What keeps you from telling everyone what's really going on

[Fear]

...with you?
I mean,in my personal experience the most is shame with the people outside of family,and inside but less.
I'm scared to consider,really consider I would need to talk to some professional,it would change lots of things and I'm terrified.I'm even terrified by the fact that the people that I meet and I like and really would like to go on attend could read my eyes and understand I'm a really alone person.Which is something everyone know but no one says anything and I don't get it.There's someone at the moment I would like to talk frankly to,but I'm scared of his reaction.People could misunderstand you or run away,think you are weak,I mean...the worse happening could be staying alone for my whole life!But I don't wanna be a victim or appear one and be depressing and incapable forever!
I'm scared!

[ensie]

for me, it's the thought they will think i'm mental or that they will laugh at me or stop talking to me. i can't stand the thought of people thinking horrible things about me. I can sit here for hours evaluating my behaviour through-out the day, how others could interept it etc, i'll go over the day in my head so i know its all ok and so i know how to act next time i see people.

also i guess im a bit worried about admitting i have a problem! doctors on wednesday. first time i will break my silence!

[Fear]

That's exactly how I feel too.

[ensie]

it's nice, in a weird way, to know other people can relate to how you feel. can get really lonely sometimes.

[Spot]

I guess it largely depends on who you tell and how much you're willing to say. For work, I've made it a point to only tell my employer directly. Usually it's safe there and won't go beyond the office. That's only recently too. If you make it a public broadcast you must ready yourself for some feedback - positive and negative. That's why I don't share it at work - although, with me, most can tell there' something wrong, but they don't know what - so I play it off. And be aware. There are some who will rub it in your face, or even go so far as finding out the weak points of said condition and use them against you for whatever reason. You are with these people daily more than your spouse. That's why I keep business as business only and personal matters out of that environment. Sure I may come off as anti-social but in the long run if that's what you believe in, then so be it. I don't get extra points for being highly sociable and in these cynical times I guage my own words anyway. It works for me. Besides, at the risk of sounding corny/goofy, that's what friends outside of work and like-minded people on this forum are for. :)

As for explaining to friends I pick and choose there too - Plus, I waited until I had a fairly good understanding of what I was dealing with. That way if it does get out of control, you're prepared because you know yourself better, and it puts you in a more solid state so whatever accusations or gossip/drama (crap!) they say doesn't matter as much. That was my decision because I was diagnosed as a child waaaayyyy back in the early 80's in its infancy. OR...Nowadays, you could also put yourself out there, expose yourself and take what's thrown at you because of the recent exposure to...well...everything.

[Reis]

...with you?
I mean,in my personal experience the most is shame with the people outside of family,and inside but less.
I'm scared to consider,really consider I would need to talk to some professional,it would change lots of things and I'm terrified.I'm even terrified by the fact that the people that I meet and I like and really would like to go on attend could read my eyes and understand I'm a really alone person.Which is something everyone know but no one says anything and I don't get it.There's someone at the moment I would like to talk frankly to,but I'm scared of his reaction.People could misunderstand you or run away,think you are weak,I mean...the worse happening could be staying alone for my whole life!But I don't wanna be a victim or appear one and be depressing and incapable forever!
I'm scared!

Heres something to focus on, YOURSELF. Keep yourself grand company and dont get so hung up on other people. I know you dont want to be a victim or appear like you are depressing, so first things first. YOU. If youre keeping yourself great company, and you frankly dont care what other people think or worry about talking to them, then naturally they will start being more attracted to you. You create an inner temple so to speak, and you have to do this brick by brick by pampering yourself, enjoying yourself, loving yourself, etc etc. Im sure youve read and heard about stuff like this around, or mabye you havent but it is of the utmost importance. You need to radiate from the inside out, not from the outside in. Being dependant on others can be a real drag and it can fill ones life will ALL KINDS of unnecessary drama. The only person you are in absolute control of is you. I used to get all depressed because I didnt have freinds, but I came to realize that I dont need any. This in turn got me freinds! I know it sounds like a paradox but its true. If anyone thinks that is "weird" or "selfish" well the opposite is true. People that NEEEED other people are the ones who are selfish and self centered. People like this find other people like this and they all become the flies in eachothers webs just struggling to get free while at the same time perpetuating and facilitating the situation by remaining in it.

Get a hobby, get ouside, get sunlight, get some culture and art in your system, and get over OTHER PEOPLE. They come in a firm second after YOU. This doesnt mean dont trust people or that you should totally negate being social with family or whoever, but in order to have fun being social you have to have an whole person to be social with, thats YOU. The reason a person feels disjointed and afraid around other people is because they are not a whole person and dont have much to offer, because in reality they dont have a high opinion of themselves. Who wants to be around someone like that? I cant reiterate this enough, FORGET OTHER PEOPLE.

[square]

I used to think it benefitted me to not hide my mental illness. I'm not so sure anymore for all the reasons posted here. Any mention of it seems to piss people off.

Portions of my anxiety subsided when I decided that I don't have to make my co-workers like me. And if they're drawing so much entertainment from seeing me act goofy on occasion, then their lives are duller than mine or they have the exact same anxieties.

We're on shaky times, so I imagine the tension will only get worse as staff begins to dwindle.



:)

[Fear]

Well,what scares me when someone show every kind of interest to me is they could realize how unexpert and alone I am.I'll tell you the truth;I don't care about females I care about males!In my life I always caught their attention,don't even know why,someway.I already told the recently story of mine in another thread but no one seem to care and I'm having a really hard time wth him just being his friend.Given I wasn't that pleasant I felt the necessity to be honest with him.That's why of this other thread.
I was trying to write a letter to give him explaining why I'm so inside myself and not for him.But it was damned hard that he wouldn't get what really happens with me.So I gave up.
It really hurt inside.I constantly feel in blame.CONSTANTLY.For every other reason.
I'm scared to make any kind of mistake that would make him think bad things about me.I'm scared and lost.I'm most of all scared to lose someone I care about even if I don't know him well.I don't wanna act like all the other times.JUst live the moment and leave everything behind,once everything is over.I want him to know that I care and appreciate what he's done for me.
With the right conditions I could really give away LOOOOOOOTS of love.I can assure you!
But there's always something stopping me.
I'm always trying to interpret his glances,words,way of acting...
He did things that really showed his interest towards me,and not knowing the real reason,well it kills me!!!

[Fear]

...with you?
I mean,in my personal experience the most is shame with the people outside of family,and inside but less.
I'm scared to consider,really consider I would need to talk to some professional,it would change lots of things and I'm terrified.I'm even terrified by the fact that the people that I meet and I like and really would like to go on attend could read my eyes and understand I'm a really alone person.Which is something everyone know but no one says anything and I don't get it.There's someone at the moment I would like to talk frankly to,but I'm scared of his reaction.People could misunderstand you or run away,think you are weak,I mean...the worse happening could be staying alone for my whole life!But I don't wanna be a victim or appear one and be depressing and incapable forever!
I'm scared!

Heres something to focus on, YOURSELF. Keep yourself grand company and dont get so hung up on other people. I know you dont want to be a victim or appear like you are depressing, so first things first. YOU. If youre keeping yourself great company, and you frankly dont care what other people think or worry about talking to them, then naturally they will start being more attracted to you. You create an inner temple so to speak, and you have to do this brick by brick by pampering yourself, enjoying yourself, loving yourself, etc etc. Im sure youve read and heard about stuff like this around, or mabye you havent but it is of the utmost importance. You need to radiate from the inside out, not from the outside in. Being dependant on others can be a real drag and it can fill ones life will ALL KINDS of unnecessary drama. The only person you are in absolute control of is you. I used to get all depressed because I didnt have freinds, but I came to realize that I dont need any. This in turn got me freinds! I know it sounds like a paradox but its true. If anyone thinks that is "weird" or "selfish" well the opposite is true. People that NEEEED other people are the ones who are selfish and self centered. People like this find other people like this and they all become the flies in eachothers webs just struggling to get free while at the same time perpetuating and facilitating the situation by remaining in it.

Get a hobby, get ouside, get sunlight, get some culture and art in your system, and get over OTHER PEOPLE. They come in a firm second after YOU. This doesnt mean dont trust people or that you should totally negate being social with family or whoever, but in order to have fun being social you have to have an whole person to be social with, thats YOU. The reason a person feels disjointed and afraid around other people is because they are not a whole person and dont have much to offer, because in reality they dont have a high opinion of themselves. Who wants to be around someone like that? I cant reiterate this enough, FORGET OTHER PEOPLE.

This could help me thanks.

[danstelter]

Professionals can be very, very helpful, and can help you do a complete 180 in your life. That's what a professional did for me. There is no shame in using professional help. Most, if not all, professionals will congratulate you on the bravery it required to seek out help. Help is what you, and everyone else on this forum, including myself, need. That which you fear most is that what you must do first.

[Fear]

Well,what scares me when someone show every kind of interest to me is they could realize how unexpert and alone I am.I'll tell you the truth;I don't care about females I care about males!In my life I always caught their attention,don't even know why,someway.I already told the recently story of mine in another thread but no one seem to care and I'm having a really hard time wth him just being his friend.Given I wasn't that pleasant I felt the necessity to be honest with him.That's why of this other thread.
I was trying to write a letter to give him explaining why I'm so inside myself and not for him.But it was damned hard that he wouldn't get what really happens with me.So I gave up.
It really hurt inside.I constantly feel in blame.CONSTANTLY.For every other reason.
I'm scared to make any kind of mistake that would make him think bad things about me.I'm scared and lost.I'm most of all scared to lose someone I care about even if I don't know him well.I don't wanna act like all the other times.JUst live the moment and leave everything behind,once everything is over.I want him to know that I care and appreciate what he's done for me.
With the right conditions I could really give away LOOOOOOOTS of love.I can assure you!
But there's always something stopping me.
I'm always trying to interpret his glances,words,way of acting...
He did things that really showed his interest towards me,and not knowing the real reason,well it kills me!!!

Things are really changed now.I feel super super sad,like maybe never before and really patethic,cause in these moments I realize how actually I am paying in terms of life,time happiness and everything.
That guy story has come to an end forever and ever now.I can't stop crying.I feel desperate.I finished to work three months ago,right there where I met him.Everything was absolutely great at my eyes.I thought I had time,which is the mistake I always do.The last day there,I was sad but happy too.He was there and me too,nervous as hell like all those times with him.I said:" I'm going away today.But they said I maybe will be back for december" ,he said "Hopefully...I wasn't able to take you home once" I thougth (we'll have time for that).He always asked me even before finishing working if he could pick me home,but even if I wanted,for being nervous and being scared of him I always said no,damn!!!
I thought I had time.
He then said:"But if you come back maybe I won't be there" I said "Oh,well...where do you go then?","I don't know" I thought he was kidding since the way he told me.
These three months I constantly waited thought about him,day,night,every hour.I made promises to myself,I wouldn't have wasted another chance to know someone like him,I would have tried to seriously improve to all the social holes I used to have with him and not.In order not to feel in blame and pathetic when I would have been with him.
That's why now I feel so desperate.I will never see him again.
A couple of days ago I met him by chance and told me he fired himself,he wouldn't have come back.I frozen I said "Oh no".I felt like crying like an asshole and I did.I asked why he did it but he didn't answer.
MAybe when I was still working he wanted to tell me but he couldn't,he was shy too.I regret so much not accepting all the things he offered me and I denied.I miss him a whole lot even if I don't know him that much.
Today it was my first day back to work,it was a real pain,and I felt an anguish inside.I hoped till the end he was kidding me to see my reaction.He wasn''t though.I wasted another chance.AGAIN!!!
I don't feel motivated to do a good job now,I don't care.It is a real pain.

[Fear]

The "funny" thing is that when I started to work this summer I didn't expect to meet anyone,I mean I was super happy just for the fact that I had a job finally and could feel ok with my conscience and stuff.I mean I didn't really plan to meet him.I caught his attention and then he really really caught mine.So much that I would even go working on Sundays if necessary.
I constantly thought I was making the story bigger then it was but then things he told me.It was an effort to him too,to try to pull words out of my mouth,but he did!!!I mean everyone just get tired soon you know,when that happen.