Addictions.

[AliasEQ]

Ugh... I've just done my addiction again. I feel like sh*t again. I fell for this sh*t again. I'm feeling all regretful and anxious again. I try my best to not fall for it - but I innerly know I will.

I tried this thing a friend recommended me where I write down my thoughts and how I feel after I've done my addiction. So that whenever I'm going to do it, I'll look back at how I felt - and pray I won't do it again. Here's what I've written down:

Day 1: It always happens late at night. That's the time when I'm so regretful that it feels hard to just live. Wondering if this even works? I'm doing it again and again. My lust drives me to it and I give up to it too easy. I feel discomfort in my heart, in my soul. As if my soul has gotten a sickness. As if I'm scarred for life. It has dragged me over limits I never thought I'd ever cross. And I can't go back to how it once was - the same way you can't unlearn knowledge or "unexperience" experience. I chose this, I made this choice that put me in this state.

Day 2: Once again, late at night. Felt anxious and worried. That's what drove me to do it this time. Angry, regretful and frustrated after I did it.

Day 3: Today I went further than usual. Far enough to realise that this is not a joke or something I can just overlook. A thought came by that told me to lose hope on finding a solution. But I still have hope and belief. It's not always strong, but it will never go away... I hope.

Ugh. I don't know what to do. It's affecting me in all areas of life.

I know it's hard to give advice when not knowing what this addiction is. But I appreciate any thoughts and perspectives on it.

Elias

[Anne1221]

Can you see a therapist to get some help? Join some type of support group? I know a little bit about what you're going through because I struggle with food addictions, particularly sweets. I FINALLY quit eating all sweets because I can't have them in moderation. We had to help my brother who got addicted to a drug and he entered a treatment program and it worked. He no longer does that drug any more. Addictions are hard but you CAN beat them. I think you might be trying to do too much on your own. Support can help so much.

[Dahila]

Alias I agree with above, even Anne ignores me :))
addiction; I had quit so many of them and picked up new ones. the problem is not addiction but addictive personality. You are not alone and if talking to anyone helps , do it. I also think the support group can be good, but not all people can overcome shyness. The younger you are the easiest to beat the addiction; whatever it is.
I believe in you Alias, it is just temporary obstacle in your life path, you will beat it again and again till the time it will not drive you anymore:)

[jessed03]

Try, as much as you can, to focus on your life's meaning. Fulfilment is one of the best ways to overcome addiction. Of course, if the addiction is serious, make sure you get the help and support that you need. But I sense you have things somewhat under control as you're only posting here rather than visiting a therapist or going to an addiction meeting.

This should change the way you think about addiction: In a study with rats, they found that lonely, isolated rats will take drugs if they're available right up until they die. The rat's desire for release overrides most evolutionary mechanisms and eventually leads to its demise.

In a different study though, a more comprehensive one where researchers aimed to study the psychology of addiction, they gave rats plenty of company and lots of meaningful entertainment. The rats, on the whole, opted to avoid the same drugs, and there were no cases of fatality.

Make no mistake about it dude, feeling unfulfilled is dangerous.

[NixonRulz]

I agree with all the above

One thing I would add is that you shouldn't beat yourself up over a setback. If stopping a bad habit was easy, everyone would do it

Any setback is always just another opportunity for a course correction. Understand what caused your relapse and learn.

Learning from past mistakes is what builds our character

If you have a friend in Sweden named Inga, can you please have her friend me on Facebook?

[AliasEQ]

The whole crew is here. Only that makes me happy :)

I've called to a health care center nearby and they got me a therapist. Even though I have a bad experience from therapists. Last time I saw a therapist, she started googling my problems right in front of me and if anything, she just made everything worse. Told me my DR is permanent. Told me that she had two friends that died from the same thing. When I sat there, I believed her bullsh*t, because I wasn't thinking clearly out of fear. I left with a panic attack. I've got more knowledge, I've beaten more obstacles and overcome lots of sh*t just talking to you guys. I'd rather talk to someone with experience than to someone with knowledge, you know what I mean?

It's not to the extent where I'd hurt myself. I wouldn't. Ever. It's just a pain in the a** to go around thinking about nothing else. Everytime I think of it, I feel regret and I go into this state where as if I'm there, but not really. And this addiction is not a drug. Well it is a drug - but it's something you do, not something you take, eat, drink or inject.

"it is just temporary obstacle in your life path" - I hope it is Dahila. I think it is. I know it is. I'm not lacking motivation at least lol. The problem is not that I can't walk. It's just that I can't see the way I'm supposed to take. In fact, I can't see any way.

Jessed! Long time, no see. Thing is this addiction goes straight against my lifes meaning. That's why I'm feeling like sh*t. Thats actually the biggest reason I'm feeling like sh*t. And it's not that my lifes meaning is not strong enough, it's that I'm not strong enough to live up to it. My lust takes over completly.

Hahah Nixon. I will make sure every Inga in Sweden adds you on FB lol.

I realised that whenever I do it again, I feel extremly regretful and hopeless right after I've done it. But now, a day later, I look back and realise that this fight is not over. I'm completly irrational and stupid after I've done it.

"Understand what caused your relapse and learn. Learning from past mistakes is what builds our character" - this is valuable! Thank you! You deserve every girl in Sweden LOL! :D

In fact, all of you deserve every girl in Sweden lol. Jokes aside, thank you guys! Really appreciate the help :)

[Anne1221]

Your new mantra has got to be "NOT EVEN ONCE." Fight it with everything you've got and each time will be easier. When you're tempted, do something else and change focus. And read what you've written about how following this addiction makes you feel afterwards. Keep reminding yourself of how miserable this addiction is making you.

[AliasEQ]

Alright I'm about to go and do it right now. I REALLY don't want to, but I can't help it. So hard to fight it. Think I'mma go buy myself a pizza to eat or something so I can change my focus.

[jessed03]

Jessed! Long time, no see. Thing is this addiction goes straight against my lifes meaning. That's why I'm feeling like sh*t. Thats actually the biggest reason I'm feeling like sh*t. And it's not that my lifes meaning is not strong enough, it's that I'm not strong enough to live up to it. My lust takes over completly.

It's cool, dude. I battled addiction when I was your age, too. Like Nixon and Anne have both said, it's extremely tough. Sometimes you do cave in.

I was in a low place at the time and that just made everything worse. Human beings need that dopamine rush that addiction can bring. Once you're able to get that same dopamine rush from living an enjoyable life that fulfils you, things do get easier. Cravings reduce. Combine that with a good support network and a mind primed to deal with the addiction and you have an amazing shot at beating anything.

NOT EVEN ONCE, bud. NOT EVEN ONCE.

[jessed03]

Alright I'm about to go and do it right now. I REALLY don't want to, but I can't help it. So hard to fight it. Think I'mma go buy myself a pizza to eat or something so I can change my focus.

Good man. You watch boxing? There's a fight on in an hour.

[AliasEQ]

[QUOTE=jessed03;222438] I was in a low place at the time and that just made everything worse. Human beings need that dopamine rush that addiction can bring. Once you're able to get that same dopamine rush from living an enjoyable life that fulfils you, things do get easier. Cravings reduce. [QUOTE]

Makes sense.

Got that dopamine rush from the pizza I just ate lol.

[Dahila]

Well guys I think this is not right approach. Human beings when has been told to do something, they do not. They need to experience it and chose themselves.
Elias you hope , I know, I KNOW that it is temporary obstacle and you will be able to quit, whatever you do. Misery is only atractive to us for a short time , so you will pick up the fight on your own terms. I wholeheartedly, believe in you and you will win, you will Elias:)
People here are with you, you are not alone.
I admire your intelligence, and relate to others.............:)

[AliasEQ]

Thanks Dahila! :) Appreciate the kind words and the motivation!

Alright, I made it through this day. Distracted myself, had some friends over and just chilled. Feels good. Feels f*ckin awesome actually. Hopefully this lust will get weaker as time goes by. I know the first weeks are going to be hard though.

Appreciate all the help guys!

[NixonRulz]

Thanks Dahila! :) Appreciate the kind words and the motivation!

Alright, I made it through this day. Distracted myself, had some friends over and just chilled. Feels good. Feels f*ckin awesome actually. Hopefully this lust will get weaker as time goes by. I know the first weeks are going to be hard though.

Appreciate all the help guys!

Well done, Elias

Its in you. You just need to realize what you are capable of

[AliasEQ]

Well done, Elias

Its in you. You just need to realize what you are capable of

You guys are giving me this strenght, like holy sh*t! :D You're invited to my "getting-rid-of-this-sh*t"-journey. Do you accept? :D

[NixonRulz]

You guys are giving me this strenght, like holy sh*t! :D You're invited to my "getting-rid-of-this-sh*t"-journey. Do you accept? :D

I accept!.....On one condition

I like you . i do

But I would like you more if you let me hang with you at da club wit da beautiful Sweden ladies

[AliasEQ]

I accept!.....On one condition

I like you . i do

But I would like you more if you let me hang with you at da club wit da beautiful Sweden ladies

Hahahah maybe that's my addiction ;)

Jokes aside, when the hell are you coming to Sweden? You have to experience the nature here, the clubs, the girls and some snus. You're welcome anytime!

[NixonRulz]

I would love to hang with you in the land of the beautiful blondes. Sadly I may never leave

Then you too would feel the pain, much like my wife, of always having me around

Then you would get all anxious and have to go to an internet anxiety forum and ask for advice about sending a yank home

[AliasEQ]

LOOOL! :D

It's the other way around, I won't need any forums, I got you. Win for me, win for you and win for your wife.

Think about it!! :D

[NixonRulz]

Fu*k it. I'm coming to Sweden

I'm bringing cheap beer, broken condoms and a drop bear

All to save my main man, Elias. Just so I can remind him of how kick ass he is and nothing can own him unless he allows it

[AliasEQ]

Hahahahah!! You're welcome! :D

[AliasEQ]

Here we go again. The lust is hungrier than ever. I'll hit the gym and pray it goes away. Peace out, girl scout.

[NixonRulz]

How did you get along?

Something tells me if I went to a gym in Sweden, I wouldn't get much done

I would probably just yodel at all the women

[AliasEQ]

Yesterday I fell for it. But I didn't go all the way, like I'm used to. So that's somewhat better I guess.

Today I made it through pretty easy. Felt really strong today.

Lol Nixon. If you only knew the struggle.

[AliasEQ]

Still going strong. 3 days in a row. Yesterday I was close to do it, but my cousins came over and got me out of the apartment. We went out for a walk, which is one of my strongest tools against this atm. Weirdly enough. If I make it to one week, I'm never going to do it again, because it just won't be worth it.

SEND ME YOUR ENERGY PEOPLE! :D

[Anne1221]

You are doing great so keep up the good work! I know that many people find support groups very helpful. Do you think you could find some sort of support group to join? Also, maybe a therapist so that you have to hold yourself accountable? What about reading books on how others beat alcohol or drug addictions? If your computer is causing you problems, remove it from the house. Anyway, find whatever works for you, but I do know that beating the addiction is so much better than it beating you. BUT YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT PATH, YOU'RE STRONG AND YOU CAN KEEP FIGHTING THIS! It only causes misery for you.

[AliasEQ]

Thank you Anne! :) I'm not sure there's any groups like that where I live. I have an appointment with a therapist in a couple of days. Is there any books you could recommend?

4th day now. Didn't feel the lust at all today. I was busy the whole day. I've started noticing that I have way more energy without my addiction. Feels incredibly good.

[Anne1221]

I don't specifically have any books to recommend, but there are plenty of books written on fighting alcohol addiction and you just apply them to your specific addiction. Great that you are seeing a therapist. Good starting place! FANTASTIC that you are doing good so far. My "addiction" was a strange one. I became a sugar addict. (I think I was treating my anxiety by eating lots of sugary things).
I would eat anything sweet until I was sick. Finally I got tired of being on a roller coaster of eating ice cream, etc and then being full of regret the next day, because of course, it lead to weight gain. So I quit, felt better and never looked back. What I kept telling myself is that alcoholics crave alcohol, yet they can stop by avoiding it completely, so why can't I stop eating sweets completely? And that's exactly what I did.

[Anne1221]

Not only do you have more energy, but you're feeling good about yourself instead of beating yourself up and being just miserable and low.

[AliasEQ]

I will look around for some books regarding addictions. I love reading. That's not a strange addiction :D Sugar can be very tempting when you don't get that dopamine rush from something else. I have periods where I eat sweets almost every day. Although, I do have it under control.

Sometimes it feels really bad that I can't do it(my addiction) - because I'm used to doing it, my body is used to it. And sometimes(most of the time) I feel awesome that I've made it so far. You're right. I hate that feeling after I've done it. It sucks. Never wanna go there again.

Oh well. I'll make it through tomorrow hopefully. Got alot of stuff I have to do.

Peace out

[AliasEQ]

Today I fell for it again. It's currently 06:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. Felt like I absolutely had no control over it. I just couldn't hold it back.

Usually when I do it, I feel this anger at myself, this anxious feeling where I just want to get back to how it was without it or before I did it. I just couldn't control it and I feel so bad for doing it because it's not me. It's not a part of me, it's not who I am. This is not what I do.

Right now, I've let go of all the anger and I've let the negative thoughts pass through. Because frankly, they weren't doing anything better. I sure as hell do feel regret though and I've decided to redirect my energy to overcoming this sh*t. Instead, I'm looking forward to the next time I feel the lust - only so that I can stand up proud and give it a big "F*ck you".

I'm just going to try to go to sleep for now. Even though this regret is really strong.

Peacee

[Anne1221]

Well, you're at the first step, where you feel anger at the addiction and you have determination to conquer it because it is messing up your life and doing the opposite of making you feel good about yourself.

[AliasEQ]

The anger drives my will. It is messing my life up. I've started realising that my motivation goes away when I don't do it for a long period of time.

Today I didn't do it. I still feel the side effects from yesterday; anger, frustration, anxiety, regretful and sadness. I am happy though that I made it for a long time. 10 days is a new record.

I'm not even feeling the lust as much as before. It's looking bright.

[Anne1221]

That is good news and good progress. That's how it works, each long stretch you make it through prepares you for longer stretches in the future and a diminishing drive. I took notes when I was struggling and when I re-read my notes, it reminded me of how much I wanted to get control of something that was really messing up my life.

[lalabutterfly]

I'm on day two of not succumbing to an addictive thing that ruins my life
I fear I'll do other impulsive things in place -I wish u further strength and keep updated;/))
Stay strong!