IM SO SICK OF THIS SHIT

[kevin]

IM SO FUCKING GOD DAMN SICK OF THIS FUCKING GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT

I CANT EVEN FUCKING GO OUTSIDE I CANT EVEN SIT IN MY OWN FUCKING HOUSE I CANT GO AND DO THINGS WITH MY FUCKING SON I CANT TAKE HIM TO THE PARK DOWN THE STREET IM FUCKING SICK OF THIS FUCKING SHIT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE

I AM DOING COLLEGE AND DONT SEE THE FUCKING POINT BECAUSE I WONT FUCKING BE ABLE TO GO TO WORK BECAUSE OF THIS STUPID FUCKIGN ANXIETY PANIC ATTACK FUCKING BULLSHIT I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING I FUCKING HATE ANYONE I FUCKING HATE MYSELF AND I HATE MY LFIE

IM FUCKING FED UP AND I THINK THAT TAKING THE EASY WAY OUT AND JUST ENDING ALL THIS FUCKING BULLSHTI IS BEGINNING TO BE MY ONLY OPTION

[Evilbob333]

Hi Kevin,

Angry much? It is frustrating, but i can see from your posts that you've been here a good while and so i imagine you understand anxiety conditions fairly well.
You can do all these things, and you will not have to put up with this for the rest of your life...you will get through it, this will not end you because you're bigger than it.
I feel your frustration, i understand that you feel like you're not getting anywhere with it because for a long time nor was i, and so many other people who write in this forum. But with persistance you can get there. Imagine that you're a boxer, you keep getting knocked down but everytime a punch lands you get back to your feet and keep slugging away. There'll be good days and bad but there always remains light at the end of the tunnel, whether you can see it or not.
Lets be more pragmatic...what kind of things are you doing to combat your anxiety?

[InZane4all]

Dude, come on...

I'm one of the lingering members of this site that just reads and reads other posts in order to get a huge overview of the different types of symptoms people have and how they deal with it. I'll tell you right away that your last option isn't your smartest one.

I don't know you, and I've never met you, but we do both have one thing in comming: We both suffer from this debilitating symptom. I sometimes feel the same way you do. There are also times where I just do not want to get out of the house and stay home all day, but I do. I have to. I can't live in fear and I won't let anxiety or panic attacks control my way of living.

I don't know what advice to give you since I'm sure you've heard every single suggestion given out there. But try to see the whole picture and look at the world from a different perspective. Maybe then you will see the answer you are looking for, in which "ending it" is definitely not the answer or option.

[punkgod94]

Hey Kevin,

Suicide isn't the answer. Anxiety is a very cripping problem that can make 5 minutes seem like an eternity sometimes...it really messes with your sense of time. But if you manage to get it under control within a month, a year or five years, you'll look back and be real happy that you didn't rob yourself of a great life because it IS possible to have a great life, with or without anxiety. I would assume that EVERYONE who frequents these message boards has anxiety to some extent so you have a lot of people here for you who genuinely understand your pain...you're not alone. Suicide is never the answer.

I was very interested in doing something with forensics for my career when I was in high school so I was allowed to witness two autopsies, one which was believed to be a suicide. The coroner said what a shame it was because suicide is such a QUICK decision, but its impact lasts a very LONG time and affects a lot of people. I think I've been where you're at before with the suicidal thoughts, but I always get those thoughts out of my head because I know I would never do it, I just want relief from my problems which seemed like nobody and no drug (legal or illegal) could ever help me with. I could be wrong, but I don't think you actually want to kill yourself...you just want to feel better about your life (and you deserve to feel better too). I hate when people say that people who say stuff like that are just trying to get attention, because that's not true at all. But it IS a cry for help.

You have a son who needs you to stay around, so stick around for him as well as yourself. As for the job issues, don't worry about that now. Things manage to fall into place when they're supossed to. The fact that you can manage to do college while still having anxiety is VERY commendable and brave of you!! I tried going back to school part time after work and I couldn't even manage to take one class because it felt too stressful and like a waste of my time. Worry about a job later...making it through college will prepare you for a better future though, so hang tough man. If you can manage to get through that you'll be headed in a great direction with your life. Nobody can ever take a degree away from you once you have it.

I find a lot of times with anxiety that we (the people who suffer from anxiety problems) get caught in "negative thought loops" where our feelings of hopelessness only get worse the more we think of them. That's when we get to the point of breaking and sometimes resort to things that aren't very good to "help" us. The truth is that those things may help us temporarily, but hurt us more in the long run. Don't let the hopelessness pile up...there's always a better tomorrow! It may not actually be tomorrow, but maybe a week, a month, 6 months...you get the point. It gets better man, trust me. Hang in there and post back when you need to, things will be OK, and it WILL get better!!

[Jay12345]

hey kev.... I hope that are feeling better and i can appreciate and relate to your fustration entirely as i was exactly the same! I used to wake up and within 10 seconds of waking up, the anxiety kicked in.. the stomach/addreline the irrational thoughts, the derealisation, I felt like i was in my own world for so long, i used to think i wasn't 'here' everything was fake.... but you know what, i just kept going... forcing myself to go out, holding my tiers back on many occasions.. crying every night... but you know what.. i never gave up! i was so determinded to get through this and i'm SO proud of myself and it's such a relief to finally be on a level ground again, i can look at my mom and i feel like shes there, i can go out and enjoy myself...!

and the same goes for you.. you just HAVE to keep going, treat it as a challange, not a problem!... and believe me when i say this, IT will go, you WILL get better, it just takes time.. and the reason why anxiety/depression takes so much longer is because you can't phyically see an improvement....(If and imagine having a broken leg, you can physically monitor your improvement)... so all this does is make you feel more hopeless, because you think your never going to get better!

You really need some form of guidance and support, which is so accessable and availble for you.. if you really want to you can talk to me, ill give you my msn.. :)

Keep going! it took me 4 years.... and you'll be fine buddy, trust me!