How to talk to a Girl who has Anxiety?

[Hardy2016]

I need some advice, there is this Girl who's in some of my University classes. For a while everyone thought that she liked me, and I was unsure. She started sitting by me randomly in class for a while, Here were some signs
She would giggle or smile at anything I'd be saying.
She seemed really talkative.
She would often stare at my lips or eyes when I would be talking.
She would ask me questions.
She would talk really fast around me.
She'd smile and stare after I would say something.
After a few times of sitting by me, she stopped sitting next to me, but near enough by me and she kept on making eye contact and then looking away. She would start stuttering near me when I would talk to her. She is also a very shy girl and doesn't talk too a lot of people on the course, she kinda keeps herself to herself a little bit. This is where it gets weird.

I recently sent a friend request on Facebook, she declined it, then a day later she tried making conversation with me in class, 2 days later I asked if she wanted to sit by me, she was like "um I'm okay thanks, I'll stay at the back" and when I was making conversation, she seemed really nervous and was saying um a lot. Lately in class, she was sitting opposite me, and was copying my exact body language, and smiled twice at me, I'm confused. After class I was about to say hi, but she had headphones on, looked my way then looked down at the floor when she was walking past me, the last two lessons I have caught her staring a lot at me, but she's maintining the gaze.
Also I overheard 3 people in my class talking about this Girl and they were saying that she seems unapproachable, however one of my female friends said she's just really shy. This Girl keeps herself to herself quite a lot.


Shall I talk to her anymore, why is she showing some signs again after deleting my friend request? I found out today though that she does suffer with Anxiety, one thing i notice is that she often lingers around me after class, but doesn't say anything. As soon as I go past her, she walks alongside me.

I suffer with Anxiety too, but I'm getting better but I want to try and aproach her without scaring her away, what are some tips. Thanks!!

[Nowuccas]

Hey Hardy2016,

Is it possible to organise some sort of group event, and invite her along? You could mention your anxiety problem to her, and see if she is interested in talking about the subject*, and later ask what sort of things she likes doing, preferred music, movies, foods, etc.

"Shall I talk to her anymore, why is she showing some signs again after deleting my friend request?" - she may well perceive this as too big a step to take right now, and it probably would have caused a spike in her anxiety levels. She needs to proceed at a pace that she is comfortable with. All you can do is to continue to show interest, and in time she should let you know whether she wants to take things further.

A post on shyness and social anxiety follows:

Check out: http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Shyness & http://www.ehow.com/search.html?q=shyness&skin=corporate&t=all

Read: The Hidden Face of Shyness by Franklin Schneier, et al., & Painfully Shy: How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Reclaim your Life. Markway BG, St. Martin's Press, New York, 2001., & The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook: Proven Techniques for Overcoming Your Fear. Antony MM, Swinson RP., & Dying of Embarrassment: Help for Social Anxiety & Phobia. Markway BG, Carmin CN, Pollard CA, Pollard CA, Flynn T., & "People Skills," written by Robert Bolton, Ph.D. The book help will help with communication in all areas. It helps when you have anxiety in "people" situations, from your bookstore, Amazon.com, or BarnesAndNoble.com

View the posts on social anxiety/shyness at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33912-My-SA-Dealing-with-thoughts-of-judgement&p=223666#post223666 where there are tips and therapies shown.

Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind; view http://myfavoriteinterests.com/hypnosis/ about what it is, and isn't.
85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy, or, if not an option, hypnosisdownloads.com has several suitable ones you may want to click on and check out, including overcoming shyness, meeting people, and making small talk. Professional advice is to use preferably only 1, or a maximum of 2 at any one time. ~~~

* Anxiety; see http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33964-New-to-the-site-and-looking-for-help&p=223989#post223989

You could mention that you are a member at anxietyforum.net and have learned, and offer to teach her anti-anxiety techniques such as EFT.

[Breez]

I need some advice, there is this Girl who's in some of my University classes. For a while everyone thought that she liked me, and I was unsure. She started sitting by me randomly in class for a while, Here were some signs
She would giggle or smile at anything I'd be saying.
She seemed really talkative.
She would often stare at my lips or eyes when I would be talking.
She would ask me questions.
She would talk really fast around me.
She'd smile and stare after I would say something.
After a few times of sitting by me, she stopped sitting next to me, but near enough by me and she kept on making eye contact and then looking away. She would start stuttering near me when I would talk to her. She is also a very shy girl and doesn't talk too a lot of people on the course, she kinda keeps herself to herself a little bit. This is where it gets weird.

I recently sent a friend request on Facebook, she declined it, then a day later she tried making conversation with me in class, 2 days later I asked if she wanted to sit by me, she was like "um I'm okay thanks, I'll stay at the back" and when I was making conversation, she seemed really nervous and was saying um a lot. Lately in class, she was sitting opposite me, and was copying my exact body language, and smiled twice at me, I'm confused. After class I was about to say hi, but she had headphones on, looked my way then looked down at the floor when she was walking past me, the last two lessons I have caught her staring a lot at me, but she's maintaining the gaze.
Also I overheard 3 people in my class talking about this Girl and they were saying that she seems unapproachable, however one of my female friends said she's just really shy. This Girl keeps herself to herself quite a lot.


Shall I talk to her anymore, why is she showing some signs again after deleting my friend request? I found out today though that she does suffer with Anxiety, one thing i notice is that she often lingers around me after class, but doesn't say anything. As soon as I go past her, she walks alongside me.

I suffer with Anxiety too, but I'm getting better but I want to try and approach her without scaring her away, what are some tips. Thanks!!

For some SA people, Facebook friending can be a big ordeal, especially when the request was sent directly from their crush. I think it's understandable why she declined your friend request (probably because she was too excited and anxious at the same time). If you like her then here's what you can do:

1) As a fellow SA sufferer, put yourself in her shoes and try to understand her reasons for acting the way she does
2) Be vulnerable and share a little about your feelings (how her smile makes you feel, her charms, etc.)
3) Admit that you're shy too and would like to be friends for the time being until she's comfortable to decide if she wants to move further
4) Tell her that you'll respect her time and will go at her pace
5) Keep to your promise of going at her pace (do not ever break it)

Any girls would love to know when a guy is respectful and willing to take things slow. Try it out and see how it goes. Best wishes!

[Hardy2016]

To Nowuccas, for some reason it won't let me reply due to the links you posted since I need 25 posts for that haha

Thank you for the comment!! :) Funnily enough the Girl I like is studying Psychology. I'm a bit weary of mentioning my Anxiety too people because I feel as if they would stop talking to me. I honestly don't mind if nothing happens between us, I just want to get on talking terms again, what I don't like is that there seems to be a barrier/wall between us, which causes a lot of tension, we both exchange looks, but neither of us have the courage to approach one another, I'm a guy and I know it's my job to do that but a lot of things hold me back like my confidence and self esteem. We were getting on well at the start of the course, infact she seemed quite confident, she gives subtle signs here and there that she might like me, sometimes she'll smile, and linger/hover around me, or sit relatively near me.
I have 6 modules and she's only in 3 of them, and I don't get the chance to talk to her during break because she's there for one module on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, after that it's home. Another thing is that since I haven't talked too her properly so long, it's really difficult to think of something to say to her.
One thing I was thinking of saying was
"Hey how are things, how are you finding your courses"
or "Hey (Name) what's it like doing psychology because my friend is interested in doing it for September, what's it like?

Would they seem weird? Thank you for your advice too, I appreciate it :)

[Hardy2016]

For some SA people, Facebook friending can be a big ordeal, especially when the request was sent directly from their crush. I think it's understandable why she declined your friend request (probably because she was too excited and anxious at the same time). If you like her then here's what you can do:

1) As a fellow SA sufferer, put yourself in her shoes and try to understand her reasons for acting the way she does
2) Be vulnerable and share a little about your feelings (how her smile makes you feel, her charms, etc.)
3) Admit that you're shy too and would like to be friends for the time being until she's comfortable to decide if she wants to move further
4) Tell her that you'll respect her time and will go at her pace
5) Keep to your promise of going at her pace (do not ever break it)

Any girls would love to know when a guy is respectful and willing to take things slow. Try it out and see how it goes. Best wishes!

Thank you for the comment, you've given some great insightful advice! One thing I found strange was that after the Facebook friend request I sent, she then started to make a small attempt of a conversation the day after. It's strange I can pretty much talk to nearly everyone in my University course apart from this Girl, I just get nervous, One reason is my lack of confidence. I'm almost 21 and I've never had a Girlfriend ever, I've had girls like me (I think) but I never made the move. I've had people tell me that I'm a really nice guy, but still nothing.

I understand her reasons for the most part but it's a bit frustrating at the same time, because It's like..... Should I talk to her or should I not bother due to the awkwardness. I assume she knows I'm shy, we both hardly ever speak in class, infact I do a bit more than her, the only time I see her talk is when she has to work in a small group with people. What are some ways I can approach her without it being too awkward. I also wonder if she knows that I like her????

[Anne1221]

I like the idea of your question about your friend being interested in psychology too. that's a specific question you can ask her rather than a general, "how's it going?"

[Hardy2016]

I like the idea of your question about your friend being interested in psychology too. that's a specific question you can ask her rather than a general, "how's it going?"

Thanks!! I''ll probably see her Tuesday, I wish there was a way for me too not get nervous before talking too her, I get nervous and I put things off. I feel like she's nervous around me too, it's like as if there is a barrier between us where we both want to say something, but neither can Haha.

[Breez]

Thank you for the comment, you've given some great insightful advice! One thing I found strange was that after the Facebook friend request I sent, she then started to make a small attempt of a conversation the day after. It's strange I can pretty much talk to nearly everyone in my University course apart from this Girl, I just get nervous, One reason is my lack of confidence. I'm almost 21 and I've never had a Girlfriend ever, I've had girls like me (I think) but I never made the move. I've had people tell me that I'm a really nice guy, but still nothing.

I don't think it's strange to feel nervous around the object of your desire. I think just about everyone feels that way. If you really want to approach her when it's just the two of you, I think the best timing is when she's sitting somewhere relatively near to you. You can get up and move a little closer to her. To make it a little less awkward for you, just wave and say "Hi _____(her name), how's it going? Did you do the homework for this week (etc.)?"


I understand her reasons for the most part but it's a bit frustrating at the same time, because It's like..... Should I talk to her or should I not bother due to the awkwardness. I assume she knows I'm shy, we both hardly ever speak in class, infact I do a bit more than her, the only time I see her talk is when she has to work in a small group with people. What are some ways I can approach her without it being too awkward. I also wonder if she knows that I like her????

Nobody is a mind reader to the extend that they are absolutely 100% certain you have feelings for them. You will have to tell them either through saying it directly or writing it down, and of course, giving that piece of paper to her. And anybody would feel nervous during confession. It's a normal part of romance. I learned from past experiences that I'd rather confess than live with regrets.

Countless people with quite an amount of nervousness had managed to do it, I'm sure you can too. Good luck!

[Hardy2016]

I don't think it's strange to feel nervous around the object of your desire. I think just about everyone feels that way. If you really want to approach her when it's just the two of you, I think the best timing is when she's sitting somewhere relatively near to you. You can get up and move a little closer to her. To make it a little less awkward for you, just wave and say "Hi _____(her name), how's it going? Did you do the homework for this week (etc.)?"



Nobody is a mind reader to the extend that they are absolutely 100% certain you have feelings for them. You will have to tell them either through saying it directly or writing it down, and of course, giving that piece of paper to her. And anybody would feel nervous during confession. It's a normal part of romance. I learned from past experiences that I'd rather confess than live with regrets.

Countless people with quite an amount of nervousness had managed to do it, I'm sure you can too. Good luck!



Thank you for the answer!! It's strange, I don't want to sound big-headed or cocky, but when I see her, I get this gut feeling in me that she wants to talk to me. Maybe I'm being over-analytical... I'm not sure. It's very difficult to approach her because she comes into class quite late, also her attendance isn't great in University, she's in 3 of my modules/classes, but she tends to usually miss 1 a week, I have to act fast though because I break up for Uni during April/May. Should I try and approach her after class, would it be weird if I go up to her after class and talk to her then? Typical that she hasn't been in all week.

[Defeat Panic]

Well I have a different approach when it comes to girls. I usually don't waste my time like that. I weed out the girls that like me and that don't quickly. No point wasting time with an uninterested girl. No matter how many funny lines you say, jokes,etc if she's NOT interested there's literally not much you can do to change that(except in very small percentages which is not worth looking into).
There's no such thing as "game" or suave pickup lines like in holywood movies. In the real world. This is how it works. Look good physically(people are superficial) and be a cool person. Talk to alot of girls. the ones that like you will show themselves and you can ask them out and be direct. The ones NOT interested will reject you. It makes it very easy if you are going after the girls that already like u instead of trying to convert them.

HAVING SAID THAT...

You said this girl has anxiety. So I feel very compassionate about this and I guess I would take a bit nicer method if I was you. If there is anyway you guys can talk and get to the topic of anxiety then you can make her open up about this subject by you slowly opening up to her too and letting her know you understand. People with anxiety usually have a personality that's easily alarmed. So make sure you try to understand her. Be friendly overall. Talk to her when you can. For now treat her as a friend. Until she gets a little more comfortable with you over time then you can try to make a move later (avoid the friendzone lol)