Derealization

[amaliemarie]

Hello there!
I am so glad I found this site, because I am in desperate need of someone to talk to that knows what I'm going through.

I am a 15 yo girl who had a bad trip on marijuana about a month ago (before you go telling me I shouldn't be smoking, I know I shouldn't and I'm never going to again). Anyways, during the trip I experienced derealization I believe, and ever since then my anxiety has been severe.

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder about 2 years ago and I take 10mg of Lexapro for it. I had smoked many times before that but I had never expereienced anything quite like that. It was one of the most terrifying experiences I have ever had. I thought I would feel better the next day, but when I woke up I didn't feel "normal".

After a couple of days of feeling a less severe version of my trip, it finally dissipated. I relapsed once or twice, but I ended up feeling better. Something I should also mention is that my anxiety usually gets worse at night. I imagine because that's when my trip happened.

Last night I had a friend over and we were playing music and I all of a sudden felt like I was getting sucked back into my trip and into those feelings I experienced that night. I had experienced that the night before but managed to coax myself out of it. And I did manage to, but when we were driving her home I started to feel what I believe was derealization. It felt like nothing was real, I was questioning my existence, and it felt like our car was going at a super speed. When we dropped my friend off I started to freak out. I was so terrified, it felt like nothing was real. I couldn't tell if it felt like nothing was happening or everything was happening over and over again. When I got back home I sat in the car with my dad, I was shaking and having muscle jerks, my temperature rose, and I still felt like nothing was real. I eventually calmed down a bit after talking to my dad and listening to classical music in his car. But I was scared to tell him what I was feeling because I didn't want to scare him. I was convinced I was losing my mind. It was also one of the worst nights of my life. After I went in my house, I was extremely exhausted and could barely talk, and although I calmed down dramatically, I still felt "off". I stayed home today and the whole day I felt off.

When my mom came home for lunch, it felt almost as though she or my step-dad weren't real. My brother got home from school, and for a while I felt the same way, as though he wasn't real, but then it sort of went away I think. I'm worried when my mom gets home from work I'll still feel as though she isn't real.


I am really terrified, and although I know I shouldn't, I can't help but search the internet for answers. Is what I am feeling in fact derealization? Will it go away? Am I crazy? Is it normal? Has anyone else experienced this?


Sorry for the lengthy paragraph, and the many questions. I am just looking for answers.

Thanks, guys

[NixonRulz]

Hiya!

I wish I could help you out with the weed and anxiety resulting in DP

There is a guy here who really knows about the very thing you are going through caused be weed

AliesEQ, He comes in and I know he can shed some light on your situation

He is from Sweden but don't hold that against him. After 10 posts, you can PM him. If you want to up your posts, find the word game thread in the general section

[cloudy black]

hello amaliemarie. sorry to hear about your experiences. through reading your post i have come to realise that i have At last have a name for what I have had for the longest time. I didn’t even realise it was a condition. I have had stark experiences of it for instance at my parents wedding renewal vows and my sisters marriage. I just felt so utterly disconnected and terrible that I couldn’t “be there” I have never ever spoken about this because I felt that it was too unexplainable and such a cold way of being and who wants to talk about that. so although this doesnt help you and i do wish you well on finding help. i just wanted to acknowledge your post. take care

[AliasEQ]

Hahah Nixon :D Can't believe you wrote my name wrong. Thought we were closer than that man...

Hey amaliemarie! :)

It's funny how we almost went through the same exact sh*t. I know it sucks. This weird feeling that our brain can't understand. I know it's hard, but have patience. Give your mind and body some time to get back on track. Don't try to hurry that process, it will go away soon. Give it time and most important: LIVE! Don't stop living because of it. Live as if it's not there. That is how you get rid of it. When we give it attention, we're feeding it.

It's not permanent, you're not crazy and you're not going to go crazy(because of it). This the way our body handles extreme anxiety. This feeling is there to help us, not scare us. In my last post about DR I wrote down this list. This is how I got rid of it. This and some patience:

ACCEPT IT! - This is when your way to recovery starts. F***ing say it loud: "I accept that I have dr/dp - I'm not going crazy - it's all from the anxiety". It's not a defeat when you accept it, it means that you stop fighting it, which is progress.

STOP WORRYING! - The more you worry, the more you feed it. The more you feed it, the longer it will stay. Let it go, stop thinking of it. It needs to be buried in the subconscious mind, where it once were.

DISTRACT YOURSELF - It's hard. But this is the key to get through this sh*t. Focus on something else. Exercise, games, TV, music or whatever. Just stop focusing on it.

- Isolating yourself at home is also a bad idea. It'll only get worse and worse. You need to interact with reality as much as possible.

- Also, stop dwelling about it. Stop searching, there isn't a cure for a "sickness" that isn't there. YOU control it, don't let it control you. Learn to say f*ck it!

I hope this makes sense. I'm writing this not only to help others, but because it also helps me. Helping others - helps me :)

[amaliemarie]

It gives me great relief to know that someone else has experienced this. Thank you for your reply, I'll start living by that list and hopefully it will go away.

[NixonRulz]

Elias is da man

Actually, he is Professor de Real

[Robert Tressell]

Great advice AliasEQ - Anxiety drives us to hide in lonely corners and drown in our anxious thoughts - distraction and social participation are essential, even if it's a brisk walk or chatting to a neighbour - learn to tell that anxiety to f**k off!