Obsessive fear of reality causing depression and anxiety

[Hosscat]

Hi... for about 3 years ive been constantly fearing what if everything is in my imagination, that nothing is real. I can listen to the most rational arguments against this and it doesnt touch it. The fear always finds a loophole or another what if... People feel so empty and I feel so lonely. Im sitting here crying now because im so fed up and feel like everyone I ever loved is gone :(

I'm trying to believe its just anxiety causing this, but sometimes I dont feel anxiety but the thought is there and it makes me so incredibly sad. I dont want to live this way for the rest of my life. I cant! Im trying to leave the thought alone, just let it be there, but it hurts so much... Has anyone else had something like this this long? I feel like im beyond hope...

[itdoesntreallymatter]

I feel the same way. I've had this for about a year now. You kinda just go in and out and feel like the words you don't say are real, or that everyone is gone, and you're the only one and they just appear in your mind? Is that what you mean?

[Hosscat]

Yeah, it feels like everyone is gone. Because I cant stop the 'what if they arent real. What if my mind created them' thoughts. And it's like I know how ridiculous that is, but the fear and depression makes it feel so true that I dont know what I actually believe anymore...

[cloudy black]

hello Hosscat gosh that sounds like the film the matrix starring starring Keanu Reeves. and also what i call existential loneliness. for me that means absolutely nothing has any meaning or purpose ultimately. for me the only way i can put this belief to one side is when i deliberately help others mostly in small (invisible) ways. and it is strange but from time to time i feel a sensation of love for example in the post office earlier. i dont know if i can put it into more tangilble terms than this. oh, ok lets see yes, when everybody is synchronized in being positive is the nearest i can get to. it can be quite subtle and lets face it how often does this happen? oh and i am so untrusting of love. i wont even use the word love on birthday cards to my siblings it always has to be best wishes. so for me it means reaching out in small ways and its not important to get a thankyou because then you place limits on what you will do and what you expect and what you experience. "random acts of kindness make for a better world for you and others" i invite you to try it out. look on the internet for examples of random acts of kindness to give you an idea. all the best :)

[Im-Suffering]

You are crying and lamenting simply because you deny the feelings. You can't shove them away, you must validate them. By listening to who you are and what the inner self is trying to communicate, you can heal.

That is what you are up to. And while in ultimate reality your idea (things and people are temporal) is true, the empty feelings carry a message with them. The only way toward enlightenment is straight into the pain.

You must feel them, and investigate at thje same time they come up by questioning from a third person perspective, like you were an attorney trying to gather truth through evidence. In your case the evidence is within the feelings and thoughts. The crying is evidence, the thoughts 'I am alone, everything or everyone seems unreal' are evidence, and through reflection into the evidence you find your truth, possibly the fear of death and loss.

Ask 'why do I feel this way?', and keep digging as the imagination stirs old hurts and memories. The pain will not kill you I promise, it is only there to help you uncover the truth.

If you accomplish this I tell you that you will save years of therapy, which would lead in your mature years toward the same conclusions and hopefully healing and peace.

[cloudy black]

hello Im-suffering. yes that is so right what you say. the mind is such a powerful thing for positive as well as negative