When will the worry and paranoia end?

[amianxious?]

Hi everyone. This is my first post. I come here looking for some answers to why I am the way I can be. I haven't been diagnosed with anything, nor have I seen a therapist/doctor about my thoughts and feelings.

I just find myself being anxious about the following:

- that others don't like me
- I'm not good enough
- people will realize I'm a fake
- others are talking about me
- others are socializing without me

ETA: the above list is not exhaustive. :(

It's exhausting being like this. My SO doesn't get it at all.

I just feel so hopeless because my entire existence, it seems, hinges on how others treat me (or how I perceive it). If someone pays me a compliment, I am happy. When I get negative feedback or allow thoughts of "they don't like me", etc. then I can't seem to really function.

I don't even know the point of my post really... Just wanted to share my feelings a bit. Thanks for listening.

[Anne1221]

It sounds like you have social anxiety. Obviously, you are good enough and people do like you, because you have a SO. I think you would benefit greatly from getting some help from a good therapist. You don't need this burden because I'm sure people aren't thinking about you at all.

[amianxious?]

Anne, thank you for responding. I will look further into social anxiety (I always assumed that dealt with people who don't like crowds, etc.). I hide my feelings very well from others, except for my SO. I try to never show weakness and act as if I don't care, but, the truth is, it gnaws away at me. EVERY. SINGLE. THING.

On the outside, all looks ok I guess. I am married, have a house, kids, a professional career, etc. On the inside, I am crumbling. I think I'm ok and them something small happens and I feel overwhelmed. I am totally gutted that something as small as a Facebook post (that has NOTHING to do with me) can affect me so negatively. Someone suddenly going MIA on me makes me assume they hate me. I try not to show that I am needy. Who knows, though. Maybe people have figured it out.

The worst (and best) part is that my SO is the exact opposite of me. His feelings of self worth are never contingent on another's actions or words. So, for him, it's hard to understand all of this.

[Anne1221]

I have something similar to you. I know people who don't care at all if someone likes them or not, but I'm the opposite!!! It really bothers me. It's all part of this anxiety disorder. I have a therapist who I talk to about it, and that helps me a lot.

[Anne1221]

Here's a good question...ask yourself is Facebook helping you and making you a happier person, or is it causing you more anxiety? Studies have shown that it causes a lot of people depression and anxiety. Others appear to always have a better life! But it's an illusion because they only post the best moments. That's why I'm not on facebook. It was causing me more anxiety about things than proving to be fun for me.

[Im-Suffering]

This is the result of the early years, childhood conditioning (2-7), specifically, overly critical caretakers, judgmental, emotional detachment, alienation, and ultimately the fear of criticism (destroying initiative, self worth and or self reliance, and healthy social expression). All of you can feel this during times of upheaval or stress, however often its too painful to face those memories and it may seem futile or impossible to heal from them so that prevents any adult investigation. You cannot replace these hurts with joy if your current thinking is still of that hurt 7 year old.

It is good to realize that now, in your current lives, you are not making choices or having thoughts from an adult perspective, grounded in the 'now', but from that hurt childs perspective along with his/her painful beliefs and stored emotions even from many years ago. This enlightenment can lead to further investigative growth and healing by seeing how the outdated painful childhood beliefs are still paramount in creating your current reality.

For each unwanted current thought, for example 'I am not good enough', begin to ask, why? And continue to follow your answers until you reach the pain, then you can heal the child from many years ago, which would completely alter your current experience. And give you insight into your private world of thought.

[NixonRulz]

Good to see you, IS. Good advice

Hope you are doing well

[amianxious?]

I have something similar to you. I know people who don't care at all if someone likes them or not, but I'm the opposite!!! It really bothers me. It's all part of this anxiety disorder. I have a therapist who I talk to about it, and that helps me a lot.

Hi again, Anne. It's somewhat comforting to know that there are others who struggle with similar issues. I have no objections to talking to a therapist. However, I find the process of finding one daunting (especially given how many there are).


Here's a good question...ask yourself is Facebook helping you and making you a happier person, or is it causing you more anxiety? Studies have shown that it causes a lot of people depression and anxiety. Others appear to always have a better life! But it's an illusion because they only post the best moments. That's why I'm not on facebook. It was causing me more anxiety about things than proving to be fun for me.

I actually am no longer on FB -- haven't been for a while. However, I do sometimes go on there via my SO's account. Usually, nothing bugs me. However, I zero in on certain people's profiles and let things upset me (i.e. knowledge person x and y were together without me). It's so incredibly pathetic when I write it out like this -- I mean, what sort of adult thinks that way!?!?! I'm scared my kids will eventually learn how weak I am.

[amianxious?]

NixonRulz, thank you for the response.

I don't know much of an affect my early childhood had on me. I had, for the most part, a fairly normal, happy childhood. My parents were very loving and supportive. I was the center of their world. However, things began to change as I entered my pre-teens and teenage years. There were restrictions because of boys, etc. My parents didn't seem to trust me too much. My dad's alcoholism, which became an issue after I was 10, also became a source of stress for me. Both my parents had very high expectations of all their kids. I often fell short.

I remember feeling very alone as a kid (again, after grade 4 or so). I was the last to be picked on teams. Girls would gossip about me and kids generally treated me like an outcast. I suspect it may have something to do with my very intense personality. I was raised to be very generous and kind to people, bordering on the overboard. And, so, I took this with me to school. Some of the kids may've found my behvaiour to be odd or excessive.

I really do feel that my experience with my peers shaped my anxiety. My parents just made it worse. What baffles me is the my SO had a similar upbringing (minus the alcoholic father) and seems totally unaffected by all of it. He, on the other hand, had friends in school and never felt left out.

So, I do agree with you. My current issues definitely stem from my childhood (albeit a bit later than 7 yrs old). Now, the question is, where do I go from here?

[Anne1221]

“You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

― Eleanor Roosevelt

[Im-Suffering]

NixonRulz, thank you for the response.

I don't know much of an affect my early childhood had on me. I had, for the most part, a fairly normal, happy childhood. My parents were very loving and supportive. I was the center of their world. However, things began to change as I entered my pre-teens and teenage years. There were restrictions because of boys, etc. My parents didn't seem to trust me too much. My dad's alcoholism, which became an issue after I was 10, also became a source of stress for me. Both my parents had very high expectations of all their kids. I often fell short.

I remember feeling very alone as a kid (again, after grade 4 or so). I was the last to be picked on teams. Girls would gossip about me and kids generally treated me like an outcast. I suspect it may have something to do with my very intense personality. I was raised to be very generous and kind to people, bordering on the overboard. And, so, I took this with me to school. Some of the kids may've found my behvaiour to be odd or excessive.

I really do feel that my experience with my peers shaped my anxiety. My parents just made it worse. What baffles me is the my SO had a similar upbringing (minus the alcoholic father) and seems totally unaffected by all of it. He, on the other hand, had friends in school and never felt left out.

So, I do agree with you. My current issues definitely stem from my childhood (albeit a bit later than 7 yrs old).

Now, the question is, where do I go from here?

You allow yourself to feel the pain without diverting, shielding, cowering and running. You replay the memories in your mind, and sit, listen to the ones that come to you, feeling the hurt, thinking the thoughts of that child as if you were there again back in the original event. You let the feelings rush over you, allowing them, letting them express themselves to you. As a child you pushed them under the rug. Now you will face them. You have already recalled some of these memories, but still have not gone straight into them, to dig out the pain, and heal yourself. For example, the girls in school, the alcoholism, the abandonment emotionally in later years. Memories of pain will surface if you consciously decide to recall and heal them.

Let yourself cry, let yourself feel, let yourself empathize with yourself... Then sit with the child (you) as if you are the older sister, and give her (you) advice as if you were experiencing traumatic events through an adult perspective, enlightening the experiences with new meaning. Just maybe, the child distorted the events, colored them through the events of the pain felt in the homelife and or social life with peers. All humans have shock/traumas from year 1-7, things are not as they seem and people bury them. Now, since parents are seen as 'god-like', and you may have blamed yourself for some troubles, as you grow up, you would never think to recall events seen as your fault, you understand. These are incidious as they are false beliefs masked as truth about who you are. But since they are false assumptions, who you are gets buried in ideas that prevent self-joy through honest realization. You could only be, at that point, what you were conditioned to be.

You see, not only does she need to express the suppressed emotions, but also accept, love, and nurture self (you) through the epiphanies of the adult as she (you) sheds new light on old events.

Ultimately releasing the stored energies and freeing yourself to live your true dreams according to joy and not sadness of faulty programming and old outdated detrimental beliefs.

This is not to be done with shields (friends/family), this is alone work, and it will take a bit of courage, will, and determination. This is the purpose of your life, self growth and to overcome any false ideas standing in the way of joy either through ignorance or conscious deflection. You are meant to live joyfully, you see.

It (stored emotional energies/ blocked repressed) is the cause of every single one of the people on this boards anxiety issues, no exceptions. The physical is always an expression (faithfully) of the mental. The body is a tool in that regard for the spirit, and through which it can express itself (good or bad). And so, you are meant to look at your most intimate tool, assess it, and to clear the mental dilemma that is the cause of problems that 'show' themselves.


____________

Hey Nixon, thanks for sayin hi :)

[MiST]

Anxiety is a pain in the crack for sure!

You can treat yourself and free yourself from anxiety easily by reading up and learning all about it, what triggers it and realising that it's nothing to worry about.

Just go with the flow and it will pass.

Your good..;)

[Im-Suffering]

Anxiety is a pain in the crack for sure!

You can treat yourself and free yourself from anxiety easily by reading up and learning all about it, what triggers it and realising that it's nothing to worry about.

Just go with the flow and it will pass.

Your good..;)

Unfortunately, this is flippant and at best the end result of a journey of careful self examination, to which I have given instruction in detail, in my post above.

Life is to be felt, you understand. Anxiety is symbolic of suppressing unwanted feelings, you see. You yourself have much inner work to do, I suggest you about face. Any 'healing' would be temporal if not for the personal work that must accompany it. That is the real work of life, and the only job worth having.

[MiST]

Unfortunately, this is flippant and at best the end result of careful self examination, to which I have given instruction in detail, in my post above.

Life is to be felt, you understand. Anxiety is symbolic of suppressing unwanted feelings, you see. And so any 'healing' would be temporal if not for the personal work that must accompany it. That is the real work of life, on the self.

Hey don't preach to me Bro, and your "Instructions" are not gospel so learn to accept others opinions may differ from yours.

;)

[Ponder]

I'mSuffering/Marc hands out good advice. Even when the truth is understood, it's often hard to cop. Analyzing problems by reading them will not solve the issues unless first truly felt. However reading is often required in places like these to begin the journey to self discovery. It's all in the way we open ourselves up, which comes back to how we feel and or our capacity to control and choose how we feel. Often it's what we read that can sometimes influence how we feel, but rather short lived, unless it's our core that we let have the last say.

I think you all make good points. Self reflection is a skill, just as is living in such a toxic world. Flippant ... I think is a good term.

[Dahila]

I agree with the above, Mist I am analyzing and reading and meditating , then pills then reading , explaining. It does nto work . Maybe your anxiety is simple to recondition yourself but it is not for everyone. When you look in different way on IMS , you will see a lot. It is his stile to "preach" you take it or not. No reason to get upset.
We do not have easy life, all of us, some have worse than the others so maybe we should try to support each other. World turn their ass on us; anxious, depressed............