admits it was laced with crack. ( i understand these illness;s are already present in our bodies but drugs can bring them out! ) Now i havent smoked weed since last night and its already going on late in the evening.. I have been sitting here all day Freaking the heck out.. I can;'t play specific games or watch specific shows because it makes me start to think about the Origins of things.. example if im playing a fantasy game.. i start to go really deep into thought about HOW magic would work or.. WHY people make the choices they do. Even now i sit here trying to cheer myself up ill go to crack a joke and laugh a bit to myself then littearlly 2 moments after that i will feel like complete HELL!! my girlfriend is here telling me its okay ect cuddling with me, ill calm down and come to grips with realitity somewhat but then i start to think hard and my mind wanders. I am watching the t.v show Dexter and all was fine and dandy but every few mins it feels like i get punched in the chest with Fear? i know that sounds crazy and its bothering me. Am i the 1st Self Aware Crazy person? Im not like my friends. My friends can do drugs ect and they are fine laughing at a bag of chips or talking about funny cat pictures... and then theres me... thinking really hard about grand design and the complexity of things. I dont like this about myself And i am REALLY scared. I wouldnt wish this fear upon anyone. I keep getting a Rollercoaster feeling in my chest. Then i feel like i gotta puke but not puke.. instead its the sensation of vomit coming up and exploding into fear instead of actual vomit. And i start to feel like i wanna cry. i feel really confused to. I took my pill today, but feel axniety i assume? and the biggest problem is me thinking... " im alone and nobody knows whats going on or if they do know whats going on they still dont get it " My Grandparents just started to argue which is a daily thing for them and i snappeD!!! i started punching the heck outta the wall. i pulled my hair hard and started to tear up a bit and i felt so much rage it was unbelievable. But that moment of anger snapped me outta w.e im going through a bit i felt normal for litterally 3 seconds then back to complete crap again. So i feel content one moment then a second later BAM MAssive FEAR. Help? ( edit - i have to read over what i just said to you guys cause i keep forgetting what i prevously said. :( im scared.

[Snakeadelic]

The first thing I will always say to someone in your kind of distress is that be they positive or negative your emotions are valid, as is your right to experience them YOUR way.

Giving a newbie pot that's laced with ANYTHING should, in my opinion, be a hangin' offense! For those who don't know I live in a state famous for a governor who stood out on the lawn of the capitol building some years back and used a giant VETO branding iron and copies of bills with ugly little riders hidden in them stapled to a plank to make his point, and also told one of the Bush administrations that NO, YOU WILL NOT send our military reservists overseas during fire season--and made it stick!

Sounds like you have serious panic attack challenges going on. A lot of what you've written resonates strongly with me; I no longer drive because I've had 8 full-on can't-move can't-breathe can't-think panic attacks behind the wheel of a moving car, the first 3 in urban Pugetropolis (Seattle-ish). Some people find help in peer therapy, such as discussion or support groups. Some find help in one-on-one verbal counseling. Some find help with assorted varieties of medication. Some do best with a mix. I'm best off with a professional counselor and medication. What I'm not best off with is anti-depressant medication (Paxil is one of the mildest SSRIs and it damn near killed me) but instead benzo-tranquilizers and possibly medical marijuana. If you live in a state that allows medical marijuana, you might want to find out if CLEAN marijuana of a strain whose benefits match your challenges might help. I have panic attacks over nothing ALL THE TIME and oh, it can suck so badly. I even have them in my sleep, but not related to any nightmares I can remember.

Try to let your friends and loved ones help you however they can. Sounds like you have a great start with a girlfriend willing to be loving before judgmental. As a lifelong factory-issue female I feel qualified to say not all of us will do that for a partner! Find out what resources might be available in your area, and sound them out to see if anything feels like a really good idea. You will know if you find the right option or combination of options. Hold onto anything you find that is good for you through and through, no matter how small it may be or how anyone else may regard it. Always remember your emotions are legitimate even if you don't like how they feel, if anyone else tells you they're wrong, or if you don't understand them YET.

[Helplessand23]

The first thing I will always say to someone in your kind of distress is that be they positive or negative your emotions are valid, as is your right to experience them YOUR way.

Giving a newbie pot that's laced with ANYTHING should, in my opinion, be a hangin' offense! For those who don't know I live in a state famous for a governor who stood out on the lawn of the capitol building some years back and used a giant VETO branding iron and copies of bills with ugly little riders hidden in them stapled to a plank to make his point, and also told one of the Bush administrations that NO, YOU WILL NOT send our military reservists overseas during fire season--and made it stick!

Sounds like you have serious panic attack challenges going on. A lot of what you've written resonates strongly with me; I no longer drive because I've had 8 full-on can't-move can't-breathe can't-think panic attacks behind the wheel of a moving car, the first 3 in urban Pugetropolis (Seattle-ish). Some people find help in peer therapy, such as discussion or support groups. Some find help in one-on-one verbal counseling. Some find help with assorted varieties of medication. Some do best with a mix. I'm best off with a professional counselor and medication. What I'm not best off with is anti-depressant medication (Paxil is one of the mildest SSRIs and it damn near killed me) but instead benzo-tranquilizers and possibly medical marijuana. If you live in a state that allows medical marijuana, you might want to find out if CLEAN marijuana of a strain whose benefits match your challenges might help. I have panic attacks over nothing ALL THE TIME and oh, it can suck so badly. I even have them in my sleep, but not related to any nightmares I can remember.

Try to let your friends and loved ones help you however they can. Sounds like you have a great start with a girlfriend willing to be loving before judgmental. As a lifelong factory-issue female I feel qualified to say not all of us will do that for a partner! Find out what resources might be available in your area, and sound them out to see if anything feels like a really good idea. You will know if you find the right option or combination of options. Hold onto anything you find that is good for you through and through, no matter how small it may be or how anyone else may regard it. Always remember your emotions are legitimate even if you don't like how they feel, if anyone else tells you they're wrong, or if you don't understand them YET.


Hey. I am from Canada also the Medical Marijuana wouldnt do to good for me. Its the weed that has ben keping My Derealization alive i think. So far this s day 3 sober and i feel anxious and scared that my random fear and sadness will come back. No reason at all for it. i could be sitting here then feels like a punch to the chest and i just feel super useless and scared for no reason at all. Then i get confused and cant comprehend ANYTHING. its a bunch of jambled words in my head.