Hi Everyone!

[Vicky_220]

Hi Everyone,

I have suffered with long periods of anxiety and depression since my teens. I'm just hoping to meet new some people on here and learn how to battle this illness.

Looking forward to getting involved and chatting to you all x

[JaneCrory]

Hi Vicky,

Welcome, I'm a fellow newbie. Hope you are keeping okay.
x

[Vicky_220]

Hi Jane,

I'm ok thank you, I hope you are too?

I'm just trying to find my way around this site and hoping to learn some new techniques and get some advice on how to deal with bad days. I have tried a course of CBT but things seem to have got worse since then and I think some days just talking to someone helps.

X

[cloudy black]

hello vicky_220. yes i am also still trying to find my way around as well...i did CBT and i had to abandon it because i ended up getting very bad anxiety! there were lots of "useful" things to do but it was all too much information overload for me. and of course that made me feel like a failure. i have a friend who i chat with who is quite similar to me. we even use the same words at times! as for dealing with bad times i usually have to let it run its course especially if my friend it not available. i keep myself ridiculously busy as a way of coping - not good althou i get things done lol. i definitely avoid the TV and music when i am bad. music is a trigger for me. and shopping arcade always have it playing. i remember when i was 18 throwing all my (in the days of )LP's away and then again in my early 20's. there is a lot of soulless music out there and codependency kind of lyrics. but i am a Trekkie fan and watch that. i am very mindful where i can, to be careful what i watch, listen and read so that i don't get into a negative groove. oh and i do so hate the run up to Christmas all the bullsh*te

[Vicky_220]

Hi cloudy black, thank you for your post. I hope you are ok? I also found CBT quite tough and although I did find some aspects of it really helpful, I felt like a failure for still feeling just as anxious afterwards and for it not really working for me. I think that has to do with having a lot of stress this year and I seem to be struggling with low moods more than I ever have in the past. I think keeping busy is a good way of coping and is something that I need to make myself do more. :) Its just so easy to give in and lie around when I am feeling depressed but it always seems to make me feel worse and I then feel so guilty and frustrated with myself for not doing anything. Yet i feel too on edge and down to concentrate on doing anything anyway. So frustrating! I also agree with you about the run up to Christmas.. Its usually a day I look forward to but I havent really enjoyed it the past couple of years and this year I don't seem to have any interest in celebrating it at all. I would rather just skip the whole festive period this year x

[cloudy black]

for the longest time i was stuck in depression i would just sit and stare into space. i dont know how i am even here really. and ever since that period i have a horror of going through such depression again so now i have kept pushing through and tipped into anxiety instead :( and then i reach screaming point. which when it gets so intense i have to scream into a pillow as i live in a flat and not a house i am mindful of being heard. Christmas is a precarious time for me and the new year and can be a time when i have drunk myself into oblivion. i have hated Christmas since i was probably about 11 years old.

[Vicky_220]

It sounds like you have been through a lot! I'm glad you are feeling a little bit better on the depression side but I know exactly how you feel when you say you feel as though it tips your anxiety instead! It is a vicious cycle and it is so hard battling both. Some days I just wake up and get so overwhelmed by emotions and I feel as though I cant talk to anybody because I feel so miserable but so worried about coming across as miserable to other people, I end up staying silent. I constantly worry about what other people think about me and whether they are talking about me behind my back so I put a lot of pressure on myself to try and act happy and 'normal'. When it doesn't work I just end up more frustrated, anxious and depressed! Its exhausting.

I hope you find a little bit of comfort in knowing you arent alone here, as I will, and I will be here if you ever just want somebody to talk to :) x

[cloudy black]

thats exactly how i feel " so overwhelmed by emotions and I feel as though I cant talk to anybody because I feel so miserable but so worried about coming across as miserable to other people, I end up staying silent" i slot rattle between being worried about what other people think and not giving a damn. and i times i can be reckless in how i speak to people. of which i am trying to be vigilant about ... i have not long come back from my parents which often sends me on a downer.yeah its good to know that i am not alone. thanks

[JaneCrory]

Hi Jane,

I'm ok thank you, I hope you are too?

I'm just trying to find my way around this site and hoping to learn some new techniques and get some advice on how to deal with bad days. I have tried a course of CBT but things seem to have got worse since then and I think some days just talking to someone helps.

X

Hi yes it does help talking to people who are going through similar. I'm currently still waiting on my therapy starting, it seems to be taking forever waiting on it x

[Vicky_220]

Hi Jane,

I dont know what kind of therapy you are waiting for but I found a website called getselfhelp .co.uk useful during CBT. It has all the handouts we used during the sessions and it gives you advice on how to cope with specific kinds of anxiety. Just incase you want to look at any material before you start your therapy. I know it can take time for sessions to get started x

[JaneCrory]

Hi Jane,

I dont know what kind of therapy you are waiting for but I found a website called getselfhelp .co.uk useful during CBT. It has all the handouts we used during the sessions and it gives you advice on how to cope with specific kinds of anxiety. Just incase you want to look at any material before you start your therapy. I know it can take time for sessions to get started x

Hi Vicky,

I'm waiting on therapy for negative thoughts and anxiety. I had to come home today from work, I got very weepy and just felt like I had to come home, I felt like I couldn't cope. I was off for 3 months, and went back to work 4 weeks ago. I've felt something working on me the last few weeks - very on edge, irritable and the slightest things annoy me. Then that kind of subsided and I've felt myself going down and down over the last week or so. I keep telling myself tomorrow will be different, that I'm alright.

Thank you. I will check that website out.
x

[Vicky_220]

Hi Jane,

I hope you are ok. Don't worry about leaving work today, I think you are doing really well for going into work when you have been feeling so low. And you are right tomorrow is a new day and you might feel completely different in the morning! :)

I'm really struggling with work at the moment too and there are some days where I end up in tears because I feel so down and on edge. I get paranoid about what people think about me and I constantly worry that I'm not doing a good enough job. What I have learnt though is, for me, although there are some days where I can't sleep worrying about going in the next day and I come home in tears feeling as though I dont want to go back, there are other days where the smallest thing can make me feel much better about my job.

I hope you feel a bit better tomorrow and you have a good day x

[NixonRulz]

Welcome to you both!

[cloudy black]

[QUOTE=Vicky_220;222118]I seem to be struggling with low moods more than I ever have in the past. I think keeping busy is a good way of coping and is something that I need to make myself do more. :)

hello Vicky_220 howz it going with the busyness! don't beat yourself up if you haven't managed to change tack. Rome was not built in a day

[JaneCrory]

Hi Jane,

I hope you are ok. Don't worry about leaving work today, I think you are doing really well for going into work when you have been feeling so low. And you are right tomorrow is a new day and you might feel completely different in the morning! :)

I'm really struggling with work at the moment too and there are some days where I end up in tears because I feel so down and on edge. I get paranoid about what people think about me and I constantly worry that I'm not doing a good enough job. What I have learnt though is, for me, although there are some days where I can't sleep worrying about going in the next day and I come home in tears feeling as though I dont want to go back, there are other days where the smallest thing can make me feel much better about my job.

I hope you feel a bit better tomorrow and you have a good day x

Hi Vicky,

I couldn't go into work today, I am lucky though that my boss is understanding, she told me to take the rest of the week. But I'm thinking I might get a line from the doctor until after the new year, sure that's only 5 weeks and see how I go. My doctor has upped the dosage of my AD's, so I will see how I adjust to them.

I was crying earlier, but I feel a bit better now. Everything just seems so overwhelming, life just seems hard right now. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. I don't feel guilty about work as I'm not the type to just take off for no good reason - all through school my attendance was excellent and it's been the same with work. I've been working full time for 15 years since I left school at 17 years old, and it's only been this year where I've taken extended periods off.

I hope you are well
x

[Vicky_220]

Hi Cloudy Black,

I have been keeping a bit more busy this week, thank you for asking :) I have been trying to go out and do something after work and it has made me feel a bit better. I have had a couple of really anxious days this week but keeping busy has taken my mind off things for a little while. Even if it is just getting out and going for a quick walk.

How is your week going so far? X

[Vicky_220]

Hi Vicky,

I couldn't go into work today, I am lucky though that my boss is understanding, she told me to take the rest of the week. But I'm thinking I might get a line from the doctor until after the new year, sure that's only 5 weeks and see how I go. My doctor has upped the dosage of my AD's, so I will see how I adjust to them.

I was crying earlier, but I feel a bit better now. Everything just seems so overwhelming, life just seems hard right now. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. I don't feel guilty about work as I'm not the type to just take off for no good reason - all through school my attendance was excellent and it's been the same with work. I've been working full time for 15 years since I left school at 17 years old, and it's only been this year where I've taken extended periods off.

I hope you are well
x


Hi Jane,

I'm glad you're feeling a little bit better. I know everything feels so overwhelming and is really difficult at the moment but things will get better, it is just going to take some time. Your health is the most important thing and I think you would be right to take some more time off for as long as you need to feel better. :) As you say, you have nothing to feel guilty about, you sound like you are a brilliant employee, you have always had excellent attendance and we sometimes all just need a bit of time off to look after our health.

I really hope you don't mind me asking but how do you find taking AD's? I have taken Amitriptyline (really low dosage) in the past but I didn't take the anti anxiety medication I was prescribed earlier this year because I was really worried about the side effects and I thought I would be able to manage without them. I have really tried to cope without any tablets since then but I have never felt so down and I think I might need that help for a little while for me to feel better. The main thing that worries me is, I was only on 20mg of Amitriptyline before and I felt so tired and drowsy it was affecting how I was at work, I had mood swings and I made a lot of mistakes from by brain being foggy. I know it might just be a case of my body adjusting and getting used to them but I'm just worried a higher dosage will make things worse. I'm willing to try anything to feel better at the moment though x

[cloudy black]

as long as i keep pushing through seems to be the tone at the moment. went to Pilates tonight for the first time in 4 weeks. the tutor it turns out was off work with stress. i thought she was quite brave actually saying this. i had a feeling it was stress. although i didn't know whether she had decided to go for an operation for her knee. bit of a critical dilemma seeing as she would not be able to work for probably 12 weeks.

my sister will i think be getting the results of a second xray tomorrow i think. she is really worried and has told me not to say anything to the rest of the family including her two daughters. did me some Christmas shopping today it took me 5 minutes to do! oh i know i sound so organised but if i don't do it now i think i may not get round to it.

oh well done you doing something that has helped lessen the anxiety. it is a constant thing to rise above isnt it. i am supposed to be visiting my brother tomorrow night ..he dropped a bombshell the other day he said he would be moving away and i dont expect i will be visiting him as he will be out in the sticks and my brother is not one for the rural life he is more the life and soul of the party.. reckon hes going through a mid life crises me self. i don't think he has thought it through properly anyway its his life i guess. good to hear from you

[Anne1221]

Doctors don't use amitriptyline much anymore. Your doctor may be able to give you an AD with far fewer side effects, such as Lexapro.

[Vicky_220]

as long as i keep pushing through seems to be the tone at the moment. went to Pilates tonight for the first time in 4 weeks. the tutor it turns out was off work with stress. i thought she was quite brave actually saying this. i had a feeling it was stress. although i didn't know whether she had decided to go for an operation for her knee. bit of a critical dilemma seeing as she would not be able to work for probably 12 weeks.

my sister will i think be getting the results of a second xray tomorrow i think. she is really worried and has told me not to say anything to the rest of the family including her two daughters. did me some Christmas shopping today it took me 5 minutes to do! oh i know i sound so organised but if i don't do it now i think i may not get round to it.

oh well done you doing something that has helped lessen the anxiety. it is a constant thing to rise above isnt it. i am supposed to be visiting my brother tomorrow night ..he dropped a bombshell the other day he said he would be moving away and i dont expect i will be visiting him as he will be out in the sticks and my brother is not one for the rural life he is more the life and soul of the party.. reckon hes going through a mid life crises me self. i don't think he has thought it through properly anyway its his life i guess. good to hear from you

Hi Cloudyblack, I'm sorry for not replying sooner, I haven't been online for a couple of days. I hope you are ok?

Well done for going to your Pilates class :) I have never tried Pilates but I have heard both Pilates and Yoga are perfect fitness classes for calming anxiety. I think just going to a class and getting involved is great in itself! It is a great way to meet people and do something that you enjoy.

I hope everything is ok with your sister and I hope she had good news from her X-ray? I hope everything went well with you visiting your brother as well, I can imagine it must be hard when family move further away. I don't see my family all the time but I'm quite lucky because all of my close family live in the same city in the UK and we don't live very far apart. I know some people have to travel a lot further though to see theirs.

I hope you have a lovely weekend and take care x

[Vicky_220]

Doctors don't use amitriptyline much anymore. Your doctor may be able to give you an AD with far fewer side effects, such as Lexapro.

Hi Anne,

Thank you for replying. I have booked a doctors appointme nt for next week so I will see what they say. It's good to know that there are other medication out there that do the same but have fewer side effects. That is ideally what I want x

[cloudy black]

thanks Vicky. yes my sister text me thursday to say that the doc is saying, it is nothing to worry about. i will ring her later as i have been away myself visiting my bro and then my parents.
regarding my brother this move if/when it happens will be a lifestyle change. the place they are looking to buy is a converted barn it has holiday cottage accommodation with it and the potential for B&B. but i feel this is more my brothers partner's baby than my brothers. my brother would be commuting 90 minutes or more to the place of work where he is at the mo.

from a selfish point of view it kinda feels like i am going to be the only one who is left to look after my aging parents. my sister lives about 2 hours away from our parents. and until i speak to her later i was kinda thinking her health would prevent her from visiting our parents.

my brother does struggle with depression and when he mentioned that this barn conversion had small windows and they would need to keep the lights on to have enough light it makes me think o dear me. he is not into the great outdoors which his partner is. we as a family are all concerned that my brother's partner is all well and good with ideas but is unable to bear any fruit blah blah blah.

i go to Pilates as i have had lower back, sciatic nerve problem and plantar fasciitus (foot problems). it has been helpful but i have also needed to go and some myofascial release as these 3 problems have never gone away. now my back and my sciatic nerve is pretty well sorted but my feet have gotten worse :0(

thanks

[Louisa Parsen]

Hello, and welcome to the Forum