Fear iof thinking negative and selfdestructive thoughts.

[fiddlewheel]

Ok, you guys have been very helpful so far, and I need some help with this final one for a while.

Have you ever heard about being afraid of thinking about negative stuff?
I believe my complete breakdown came from that, I have a mind that hangs itself completely on one subject, and wont stop thinking that way. Now, I started thinking really destructive things about myself, because I were used to think positivew things about myself, as to mentally program myself, but then I started getting afriad of thinking only negative things... and well, what used to be a highly creative and talented guy broke himself down from within (somewhat thanks to outside influences which I wish not to bring up)

Any thoughts about this? I believe this is very important for me to get right, I will be forever greatful if someone gives me the final puzzle piece.
Thank you.

[AliasEQ]

Hey Fiddlewheel

I've had that fear. But if you think about it, if you're afraid of having negative thoughts - then you're not going to think negative thoughts! :D The fear of it is feeding the resistance to it, if that makes sense. As long as you're fearing it, you won't have it.

What you can do is to train yourself to think positively. Whenever you catch yourself being a pessimist or in general having negative thoughts, scream "STOOOOOOP!", redirect your focus and energy into thinking positive. Eventually, you'll brain will say: "f*ck it, ain't nobody got time for being negative". Basically, fake it til' you make it!

Good luck and wish you the best! :)

[jessed03]

The Professor (^) has learnt much during his battle with anxiety. He's always a great source of info.

One thing I would like to talk about quickly, on the off-chance you may be suffering from it, is trauma. If trauma was the cause of your breakdown, ultimately that trauma will need to be dealt with, otherwise it's extremely hard to get better. This trauma can include bad experiences with drugs, too. Or anything that shook you up, really.

Most people's problem is they can't recognize or accept they've suffered a traumatic experience, so they can't heal in the way their brain needs them to.

Throughout your life your mind builds up a narrative, a story, of you and the world. When you go through a period of trauma, in order to protect your well-being, your mind blocks certain things out. This leaves a big gap in your inner narrative, a gap that often gets filled with obsessive thinking, anxious and unpleasant thoughts, and even psychosomatic symptoms such as stomach problems and derealization.

Think of it as deleting random files from your computer's operating system. Your computer would start functioning weirdly if you did that. Programs would crash; your system would be slow; and there would be a mounting collection of error messages to deal with. A similar thing happens to the brain. When trauma strikes and the mind starts to protect you from certain parts of reality by involuntarily escaping from the unpleasant stimulus, you too begin to develop huge gaps in your mental programming that mean you can't function optimally.

Often the only answer is to go back to the start and re-form your personal narrative from scratch so that there are no longer any gaps, inconsistencies or uncertainties.

Even if trauma isn't something you believe you've suffered, this post is still relevant I feel. You can't go blocking out things from your mind or your reality. It works for a little while, but does you harm in the long run. Don't be afraid of the bad thoughts, and don't view them as an enemy that needs escaping from. Ultimately, the way to overcome your problem is to recognize that all thoughts are equal - weightless even - until you attach belief to them. Good or bad a thought means nothing until you attach meaning to it. Work on not attaching meaning to the bad thoughts. Recognize them as a part of a mental condition, one which you work every day to recover from. In the meantime, put more of your energy and effort into paying more attention to the good thoughts, letting the bad ones die from lack of food. As I'm sure you know, there are no quick fixes when it comes to mental health. A healthy mind is something that has to be cultivated minute by minute, day by day.

[fiddlewheel]

The problem is that I probably suffered a form of trauma, but it had nothing to do with anything people normally would view as "acceptable" as traumatic, I didnt experiment with drugs, I didnt almost get killed or saw someone else get killed, but I was indirectly bullied, I hung out with a terribly destructive crowd, and I myself was and somewhat still am, a very sensitive man.

I experienced this about 12 years ago now, its something I dont know how to deal with, other than just not dealing with it.
I am terrified of dealing with it though, the thoughts I developed was me "hearing their voices" (I didnt hear them, but I do did very vividly imagine them, I have a good imagination), and I would imagine them all the time, correcting me, judging me, telling me I was bad at anything I was doing, even the simplest stuff, like even relaxing or sleeping.
And fighting them? no, didnt work, it just got worse and worse.
Even when I went to a psychiatrist, they thought I had schizotypia, because my mind was so shot from constant anxiety attacks. they didnt truly heal me, but their goal was to make it so that I could leave the house and start going to school again, they did their job, but I think I might need to talk to someone again, about the stuff I have been laying out here.

Its been really hard you know, my triggers have been anything negative, anything that was like a joke directed at me, me not doing well... I have been terrified of trying to do well, nowadays I just do stuff, not caring if I do well or not, for I cant afford getting confident in my abilities anymore.