I am afraid. What would you do in my situation?

[confusedkid]

Hello, This is just a question for your opinions as this is probably a question that can only be answered by a psychologist when I get the courage to see one! I appreciate ANY advice as I have no idea what I should do.

I have had a few posts on here over the past year or so. I started posting here after my first "panic attack" I use the quotations because I am not sure what exactly a panic attack is. It is only my idea of what one would be like.

After smoking some marijuana with some friends one night I became very scared, my friends not knowing the actually degree of my anxiety, not knowing I had anxiety issues, tried to play with my mind as a joke to just have some fun. They played a little trick game on me that caused me to hallucinate. I imagined the devil was talking to me and getting very angry but it was my friend actually talking through my ear. My friend shouted and I jumped to the ground crying. I believe this is a symptom of Schizophrenia. The first year after it happened I did not know what to think of it and only thought it was an anxiety attack. It kept me a good year from doing the drug again.

After a whole year of feeling much better anxiety to a controlled state. I decided to celebrate my birthday with all my friends and have a party. I am only 18 so it is not unusual to smoke a little so I decided to give it another go.

Immediately I started to feel the same feelings I had a year ago. I quickly without thinking twice decided that I cannot stay around my friends being in this state and decided to walk home alone This turned out to be a terrible choice as it was the scariest 1 and a hour hour walk in my life. I hallucinated by hearing voices from god and seeing things all over on my walk back home.

I have not once experienced any of this symptoms being sober. Currently, I am very afraid of what my own mind will do to me. Schizophrenia runs through my family( my father has it) and I myself have had a few "episodes" after smoking pot, or what I think are episodes because I havent told anyone about them. What im worried about is if I don't tell someone what has been going on are the chances it will likely get worse? I feel ashamed to admit my weaknesses as well, forcing me to rely on the internet for help.

Is my anxiety causing me to think I have this disease or im going to get it? If I had never heard of it before and done research would I have suffered this symptoms? Sorry for all these questions im just very confused/scared.

Thanks for you help. I appreciate ANY advice.

[northstar]

hi confusedkid, sorry to see you going through a rough time right now :(

i am not too sure, and please tell me if i'm wrong, but it seems that most of what you associate with schizophrenia happens when you're under the influence of marijuana? it this is the case then i wouldn't worry too much about it. everyone reacts differently to it, some people have a great time, others end up having a terrible time like you did. it seems from your post that the episodes you have are really just a reaction to the drug rather than actual schizophrenia.

my advice to you is to just not smoke it anymore, even a little seems to have a major effect. i also think you need to do some work on you fear of actualy having schizophrenia. since it runs in your family i am not surpirsed that you are afraid you may have it, it must be quite a worry. to relieve you fears you might like to talk to you doctor or a counsellor who deals with people who suffer from it?

[Evilbob333]

Hi confusedkid...bad times...i realy feel for you.
First let me say...CUT OUT THE WEED! It works for some but not for others...i went through a three year period of smoking fairly regularly and it did not agree with me. If you have anxiety issues its best to stay away from all mind altering substances. I'd tend to agree with Northstar...if these episodes only occur when you're stoned then odds are that its the weed rather than you, although with a history of Schizophrenia in your family avoiding weed altogether is a great way of lessening the chances of the illness occuring. I have heard of people hallucinating whilst smokng some types of weed and it may be possible that your heightened anxiety contributed to this (although dont quote me on that, i'm no doctor!).
I would strongly recommend talking to your doctor or a counsellor, even your family about your concerns. A fear of schizophrenia and other mental health issues is extrememly common with anxiety and the fact that your father has it makes this all the more understandable, but like those with cancers or CHD in their family you must do what you can to lessen the possibility of it beginning, and not smoking weeed is the best possible start!

[joey9]

Have you tried talking to your Dad? You are fortunate that the person that you know who has experienced what you fear is also one of the people who loves you most in the whole world, and will only want the best for you.

[elgrande]

There is a clear link here between smoking pot and the feelings you are getting whilst your "high". You simply have one of those minds which doesn't cope well with its affects. Let me reassure you know, you DO NOT have schizophrenia. If you did you would be experiencing symptoms while you were in your normal state of mind. It is essential that you do not continue down this road and I advise you in the strongest terms not to smoke any more dope or take anything mild altering. Given how you mind reacts to this kind of stimulus and in light of your family history, you will be playing Russian roulette with your future mental health. Stick to a few beers with you mates instead. Trust me, I've been down this road.

[confusedkid]

thank you all for your replies! I took your advice and finally opened up to my dad! I feel soo much better and Im so grateful for advice.

He could relate to everything I was experiencing and told me never to smoke again as it is what caused him to get ill.

Rest assured I will never smoke again in my life! you all are heroes in my book, thanks for saving someone in need! :D

[Evilbob333]

Great stuff! Good news...glad we could all help...glad you feel more positive! Thats why this forum is a wonderful tool!