my story, so far

[matty2008]

this all started about a year ago. i realized it was time to look for a new job. Im not happy there, i am asked everyday to work late, work weekends, and i work in towns that are hours away from where i live( im a service electrician so i go to many customers thoughout the day, usually 3-6). since i decided i wanted to look for a new job, I have been constantly thinking about work. At this point(about 8 months ago) i had 2 instances about 3 weeks apart where i had anxiety/panic attacks for the first time in my life(im 28 years old). Both times i thought i was having a heart attack. I did not have another one for about 4months. I was offered a job and was considering accepting it. I had a month to make the decision. The day before i had to make the decision( my answer was no), I had a mild attack.
some things that have been constantly happening to me in the last year are rapid/pounding heartbeat when trying to sleep. my mind is always racing, and i have trouble relaxing. feeling somewhat stressed, headaches, thinking about work all day long. checking monster,indeed,and other job search sites for hours a day,everyday.Not eating well, and not excercising.
2 months ago i applied to 2 jobs. The first interveiw went very well(i was having no anxiety around this time).weeks were going by and human recources kept telling me to call back next week and theyll have the decision(this was going on for over a month, so i decided to stop calling).my anxiety levels were very high at this point, and i was dealing with it every day. I then went to the next interview(i didnt even want this job, and i wasnt going to accept it if they offered it to me). The interview was bad. I was turning red, my heart was pounding, i couldnt think very clearly, and the back of my head was feeling tense. I just couldnt relax. I wanted to walk out of the room and run home. I was pretty sure that i wasnt going to be offered the job.
a few weeks go by and i hadnt been feeling like myself. I was anxious all day long and it was impossible to relax. My mind was becoming foggy, my memeory was suffering, i was having trouble focusing and concentrating on anything. My heart was pounding, during the day now. when going to sleep, i felt like i had to force myself to breath. The headaches were at the back and sides of my head, and were every day, from begining to end. it felt like someone was squeezing the back of my head.
So there was now way i could go to work, so i called in, and took 2 weeks off. I tried to relax, took some advil, but still was feelin the same. the next day, i thought rollerblading was a good idea to help me relax. Wrong. when i got home, my heart was pounding like crazy, thoughts were racing through my brain, the headaches began to get worse(i was now thinking that i had a brain tumor). i couldnt sit still, and i thought that i was going to faint, so i finally went to the emergency room.

They checked my blood pressure(it was very high), did a ct scan of my brain(results were normal-thank god), did blood tests(they were normal), did an ekg( ok). They diagnosed me with hypertension(high blood pressure), stress, and anxiety. They prescibed me Ativan(1mg 3x day) and said to follow up with my doctor.
Today is day 3 on ativan. It definetly works. Ive only been taking 1mg a day, but it clears my mind, im able to focus and concentrate now, my brain is not foggy, memory is better, tension headaches have gone away. I actually feel pretty good. but not 100%.

My doctor is unavailable until next week, and im curious to see what he has to say.

Also, i have not been seeing my doctor regularly, ive gone to him twice in the last 10years.I dont get sick very often, and have never been on prescibed meds before. I dont do any drugs. I drink socially 1-2 times a week. I do smoke cigs:(

So, could this have been avoided if i had been seeing my doc on a normal basis? or if i went to him a year ago when i first had the anxiety attacks? or is the anxiety being caused by my high blood pressure?

This whole time i wanted to quit my job thinking that that would fix all my problems. but now i think that would cause more especially without another job linedup.

[Murakawa]

Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate to a lot of what you said, especially in terms of job-hunting. I'm in the middle of this at the moment and it's sending my anxiety off the ROOF!!

I was about 21 or so when I suddenly had a panic attack. Like you, I thought I was having a heart attack. I was at Uni and I went running out of my dorm, with no shoes or socks on, to the reception, where I screamed at the late night security guard that something was SERIOUSLY wrong with me!! I often wondered if this could have been avoided if I had been to the doctors before, similar to yourself, but I really don't think they can, in these situations. I'm not sure that there's any fool-proof way of predicting something like that.

I think quitting the job could lead to more difficulty but it's hard to say. I do think it's good to occupy the mind with something, though, otherwise it's inevitable that the mind will start racing.

As for blood pressure, it's possible that it's related to that but it can also be related to general stressful situations, genetic make-up, even colds and flus can trigger anxiety!

Cheers
Mura